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Everything posted by SGH

  1. Seems unlikely based on what you've written. If you've been going there for awhile, it's probably just a good memory mixed with professional kindness. I'd be careful about hitting on her if you like going there and don't want to make her uncomfortable. I had an employee cross that line with me in the past, and I never returned to my favorite Chick-fil-A. She doesn't have the luxury to simply stop showing up to avoid you if you are persistent. I'd leave it be.
  2. This has always been true for me, as well. When I was well and truly over an ex, I no longer really cared if we were friends or not. Perhaps he was already getting over your relationship before it ended. I know that it is a painful thought, but hearts rarely break equally. Take whatever space you need. if you think you'll want to be friends in the future, be direct but not too revealing about your reasons for pulling back and then set the boundary. A true friend would honor the boundary and understand the need for it.
  3. You knew your ex to some degree. Do you think the gesture would be something that brought her peace? Or are you trying to find a way to worm your way back into her head, because there is some amount of jealousy that she is with someone new? if you're doing it for you, I agree with Cherylyn. I would leave it well alone and focus on forgiving yourself, moving on, and doing better next time. Your ex will find her own peace and closure, and possibly already has. The damage is done and the risk of doing more damage with the action is not worth whatever potential benefits could occur.
  4. You would have to operationally define emotional immaturity in this context. What behaviors do you see that indicate the person is emotionally immature? Like boltrun said, if this is about comparing your ex's current behaviors in his new relationship with how he treated you at the end of yours, it's just going to make you feel worse and stop you from moving on. I know it hurts when ex-partners move on first or leave us for someone else. I've been through it myself. It doesn't mean there was anything wrong with you, but it also does not in and of itself make them emotionally immature.
  5. He has another girlfriend. You've been "together" for almost a year and there's been no progression. Even if you're not a side piece, the fact that the relationship isn't deepening is a huge red flag. Maybe find someone local who doesn't keep you a secret from their friends and family.
  6. Regardless of whether she was honest or not, she gave you a no. You have to respect that and move forward. Don't make it weird at work.
  7. Listen, having feelings for a coworker is a normal experience. Even if they are married. However, what you do with those feelings moving forward defines what kind of person you are. Think very carefully. Do you actually want a relationship with this man? Would you be willing to face the ridicule of your coworkers and possibly both of your families? Would you be willing to switch departments or quit your job? Could you handle keeping it a secret at the job, even if you two broke up? Would you be willing to play a parental role towards children involved? Would you be willing to allow him to communicate with his wife after their divorce to assist with co-parenting and honestly trust him? I don't know the extent of your situation, and what I'm saying may seem extreme, but I can tell by your post that you're considering making a move on him. Affairs are unpleasant for ALL parties involved after the initial "rush", and they destroy lives. Please consider backing off gradually and reducing all unnecessary contact with this man. You're 23 and have your whole life ahead of you.
  8. Aw man, I'm sorry, but I agree with the others. The ex-back scammers really target those who are in the initial throws of pain after a difficult breakup. It doesn't sound like she's regretting her decision, and while you continue to agonize and obsess over what you can do to trick her back into the relationship, she is continuing to move on. Step back and take a really deep breath. You have a choice to make right now. You can avoid doing some begging and other pathetic behaviors if you just heed the warning. You don't have to accept what we are saying in full, but know in a few months that you will, whether you force a meeting where you break down in front of her or not.
  9. It really sounds like you're forcing yourself to stay with him because you've taken on the role of caretaker. It doesn't sound to me like you see him as an equal or want to be his girlfriend. It's only been two years and you've had a host of issues. Don't force yourself to try to fix something that was never really that great to begin with. His mental health is his own responsibility.
  10. You have three options. Break up with her and find someone who excites you sexually, continue on as you've been doing and remain indefinitely unsatisfied, or broach the subject of you having other sexual partners. It sounds like she isn't being honest with you about why the sexual dysfunction exists. Don't let anyone tell you this is not a real issue, because down the line in marriage it will become an even bigger problem. It will not simply resolve itself. If I were you, I'd get out and find a partner that met my emotional AND sexual needs.
  11. Based on what you wrote, it's impossible to know if he's more than just a platonic friend. I'm assuming that you are asking this question because you are interested in him. Are there any signs or indications that he returns that interest? He certainly seems happy to hang out with you and share the hobby of playing games, which is a good start. How long have you known him? If your communication and time together only recently increased, I would wait a bit and observe his actions/words towards you. It is usually pretty easy to tell when someone has romantic interest in you, unless they are actively trying to appear to not like you.
  12. Stop dating people who you don't trust. All of this looking through his private messages behavior after only dating a few months isn't healthy. Yes, you should stay broken up. He was in the wrong, but so were you, and clearly the needed foundation for a healthy relationship was not there.
  13. I think you want to hear that it's worth it to hold on and wait for him, because he is obviously grieving. However, unless he says with certainty that he wants to be in a relationship with you regardless of the challenges, you're merely putting off your own healing. I would recommend taking a step back and collecting yourself. The continued contact is not healthy for either of you.
  14. It sounds like your wife is pretty depressed, and it sounds like she has a lot of really good reasons to feel that way. While I understand your distress and certainly don't think you are a bad person for wanting what you want, the reality is the sex wasn't great in the first place and the accident has changed her for good. By changed, I don't mean that she doesn't have the ability to lose weight and take better care of herself, but it seems to have affected her spirit. I would try having an open and honest (but kind) conversation with her when she's in one of her better moods. Forget about the sex for a second and focus on her getting help to deal with the incredible stress she is dealing with post-accident. No woman wants to have sex when they feel their partner doesn't like what they see, and you just stated you don't feel attracted to her. You're best bet is focusing on her mental health recovery. Then, she may be able to focus on the health behaviors you are talking about. In the mean time, remember that you said "I do" in sickness and health. You even had the luxury of knowing about this accident prior to making it official. Try to continue having compassion for her even when the going is rough.
  15. I would argue you've been emotionally cheating and are now gearing up to physically cheat. I certainly can't say who is the "better" option, but your current relationship certainly seems stable and has never broken off for any reason thus far. There are a lot of posts on here from people in similar situations. What I've noticed over the years is they never seem content with either choice, because they simply don't know how to be in a committed relationship. The ex-girlfriend sounds like idealized fantasy to me and the reality will probably leave you longing for your current woman. Make a choice and then decide to go all in. Otherwise, you're just a flip-flopper that will always excuse your less-than-committed behavior by painting yourself as a victim of circumstances.
  16. I agree 100% with DancingFool. Why is he coming out of the woodwork now? Likely, he's realized he's not the great catch he thought he was and is feeling lonely as a single man. He took your marriage for granted and ended it with little to no explanation. I know you're likely still grieving the loss, but I promise if you drive to him, it will be no different. His family likely has not changed their tune about you either. I'm sorry you're hurting, and I wish you the best in your healing!
  17. Oof, this is disrespectful and concerning behavior. The thread has said it all, OP. You have to stay strong and bury the hatchet. You are NOT responsible for her emotions, choices, or money. You have been open and honest about wanting the relationship to end. Let her know you will not be in town or be responding to any further messages from her and actually leave for a bit. Good luck shaking this bad breakup, and be kind to yourself!
  18. I agree with the above answer. I am confused why you are associating a label on the relationship as an immediate equivalent to having to say "I love you", though. Seems like a big jump to me. Along with admitting that you don't know what the two of you are, you could say something along the lines of, "I really like you and want to keep seeing you". A simple "I don't know" with no encouragement to keep exploring may end your budding involvement.
  19. Yes, probably. Search your feelings. You are stating that the relationship is primarily making you feel anxious, insecure, and unloved. Sometimes it is worth it to rebuild trust with someone but it doesn't sound like this is one of those cases. Life is too short to feel permanently happy and unfulfilled. Take some time to heal and then find someone new.
  20. He wants to control you so he "wins" the breakup. Being able to sleep with you while he looks for the next girl keeps him on top and his anxiety low. It's obviously a game. Him asking if you would still hook up with him is not an indication that he's interested in getting back together with you. It's a tough lesson to learn but realize he's trying to use you and you're letting him do it.
  21. These aren't signs. It is clear abuse and it sounds like it's going to keep getting worse. Cut all contact with this guy and seek therapy ASAP.
  22. If he's attracted to both sexes he is bisexual. Not gay and "weirdly" attracted to women. I agree with the above poster that the part where they shower together and his friend having a firm opinion on his penis is what's concerning about your story. Who cares if he likes fashion and is passionate about design? Get out of stereotyping gay men and address the real information you have.
  23. I wouldn't immediately write this person off as not being relationship material based on what you wrote, but everyone has their preferences and limitations when it comes to drug use. I would be direct about your thoughts and feelings without being judgmental. Most people appreciate honesty early on in the dating process. If drugs end up making you fundamentally incompatible, better to learn that before you actually get into a relationship.
  24. You probably won't be able to make him understand, and that's okay. People often outgrow relationships. Not everything has to end in a fiery pit of flames. End things in the most respectful way possible and then take some serious time without talking so you can both move on.
  25. I would delete and block him. What matters is that you don't see his posts. I would have had the exclusivity conversation sooner personally and been concerned around the three month mark that it had not been brought up, but what's done is done. He made it clear where he stands and he isn't offering what you want, so it's time to stop worrying about him and move on.
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