Sharing naked pictures online

[Confusedkt]

Hi 

I am absolutely distraught. I noticed and app called KIK on my boyfriends phone yesterday and on looking further into it he was on a group called 'share wife pictures'. On clicking on the chats there were numerous chats with other men where he has sent pictures of me both clothed and naked aswell as some naughty videos filmed of us.

These pictures for one are confidential and I expected them to be between just me and him. I am also very confused as to why he would do this. He was talking about the other mens wives in a sexual way and seeking praise for my pictures. He says he loves me and thinks I'm amazing and he is proud to show me off. I did not consent to this and I think its very disturbing that he has got some sick sexual kick out of this. 

In my past relationship when much younger I had a threesome, I did not long for this but at the time my head was not in a great place and I consented to it. It was not a healthy relationship and I never even longed for another relationship with flaws like that. I told my partner about this experience but made him aware how little I wanted this at the time. I have also experienced bicurious encounters and this is something my now partner seems to be excited about even tho I am definitely not bisexual, it was just experimentation at the time.

Now I have found myself in this position and I am so confused by it. The relationship is only 1 year in, it is healthy, loving and normal and everything I hoped for in a relationship... until now that is. 

He claims it is just a fantasy but that he feels why would I not let him experience a threesome when it is something I have done before. I feel this is an unfair comment to make. He says he feels inexperienced and this fantasy turns him on aswell as him been proud to show me off. 

I know I have a past but I have been open with him about my feelings about what I have encountered and that it is never something I wish to do again. Yet I feel like he is making me feel bad that I won't do it with him. And I'm soooo confused of why he would want to share pictures of me with other men?!?! 

I just do not know what to do. He has completely messed everything I hoped was normal up 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Confusedkt said:

 he has sent pictures of me both clothed and naked aswell as some naughty videos filmed of us.

Bring this to the police. What he's doing is illegal.

After you get your evidence, delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

[MissCanuck]

This is all very distrubing, OP. 

Your boyfriend violated your trust in a serious way, and obliterated your privacy. Sharing these things without express consent from you is digusting, and yes, likely illegal in many jurisdictions. 

For him to then use your sexual past against you is equally reprehensible. He does not care about your feelings, and does not have appropriate boundaries. 

I would end this relaitonship without any hesitation. He is not who you thought he was. 

[Confusedkt]

As much as he has violated me I would hate to ruin his career by going to the police. 

I do feel extremely violated. I am so confused why anyone would get a kick out of sharing pictures of the person they are supposed to love with random strange men on the Internet. I am so worried these pictures are going to get shared elsewhere I am a 33 year old with a professional career and children 

[Tinydance]

I would personally break up with him because he shared those photos and videos with random people online without your consent. That is illegal, very disrespectful to you and also dangerous. If those men are just total strangers on the Internet, there is no guarantee that they can be trusted not to share those photos and videos to others. They might even put it up on sex sites like Pornhub. I've often seen on Pornhub where people shared home made sex videos, but they didn't seem to actually be of them. I'm assuming it was a case of that someone sent them the videos of themselves and they uploaded it. Especially if these videos and photos have your face in them, this could be very detrimental and embarrassing to you. Your boyfriend had no right to do all this behind your back.

Also if you're meant to be in a monogamous relationship, he shouldn't even be talking sexually to random people online unless he told you about it and you were OK with it. Even people who are polyamorous or in an open relationship are always honest about what they're doing and respect their partner's feelings and rules about sex and dating. Your boyfriend did all this behind your back, which is unacceptable.

Another thing is that he shouldn't be pushing you to have a threesome and making you feel guilty if you don't want to do it. That's not your problem if he hasn't had a threesome before and he wants to experience it. Even if you were bisexual (which you're not), you don't have to do anything sexually that you don't want to. This is your body and you shouldn't have to be coerced into sexual things you don't enjoy. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend respects you and he only cares about his own sexual gratification.

 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Confusedkt said:

I am so worried these pictures are going to get shared elsewhere

Unforuantely, there is a very real possibility of that. 

I would dump him before the day is out.

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, Confusedkt said:

As much as he has violated me I would hate to ruin his career by going to the police. 

I do feel extremely violated. I am so confused why anyone would get a kick out of sharing pictures of the person they are supposed to love with random strange men on the Internet. I am so worried these pictures are going to get shared elsewhere I am a 33 year old with a professional career and children 

I'm not sure why you are worried about ruining his career if you report this, seeing as he doesn't care about your professional career or children.  And you're right to be worried - these pics will eventually be seen by someone who may know you.   Report him.

[MissCanuck]

3 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I'm not sure why you are worried about ruining his career if you report this, seeing as he doesn't care about your professional career or children.

I was just coming back to say the same thing. 

OP, you care a lot more about him than he cares about you. 

[Lambert]

I'm sorry you trusted a very untrustworthy person. 

This is not a good man. I would dump him NOW.

I understand not wanting to get the police involved.  But you're putting him above you.  he violated you.  And he is abusing you. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Confusedkt said:

As much as he has violated me I would hate to ruin his career by going to the police. 

I am so worried these pictures are going to get shared elsewhere I am a 33 year old with a professional career and children 

He ruined your career.

[SooSad33]

8 hours ago, Confusedkt said:

I know I have a past but I have been open with him about my feelings about what I have encountered and that it is never something I wish to do again. Yet I feel like he is making me feel bad that I won't do it with him.

HE has issue's.. totally disrespectful 😞 .  He's lacking respect for YOU.

You just tell him off & get out of the picture.

His 'fantasy' life is too much.  Wow.

[Jibralta]

@Confusedkt All of this sounds horrible! I hope you end this relationship and pursue him to the fullest extent of the law. 

[Hollyj]

Unbelievable!   Wow!  You don't know what to do?!     You end it now!   He has betrayed your trust.  God only knows where those photos and videos will end up.  

 

This guy does not give a damn about you.  He is a real POS!

[Hollyj]

8 hours ago, Confusedkt said:

As much as he has violated me I would hate to ruin his career by going to the police. 

I do feel extremely violated. I am so confused why anyone would get a kick out of sharing pictures of the person they are supposed to love with random strange men on the Internet. I am so worried these pictures are going to get shared elsewhere I am a 33 year old with a professional career and children 

Report him!

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Confusedkt said:

I am so worried these pictures are going to get shared elsewhere I am a 33 year old with a professional career and children 

Only legal /law enforcement can help get them off the internet, otherwise they'll be there forever going everywhere. 

Poor him, he may pay a fine for willfully and wantonly destroying you, really?

[smackie9]

Girl those picture are being shared. Those guys he shared with are sharing with others and those others are sharing with others, etc. It's way too late to stop it. He is in fact involved in something very illegal. He's involved in a criminal act. This is something you need to protect your children from. He is breaking the law. The only thing you can do is have him charged and sue him for damages/ using photos without your consent. If you don't he will continue to do this to you and other women. One of his sharing buddies can even try blackmailing you. Threatening your career, and possibly having your kids taken away.

 

 

[Jibralta]

11 hours ago, Confusedkt said:

I just do not know what to do.

You really need to have sympathy for yourself and put your own wellbeing first. This is a big deal--epidemic. Thousands of people have been similarly victimized, trapped by their own shame as you are. You're minimizing this too much.

Yes, you made a foolish decision. This does not make you a bad person. However, your boyfriend's decision makes him a piece of garbage. 

Everybody knows that pictures like this get around. And in a world where most people feel threatened by sexuality, the damage is catastrophic. People react with fear and hatred. Some attack the victim viciously and relentlessly while others look on and do nothing.

Then someone commits suicide and 100 million people cry about how terrible it is, and how horrible people can be. But it keeps happening. 

It's been happening over and over again for the last 20 years. And that because the victims are often willing to allow themselves to be blamed (like you). 

Please keep this in mind, and don't let yourself be trapped by your own shame. Stand up for yourself. If you think this isn't a big deal, then educate yourself about some of the girls who have actually killed themselves because they were in a similar position, and it got out of hand. Amanda Todd, Rehtaeh Parsons, Audrie Pott to name a few.

It's a big deal when somebody does what your boyfriend has done to you. Don't minimize it.

[catfeeder]

I'd have zero confusion about dumping the guy and reporting him.

You wouldn't ruin his career, he's already made that choice FOR you.

[Atlguy]

This is grounds for a breakup for sure.  I have naked pictures of my ex-wife, whom I detest and would never post them anywhere.  Also very unfair for him to pressure you into a threesome.  You need to end it as soon as possible.  He has a fundamental character flaw it sounds like.

[Unsure2021]

Document this and consult a lawyer/report this to the police to have the photos deleted from the site and from his possession. Don’t tip him off as he may bury this. Get legal advice first and take care of yourself. This is a criminal act and it must be investigated. This is unconscionable and illegal. He obviously doesn’t care about you or love you, as his actions speak louder than words with this betrayal. Remove this man from your life once you’ve taken care of the pictures, as there is nothing normal or healthy about this. I hope you haven’t exposed your children to this man.

[shellyf62]

You need to realise that you do not need to share your past sexual history with anyone. Telling this guy about your past has given him ammunition to use against you. 

Please remember this when you throw this guy out, heal, and are ready for a loving relationship built on mutual trust & respect........dont discuss your past sex life!!!!!!!

[abitbroken]

Why not, going forward, don't take any nude photos, and don't let anyone take any "naughty videos".  Therefore, no one will be able to share them whether in malice or as a brag. 

[Wiseman2]

 You did consent to the vids/pics. However you did not consent to them being distributed on the internet as porn.

An attorney will help you sort this out and decide whether this could be construed as revenge porn, and whether it's a crime or a tort in your jurisdiction.

Either way, the only way to get that stuff off the internet is through legal means. 

Or...let your friends, family, kids, employers, etc see it so you can keep this creep as a BF.

[limichelle]

I’m baffled you are more concerned about what happens to him as opposed what this can do to you. I would break up and seek out legal advise. What he did doesn’t deserve any ounce of empathy. He can say how he wants to show you off all he wants but what right does that give him? This was without your consent.

[DancingFool]

On 4/25/2021 at 5:02 AM, Confusedkt said:

As much as he has violated me I would hate to ruin his career by going to the police. 

I do feel extremely violated. I am so confused why anyone would get a kick out of sharing pictures of the person they are supposed to love with random strange men on the Internet. I am so worried these pictures are going to get shared elsewhere I am a 33 year old with a professional career and children 

Correction - you aren't ruining anything. He is ruining his own life and career by his own choice and free will.

Sadly, too many women refuse to report these creeps and shut them down, which allows these creeps to carry on abusing woman after woman after woman for decades. This is sexual abuse OP. Please do not sugar coat this.

Time for you think more about yourself and your life and well being. Please consult with several lawyers and get this sorted and your photos/videos removed. This can literally haunt you for the rest of your life if you do not take any action to protect yourself. This is serious, so please please do not minimize this. Your life, your career, your job, your children's welfare depends on this. Do not sweep this under the proverbial rug. 

Above aside, what you are dealing with is a failure to fix your picker and to develop healthy relationship boundaries. Please for the love of, dump this creepy pervert and then get some good quality counseling and actually do take some time to sort yourself out and learn how to have some healthy boundaries. You are being abused and manipulated and you think he is "great" and you don't want to eff up his life while he is actively effing up yours. Come on.....OP.....do better for yourself. You have children to raise and protect from predators and yet here you are, oblivious to sleeping with one.....

Also, the question isn't why a pervert is a pervert, but rather why are you trying to protect him from consequences????