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Okay so me and the girl I thought I was going to marry broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were together about a year. She is 20 and I am 24. We met at church and we both have strong Christian values. We have never done anything sexual with each other and didn’t plan on doing so u til marraige.

 

Things started off great. But this damn thing called Covid happened and I was basically out of work for 6 months. I was still getting paid but I was just bored. Long story short I basically became very needy and started for attention and validation. I didn’t have any relationship with my own family and I was living in a state with none of my family there. My ex is going to school full time, has her own t shirt business, and does little jobs on the side. Basically with my neediness I put a lot of emotional baggage on her. The relationship was still going good as I remember in June she told me her whole family thought we were going to stay together forever. We talk on the phone every night as well.

 

In July I noticed her becoming very distant and hot/cold with her behavior. One minute she was great next minute she would show extreme frustration with me (and only me).

 

Finally in August I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she had lost some romantic feels for me and she needed space. She told me not to worry about it though because she still saw a future between us. The Next two weeks were still kind of normal. I cut down my contact with her but she would still invite me over. She would even cook me dinner. We still went out on a date and we even went two a couple of her family functions together.

 

Of coarse me being a dumb when she told me she lost feelings for me my anxiety kicked in and I became even more needy and clingy. I would basically tell her that I’m trying to change and begging her not to leave. Then one night she didn’t text me back and I flipped out.

 

This added even more stress on her and she dumped me about 3 weeks later. Now I did the usual begging and pleading the day she broke up with me which made her very cold. She offered to stay as friends but I declined because my feelings are too strong. I went into no contact two days after the break up. After the first week of the breakup I wrote her an accountability letter saying that i take ownership of the things I did wrong (my neediness)

 

I did not talk to her for 14 days I broke no contact and basically tried telling her that I’m trying to change. Which to my credit I am. I have lost 20 pounds, started therapy, begin reading the Bible to become a deacon in my church, back to work 6 days a week, and reconciled with my family. She basically said “I know you to well. You Will still be clingy if we got back together and there is no stoping that.” She then proceeded to tell me that she has moved on and wants to be alone for a while (I’m 90% positive when I say I believe she wants to stay single and not date other guys but hey I could be wrong). She said there was no chance in us getting back together. Now I think she was acting more out of anger because she is trying to drive the point for me to leave her alone

 

Now I truly believe she still has feelings for me. I say this because:

A) Three weeks before breaking up she said she saw a future

B) Whenever I reach out she responds immediately(coldly)

C) I believe she truly didn’t want the breakup but with my clingy and neediness, I basically forced her too.

D) I had a very strong relationship with her family

E) She was treating me very well even when she express her doubts

 

Now I sincerely believe that I have a high chance of things working out. I know right now she is very stressed and I need to give her, her space. What do y’all think? Is th8/ relationship worth saving?

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She told me that she had lost some romantic feels for me and she needed space. She told me not to worry about it though because she still saw a future between us.- Yah that's an ouch :/.

 

I would basically tell her that I’m trying to change and begging her not to leave. Then one night she didn’t text me back and I flipped out.

- Flipping out - loss of control.. yes, can cause issue's even more.

- told her you are trying to change? Change what..Your neediness?

 

14 days break is nothing.. feelings or none are still the same.

 

Now I sincerely believe that I have a high chance of things working out.

- I think this is what you are missing..

>>> " She basically said “I know you to well. You Will still be clingy if we got back together and there is no stopping that.” She then proceeded to tell me that she has moved on and wants to be alone for a while . She said there was no chance in us getting back together.

 

- Therefore, I do not believe you will be getting back together. YOU are in denial.. but read what you've explained.

 

She has been trying to explain herself to you.

 

Now you need to work on accepting and leave her be.. accept & Heal from this rough experience.

 

Sorry for your pains :/

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I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, heartache is never good.

 

I think just by reading what you wrote, that she's being honest...she feels it's over.

 

Just say there is a tiny chance of it ever working out again, it would have to be long into the future, like months and months of no contact and you going on with your life and not waiting around for her.

Only then it might be possible if you and she happened to run into each other again.

 

But for the time being, if I'm honest, it doesn't sound good and I think you'd do well to accept that it's over.

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She then proceeded to tell me that she has moved on and wants to be alone for a while. She said there was no chance in us getting back together. Now I think she was acting more out of anger because she is trying to drive the point for me to leave her alone

 

Now I truly believe she still has feelings for me. I say this because:

 

B) Whenever I reach out she responds immediately(coldly)

 

What do y’all think?

I think that none of the above says that she still has feelings for you. She sounds really frustrated with you. She's trying real hard to let you know that it's over and she's NOT interested in saving anything or getting back together again. I'm sorry you're hurting but you're in serious denial. You need to learn to accept this and respect her wishes. Learn from your mistakes so that it doesn't carry forward into the next relationship.

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it's not about you but about her..she could have her own issues to deal with.

If she is not sharing that with you and needs to break things up to sort it let her go, the best thing you can do now is move on from this, take care of yourself, there would be something you wanted to personally achieve that might have taken a back seat for a while. Try to complete that and also take up new goals and become a new better version of current you.

In few months, may be years from now you will be proud of what you did with your life rather than dwell in the past and that achievement my friend will be priceless.

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I'm sorry, OP.

 

She is being honest that she doesn't feel the same way anymore, and her distant behaviour prior to the break-up supports that. Yes, she is responding out of anger now because she is frustrated that you don't seem to be listening to her and she wants you to leave her be.

 

Believe when she says she's done. I don't see where she still has feelings for you, though I understand why you want that to be true. However, I believe you are mistaken, unforunately.

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Okay so me and the girl I thought I was going to marry broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were together about a year. She is 20 and I am 24. We met at church and we both have strong Christian values. We have never done anything sexual with each other and didn’t plan on doing so u til marraige.

 

Things started off great. But this damn thing called Covid happened and I was basically out of work for 6 months. I was still getting paid but I was just bored. Long story short I basically became very needy and started for attention and validation. I didn’t have any relationship with my own family and I was living in a state with none of my family there. My ex is going to school full time, has her own t shirt business, and does little jobs on the side. Basically with my neediness I put a lot of emotional baggage on her. The relationship was still going good as I remember in June she told me her whole family thought we were going to stay together forever. We talk on the phone every night as well.

 

In July I noticed her becoming very distant and hot/cold with her behavior. One minute she was great next minute she would show extreme frustration with me (and only me).

 

Finally in August I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she had lost some romantic feels for me and she needed space. She told me not to worry about it though because she still saw a future between us. The Next two weeks were still kind of normal. I cut down my contact with her but she would still invite me over. She would even cook me dinner. We still went out on a date and we even went two a couple of her family functions together.

 

Of coarse me being a dumb when she told me she lost feelings for me my anxiety kicked in and I became even more needy and clingy. I would basically tell her that I’m trying to change and begging her not to leave. Then one night she didn’t text me back and I flipped out.

 

This added even more stress on her and she dumped me about 3 weeks later. Now I did the usual begging and pleading the day she broke up with me which made her very cold. She offered to stay as friends but I declined because my feelings are too strong. I went into no contact two days after the break up. After the first week of the breakup I wrote her an accountability letter saying that i take ownership of the things I did wrong (my neediness)

 

I did not talk to her for 14 days I broke no contact and basically tried telling her that I’m trying to change. Which to my credit I am. I have lost 20 pounds, started therapy, begin reading the Bible to become a deacon in my church, back to work 6 days a week, and reconciled with my family. She basically said “I know you to well. You Will still be clingy if we got back together and there is no stoping that.” She then proceeded to tell me that she has moved on and wants to be alone for a while (I’m 90% positive when I say I believe she wants to stay single and not date other guys but hey I could be wrong). She said there was no chance in us getting back together. Now I think she was acting more out of anger because she is trying to drive the point for me to leave her alone

 

Now I truly believe she still has feelings for me. I say this because:

A) Three weeks before breaking up she said she saw a future

B) Whenever I reach out she responds immediately(coldly)

C) I believe she truly didn’t want the breakup but with my clingy and neediness, I basically forced her too.

D) I had a very strong relationship with her family

E) She was treating me very well even when she express her doubts

 

Now I sincerely believe that I have a high chance of things working out. I know right now she is very stressed and I need to give her, her space. What do y’all think? Is th8/ relationship worth saving?

 

If she is truly bored of you and your character , then i dont think there is any chance. Yes maybe she said some harsh things like she moved on and stuff out of anger and the need to leave her alone. But more possible is that she is tired of this relationship. She said she saw a future but she is too young (just 20) , i dont think she really knows what she wants. Clingy behaviors can be very annoying and can make the other lose interest for you very fast. There must always be a balance in the relationship. Giver her some space , stop contancting her , if she misses you she will be back later. Better work on yourself so the next time these things wont happen to you. You are very young and there is a lot of time for you to find true love out there.

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Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately it sounds like her family and friends advised her to distance herself from you. She is 20, quite ambitious and industrious.

 

Her parents seem to have her back as far as dating red flags go. Possessiveness, controlling behaviors, "flipping out", etc .

 

It sounds like you are reading the "get your ex back" sites, thinking no contact is a tool and writing letters about how much you have changed, etc.

 

These things only reinforce the decision to end things. If you carefully reflect, you'll see that this has been a long time coming and that she has deliberated over this for a while.

 

Your behaviors especially those things you tried from the get your ex back material, became increasingly disconcerting for her and her family.

 

The best thing to do is keep improving yourself, but for you.

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As Yoda from Star Wars said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” This quote is a simple lesson in commitment and the power in giving something our all — not just giving it a try.

 

You told her you were trying, but trying isn't the same as doing. You didn't care enough to actually "do," and she didn't care enough to give you more time to prove yourself. You will deny that, but actions or non-action speak louder than words.

 

Continue to work on yourself. The one thing you didn't mention was guy friends. Make sure you make and keep efforts to have a support system with friends to be a well-rounded person. She was the sole center of your universe which is smothering. And most people experience many breakups before they find their forever partner. Having a fulfilling life BESIDES having a gf will help you to handle breakups much better when you have other great things going on in your life.

 

Go no contact. She's done. And you can't be friends. It will prevent you from closure and neither of your future partners will accept either of you being buddies with an ex.

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No, there is no relationship to save. It's over and you are in denial. Continuing to bother her or think that you can save anything might get you a restraining order and all that you've worked so hard to 'change' about yourself would count for nothing. Leave her alone as much as possible from now onwards and just remain respectful whenever you see her in your mutual circles. It sounds like you might attend the same church. Don't take this as an opportunity to bother her any more.

 

Keep your chin up. Things will get better. Keep working on yourself and your future.

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I am sorry but she has checked out. She probably checked out some time ago but didn't know how to break it to you.

 

You are way late to the change who you are game because even if you did the work and actually changed her view of you is set and no amount of words will change her mind.

 

Your best bet is to do exactly what she asked for which is space and while you are giving her that space work on yourself!!! Get help discovering your faults and help undoing those traits but don't do it for her, do it for yourself and your life.

 

If you are able to become a better version of yourself and walk the walk she will notice and just maybe she will reach out to try again but don't sit around waiting because the odds are against you.

 

Use this breakup as a catalyst for change so when you meet someone new you will not make the same mistakes.

 

Be prepared to find out she has been talking to someone else. It is going to hurt but it will also help drive the last bit of hope from your heart and allow you to fully move on.

 

Break ups suck and hurt like hell but if you use it as motivation to be a better person something good can come from it.

 

Lost

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She has made up her mind that she no longer wants to be in a relationship with you and broke up with you.

 

She didn't like your insecurity and groveling. You need to work on that for the future in your future relationship with someone else. You've learned that in the future, you need to exercise self control and think before you act, speak and write. No one wants to be with someone who acts like a leech because you make them feel nervous and uncomfortable.

 

Know how to enforce healthy boundaries with everyone in your life.

 

Consider your previous relationship with your ex-girlfriend as a done deal. You need to move on because she has.

 

I agree, better not to remain friends. Live and learn.

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Contrary to what other people are saying, I do believe you have a chance... On the long term. In my opinion, you’re in the best position to reverse the situation. She lost attraction because of neediness. She’s basically telling you how to change that. Consider the breakup as a test from her (even if it’s probably unconscious). By reaching out to her, you’re proving that she’s right: you’re needy and need her. It’s not attractive. The best thing to do? Indefinite no contact. You stop reaching out and you leave her alone. Just by doing that, you’re proving that you don’t need her. She’s expecting you to reach out and EVERY TIME you reach out, you disrespect her decision (because YES reaching out means you’re disrespecting her decision), you validate her decision to breakup with you by reaching out.

 

So first step, SILENCE. SHE has to be the one to reach out. She knows it. After all, she’s the one who ended it. Your silence = you have self respect.

 

Second, you build your success. You work on your projects and career. No matter how much a woman is a feminist and independent, she still wants to be with a man who’s successful and she can lean on. You go get that degree, work on your projects and make moneyyyy. Your relationship with a woman shouldn’t be your main focus. You’re in your mid-twenties. This is the time of your life to build up as a man.

 

Third, you dateeeee other women. I respect that you’re saving yourself for marriage (it’s so rare these days!), but it doesn’t mean that you can’t talk and flirt with other women. Try it. Download dating apps. You’ll find out there are many attractive women in this world. I’d suggest you join Christians dating apps. You’ll find out there are young attractive women who value the same things as you.

 

Your ex left you because she lost attraction. In my opinion, it’s pretty ‘easy’ for you to reverse this situation... She’s basically subconsciously asking you to not need her anymore... So that she can need you. It’s a subconscious and biological thing. If she ever wants children, she wants to choose a partner who can provide and who can provide her safety, security. She’s the one who would NEED you if she ever marries you and gets pregnant. How can she trust you if you put yourself in a weak position depending on her? And I’m not giving you all these tips for your ex, but for any woman you choose to date and eventually marry (so it means your ex or any other woman). Confidence is everything.

 

Remember that silence is powerful. As a woman, I can tell you that a man who goes silent after showing interest is instantly more attractive. Woman wonder more about guys being silent than guys being needy and chasing them. I think it’s just human nature... In my opinion, if you go silent, there’s a good probability that she’ll start getting curious and wondering where you’ve been and why you aren’t chasing anymore. There’s also a good probability that she reaches out. BUT don’t fall for it and breadcrumbs. If you run back to her, she’ll back away and confirm that you haven’t changed. If (when) she reaches out, stay distant and indifferent. Don’t talk about feelings and don’t be needy. She has to be the one bringing the subject of getting back together. That’s why it would be great if you talk to other women: you won’t only be focused on her.

 

I know you want her back right now and I believe that she might come back around if you just leave her alone. But let met tell you something: you deserve better. I know it’s cliché to tell that to someone, but let me explain you why. Her reason for dumping you is immature. If this girl truly loved you and was mature, she would have communicated with you and work on the relationship with you. I was with a man who was sometimes needy and clingy because of his insecurities. But I saw more in him and never left him because I was able to see the big picture and I loved him just as he was: the good and the bad. Unfortunately, his insecurities got the best of him, he got scared and left. I wouldn’t have given up on him. I never once thought of leaving him because of the reasons your ex gave you. I was in it for the long haul (marriage). Him being ‘needy’ and ‘clingy’ at times of insecurities aren’t good reasons to ever leave him in my opinion. Actually, it’s the opposite: people should be there even more for their partner when they go through hard times and get insecure. Hell we’re going through a PANDEMIC. It’s scary. Of course we’re getting insecure! So please also be compassionate towards yourself while you’re working on yourself. You don’t need her. Trust me.

 

Anyways, all that to tell you that yes, it’s over *right now*, but as a woman, I do think she’ll come back around if you leave her alone. But I also do believe you will find better than someone who gives up on you in scary uncertain times like these where everyone is insecure...

 

You can do it. Take care!

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Don't give up on it if your heart is not ready to give up on it. Who knows what can happen in the future? But don't make it the priority in your life. Every time something happens, you try to make it work better and put your focus on it. That has only pushed her away. So put the focus on yourself. If she thinks you will only be clingy, prove to her that you won't. You've taken steps to improve your situation, so keep it up. If you can still be friends, can emotionally handle it, then stay friends. Prove her wrong and show you can balance a friendship and working on yourself without becoming desperate for her attention. Anytime someone tells me that I can't do something, I use that as motivation to prove I can. Once you get your life in order, there's a good chance she'll see you for who you are and something may rekindle. And if it doesn't, it won't matter because you will be better off in your life and be on your way to better things. Don't make it about her, make this about bettering yourself and being the person you want to be.

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I’m going to keep this short and sweet:

 

Basically my girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago. She asked for space. My dumb behind only gave her two weeks. She then blocked me on Instagram which led to me flipping out. She then blocked my number which led me to beg her to stop.

 

I didn’t give her space/acted very desperate and now I am blocked on everything.

 

Is it time to give up? Or should I pray she comes back around. Is it too late to start that no contact rule? (Even though it’s kinda being forced upon)

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Neither. Don't give up if that's not what you are feeling. If your heart isn't ready to let go completely, you probably won't be able to anyway. It takes time to reach that point and you should allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that come with a breakup. Even if it hurts in the short term, you will be better off in the long term because you'll have learned that you can feel all those things and still survive.

 

On the other hand, don't pray she'll come back to you. Yes, you'll have your moments where you will think this and it may even help get you through the day. But the focus shouldn't be on her. It needs to be on you. Like I said in the your other post, put the focus on yourself. You need to first be happy and comfortable with yourself. You need to be the person you want to be. You need to find and be your true authentic self. Only when we fully love ourselves and are comfortable just being us, no one else needed, can we really be able to give ourselves to someone else.

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This is a tough way of learning about our own needed self control.

Sounds like you have ticked her off now.

 

Yeah, stop begging etc.. looking so desperate and Respect her wishes.. to be left alone now.

And you focus on yourself.

 

Try to let it sink in, this may very well be it.

 

So, now you need to work on accepting & healing. Is hard.. very hard at times.. been there :(

But when things are done- they very often are.

 

One day at a time. Take care of you now.. Yah, no contact and less you know the better in order to work on moving on.

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It wasn't about space. She broke up with you for other reasons. Either there was/is someone else, you grew apart, you were fighting too much, she lost interest, etc.

 

But there was another reason and it had nothing to do with whether you gave her two weeks space, or more.

 

Her attachment to this relationship has left, as heart breaking as it will be for you, she's already emotionally gone. It's best that you accept that and try to move on too.

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Stop reading that get your ex back material. Short and sweet: Can you spell Restraining Order?

 

No it's not about "what your heart wants." It's about her and her parents, friends and people telling her to stay far away from a possessive controlling menace.

 

Get a grip on yourself. This ego driven behavior of "winning someone back", is dangerous for you.

 

If you keep thinking like this you will have a tough time in life. She was right to end things and block you.

now I am blocked on everything.

 

that no contact rule?

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It wasn't about space. She broke up with you for other reasons. Either there was/is someone else, you grew apart, you were fighting too much, she lost interest, etc.

 

But there was another reason and it had nothing to do with whether you gave her two weeks space, or more.

 

Her attachment to this relationship has left, as heart breaking as it will be for you, she's already emotionally gone. It's best that you accept that and try to move on too.

 

Exactly. You pushing didn't help, but it wasn't the cause. As much as you want to get her back, you can't make someone do something if they aren't in it. She is moving on, you need to as well.

 

Realize that moving on is a process that takes time. It's okay if you still miss her. It's okay to think about wanting her back sometimes. Sometimes that hope is what gets us through the rough days. But there is a difference between thinking and actively trying. You do need to stay away and respect her wishes. In the meantime, it needs to be about you. When you are happy with yourself, content and confident, doing the things you enjoy, you will find yourself missing her less and less. It won't be overnight, but it will happen. Believe in yourself and keep moving forward, one day at a time. You can do it.

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