Girl in my GYM, dating advice. Any help!

[Haks]

Been talking to a girl in my gym for the past few months, only have kept convo's in the gym no contact outside. She is a little younger than me so initially I ruled out dating her so would chat and flirt etc.

BUT as of recently feelings have been growing, she always comes up to me and you can feel the tension when we are near each other. I asked her to meet the other day but she is dating someone and has been for 2 months, the convo wasn't awkward and I even made a joke afterwards and continued lightly bantering her and the situation.

She said she only dates 1 person at a time, she did say if I asked her a few weeks ago it would have been different, BUT my question is has anyone had a similar experience, guess the timing isn't right but I will keep chatting and doing my thing until maybe she becomes available. Maybe even trying to get her to come out if things aren't to serious with the other dude but who knows? 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Haks said:

 she is dating someone and has been for 2 months, the convo wasn't awkward and I even made a joke afterwards and continued lightly bantering her and the situation.

Even though you have a crush, when someone says they're dating someone or otherwise not available, it's best to step back and move forward. Waiting in the wings is usually an exercise in futility.

[Haks]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Even though you have a crush, when someone says they're dating someone or otherwise not available, it's best to step back and move forward. Waiting in the wings is usually an exercise in futility.

That is true, not trying to steel anyones girl dont get me wrong but if the connection is there its there

[Kwothe28]

She is dating somebody else. So respect that and dont flirt and try anything. In fact, I would just separate from the whole situation. Meaning just not contacting her at all. The reason is simple. You clearly like her and she has a boyfriend. So its best to just keep your distance.

[smackie9]

Well if there ain't no ring on her finger, she's fair game. Ask her out. It's up to her after that, if she's willing or not. You are not forcing her into anything. 

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, Haks said:

BUT as of recently feelings have been growing, she always comes up to me and you can feel the tension when we are near each other. I asked her to meet the other day but she is dating someone and has been for 2 months,

I understand "tension" quite well, and it's typically felt by both people.   BUT I have also experienced a man feeling "tension" around me and I am NOT feeling a damn thing...

This tension HE feels is his own attraction that he's projecting on to me.  Typically based on looks not any sort of "connection" between us.  Obviously since I feel nothing 

When she comes up to you, what does she say?  Are there obvious indications of interest other than what you may possibly be projecting due to your own attraction to her?  

I find the fact that after you asked her out (to meet), she told you she has a boyfriend quite telling.

It may or may not even be true, however one thing is clear, she is not interested in dating you at this time.

My advice is leave her alone.  If she has a change of heart, let her come to you and suggest a meet.

Till then, leave her be and pursue other options.

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Haks said:

. I asked her to meet the other day but she is dating someone and has been for 2 months, She said she only dates 1 person at a time, 

The "tension" you feel is her not being interested. If she were open to anything, she wouldn't have said she has a BF and dates only one person at a time. 

 

 

[Coily]

It's one of those moments you are interested, she's occupied elsewhere. Just be polite and let things go as they had been. If she comes around later great, if not, you have someone to say hi to.

[Haks]

22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I understand "tension" quite well, and it's typically felt by both people.   BUT I have also experienced a man feeling "tension" around me and I am NOT feeling a damn thing...

This tension HE feels is his own attraction that he's projecting on to me.  Typically based on looks not any sort of "connection" between us.  Obviously since I feel nothing 

When she comes up to you, what does she say?  Are there obvious indications of interest other than what you may possibly be projecting due to your own attraction to her?  

I find the fact that after you asked her out (to meet), she told you she has a boyfriend quite telling.

It may or may not even be true, however one thing is clear, she is not interested in dating you at this time.

My advice is leave her alone.  If she has a change of heart, let her come to you and suggest a meet.

Till then, leave her be and pursue other options.

I think what you feel is very different and not the same at all... thats more guys creeping on you, this is more I can feel her gaze looking over, both can't help smiling etc I have a very good radar for these things, body language when talking, the staring and so on.

The thing is, it's not her boyfriend, they are just dating. If she had a BF I would steer well clear as that is deep, dating could end in a week a month or continue to something serious, its unknown territory.

 

 

 

 

[Haks]

19 minutes ago, Coily said:

It's one of those moments you are interested, she's occupied elsewhere. Just be polite and let things go as they had been. If she comes around later great, if not, you have someone to say hi to.

This doesn't make sense as if I hadn't asked her out I would have just continued talking to her, so why would I all of a sudden lock off all conversation and act cold, after all its a gym, people train and are social.

[Coily]

1 minute ago, Haks said:

This doesn't make sense as if I hadn't asked her out I would have just continued talking to her, so why would I all of a sudden lock off all conversation and act cold, after all its a gym, people train and are social.

I think you're responding to someone else.

[Haks]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Well if there ain't no ring on her finger, she's fair game. Ask her out. It's up to her after that, if she's willing or not. You are not forcing her into anything. 

Most sensible comment here, as I said she's dating a guy even said if I asked before it was a yes. She's not married etc think people on here have no game or understand how game works. If you walk up to a stranger and they say no, of course but people you know its different 

[Haks]

1 minute ago, Coily said:

I think you're responding to someone else.

Yes sorry my mistake, your comment is correct, keep things as they are/were, see if she comes around exactly 

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Haks said:

This doesn't make sense as if I hadn't asked her out I would have just continued talking to her, so why would I all of a sudden lock off all conversation and act cold, after all its a gym, people train and are social.

I don't think anyone was suggesting that. 

[rainbowsandroses]

17 minutes ago, Haks said:

Most sensible comment here, as I said she's dating a guy even said if I asked before it was a yes. She's not married etc think people on here have no game or understand how game works. If you walk up to a stranger and they say no, of course but people you know its different 

Why is it the most sensible comment?  You already asked her out and she declined, the reason does not matter. 

I am female, please do NOT ask her out again or be chasing her over the rainbow.

Doing so is NOT "game" it's called being a chump.

You can still be friendly of course, but she turned you down, go about your business and pursue other options assuming you have any.

P.S. Her words mean jack shyt.  Judge by actions.  Here her actions were she declined your date meetup and told you she has a boyfriend.

It's best to respect that and go about your business no matter where you are. 

 

[lostandhurt]

You asked her to meet outside the gym and she clearly let you know she is dating someone so hands off.  So far she sees you as a good guy that took his time to get to know her and yes I know it sucks knowing now that if you hadn't taken so long she would have went out with you but you did and she is now taken.

 Stay friendly but respectful of her new relationship and see what happens.  Who knows she may have a cute friend that is single.  Just don't be that guy that tries to snake some other guys girl.  Even if you did manage to steal her away then you end up with a girl that easily walks away for the newest shiny object, how long before it happens to you?

  Lost

 

[Haks]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Why is it the most sensible comment?  You already asked her out and she declined, the reason does not matter. 

I am female, please do NOT ask her out again or be chasing her over the rainbow.

Doing so is NOT "game" it's called being a chump.

You can still be friendly of course, but she turned you down, go about your business and pursue other options assuming you have any.

P.S. Her words mean jack shyt.  Judge by actions.  Here her actions were she declined your date meetup..

It's best to respect that and go about your business no matter where you are. 

 

I get your point, dont pressure, that is creepy... I wouldn't keep asking her out, that is weird. I never said I would keep asking, quick way to put a girl off of you. Your experiences aren't the same. The girl is dating a guy, if she wants to chat and flirt thats up to her and I can reciprocate that and be myself until maybe or maybe not she stops seeing him. Dating a guy doesnt mean they are bf/gf or married or off limits for conversation...

[rainbowsandroses]

17 minutes ago, Haks said:

Dating a guy doesnt mean they are bf/gf or married or off limits for conversation...

I agree!  However, the comment you deemed the most sensible advised you to ask her out again (i.e chase her).

If she had not told you she had a boyfriend I'd be more open to you asking again in a light casual way.  That recently happened to me and I did accept his second invite.

However the fact she has a boyfriend changes the dynamic.

All I'm saying is back off a bit.  Let her wonder about you!  It may build attraction IF that attraction is already there.

Basic law of attraction or one of them, especially when she's in a social circle like the gym.

JMO.

 

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, Haks said:

I get your point, dont pressure, that is creepy... I wouldn't keep asking her out, that is weird. I never said I would keep asking, quick way to put a girl off of you. Your experiences aren't the same. The girl is dating a guy, if she wants to chat and flirt thats up to her and I can reciprocate that and be myself until maybe or maybe not she stops seeing him. Dating a guy doesnt mean they are bf/gf or married or off limits for conversation...

So if you start dating her and are getting serious  you're cool with her flirting with other guys? To the extent she is with you?

[Haks]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I agree!  However, the comment you deemed the most sensible advised you to ask her out again (i.e chase her).

If she had not told you she had a boyfriend I'd be more open to you asking again in a light casual way.  That recently happened to me and I did accept his second invite.

However the fact she has a boyfriend changes the dynamic.

All I'm saying is back off a bit.  Let her wonder about you!  It may build attraction IF that attraction is already there.

 

I can't say it any clearer than its not her BF BUT I agree exactly to back off and build attraction for sure, her words were - if I had asked before it would have been a yes but as she is 'dating' some one right now she can't date 2 guys at once. It wasn't like no not interested, we continued talking after she said that, the dynamic is good but again im not a chump, wouldn't chase any girl with a BF or anything similar!

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, Haks said:

I can't say it any clearer than its not her BF...

Perhaps I'm slow today, but what do you mean by this ^^?

What's not her boyfriend?  Again I'm slow, apologies. 

[Batya33]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

Perhaps I'm slow today, but what do you mean by this ^^?

What's not her boyfriend?  Again I'm slow, apologies. 

He means she's dating someone but doesn't have a serious bf.

[rainbowsandroses]

Just now, Batya33 said:

He means she's dating someone but doesn't have a serious bf.

OK thanks!  I thought of that after I asked. 

Anyhoo, good luck!  If you're inclined keep us posted.  

[Capricorn3]

OP, a simple question for you: -  How would you feel if another guy had his eye on your girlfriend at the gym with intentions of getting together with her, even know she has a boyfriend? Serious question.

Comes down to simple respect for others and self-respect (imo).

[boltnrun]

I get your point. Dating doesn't mean committed relationship. It's OK to be friendly and say hello and have conversation and if she stops dating the other guy and wants to date you I presume she'll let you know.

But definitely no asking her for a date until she makes it clear she's available to date.