Jump to content

Do women like short men who are older? Is there any hope there?


ChrysChrys
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hi All,

I just discovered this forum recently. I am 31 years old, and about 2 to 3 years ago i just discovered that women are not interested in dating short men. This somehow explained a big mystery that had always gone through my mind: the reason why I have always been single and have never had a girlfriend. I have gone through very tough times when we talk about dating. In university, i have taken lots of winds; all guys were dating (even the short ones but slightly taller than me). Up to that point i could have never imagined that the height was something to blame. I was putting a lot of effort to date but was always unsuccessful. The result was quite catastrophic, as i ended up doing my first time with an escort girl. I wish i could have offered myself a better experience. But that day i remember i was hesitating a lot; i was 21. i said to me at some point it has to happen and was hoping to get more confidence after that; i did get confidence after that. I also went through personal improvement on confidence, and I have become more confident; went to gym, etc. I have obtained slightly better results, which was dating some girls but you know what? These datings never last long. Moreover, i worked with a psy; eventually i started seeing some girls but realised that this was not lasting long; never more than one month. Every time at the beginning things seem ok although I can see that the girl is not 100% in; but then after dating for a little while they have always left me. At some point i dated a girl for 4 months but as we got really close to each other emotionally, she said to me that she didn't see me as a boyfriend and she had not imagined that we would get so close romantically. I multiplied short term dating (rarely above 2 months in length) until the age of around 29, when i then started suspecting my height as a possible issue. by searching on the web i then confirmed that this is the main reason why i have never had a girlfriend; i have never had a girl saying to me that she loves me; even some of the girls i was seeing, i notice that they were only comfortable meeting me in the house; we never went out in public together, etc. The truth is that this is a killer on the mental strength. I don't know how to handle this; every other attempt ends with a negative outcome. The reason why i was dating some girls at some point is because i had a nice car. Now i have gone back to uni to do another degree and i am confident that in 2 to 3 years after my degree i will be making around $300K per year. I am an intelligent guy and am studying at the best school in the world for what i do. But then it will be strange to have girls around you if you know they are there for money? My question is when you know that without this money girls are not interested in you, how can you handle that, for someone who wants to build a family and have kids?

People in my family, including my mum, have been making fun of me because i have never presented a girl to my parents; i have never had the opportunity to bring a girl home. My mum has been pushing me hard to get into a relationship and to have a kid, but when i tell her that my height happens to be a problem she doesn't believe me. I am only child. My aunties are making fun of me, and often i feel alone; i have no one to discuss this problem with. It's very difficult to be in that situation.

Note that i have verified this assumption many times and it turns out to be true that if you are a man under a certain height it's a NO GO, no matter what other skills you have. Sometimes i was even so close to finally land a girlfriend; so much close, but despite everything the girl still hesitated so long and ended up not giving me a chance. A lot of girls told me that it is true; a lot of girls have turned me quickly down as well in bars and clubs, saying that i am same height as them and i am not tall enough for them. I always feel like the last one in my group of friends; all have or have had relationships but i am the most mysterious one, whom people have never seen presenting a girl to friends or family. The least we can say is that this is very tough. And it is more frustrating if your parents do not understand you.

I would like to hear from short men who are maybe more than 35 or 40 years old, about their experience? How do things change when people get older? How do women perceive short men at that age? I heard that being single at 35-40 years old, rich, and no kids make men high value on the market, no matter whether they are short. is this true?

Thank you all in advance for your answers! :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 66
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I preferred men who were shorter than average. I am petite. I dated very tall men too but my preference was shorter. My husband is shorter than average. We first met in our late 20s and married in our early 40s. I think when I was a teenager I did like tall guys but by the time I was finishing college that had changed. I knew many women who preferred tall men just like many men prefer women with large breasts. It's preference. I liked that many women preferred taller men -made my dating pool larger LOL.

 

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! I don't think $ is important but financial stability often is. It was to me because I was financially independent and stable by the time I was in my early 30s and wanted the same in a man I would marry. And I found one!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This somehow explained a big mystery that had always gone through my mind: the reason why I have always been single and have never had a girlfriend.

 

Sorry but this great mystery that you solved was simply not true. There are billions of women in the world and they don't all like the same things. Every individual is different. Relationships are between two individuals, not you facing "women" as the entire gender. Generally speaking being short, either for men or women, is not a great advantage in terms of physical attractiveness. But it's far from the worst even in that department, and there is so much more that make someone attractive beyond physical features. There are plenty of short, older men and women who have happy relationships. I wouldn't say it is them being short and/or old that attracted their partners to them, but it didn't stop it, right?

 

Instead of focusing on the things that you cannot change, work on the good things you can bring to a relationship. I see you mentioned your academic/career success and high earning potential. That's good, but why do you immediately jump to "what if girls are only with me for my money"? People are attracted to successful people not just for the money but also for the whole package: intelligence, confidence, ambition, which are all parts of you. How is it different than, according to your theory, girls being attracted to tall guys (let's assume for a second that's true)? Do the tall guys think, "heck, what if she's just with me because I'm tall?!" I doubt so. Also, why would you be an "older" man? Are you imagining still only dating 20-somethings when you're 35-40?

 

Practice self-love. Learn to see beauty not just in good looks, and remind yourself every now and then all the great things about yourself, that you're perfectly lovable, that you are you, a uniquely beautiful individual not just some "short, old man." And all you need is to find one person that is a good match for you, not for all the women in the world to like you. I've mostly dated taller guys but for a good while in high school I was super attracted to a boy who you can call short. He's smart, confident and pretty good at sports. My crush ended when I found he had a rather arrogant personality, but there were a lot more girls who liked him - probably where his overconfidence came from. He's also very successful after school and now married with kids. I don't think he ever worried for a second whether women would like him as a short man, or if they liked him only for his money, you know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think its a mistake to focus on a stereotype. There is no 'all women'. Only you're individual connection to a specific woman. Start there.

 

And tell your mom and aunties to get a new song, because their tune isn't helping.

 

They want grand children? how about they start helping your confidence and help you. Instead putting you down to make up for whatever their lives lack.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly, there are women that care about height. My sister, for example, is truly just not into it if a dude is shorter. You can't change what does or doesn't "rev your engine." It's just a gut thing. For me, though, it doesn't matter at all. I'm just shy of 5'9" and I literally give no f****s about a dude's height. Tall or short, it just doesn't even blip on my "attraction" radar. However, if a guy was superrrrr obsessed with how short he was, and had a bad mood about it, and talked about it negatively, constantly, I'd be put off, and it'd be brought to my mind in a negative light and probably annoy me. But if a dude would just joke about it with me or whatever? Great. I love having stuff to tease my s/o about. So if I had a short man that let me poke at him about it and enjoy it, I'd actually find that fun and sexy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personality trumps the physical casing if you have a chance to get to know people irl.

 

How is the fire that is you? Is it a healthy blaze fueled by ambitions and hobbies and self care or is it more like embers? What can you do to stoke it up?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, many women choose the men first who are 5'11 and taller. That's just the truth. However, not all women do, a smaller minority do not mind so much about height.

 

But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that height isn't a factor. Women just seem to gravitate towards taller men.

 

There's still hope though, not all women will turn down a date if you are shorter. You just have to keep looking.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's no two ways about you are slightly up against it. I think you know that or you wouldn't be here asking the question. Height is a factor in women looking for men but not exclusively. After all you really only want the one if your persuing a relationship. My friend Bill was 5ft 2 and he was the funniest guy to be around, genuinely nice and kind, very successful in business. He did go bankrupt but only because the printing industry changed dramatically with introduction of digital technology. But he changed direction and made money out of real estate. Bill had a beautiful wife and 3 daughters, things went wrong for them and they split and now he's with Carol. Carol is 5ft 11 and it makes no difference they love each unconditionally. I'm 5ft 9 and I love taller women. My current girlfriend friend is 5 9 1/2 which she likes to remind me of. I dated a lady that was 6 ft in her socks and a few others all over 5.7. Don't worry about the money work on your confidence. That's the most attractive thing you can have. Yes there's plenty of women that want a certain criteria of man, when they have it they'll want something else. Best thing you can do is hold your head up and walk tall...remember you's the man......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It’s not your height that’s the issue.

It’s your issue with your height that is.

 

You have dated women and your height didn’t bother them otherwise they wouldn’t have dated you.

They didn’t end it because of your height , more like they ended it due to incompatibility which may have included a lack of self confidence.

 

??!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a great example of a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's along the same lines as women who state "All men want supermodels, that's why I can't get a date".

i just discovered that women are not interested in dating short men. This somehow explained a big mystery that had always gone through my mind: the reason why I have always been single and have never had a girlfriend
Link to comment
Share on other sites

How short is "short"?

 

I am 5'2 1/2" and I know several men who are my height and shorter who are married, have girlfriends, have children, etc.

 

I am also 5"2 and a half! I dated men who were my height. One is now married, the other has a long term girlfriend last I knew.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, many women choose the men first who are 5'11 and taller. That's just the truth. However, not all women do, a smaller minority do not mind so much about height.

 

But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that height isn't a factor. Women just seem to gravitate towards taller men.

 

There's still hope though, not all women will turn down a date if you are shorter. You just have to keep looking.

 

Just to be clear- for me shorter was a preference - although not shorter than me. Shorter than average was my preference not me settling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOL! Indeed. Kissing with tall men can be an ordeal!

 

Not with one guy -because he had a sunken living room LOL! Another really tall guy I know married a petite woman and was really creative so he designed a chair for her to stand on when he proposed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You could be practical and if on dating sites, always emphasize the positive that you like your women petite. Chase after elves, Leave the vikings to others.

 

I probably wouldn't have responded to a profile like that -too objectifying - "healthy and fit" were fine - to me that was more about values, stuff in common - but focus on body type etc was a real turn off for me and I was petite and slim and fit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm 33 and 5'7" / 5'8" depending on the physical. In the "manlet" zone, albeit knowing my luck could be a lot worse. I feel for dudes who are like

 

Personally, I've been directly rejected on account of height on dating sites; usually women who matched me based on photos and didn't read my height prior to messaging. Honestly, it's no big deal and I didn't take it personally. Everyone's got deal breakers. I couldn't date a woman with a gummy smile, so I'm in no position to judge. You've probably got your own arbitrary aesthetic preferences and deal breakers. Where I do think it starts to get shallow is when people try to justify it in some way or speak down on the qualities. It is what it is, and it should be left at just that.

 

I don't think anyone's SOL for being "older" and shorter (31 isn't older for anybody when it comes to dating, but especially not a man). If you're in that category where you're at or below the average height of the women in your community, there's no getting around the fact you're gonna have fewer options. Thing is, there's no avoiding that, so there's zero benefit in being jaded or diffident over it. You take what you've got and work with it. Work out, practice good hygiene, wear clothes that fit, get a regular haircut if you're not growing it out like I am. You're looking at a nice salary coming up, which honestly, PC or not to say it, doesn't hurt. Put yourself out there as much as you need to in order to build some confidence. The formula itself isn't that complicated.

 

Were my wife tell me tomorrow that she's had enough of me eating Chef Boyarde out of the can and present me with papers, I'm confident I'd still do pretty well in the dating scene.

 

ETA: I know you recently posted about that lady you study with, so I don't want "put yourself out there" to be taken the wrong way. Part of it is accepting rejection with poise. Don't persist with women who are clearly not into you or have outright declined your advances. You will (or should) quickly learn how to read signs rather than essentially cold call any woman you find attractive and who happens to have a simple conversation with you.

Edited by j.man
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Adultery - the New Monogamy?
      Adultery is the Future of Marriage? The ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders sexual exclusivity impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alternatives via social networking and in various workplace and social settings. As leisure time increases and physical survival is all but effortlessly guaranteed, recreation takes precedence over procreation.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Healing the Child Within
      In today’s episode of The Terri Cole Show, you are in for a treat. I am interviewing a new pal, his name is Nate Postlethwait, but you may know him as @nate_postlethwait on Instagram.

       
      • 0 replies
    • How to Sort Your Life Out | Self Improvement
      This video is about how to sort your life out. There are four important things you need to do to sort your life out ASAP.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Triggers
      You may be tempted to deal with your triggers by avoiding everything or everyone that triggers you. Although that will help you feel better in the moment, it will make life a lot harder for you over all. Instead, here's an emotionally intelligent way of managing your triggers that will help you a lot more.

       
      • 0 replies
    • No Intimacy Without Personal Boundaries (Q&A)
      The ability to thrive in intimacy is inextricably linked to the capacity to maintain and enforce personal boundaries. In personality disordered patients, both are sorely compromised.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...