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SophiaG

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Everything posted by SophiaG

  1. No, not all men (or all people for that matter) stare at good looking people like an idiot and fantasize about them. And not all gfs (or bfs) who take issue with it are jealous or insecure. Trust your gut feeling when you recognize red flags. Your man sounds immature, shallow and disrespectful.
  2. Imagine yourself in his shoes. If a loving, invested bf/gf suggests a vacation but later couldn't follow through due to circumstances (finances, work, sick family members, etc.) they'd likely be very apologetic, probably incredibly disappointed as well, and they should be actively working with you or on their own to try to find an alternative solution (a cheaper destination, doing something nice at home instead, or planning the vacation at a later time). The last thing they want to do is to turn it on you, say you're pushing, or to emotionally shut down from you as if they couldn't care less a
  3. It's only been a month and still the time where you are getting to know each other and if you get along. If being with him already feels boring and disconnected, he may simply not be a good match. I don't think introverts necessarily have little interest in talking with their partners.
  4. Just curious. If the relationship was so passionate, deep, intense why did you cheat on her? Had that motivation and urge to be with other women disappeared later in your relationship? What were your previous breakups about? And what kind of progression were you hoping for before you finally broke up? You said that "she took the opportunity to break up" but then later claimed that you initiated the breakup yourself? Not that it really matters that much though. A lot of the language you use, "beg," "plead," "chase," etc. sounds very black and white. You might have not been "begging" in yo
  5. Honestly, if you want to date through this time I think the best option is to move out and limit your contact with mom to online, phone calls, and hanging out in her garden/front yard while keeping physical distance and/or wearing masks. If you live alone and do not expose anyone else to higher risks due to your behavior you'll probably feel a lot better about this. You might still take issue with how she's not doing what she could to protect her family though. That's her and their choice - you need to decide if you can live with that, if you all become family one day.
  6. Sorry to hear this, catscoffee. I was a fandom writer too and had my little circle of friends. It was a very special kind of relationship. At the time we were very close and it felt really good to have someone to talk to about this part of my life where none of my real life friends would even understand. But those friendships rarely last. Over time people drift apart, get into other, different fandoms, or just stop reading/writing fandom altogether. I myself sadly was the one to drift away when life changes got in the way and I stopped writing. Over the past few years a couple of the old frien
  7. I would be afraid too if I were you. If I live with my parents in no way will I expose them to higher risk with discretionary social contacts. This pandemic has revealed a lot of differences in values among my friends. Some of them do not care in the least for social distancing and just go out and hang out as much as they can. Many of them are wary but still happy to party again once things started to reopen. I am a lot more cautious and try to do things virtually whenever possible. I've had to turn down many invites to birthday parties, BBQs, picnics, etc. and could have lost quite a few f
  8. So sorry about all you've been through. Hugs. It might be the tones but if you both heard attack from seemingly innocuous questions/comments such as "don't you need to feed the dog?" "It's not time yet" etc there's been a great deal of resentment built up. The steam was looking for a way out and basically anything could trigger a nuclear reaction. It could be that you two are just too incompatible and it has reached the point where anything you do simply irritates each other. No one should live in a state of constantly being berated and criticized, not by their partners, be it two days or t
  9. Do you have a strong preference for women of your own ethnicity, or do you mostly date locals?
  10. Did he say what he had doubts about? Was he still holding a grudge for your refusal to cosign with him?
  11. If having sex more often than once a week is definitely required for you to feel you're not living a boring life... it might be worthwhile to explore if anything else in your life makes you feel excited and fulfilled, or in your words, "alive." I love sex but I would be worried if sex is the only thing that makes my life not boring. By that point you become a slave of your sexual desire, instead of the master of it. If that's how you feel then you'll probably find only sex addicts who feel the same way about sex as you, which I'm sure there are plenty on this planet.
  12. Sex drive can change for all sorts of reasons. Not necessarily in one direction either. Sometimes people have lower sex drive for a period and later it bounces back. I for one am feeling less sexual in the past few months due to what's happening around us. It's not that I no longer find my bf desirable or want to have sex, but the sadness and stress is really messing with my mood a lot of the time. It's certainly much easier to get aroused when life is more carefree. Of course, incompatibility or other issues in relationship can also diminish the desire for sex with a certain partner. Then
  13. A friend or acquaintance could easily do the same. Nothing weird about that. Obviously he does care about you but from what you describe it doesn't seem to indicate romantic interest or anything deeper than common courtesy.
  14. If he needs your help with tips on saving money, keeping a budget, etc., he would have asked. There are also resources online or offered at school/work for free on how to manage your finances. If he keeps complaining but makes no effort to change his situation, then you know he doesn't really want to save or move out. You can't force him to change unfortunately, but you can decide if this is a man you want to be with in the long term.
  15. It sounds like you and your family are more level headed and acknowledge it takes two in a relationship, while he and his mom only want to lay the blame on you. I know it is extremely hard to let go at the moment but you probably dodged a bullet. I would refrain from thinking that it was all his mother's doing. If an adult man let other people affect his relationship decisions it's usually because he wants to be affected that way.
  16. Stay strong. This is a tough time and the pandemic can amplify the feelings of loneliness and sadness. But all this shall pass. Find little ways to make yourself happy. Talk to your friend and family regularly and join some local club/group if you can. Take it one day at a time.
  17. You both don't want the same things and this is a temporary relationship with no future. Don't wait to see if he can change his mind. There is nothing wrong with seeing deal breakers and get out early on. Do you want a sexless relationship?
  18. While it sounds like your bf is hyper focused on you and your mental health, if you are "incredibly depressed" it would be incredibly hard to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship. We are social animals and it is hard not to be affected by the mood of someone you are so close to. Would a relationship work if you both can keep some distance and/or only share a positive facade, even if you are deeply unhappy inside? Perhaps, but I would address the mental health issues first, whether you stay with him or not.
  19. My point is nobody can be, or should be, that "serious" before even meeting you. He could have had a sincere intention to meet and get to know you, but if the other person isn't interested people usually lose interest right there and then. If a person is all "serious" and keeps chasing a dating app match they haven't even met, they are likely delusional and attached to a fictional idea they build in their head instead of the person they are chasing because they know close to nothing about that person.
  20. Dating apps are like that. Maybe 1 in 10 of the profiles look like a sincere and decent person and 1 in 10 of those might end up in a date. Then again 1 in 10 of those you meet might actually lead somewhere. So before you even meet there is at best 1% chance at something more meaningful than just a match on a dating app. People get tons of matches and they don't have months and months to invest in such a slim chance with a single match. Why do you put so much significance on this match when it seems obvious neither of you were that interested in meeting up?
  21. Why is this good enough for you? That he wasn't 100% a jerk and SOME of his words were honest? Even the most cold blooded criminals have some soft moments. Please, write down all the crappy ways he treated you and stick it somewhere you can see everyday. Read it over whenever you hear that little noise "Did I make a mistake?" Then say aloud, no, you didn't make a mistake. Good riddance!
  22. I think it was a combination of reinforcing self confidence and reassessing the new relationship. Undeniably, part of the initial hurt came from disbelief that someone who claimed to be deeply in love with you could be soon involved with someone else after the breakup, which led me to question his love and his motives. Part of me also felt like the reconciliation was maybe a "second best option" on his part since it didn't work out with the new girls. When I put the insecurities aside, however, I could see that was most likely not true. I myself wouldn't have been open to the idea of reconc
  23. I mentioned somewhat similar experience in your previous post, although we weren't married and only together for a year (1.5 years now). Actually that was the reason I first came here I think. I did discuss it with my therapist, and I think the most helpful comment from her was that it was okay to feel the way I feel. It was okay to feel disappointed and betrayed even if we were technically single and I was dating also. It was also okay to not know, at the moment, what I wanted to do about it. It really felt like an insurmountable issue and pretty much the only thing I could think about in
  24. Like reinventmyself, I had learned to initiate the exclusivity talk when I felt ready and the guy hadn't brought it up. I only had to do it once, and the idea was a bit scary but once I spoke up it wasn't so bad. Know that no matter how you present it (as a question, a request, or simply telling him where you are), there is the possibility of disappointment. You can say you have no expectations whatsoever, but everyone has a "desired outcome" - if you were completely indifferent about him seeing others then you wouldn't need to bring it up. I had to accept that being vulnerable and risking rej
  25. I'm a bit confused regarding the "build trust again" part. Are you saying you'd like to rebuild trust with a guy who'd suggested netflix and chill for a 2nd date? You don't. If you sense that they are just after casual sex while you are not, you cut them off and move on. Many people can look like a great guy on a first date, just like many people can manage to look competent on a job interview - but they are not all that great and certainly not all right guys for you. Don't let such disappointments dishearten you and don't over generalize that all guys are like that. They are not.
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