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  1. The thing that caught me was her complaining about your choice of conversation topic. I was with a guy for 6 years and he used to that. I was really into my pet rats ‘all you ever talk about is rats, it’s boring’, I got heaps into PA gear ‘all you ever talk about is PA gear it’s boring’. That was part of a death by a thousand cuts. You’re right, this is probably done. Staying now will do active harm to you. The longer you stay, the more this unsupportive relationship will try and extinguish the fire that is you and by the time you get out you’ll be nothing but embers and it will take yeeeears to stoke that fire back up. Ask me how I know.
  2. I had a shift today that was easy work, decently long hours, excellent musicians. One of those ‘I can’t believe I’m getting paid to do this’ kind of days. At some point during the second set I thought about how glad I was to be there listening to this acoustic duo making magic out of music and with that I think my indignation has faded. (Which is lucky because as has been said, contractor gets what contractor is offered). Still, of my own volition I did a stock take of the hired equipment in a spare half hour and did a spot clean of the storage spaces. And I had the thought that on those nights I’m not rostered and I wish I was, I should make those ‘work on finding new clients’ hours.
  3. Seconding this, if you were still his favourite person in the whole world he would Make time to see you because he’d want to. Let this one go. Speaking from experience clinging onto someone who didn’t make time, nothing but heartache will come of it.
  4. Do you want to choose as your forever person someone who handles a situation like this the way he’s handling it?
  5. A smidge more data, this manager was my work experience kid at a job I did in January. She got an internship at this venue me and then progressed to the management position. We had rapport in the beginning but there was an incident where she had rostered me for a 10 hour shift and two days later had taken it and given it to someone else. From my perspective I had just had this conversation with the og boss a month previously about losing hours because I don’t work a day job which leaves me available to do mid week shows and how unfair that feels (yes yes, definitely not the best approach but he’s a good boss and he was sympathetic). I felt like Id Just had that conversation. And here it was still happening. She didn’t have that context though, and I was very tactless in flagging it. After that rapport not so much. There is excellent loyalty from the OG boss, but he’s handed over rostering to new boss and I feel no loyalty there. I’ve always had diverse employers so, still some other work coming. Inclined to agree it’s time to focus more on that. The work is mixing live bands. I don’t know how one could Increase productivity for it. You can do an excellent mix and be a good host for the musicians but it’s not an enterprise that makes the venue money, beyond giving people a reason to stay in the bar and drink….. if you do it very badly and they leave, the venue will notice and act to get rid of you but in my experience people are happy with pretty average sound tech work. There’s diminishing returns for being good at it in a context like this. …. I used to work for a PA hire company and could reasonably say ‘please give me more work I will do excellent mixes and get along with the clients and they’ll book you again next year’. But I don’t know what angle I could use for this gig where the live music is a loss leader to keep people in the venue. (Any suggestions throw them my way). Perhaps, if anyone has any ideas for how to bolster my relationship with the new manager? The original manager will come and talk to you for half an hour at the start of your shift filling you in on what’s happening and what needs to happen. New manager is much more recluse. I was talking to another tech about the situation today and he responded ‘that’s bad’ which makes me more think there’s a problem. But until I know how to broach it the right way I’ll bite my tongue. Thank you all very much for giving me your thoughts.
  6. I was on a team of three, contracted on an hourly basis to do live sound work. 120 hours a month split even between us on average. Management felt nervous having no back up contractors inducted who could fill in if needed so one more was added. He only gets hours when everyone is busy. Then we got a new manager. Now there’s two of them supposedly equal in rank and power. She does the rosters and she employed two friends from uni to expand our crew and now they are regular fixtures on the roster. For the month coming I can’t complain, I’ve got my 40 hours. But I can see 20 hours have gone to her friends and I’m finding myself a demoralised that whatever extra hours come up it feels like there is never any scope for me to work them and earn more because her friends get them and b) it actually sucks to have the night off while one of these new people works because I’ve got 14 years experience in my industry and they are just starting out. I’m not just losing potential income, I’m losing it to the people who should be interns. The outcome I’d like is to not be benched on nights I’m available so rank beginners can work in my place but I don’t know how to broach this. With the new boss who’s brought them in? Do I go above her head to the original boss? Do I tell them it’s demoralising to be losing hours to newbies? Do I say nothing at all because I’m just a contractor? I spoke to a colleague who agreed it sucks and suggested I approach the original boss and ask for his advice about feeling demoralised by this development and how should I proceed? I spoke to a friend who works as a practice manager and she said to reach out and say how much I love working there and would it be possible to pick up any more hours and is there anything they’d like me to improve on? What’s the better way to proceed?
  7. My 2 cents, I don’t think it’s likely he’s the person he was when he was 13. The questions are how is adult him with boundaries? And, do you feel uncomfortable around him now? Leave aside for the moment the question of if he can or should be forgiven, whatever you conclude at an intellectual level, what you feel is going to override that and if you go on feeling uncomfortable and or revulsed then it’s time to set him free. Meanwhile I hope he gets a good mental health professional on his team, of all the things to later regret doing that is an absolute doozy. But we have to live with our mistakes. Wishing you both clarity.
  8. You’ve made it this far, with less support than average. I think you are mighty and I’m sorry the burden of solitude feels so unbearable at this time. First things first, are you well fed? Are you hydrated? Are you getting enough sleep?! These are small kindnesses you can do for yourself. On a day when you’ve had an excellent night’s sleep and eaten a delicious breakfast (or wait till lunch if you are not a breakfast person), I hope you sit down and do some brainstorming to see how you might be able to make some more connections with humans who like and value your presence in their lives (you might not have met them yet but I am so so certain they are out there). Co signing get a mental health care professional on board too if you can (and if you cannot afford that, at least make friends with the woebot on Facebook. It’s just a little mental health care AI but sometimes if you tell it you’re feeling really bad it will ask you a question that helps you zoom out from the thing that’s bringing you down and see a bigger, less depressing picture).
  9. Just dropping by from the other side of ‘heart shattered into a million pieces’ to say it does get better, I promise. One day you’ll be on an even keel and wonder why you were ever so bothered by this loss. It took me a looooong time and a whole boat load of life experiences to get there so it might not be the fastest process but it shall happen. And, regardless of if you lose him or he comes back when he’s cooled down, you absolutely should take steps now to diversify your happiness. I was doing the same thing, relying on this one person for everything. In hindsight I don’t think he got to date a very good version of me. I’m a better person now my legs are strong and I can stand on my own.
  10. I passed an ex at the supermarket and he was with a cute alterno girl (he’s an alterno boy). This relationship ending was such a savage painful one that I grieved for so long and knitted myself back together and it’s been so many years and for a long time now I’ve been able to be cordial with him (we work together sometimes) and say bye at the end of the shift and feel nothing, it’s been glorious. But today I feel twinge. Do I feel this twinge because the person I’m waiting to see (he’s stuck overseas but we both wanted to maintain regular contact and reunite and so we both wait and talk daily) is no alterno boy at all? It’s like there goes the idea I had in my head for what I’d look like as a couple and here walks past my ex and his lady friend looking exactly how I thought I would. It’s bummed me out.
  11. To break the mental association you might need to enlist the aid of a mental health professional. Psychologist, social worker or counsellor would be my recommendation.
  12. If the door is closed it’s not your door. Time to distance yourself from your sisters and make space and time in your life for people who highly enjoy your company I think.
  13. That’s a gross amount of pushiness after you said you were busy. That would make me feel too uncomfortable and kill my attraction personally.
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