ThinkinOutLoud2000

I have no interest in being petty or passive aggressive, so wanting to return the money is not about that for me. I just know how they think: I'll be called self-centered and greedy for taking the money but not re-establishing contact with them again. I just want to return the money to remove myself from that inevitable response.

Update: They just Zelled me $100. And it's a few hours after they sent that text too, which means I'm pretty sure they found out I sent my brother $300 this morning for Christmas and were like..."We should send her something too..." I want to return the $100 back to them so bad. Should I?

Sorry about that. Here's the pic:

What a wonderful Christmas message…The text I got from my mom today. https://ibb.co/GHPgjT6 The “male friend” she is referring to is completely fictional. My parents are CONVINCED that I’m seeing someone (I’m not) and that they’re putting things in my ear and turning me away from them. Also, when I first moved out (when I was still partially brainwashed), I sent them a letter thanking them for all they did raising me. I think I mentioned something about them having “beautiful spirits” in that letter, which is what she’s referring to in her text. Wow...

Welp. I had a very illuminating conversation with my brother yesterday. We met up for lunch yesterday, since I wanted to see him before Christmas if I decided not to go, and he told me that for the past few months, my parents have essentially been sh*t talking me about various grievances they have with me. He's told them multiple times that they should talk to me directly about their complaints, and while they say they will, they obviously haven't yet. He thought it was unfair how I'm not there to defend myself, so he asked me some questions to get my perspective. About two months ago, I asked my brother to housesit my apartment for me because I was out of town for a month and a half. Apparently, where I thought my parents were just ambivalent about it, my parents explicitly said he shouldn't do it for the most inane reasons, one of them being that back in the summer, I didn't drive by and check on their house when they were on vacation for 2 weeks, (where I simply forgot to), and since I was "careless and selfish", why should he do this favor for me? My brother still ended up housesitting, but they've been holding this grudge for a while. He mentioned a few other things they've been complaining about (they're upset I hid I was no longer vegan for so long; not telling them sooner about editing books), but one of their main things is that I'm taking days to respond to texts and calls, and noticeably distancing myself from them. My mom has been crying about it, and my dad getting upset with me on her behalf. They're also convinced that I'm talking to my half-siblings again (I'm not), and my siblings or a boyfriend they don't know about (I'm single) are putting things in my ear and pulling me away from them. The most bothersome thing is the ranting and raving behind my back, and when they could simply pick up the phone and initiate an adult-to-adult conversation. It's clear to me they were probably waiting for me to come over for Christmas to "pounce" on me. I've never had a decision made faster for me. Not coming over, not calling.

That feels cruel to my mom. Despite her mistakes, I still forgive her and I know she loves me deeply. I'm not coming over, but there has to be a gentler way of doing it than that?

How do you all think I should handle and announce the Christmas decision?

I'm going to meet up with my brother before Christmas to give him his gift and hangout. I'm not getting gifts for my parents, but I might meet up with my mom after Christmas. Or not. I really wonder what my "I'm staying home for the holidays text" is going to do. Haven't even decided whether to just text my mom that (feels cowardly to rely on her relaying that to my dad for me) or the family group text...

I pretended to be my parents several times on here. I'm sorry, but hearing people's reactions from their perspective is what helped me to see their actions as unhealthy. Everything "they" said or did is what actually happened in real life, though. Sorry for the deception, but it's what I needed at the time. Today, I'm still trying to figure out what advice I'm looking for. I do know I've spent quite a while working through my past, and now I've grown past that. And no longer do I think the question is: "Have my parents done enough bad things to justify me cutting them off?", but, "How do I want my parents in my life from here on out?" I think, for now, I want to intermittently see my mom and be connected with her, but it's unfortunate all of this is being inconveniently hashed out around the holidays. Should I text her I'm not coming over for Christmas? What will my dad think? He's never heard how I feel about his actions. It would be a sudden, total estrangement for him. And then, my mom–or both her and my dad–will no doubt say I should have let them know earlier. What do I say to that?

My half sisters are all in their 30s/40s with families of their own. And I have no doubt they do heavily resent my parents, and thus, me by proxy. There's a lot of other context too long to get into, but I don't think reconnecting with them will be worth it or even possible. No, not religious. My parents just majorly dropped the ball. Again, baffling. I made comments over the years while my brother was still being homeschooled that they should get him involved in groups or clubs. They verbally agreed, then just...never did it.

Hey, all. I've made posts here before (under a login I can't remember now, lol) that talked about some of my family issues. My parents kicking out my half-sisters cruelly in the middle of the night with no belongings or car many years ago; wanting to not edit for their self-publishing business anymore, and so on. Ring a few bells? For context, my dad has 5 kids from his 1st marriage. I'm 1/2 kids from his 2nd. Well, about 3 weeks ago, I went on a hike with my mom, and she asked me why I’ve been distant. I moved out over a year ago, and slowly over time, I’ve been calling my parents a lot less. Now it's usually once a month, and we only infrequently text. I have distanced myself to differentiate, heal and detox from the past. During the hike, I decided to tell her what I never told her before: that they did so many things that are baffling to me. The never socializing us while being homeschooled. (To give a picture of how bad the isolation was, when the quarantine first hit in 2020, absolutely nothing in my homeschooled brother's life changed.) After years of estrangement, my dad choosing to reunite with and "support" my 40 y.o. half-brother when he found out he was in prison for sexual assaulting a teenager, but kicking out his daughters for nothing and calling them misogynist slurs. I mentioned a few other things. My mom…I know she loves me to death. But she's oblivious. She acted genuinely shocked we were isolated, even said my brother was in basketball as “proof” of his socialization, when he actually stopped attending at 4 years old and wasn’t in anything since. The questions she asked...”So you think he’s some social misfit now? You think your dad resents his kids?” I asked her would she do to me how they kicked my sisters out, and she said no. So I asked why she did that to them. “Well, they didn’t want to be here anyway.” A couple of days later we went to see a movie, and she asked the question I know she would: “So have you been talking to your half-siblings lately?” Not only have I not, but it confirms how I suspected my parents would see my comments as me reconnecting with my siblings and them “putting things in my head." I regret being honest with her now. I don’t expect nor want an apology or explanation…there’s really none that can be given. And so, none of us have called each other for the past few weeks. Just my mom texting every now and then. I don’t see the point in attending Christmas, but obviously that’s something I have to say before it arrives. And I don’t know how to say it either. Especially when I call, it will no doubt lead to the conversation my mom and I had some time ago, my dad confronting me about it and…drama. I feel stuck. I'm no longer in the resentment phase. I've worked through my past and I'm looking at my future. I also know there's no going back to how I saw my parents before. I keep asking what do I want with my parents now? I think I want to stay in limited contact with my mom and not be in contact with my dad anymore. I also hate how my brother is caught in the middle of all of this. Just looking for some advice.

I've moved out fall 2022 and have lived 100% independently of my parents since then. Your comment really spoke to me. I want to job hop because – while this job is fine enough and the work isn't torturous – I want to do so much more with my life. And I have no obstacles in my life: parents, children, husband, nada. This is the freest I will ever be in my life and I want to use my time well. Yes, a different industry. A lot of my free time has been taken by volunteering/doing gig work at local gardens and farms, because I've learned I want work that uses my body (tired of sitting 24/7!), transforms the world (regenerative gardening is one of the greatest tools to confront climate change), and I simply love it. I am willing to take a pay cut. To even take another job but go back to my original salary – 48K – because that's the minimum I need to keep my apartment/lifestyle. I have $10K in savings. I'm doing a lot of research on how to transition into this industry. To be continued...

Wow, this forum doesn't get much traction...

Good idea on moonlighting. I already do some weekend farming work because that's the area I'm really passionate about, but I can do more.

Graduated college in 2019. Got a music degree. Scholarships+parents paid for it. Lived at home rent free. Getting a good job in music is impossible (and I didn't want to teach), but I did enough writing stuff over the years to make a resume. At 24, I got a 100% WFH job as a Junior Copywriter. Started out at 48K. Moved out at 25. One year in the job, promotion boosted me up to Copywriter (no more junior) and 58K. EOY review just got me a raise to 60K. I always considered myself a lucky SOB for nabbing a job in an industry nothing to do with my major, and it was only a few interviews with no writing sample required, just a portfolio review. The workload is still light (I go days without working) and I can take care of myself 100% independently without bothering with a commute. But I'm also green to the working world. Maybe 60K is not that much at all. Maybe I should job hop (and I'm feeling the itch to leave too). Maybe I've been taken advantage in some way I don't see yet. What do you think?