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SophiaG last won the day on July 9 2020

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  1. No, not all men (or all people for that matter) stare at good looking people like an idiot and fantasize about them. And not all gfs (or bfs) who take issue with it are jealous or insecure. Trust your gut feeling when you recognize red flags. Your man sounds immature, shallow and disrespectful.
  2. Imagine yourself in his shoes. If a loving, invested bf/gf suggests a vacation but later couldn't follow through due to circumstances (finances, work, sick family members, etc.) they'd likely be very apologetic, probably incredibly disappointed as well, and they should be actively working with you or on their own to try to find an alternative solution (a cheaper destination, doing something nice at home instead, or planning the vacation at a later time). The last thing they want to do is to turn it on you, say you're pushing, or to emotionally shut down from you as if they couldn't care less about your very understandable disappointment. Look at what he's doing and you have your answer.
  3. It's only been a month and still the time where you are getting to know each other and if you get along. If being with him already feels boring and disconnected, he may simply not be a good match. I don't think introverts necessarily have little interest in talking with their partners.
  4. Just curious. If the relationship was so passionate, deep, intense why did you cheat on her? Had that motivation and urge to be with other women disappeared later in your relationship? What were your previous breakups about? And what kind of progression were you hoping for before you finally broke up? You said that "she took the opportunity to break up" but then later claimed that you initiated the breakup yourself? Not that it really matters that much though. A lot of the language you use, "beg," "plead," "chase," etc. sounds very black and white. You might have not been "begging" in your eyes but she knew what you were up to. Your very non-needy text of "how are you?" could sound to her just the same as "I still love you. Please talk to me." No one can predict what your ex will do, even her best friend. My guess based on the very limited info that you gave here is that she never really forgave you or got over the betrayal of your cheating and didn't see a future with you, hence the lack of progression in your relationship. And you probably haven't really changed in her eyes either.
  5. Honestly, if you want to date through this time I think the best option is to move out and limit your contact with mom to online, phone calls, and hanging out in her garden/front yard while keeping physical distance and/or wearing masks. If you live alone and do not expose anyone else to higher risks due to your behavior you'll probably feel a lot better about this. You might still take issue with how she's not doing what she could to protect her family though. That's her and their choice - you need to decide if you can live with that, if you all become family one day.
  6. Sorry to hear this, catscoffee. I was a fandom writer too and had my little circle of friends. It was a very special kind of relationship. At the time we were very close and it felt really good to have someone to talk to about this part of my life where none of my real life friends would even understand. But those friendships rarely last. Over time people drift apart, get into other, different fandoms, or just stop reading/writing fandom altogether. I myself sadly was the one to drift away when life changes got in the way and I stopped writing. Over the past few years a couple of the old friends reached out to me randomly and I was always very happy to hear from them, we would talk for hours and maybe keep texting back and forth during a couple of days to weeks, but that was pretty much it as we all know I wasn't gonna go back into the fandom world anytime soon. I do miss those days and friends every so often but my lifestyle and priorities are simply different now. It wasn't personal and people are generally understanding. Enjoy your fandom while you still do and just make new friends as they join. Perhaps also reconsider the balance between pen pals and real life friends so you wont rely too much on your fandom circle for friendship. Good luck!
  7. I would be afraid too if I were you. If I live with my parents in no way will I expose them to higher risk with discretionary social contacts. This pandemic has revealed a lot of differences in values among my friends. Some of them do not care in the least for social distancing and just go out and hang out as much as they can. Many of them are wary but still happy to party again once things started to reopen. I am a lot more cautious and try to do things virtually whenever possible. I've had to turn down many invites to birthday parties, BBQs, picnics, etc. and could have lost quite a few friends in the process. I am really glad that my bf and I are pretty much on the same page about this as if he was more like one of my carefree friends, it would have been a deal breaker. It is sad but differences like this can be too significant to live with in a relationship. I didn't get the impression from your post that you were mostly enjoying the chase and got bored once she became too available. On the contrary, it seems like your interest fizzled out due to a long-distance like situation. Not every couple deals with distance well, especially since you haven't been together for very long before it started. It may be salvageable when the distance is removed, but given that you don't really feel the urge to and your concerns regarding the virus, it might be best to end things for now and maybe reconnect after the pandemic if you both want to.
  8. So sorry about all you've been through. Hugs. It might be the tones but if you both heard attack from seemingly innocuous questions/comments such as "don't you need to feed the dog?" "It's not time yet" etc there's been a great deal of resentment built up. The steam was looking for a way out and basically anything could trigger a nuclear reaction. It could be that you two are just too incompatible and it has reached the point where anything you do simply irritates each other. No one should live in a state of constantly being berated and criticized, not by their partners, be it two days or two months.
  9. Do you have a strong preference for women of your own ethnicity, or do you mostly date locals?
  10. Did he say what he had doubts about? Was he still holding a grudge for your refusal to cosign with him?
  11. If having sex more often than once a week is definitely required for you to feel you're not living a boring life... it might be worthwhile to explore if anything else in your life makes you feel excited and fulfilled, or in your words, "alive." I love sex but I would be worried if sex is the only thing that makes my life not boring. By that point you become a slave of your sexual desire, instead of the master of it. If that's how you feel then you'll probably find only sex addicts who feel the same way about sex as you, which I'm sure there are plenty on this planet.
  12. Sex drive can change for all sorts of reasons. Not necessarily in one direction either. Sometimes people have lower sex drive for a period and later it bounces back. I for one am feeling less sexual in the past few months due to what's happening around us. It's not that I no longer find my bf desirable or want to have sex, but the sadness and stress is really messing with my mood a lot of the time. It's certainly much easier to get aroused when life is more carefree. Of course, incompatibility or other issues in relationship can also diminish the desire for sex with a certain partner. Then the lack of sex would be a symptom of bigger problems. But if the relationship is otherwise good, most people don't treat sex as the center of their life such that if they can't have sex exactly when and how they want it their world is falling apart. It would be nice that the two partners' sex drive always exactly match with one another, but more likely there would be times where one person wants to have sex more than their partner. You said you love her way more than you love sex - if that's the case, most people find ways to release in other ways (not cheating, unless you are in an open relationship) and work together to maximize mutual satisfaction and minimize sexual frustration. Does it help if you get intimate in other ways than penetrative sex? Do you feel she's not showing enough affection physically or verbally?
  13. A friend or acquaintance could easily do the same. Nothing weird about that. Obviously he does care about you but from what you describe it doesn't seem to indicate romantic interest or anything deeper than common courtesy.
  14. If he needs your help with tips on saving money, keeping a budget, etc., he would have asked. There are also resources online or offered at school/work for free on how to manage your finances. If he keeps complaining but makes no effort to change his situation, then you know he doesn't really want to save or move out. You can't force him to change unfortunately, but you can decide if this is a man you want to be with in the long term.
  15. It sounds like you and your family are more level headed and acknowledge it takes two in a relationship, while he and his mom only want to lay the blame on you. I know it is extremely hard to let go at the moment but you probably dodged a bullet. I would refrain from thinking that it was all his mother's doing. If an adult man let other people affect his relationship decisions it's usually because he wants to be affected that way.
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