What’s the best way to address my concerns with him?

[Lex00]

Boltnrun, you are absolutely right, and I did accept the way he acts, realized communication styles were different, etc. But after I accepted it, things somehow shifted... for the good. And I had not even brought anything up to him. He was very consistent, texted me, called me daily, planned dates, completely opened up, brought me around his friends, actually showed how much he cared and wanted to see me that all of my insecurities went away. It was like this for the past couple of months, so I got used to it and was very happy with how things were progressing. So now this happens, and that’s why I’m surprised. Because there is a shift yet again. And this time, he has completely disappeared so clearly I’m beside myself.

 

Itsallgrand, perhaps you’re right that he wants me to leave him alone for the weekend, but why not even a text to just tell me that? Instead, he is fine with leaving me to wonder if he is gone for good. I’m sure if he really did go fishing, they are done by now, and if things were ok between us, even if he wants space, he would have texted me by now just to let me know things are fine and/or he would talk to me tomorrow, etc. And I have not heard anything which leads me to believe that this may not just be a weekend thing, and he may have just decided to take the cowardly way out and disappear on me for good.

[itsallgrand]

He had already told you he didn't want to see you Friday. You chose to try and push it on him, and ignore what was obvious.

 

I didn't read your other epic long thread, so I don't know the backstory. It seems absurd to me to assume he'd be gone for good. Why would you even jump to that conclusion? That seems an indication you feel about zero security in this relationship. I don't know if that's because that's how you are, the relationship dynamics are bad, or both- but seems exhausting!

 

It looks from my perspective like a lot mind games amongst yourself really. He said he didn't want to see you Friday after all. You didn't like it, let him know, he called to try and reassure you. Then you kept at it, he chose to ignore, and you are working yourself up even further.

 

Why not just enjoy the rest of your weekend? Getting this riled up won't solve anything anyways.

[boltnrun]

On 12/26 you posted about him "disappearing " around the holidays. Now you think he's disappearing again?

 

This is how your relationship with him will be. You said you accepted it. Have you really?

[Lex00]

On 12/26 you posted about him "disappearing " around the holidays. Now you think he's disappearing again?

 

This is how your relationship with him will be. You said you accepted it. Have you really?

 

I thought he was disappearing in December because he was not reaching out to me. Not ignoring my texts or calls, just wasn’t around.

 

This time it’s different because I have texted and called. And he is ignoring that and has not responded.

[Hollyj]

He had already told you he didn't want to see you Friday. You chose to try and push it on him, and ignore what was obvious.

 

I didn't read your other epic long thread, so I don't know the backstory. It seems absurd to me to assume he'd be gone for good. Why would you even jump to that conclusion? That seems an indication you feel about zero security in this relationship. I don't know if that's because that's how you are, the relationship dynamics are bad, or both- but seems exhausting!

 

It looks from my perspective like a lot mind games amongst yourself really. He said he didn't want to see you Friday after all. You didn't like it, let him know, he called to try and reassure you. Then you kept at it, he chose to ignore, and you are working yourself up even further.

 

Why not just enjoy the rest of your weekend? Getting this riled up won't solve anything anyways.

 

He is the one that suggested Friday, as it was Saturday that was not an option. He was supposed to get back to her about getting together on Friday and blew her off.

 

"So he mentions Friday (last night), might be an option. I know that Friday nights, he is exhausted from the long work week and typically works half the day Saturdays so I don’t ask him to do anything Fridays. So he mentions it and I’m good with it. Next Wed was also mentioned (we usually do Wed too), and he texts “oh, that might be better than Fri”. Well, we usually do Sat and Wed so I was surprised it was just one or the other this time. I told him it was up to him, but suggested we can do both since that’s what we usually do. He was busy with his kids, so I didn’t hear back from him until the next morning (Thursday). He just put “yeah, I’ll let you know how Friday goes.”

[figureitout23]

I thought he was disappearing in December because he was not reaching out to me. Not ignoring my texts or calls, just wasn’t around.

 

This time it’s different because I have texted and called. And he is ignoring that and has not responded.

 

It’s not any different though.

 

You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

Not to mention you claimed at the beginning of this post that it’s been months of bliss, it hasn’t been, let’s be honest, any slight change and your anxiety and maybe (?) either abandonment or insecurity with him get triggered and you go into a panic so is chicken and egg, did you piss him off with your anxiety and he’s taking a break, is it nothing and your over reacting or did he truly ghost you?

 

At this point it’s hard to tell, but one things for sure you are defdinetely making sure your relationships are self fulfilling prophesies...

 

You gotta work on your self esteem and anxieties. If he comes back 3 months from now it’ll be well now he’s doing this and that issue before wasn’t as big a dealer deal as this one is.

 

Self fulfilling prophecy. You refuse to accept him and your reality with him for what it is so the second he veers off course you lose it and automatically assume the absolute worst, and sadly eventually you may be right but not because he’s destined to leave but because a) you’re ignoring nagging signs and b) you’re subconsciously pushing him away withbyour distrust...

 

Truly it’s a chicken or egg situation but one thing’s for sure and that’s your anxiety, that’s the common denominator. Is being single really that scary? Serious question.

[East4]

It seems like he wants to spend some buddy time with his cousin and that he hasn't had the opportunity to do so for a long time; and you are really being very annoying and passive-aggressive, doing your best to poison his weekend experience by whining, demanding explantions for a call that he actually was not supposed to place on Friday (I'll touch on that later).

 

Compared to your prévious 45-page thread, you seem to me even needier, perhaps because your gf status now makes your restraint lower and all your neediness and anxiety break loose. I honestly do not understand why your boyfriend is willing to deal with this; I have been on the receiving end of needy and controlling behavior from an exbf and I couldn't take it for more that 3 months.

 

 

Now dissecting the text exchange when he told you that he would go fishing on Saturday:

 

-right after telling him that you understand his wish to meet his cousin, you came up with this guilt-inducing text.

then mentioned since I won’t be seeing him, it may be a while before the next time.

If you were really happy for him catching up with his cousin, you need not adding passive-aggressive stabs.

 

 

-your guilt-tripping is working, so he half-heartedly mentions an open plan for Friday, although everyone with even half a brain would know that it would be too much stress: end of a long week at work, he has to work on Sat AM before hitting the road, and he also needs to time to pack his fishing gear too. An honest question-are you capable of thinking even for a minute of somebody else's needs, or it is your own enormous neediness that eclipses a logical thought that your boyfriend may have wishes of his own that do not include you; and that this is pretty normal.

 

-after clearly seeing that you are forcing yourself on him (why Wed OR Fri, we should see each other BOTH days, to which he was understandably not very enthusiastic), you correctly backed off by saying

and I did not want to overwhelm him so we would just see each other when we can.

 

And this was the last agreed regarding Friday. I really do not understand your expectation for a call on Friday given that you said "we will see each other when we can". You let him off the hook, or seemingly so, only then to whine about him not contacting you on Friday! This is crazy. Looks like a trap that you set up for him, so that you could whine and guilt-trip him more. So he falls in your trap and you proceed to send hurt texts, he apologisied, but this is not enough for you, so you keep on pestering him the day of the trip, knowing full well that he would be on the road with another person and most probably would like to completely disconnect, rather than catering to your ridiculous demands for an explanation about why he didn't give you a call, when he was not even supposed to give you a call.

 

 

I honestly think that consciously or subconsciously you are trying to intrude in his fishing trip, pick up a fight for virtually no reason, make him feel guilty for not spending the weekend with you. And let me tell you you have been very manipulative and passive-aggressive about it.

 

Why don't you just get a life outside of the relationship, go out with your girlfriends while he is away? rather than spending Sat night complaining about your bf on a forum. You knew well in advance that you are on your own the weekend so had enough time to plan something nice for you too.

What is even more worrying, you do not even think that there's something wrong with your behavior and you blame it all on your boyfriend. For what? That he wants to spend sometime with friends without you in the picture. Since when is this a crime?

 

Frankly, if your bf would start a thread here and give the account of exchanges surrounding this fishing trip, most probably he would take the advice: "Dump her."

[Wiseman2]

Fishing with the guys is not dumping. Never try to have relationship talks unless face to face. Stop panicking, you'll hear from him on his timeline, not yours and please stop the "we need to talk" texts.

[MissCanuck]

I just don't think this is right guy for you, OP.

 

You want a lot more togetherness and communication than he does. Your relationship styles are very different and I would not be surprised if that's on his mind this weekend.

 

Chill. Think very carefully about whether this is really feasible long-term for you.

[j.man]

Yeah I'm not seeing the big sin. He told you the next Wednesday would be better. You pushed both days. I suppose he got caught up placating your insecurities by providing the most meager of assurances Friday might be an option still, but it's not at all like he stood you up in any way. You knew he preferred the following Wednesday as its own deal. And for as sloppy as "I'll let you know how Friday goes" may be, any amount of interpersonal common sense would tell you it's a leaning, if not hard no. There's zero reason you should have left that evening hanging on him.

 

And why are you asking him to call you at 7:00am on a Saturday simply because he's going fishing for an afternoon? Dude's not going to war. Why not just call him the next day and ask how fishing went? I couldn't tell you if he deliberately disregarded that, but I gotta say, I wouldn't blame him for digging up whatever excuse.

 

To echo FIO's sentiment of you being a grown ass woman, I think if the guy is guilty of anything, it's treating you as just that. It's reasonable to assume your average adult would have known that Friday wasn't going to happen, and anyone would have known that work at 6:30am and fishing in the afternoon would mean that Saturday is going to be a day he's simply off your grid that day. I can respect wanting to be told flat out, "Friday isn't going to happen" or "you won't be able to reach me on Saturday," but you also shouldn't need your hand held through pretty basic communication. Plus, I'm not certain we wouldn't be seeing a whole other thread if he had been 100% direct.

[Annia]

I don't remember very much the other threads, but it seems that you've wrote several about him and that you were never 100% sure of his level of interest. I think this just seems too much work and too much uncertainity. It appears that he's making a disappearing act. This doesn't seem like someone reliable for a relationship, even f he comes back. It was rude not defining your date plans with you.

[katrina1980]

Agree with East and j.man and some others.

 

To quote what FIO often says, which came first, the chicken or the egg?

 

Lex, don't mean to dump on you, but frankly you sound exhausting, a lot of work..

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about him wanting to see his cousin Saturday, breaking your standing date, which meant only seeing each other once that week.

 

Can you explain what the big deal was, with only seeing each other once that week, instead of twice? I presume you have a busy fulfilling life outside of him.

 

How are you interpreting that? That he's losing interest or something? Sure sounds like it, which is on you not him. Your insecurities and anxieties.

 

My bf and I have often not seen each other for two weeks due to schedules, either one of us being tired, or whatever.

 

A bit of distance is good, and a switch up from the "norm." I mentioned this in your previous thread.

 

It prevents things from become mundane, same ole/same ole and boring..

 

But you won't allow it, your anxiety kicks in and suddenly you're texting, calling ad nauseum (which you were), claiming things feel "off," and questioning things, why?

 

All because you were only going to see each other once instead of twice that week? SMH

 

So, my take is, after all this questioning by you, he's had it up to here, and decided to not get back to you about Friday or since.

 

I would not be surprised if he's done

 

Lex, as has been said many many times, you need to get a hold of your anxieties and learn to lighten up and be more flexible.

 

As East said, he had already told you he was going to be tired on Friday, as he usually is, but you couldn't accept that and pushed.

 

Questioning him about only seeing you once that week (next Wed) instead of twice (as had been the norm but so what?), and that things suddenly feel "off."

 

This is too much Lex, it's suffocating and reflects an extreme anxiety, insecurity and a neediness that franky no man is going to be able to fill.

 

I'm not saying he's justified in ignoring you now, but he may just need some space to enjoy his time with his cousin, and not having to answer more questions or being subjected to your anxiety and insecurities about your relationship, which is how he may be interpreting all this.

 

My advice is to not contact him. If he ghosts, then let him ghost!

 

I know it's hard, but if he wants to talk to you, HE will reach out.

[milly007]

After reading through this thread, I went back and looked at your original post, Lex.

 

I'll admit, I missed this: "He was busy with his kids, so I didn’t hear back from him until the next morning (Thursday). He just put “yeah, I’ll let you know how Friday goes.” I have learned that I need to communicate my needs or express my concerns, and he even told me to. So I texted him saying that I just sensed hesitation with Friday, with next Wednesday... and I did not want to overwhelm him so we would just see each other when we can. He said that he just didn’t want to feel like I was wasting my time given the fact that he is usually tired early on Fridays and wouldn’t be good company. I had to reiterate that I never feel that way."

 

That said, please ignore my previous replies. At first he said he'd let you know about Friday, but because you sensed hesitation on his part, you suggested that you "would just see each other when you can". Therefore I don't think he had a responsibility to contact you on Friday. He didn't do anything wrong. You left plans open and therefore, I think you should have proceeded with making plans without him, and doing your own thing. He'd reach out when he wants to see you. By no means should you be waiting for him and planning your life around him, which does seem to be what you're doing.

 

I don't know if this guy just isn't as invested you want him to be, or if he is invested and this is a basic case of incompatibility, or if you are compatible yet these issues are arising as a result of you having to work on some insecurities/anxiety, but it's clear that, based on this thread and your previous threads, and as the others have suggested, this relationship causes you an extreme amount of anxiety.

 

For instance, you suggested that you two would see each other when you wanted to and at some point. You left plans open. Despite suggesting this, you didn't hear from him when you were hoping to, which made you anxious. Why did you suggest this if you weren't confident in this decision? Were you hoping that he'd say, "No, I want to see you on Friday. Let's make concrete plans". Was this a test?

 

Remember, it was your suggestion to leave plans open, and if you suggested this, you should be confident in this decision and not go back and ask why he didn't touch base with you.

[Hollyj]

I just don't think this is right guy for you, OP.

 

You want a lot more togetherness and communication than he does. Your relationship styles are very different and I would not be surprised if that's on his mind this weekend.

 

Chill. Think very carefully about whether this is really feasible long-term for you.

 

I agree...

[Hollyj]

Agree with East and j.man and some others.

 

To quote what FIO often says, which came first, the chicken or the egg?

 

Lex, don't mean to dump on you, but frankly you sound exhausting, a lot of work..

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about him wanting to see his cousin Saturday, breaking your standing date, which meant only seeing each other once that week.

 

Can you explain what the big deal was, with only seeing each other once that week, instead of twice? I presume you have a busy fulfilling life outside of him.

 

How are you interpreting that? That he's losing interest or something? Sure sounds like it, which is on you not him. Your insecurities and anxieties.

 

My bf and I have often not seen each other for two weeks due to schedules, either one of us being tired, or whatever.

 

A bit of distance is good, and a switch up from the "norm." I mentioned this in your previous thread.

 

It prevents things from become mundane, same ole/same ole and boring..

 

But you won't allow it, your anxiety kicks in and suddenly you're texting, calling ad nauseum (which you were), claiming things feel "off," and questioning things, why?

 

All because you were only going to see each other once instead of twice that week? SMH

 

So, my take is, after all this questioning by you, he's had it up to here, and decided to not get back to you about Friday or since.

 

I would not be surprised if he's done

 

Lex, as has been said many many times, you need to get a hold of your anxieties and learn to lighten up and be more flexible.

 

As East said, he had already told you he was going to be tired on Friday, as he usually is, but you couldn't accept that and pushed.

 

Questioning him about only seeing you once that week (next Wed) instead of twice (as had been the norm but so what?), and that things suddenly feel "off."

 

This is too much Lex, it's suffocating and reflects an extreme anxiety, insecurity and a neediness that franky no man is going to be able to fill.

 

I'm not saying he's justified in ignoring you now, but he may just need some space to enjoy his time with his cousin, and not having to answer more questions or being subjected to your anxiety and insecurities about your relationship, which is how he may be interpreting all this.

 

My advice is to not contact him. If he ghosts, then let him ghost!

 

I know it's hard, but if he wants to talk to you, HE will reach out.

 

Sadly, it does not seem like there is much of a social life outside of this guy.

[Hollyj]

After reading through this thread, I went back and looked at your original post, Lex.

 

I'll admit, I missed this: "He was busy with his kids, so I didn’t hear back from him until the next morning (Thursday). He just put “yeah, I’ll let you know how Friday goes.” I have learned that I need to communicate my needs or express my concerns, and he even told me to. So I texted him saying that I just sensed hesitation with Friday, with next Wednesday... and I did not want to overwhelm him so we would just see each other when we can. He said that he just didn’t want to feel like I was wasting my time given the fact that he is usually tired early on Fridays and wouldn’t be good company. I had to reiterate that I never feel that way."

 

That said, please ignore my previous replies. At first he said he'd let you know about Friday, but because you sensed hesitation on his part, you suggested that you "would just see each other when you can". Therefore I don't think he had a responsibility to contact you on Friday. He didn't do anything wrong. You left plans open and therefore, I think you should have proceeded with making plans without him, and doing your own thing. He'd reach out when he wants to see you. By no means should you be waiting for him and planning your life around him, which does seem to be what you're doing.

 

I don't know if this guy just isn't as invested you want him to be, or if he is invested and this is a basic case of incompatibility, or if you are compatible yet these issues are arising as a result of you having to work on some insecurities/anxiety, but it's clear that, based on this thread and your previous threads, and as the others have suggested, this relationship causes you an extreme amount of anxiety.

 

For instance, you suggested that you two would see each other when you wanted to and at some point. You left plans open. Despite suggesting this, you didn't hear from him when you were hoping to, which made you anxious. Why did you suggest this if you weren't confident in this decision? Were you hoping that he'd say, "No, I want to see you on Friday. Let's make concrete plans". Was this a test?

 

Remember, it was your suggestion to leave plans open, and if you suggested this, you should be confident in this decision and not go back and ask why he didn't touch base with you.

 

Thanks. I missed the bit in the second paragraph.

[katrina1980]

I agree with milly, and to top things off, Lex suddenly announces "things feel off."

 

In his mind, he may be thinking "arghh"!

 

Am I not allowed to switch up plans, and only see my gf once that week, without being "interrogated" about it, or her thinking "things feel off"?

 

Again, his thinking as a man/bf having been subjected to what amounts to your anxieties and insecurities.

 

I'm sorry Lex, I suffer from anxiety too but I know better than to subject my bf to it.

 

I do yoga or something to calm my brain down. I think before I act.

 

I hope he contacts you soon, I actually think he will, but please step back for now and give him space.

 

If/when he contacts you, do not make this a big deal, or any deal, ask how his weekend was and that you look forward to seeing him Wed!

 

Let us know!!

[Annia]

Agree with East and j.man and some others.

 

To quote what FIO often says, which came first, the chicken or the egg?

 

Lex, don't mean to dump on you, but frankly you sound exhausting, a lot of work..

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about him wanting to see his cousin Saturday, breaking your standing date, which meant only seeing each other once that week.

 

Can you explain what the big deal was, with only seeing each other once that week, instead of twice? I presume you have a busy fulfilling life outside of him.

 

How are you interpreting that? That he's losing interest or something? Sure sounds like it, which is on you not him. Your insecurities and anxieties.

 

My bf and I have often not seen each other for two weeks due to schedules, either one of us being tired, or whatever.

 

A bit of distance is good, and a switch up from the "norm." I mentioned this in your previous thread.

 

It prevents things from become mundane, same ole/same ole and boring..

 

But you won't allow it, your anxiety kicks in and suddenly you're texting, calling ad nauseum (which you were), claiming things feel "off," and questioning things, why?

 

All because you were only going to see each other once instead of twice that week? SMH

 

So, my take is, after all this questioning by you, he's had it up to here, and decided to not get back to you about Friday or since.

 

I would not be surprised if he's done

 

Lex, as has been said many many times, you need to get a hold of your anxieties and learn to lighten up and be more flexible.

 

As East said, he had already told you he was going to be tired on Friday, as he usually is, but you couldn't accept that and pushed.

 

Questioning him about only seeing you once that week (next Wed) instead of twice (as had been the norm but so what?), and that things suddenly feel "off."

 

This is too much Lex, it's suffocating and reflects an extreme anxiety, insecurity and a neediness that franky no man is going to be able to fill.

 

I'm not saying he's justified in ignoring you now, but he may just need some space to enjoy his time with his cousin, and not having to answer more questions or being subjected to your anxiety and insecurities about your relationship, which is how he may be interpreting all this.

 

My advice is to not contact him. If he ghosts, then let him ghost!

 

I know it's hard, but if he wants to talk to you, HE will reach out.

 

I didn't think about it much at first but now that you're referring, it's indeed too much fuss and stress about him not being able/not feeling like being with the OP 2 times that week as usual, and all the "something feels off relationship talk" all of a sudden, anxiety because he's fishing with the cousin, calling and texting several times to schedule the date instead of letting go and accept there'd be only 1 date that week. But what I found too "much" was calling the guy Saturday at 7am because you know he's awake and at work to express concerns knowing he'd be at work that morning and then fishing in the afternoon. Why not text/call Saturday night when he's back or even on Sunday? I'm not saying he's not flaky or that he's all in in the relationship, but you need to breath and relax.

 

And also, not saying you don't have the right to feel the way you feel but most men feel put off by all this anxiety, worry and relationship talk, specially on the phone.

[Honeycomb8]

Exactly, that's why I said her behaviour was suffocating. There is nothing to discuss or talk about, the guy needed some me time, and she guilt trips and talk about trivial nonsense. She needs to relax, if I were the bf I'd feel really closed in. I would never stand this behaviour from a guy, and I doubt a guy would take it from a female. Develop yourself and your own life...So then you wouldn't need to cling onto a guy like he's your lifeline. Like breathe girl.

[boltnrun]

Lex, do you believe that "official girlfriend" status entitles you to first claim on his free time?

 

Do you feel that, as his official girlfriend, he is obligated to contact you or respond to your contact immediately?

[catfeeder]

You already volunteered that you may be overwhelming him, so why not heed your own intuition, back off, give the guy his fishing space and trust that when it's good for him to contact you, he will.

 

Telling him you want to have a talk about your text was a bit over the top, and this likely unravelled any pretense of your being happy for him taking his own social time.

 

You've invented internal rules and hoops for this guy to jump through, and when he operates outside of those expectations, you jump to conclusions of being dumped and ghosted. Maybe the guy is just exhausted? Your last convo sounded like it reached a bunch of wind about agreeing to "let's see...," but to you that meant something concrete while to him it meant liberation from any need to engage further about it.

 

I'd just back off, move my focus onto more productive stuff, and when the guy wants to contact you, he will.

 

Head high, we all live and learn. Don't invent a crisis--or you'll create a crisis that is unwarranted and unnecessary.

[Metaltwin70]

Agree with Katrina's post. Long story short, OP is 'too much' and bf's 'not enough'. She's too anxious and insecure and terrified of loosing him, and he's not fussed enough to make things easier for her to deal with. Such as maybe not just disappear for days on end. A few words by text once a day. Definitely chicken and egg situation. Bottom line is though, it doesn't look good.

[Sportster2005]

Hi Holly, we have been exclusive (only seeing each other) for 6 months, but we had the conversation a couple of months ago regarding what we want and if we were really bf/gf. He said it was definitely what he wanted and what he assumed we already were.

 

If he is truly fading away or has ghosted me, it shows how much of a POS coward he is. I’m still confused as to why I’m all of a sudden being thrown away without explanation.

 

No offence Lex, but it sounds like you're taking all of this much too personally. I'm not suggesting it's easy not to. It can be a tendency. If he is indeed gone, don't worry so much about why. That is irrelevant. Your self worth doesn't change based on the assumptions and perceptions of others. Take time to grieve, try to get to acceptance quickly and don't get too stuck on anger etc. It truly sounds like this is a poor match for you. Good relationships don't feel like this. Especially after six months.

 

No one should feel like they're nagging in a relationship when they are simply voicing concerns. If he's impatient or not receptive, he's just a poor match. Your right person will welcome an opportunity to communicate and move the relationship forward. If they're not right for you you'll be accused of nagging, worrying too much, etc.

 

Don't accept this relationship. It doesn't sound like a good fit. No party is wrong here. Just conclude it's wrong, shake hands and move on. You both deserve to find the perfect partner.

[catfeeder]

Long story short, OP is 'too much' and bf's 'not enough'.

 

Well said. The problem with developing an 'every Saturday' or 'every Sunday' habit that becomes a preconceived assumption is when any deviation from it causes a big issue. Most of us need to switch up our time on weekends, especially if we have very demanding jobs. If this comes with a built-in penalty, that penalty itself is the real problem.

 

Adults own limits on their private and voluntary accountability to others. Letting someone know that this weekend is not good for me does not come with built-in demands of make-up time. If the guy wanted to negotiate that, he would have, but he sounded exhausted, and OP admitted to overwhelming him.

 

Does this 'need' to be a crisis? I'd pick my battles more carefully if I intend to remain in this relationship. Read my sig.

[Batya33]

I agree that you're too much work for him in this particular situation and he is apprehensive because it's not the first time you've pushed for more from him than he wants to give. It's cumulative. I think he stepped up to the plate for awhile and now he is pulling back again. Nothing new under the sun. If a person tells you he wants to go fishing -give him twice the space he seems to need -as a thoughtful, generous gift -meaning cut out the self-absorbed stuff that you heap onto him. Own your anxiety and self-absorption and put on a game face and say "cool! have fun and say hi to Cousin - can't wait to hear all about it" as my son says "easy breezy lemon squeezie". You got some really good input here. Good luck.