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East4

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  1. Here's an idea for a test: Text ONLY your family that you are pregnant and you do not know how to tell your boyfriend. Beforehand have a chat f2f with the family members you will message, that the texts will be just to set a trap and they should not tell your boyfriend about it. Do not tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant and carefully observe his behavior. He would be too stupid to tell you he knows you are pregnant, because he would let on it was him, the harasser. But he would be unable to indefinitely control his behavior, body language around you, knowing that you were pregnant. It is too much of an important news to leave him indifferent. Even better, if you receive a text anyhow commenting that you are pregnant, then it is clear: it is him, or his ex and either one of them were able to get access to your apple account and monitor your communication. It also means that they are still in contact. Another option if you have the means: hire a PI to follow him. Overlay the timestamps of messages received and the PI observing your bf texting on his phone. If you have more than 5 timestamp coincidences in a month: its him. Say the PI calls you every time he sees your bf texting. If you right then receive one of these disgusting texts: the time coincidence is telling. As for why he does not simply leave you: he does not want to leave you, because he enjoys this game of cat and mouse (you being the mouse). The control over your emotional state and seeing you squirm and suffer, I guess, gives him a lot of pleasure to know the extent of his control over you. He may as well enjoy very much the duplicity of the comedy he plays, the tears and swearing that it is not him, knowing full well that in a few hours he would send you yet another 'masterpiece' of mean message. While your confusion and anguish is bewildering for you, to him is a proof that he can do anything he wants with you, manipulate your thoughts and actions. I guess this feels very powerful, although powerful in a sick way. One thing that you may also try: instigate a fight with your boyfriend and insult him some, but unrelated to the texts. Say, you tell him he sucks in bed lately and he gets off very quickly. If you immediately after receive a barrage of texts that are even more vicious and hurtful than usual, then you must be sure he is punishing you for the fight. Good luck. This is quite of a sticky situation to deal with and I do not envy you. But with a little bit of strategy, executed in cold-blood, you may turn the game and become the cat. Courage.
  2. She most probably did not want to have sex with you on the morning of her period, women rarely want that as they feel sore already several days before and espacially on the day. She did put out and may felt resentful for sacrificing for you, especially if you were too willing and pushing for it. She felt you owned her for her 'sacrifice' of putting out when she didn't want to, so she expected you to do a cut above when her tummy hurt. She obviously didn't feel your help was up a par, so in her mind you were ungrateful. This is how I think her internal dialogue went on. Not saying it's OK, her reaction, but you could also be more aware and sensitive to her female clock.
  3. OP, you do the same: any time forum posters try to talk to YOU about your enabling the mooch boyfriend, you just shut down. So, with your inability to communicate assertively, it is not a surprise that you are being financially taken advantage of and your precious youth wasted. It is questionable, if you are unable to comeback with a reply to anonymous people on the internet, if you could muster the courage to speak up for yourself to your boyfriend. *sigh*
  4. So, then it is not true that your wife is just a homebody if she mountain hikes for a month. Reading through your posts it seems like you, vomer, are just looking for an excuse to cheat on your wife, citing biking as an excuse to engage with another woman. This is the most absurd and tragic-comical excuse for cheating/divorce I have ever heard. If you are going through some sort of late mid-life crisis, own it, the problem is on you.
  5. Saifox, why are you wasting your precious fertility window with a mooch who is drains you dry of your hard-earned money? You have barely another 10 years of opportunity to bear children, so you have to chose your partners carefully if you want marriage and children. You already work yourself to exhaustion and have nothing to show for your hard work, because your excuse of a boyfriend drains your finances. He has even no decency to discuss the issue with you. Would you marry him and have children with him, if you know that he is not capable to provide for himself, left alone for you and children? Are you prepared to work yourself to death to barely get by your entire life if you marry this man and have children with him? What a miserable way of life this would be for you and your kids. If you think about the future and what you want from it, and you do not see your boyfriend to be a supportive figure in this future of yours, then it is time to change the status quo. Put your foot firmly down and tell your boyfriend to get out of the apartment, because you are not his mommy anymore and he has to get a job.
  6. Your husband is an abusive and controlling man, this is why he nearly killed you. It is not the affair that pushed him over the edge. Most men who (sadly) got cheated on, do not batter their wives/girlfriends, no matter how hurt and angry they are. Your husband nearly killed you because he feels entitled to have total control over your life. Up until this point, I guess you have been completely submissive and maleable, so he had no reason to assault you. He felt that you were under his control. Now, with the affair he feels stupid and duped and he punished you because his feelings are hurt, but also he is enraged that you are not submissive and controllable anymore. It seems that at a ceratin level you "accept" the punishment as justufied and this is a sure sign of an abused woman. DO you understand that you do not deserve to be assualted, whatever cheating you did? Cheating is bad, but you do not deserve broken bones for it. All posters here on this forum are highly critical of cheaters, it suffices to read through the 'Infidelity' section. But none of the cheathers critics support the idea of a person being killed/battered for having cheated. The two infractions are of totally different scale. Life is the ultimate good, the most precious one has. No body has the right to take away your life, for a moral mistake. Moral mistakes are corrigeable, but once a person is dead, she is dead and cannot come back to life. Your husband is very manipulative and shows clear signs of abuser. In one breath he said that he would never hurt you again; and then proceeds to threaten you again with violence, when you refused to disclose your affair partner's address. Quote He told me he will never lay a hand on me again. Quote I told him I wasn't going to do it because I don't want no one else getting hurt. Then he said either tell him or there going to be hell to pay for everyone involved. Quote Your husband is lying, he is dangerous and you should alert the authrorities of his continuing threats against you and your affair partner. Else, chances are that your husband will eventually find your affair partner and kill him. And by alerting the police you can prevent that.
  7. OP, now your priority must be your safety, there will be time later on to deal with guilt for your infidelity. This marriage is over, you cannot return to a man who broke your arm and nose. Nope. Get your head out of the cloud of confusions and drama and get down to practical tasks: paramount is your safety; no more contact with your husband and his family (quit talking to your SIL); press charges for battery and death threat, collect all the evidence, especially the medical records of the physical damage; and file for divorce, there is no going back from what has happened. If you return back to your husband, he will sure kill you.
  8. Temporary insanity relies on two premises, neither of which is present in the current case: 1) with temporary insanity, the crime is not premeditated. In this case the physical assault was planned/premeditated, because the OP's husband lured her into a trap. He knew very well that he wanted to physically assault her, hence the invitation to "talk". 2) the perpetrator of the crime in a state of temporary insanity, does not have the mental capacity to comprehend the consequences of his/her actions. In the current case, the husband knew very well that by beating up his wife, he caused her severe physical damage. He proceeded with death threats, which shows that he understands very well the harm he inflicted on OP. Does not seem to me at all like a case of "snapping" or "temporary insanity". More of a case of entitled husband whose feelings and ego are hurt by his wife's infidelity and he feels justified to assault her like a savage.
  9. Glad you ended it. It is still worth it reporting this creep to the authorities, because : 1) it will establish a police record of the illegal distribution of intimate videi without your consent. Next time he does it, and he will, it will be a recurrent offence. Perhaps another woman before you, has already filed a complaint for the same transgression. 2) do not assume that the police will do nothing. You may meet the right police officer with enough integrity to take your complaint to heart. The police can make this creep and his friends delete all copies of the video and remove it from any website, if they stooped so low to broadcast it. I would not be surprised. What this creep is doing, is beyond despicable and is illegal. It is a case of sl** - shaming and there are multiple cases of women taking their lives, as a result of being s**t shamed.
  10. OP, the opening paragraph of your first post speaks volumes about the dynamic of your relationship. And it is not a good dynamic, so the current crisis was coming for a long time, the lockdown just accelerated it. What happened actually is that you bulldozed this girl to be in relationship with you. If it took you 5 months to relentlessly pursue her and you admit you were a rebound, after the fiasco of her important relationship with her previous ex, it seems that she was, at best, lukewarm about you. As you put it, Finally she accepted to be in relationship with you, because she needed practical and financial support in a foreign country that she has not been adapting to too well, so a lovestruck local following her like a puppy was a good opportunity to get help. The rest of your post also shows that you were financially supporting her all the way through your relationship, even now that she is your ex. The fact that you fell for her at the first date, and knowing that men are visual creatures, shows that you fell for her looks, rather than for her personality because at that point you did not know that girl. To conclude, the scenario of your relationship goes along these lines: an insecure, average looking local guy falls head over heals with a gorgeous foreign girl (is she Eastern European?), that is way above his league in the looks department. He knows he will never be able to get a girlfriend this good looking, she knows she needs help in a foreign country; so she compromises and accepts his relentless advances, not because she loves him, but because she enjoys his support. He pushes through the relationship milestones at the speed of light, because he is insecure and wants to cement the relationship: 7 month mark moving in together (too soon!), 1,5 year mark buying property together (again too soon!, and I am sure you paid for most of it, as at this point she was just figuring her way jobwise, and I doubt she was making a fortune). She tastes the freedom to have a job and independent income for herself, then COVID hits and she stays home bored all day long, watching her boyfriend excelling at his career. This certainly has created resentment in her. Her boyfriend also starts to criticize her, treat her in a patronizing ways, giving her unsolicited advice until she is totally fed up with him. The dynamics have changed, now he has the upper hand. She feels like a prisoner, being so dependent on him and not happy how he treats her. This is just a speculation, but it is also possible that she might have started talking to a new guy, or who knows her previous ex, while her boyfriend puts long hours at work. OP, from the start this relationship has only been the result of your insecurity and her need of financial/practical support. The foundation of this relationship was for the wrong reasons, so the results are only natural. I'd recommend you sell the joint apartment as soon as possible and part ways with this girl as soon as possible to save your mental/emotional health. The money that you will lose from selling at the low of real estate market, will be an expensive lesson learnt for next relationship to never buy property with a girlfriend, no matter how good looking she is and how desperate you are.
  11. you are not crazy, just coming out of the fog of distorted reality, constructed by your ex. It will subside after a few months and you will get to see clearly.
  12. Hi Sara, glad that you enjoy the support of family and friends, this is really a safe heaven in situations like that, when a victim of domestic abuse leaves the abuser. Even better you are talking to a shrink. One very positive thing I noticed in your posts, is that you realise that the abuse was not your fault, and you have done nothing to deserve that. Many victims, right after the break up with an abuser, believe that they are at least partially responsible for being abused, because they angered/ disappointed/hurt the abuser. This is the typical brainwashing that abusers do to the victims to make them believe that the abuse was justified (e.g. "I hit you, because I told you to not talk to male clerks, but you did anyway. You sl*t deserve to be slapped around!"). Probably he is laying low now, thinking that your anger will subside and you will miss him, which will allow him to waltz back in your life. There will be moments of nostalgia and sadness, but the sadness normally comes from the feeling of loneliness and seeing one's dreams crashed and one's time and energy wasted in vain, rather than missing being treated like a slave. Be strong, do not get the bait to talk, see him and be always aware of your surroundings. Get a pepper spray and hook it to your set of keys, like that it is always handy. If possible, follow the "street lights" rule, i.e. when the street lights turn on, you should be in the safety of your home. Or if you have to go out/return back late in the evening, make sure you are accompanied by a friend/family member. Alter your daily routine: take different ways to home, leave/return back home at different times, so that in case he stalks you, you will be unpredictable, thus out of his reach. Well done, Sara.
  13. So, what's next, sex with you in the presence of his friends, may be? He has been absolutely disrespectful towards you and if you have some sort of self-respect, you should dump this jerk asap. He is 51, not 15, even teenage boys would think twice before disrespecting a girl/woman like that.
  14. Congratulations on your courage to leave this sick b****rd. Controlling people amplify their abuse when they see their victims slipping out of their control, so please take all precautions for your safety. I hope you went back to your family and cut all contact with this abusive excuse of a man. Please do not take the bait when he starts circling back with promises for change. He will not change. If I may ask, what was the last drop that made you break up with him? I hope this time it is for good. Do not go back with him, because every time you go back, it becomes more and more difficult to leave the abuse. Once again, kudos for your strength to leave your awful ex.
  15. OP, I remember your previous threads in which you were debating whether to marry the Ukrainian lady that you got to know exclusively over the internet with very little face-to-face interaction. Many people were telling you not to marry her, but you went ahead nevertheless. Now you deal with the consequences and you should not be complaining of what you singlehandedly brought on yourself . The vast majority of Russian and Ukrainian women do not merry western man for love, but for a visa and to be financially taken care of. Your case has become part of the statistics. I'd suggest that you respectfully make the arrangements to dissolve the marriage, unless you enjoy being taken to the cleaners. Do not give your Ukrainian wife alone time with your credit cards. I do not know the laws of your state, but I recall a poster in your previous thread, saying that even if you divorce your wife, you will still be financially liable for her and her son for a period of time, as she has no other support system in the US. And she may not want to leave the country. So, perhaps better check the rules. And a last word: do not expect your wife to roll up her sleeves and get a job. For the Russians and Ukrainians, men make the money, women spend them. If I recall correctly, she even told you this straight to your face when you asked her, before starting the visa procedure.
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