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mical

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  1. I don’t think saying never mind and walking away is a temper tantrum or abusive. His feelings were hurt that’s all which means he cares for you. He responded negatively just as you are responding negatively to his negative reaction which seems like a negative cycle. why not just sit down and say - look we have issues we obviously care about eachother is there a way to make it work? See if it’s possible to make improvements and have both needs met. If not perhaps it’s better to end things now before it gets worse.
  2. I don’t think there’s anything wrong seems like you just like girls that are naughty 👿 in the bedroom. Someone that isn’t so passive and pure and innocent... Instead of her saying “Lets cuddle and make love all night” says (can’t write it here or I’ll be suspended lol) If I came home to a bunch of rose petals sprinkled all over the bed with vanilla scented candles and CELINE DION playing in the background that would be a turn off for sure...
  3. You hurt his feelings. A lot of people would be hurt and offended if their partner responded the way you did. If he was swearing or being verbally abusive that would be a different story. There was none of that here. If you are not in it for the long term why bother and waste time?
  4. Best to focus on your studies and not waste time stringing along a guy you aren’t interested in. However, I disagree you cannot have a relationship while in college. Learn to manage your time better and you’ll find it’s manageable to have a social life, friendships, relationships, while studying. Even during my university days I tried to enjoy Sundays to recharge and take a break and did just fine.
  5. Choose your partner wisely. They say 95% of your happiness or misery will come from that one decision. By all means block - also I recommend not emailing via gmail because apparently you cannot block emails and they always show up in your mail one way or another... and it may be very very tempting to open one (I know from experience 🤦‍♂️) My ex created a fake Instagram account this week and contacted me saying I abandoned her and her baby (from someone else) causing her depression. That makes me feel SOOO horrible and guilty you can’t believe. But it’s all manipulations.. I felt incredibly guilty blocking the new account again, but some people will just cause you too much misery and drain your energy and don’t have your best interests in their heart...
  6. Came across interesting video from renowned psychology professor and he said something along the lines of - novelty increases pleasure which has some addictive elements to it. Apparently this is often the case with pornography. Many get bored and then move onto another novelty which is a reason why many men who watch it often have ED issues. Best is to avoid such thoughts of other people and avoid pornography (if you watch it) because the more you do, the more you reinforce it. On the other hand there’s nothing wrong with trying to spice things up and buy her some sexy lingerie.
  7. If you aren’t attracted to women then you definitely aren’t gay. You just aren’t into girly things and I know several straight women that are similar and get along more with guys. But that’s ok. I also wasn’t into such guy things growing up and was more creative / artistic, liked to paint and even had several girls ask if I was gay because I played the piano. But I also later was into sports like MMA and trained with 3 UFC fighters. You can have both feminine and masculine qualities and that’s fine. I think we are all a mix. If you are curious what your dominant type is, here’s a test —> https://core.tonyrobbins.com/gender-quotient-4/ My guess is you are more in your feminine energy, just don’t like typical girl things. But again, you aren’t attracted to women but guys so you definitely aren’t gay as there’s no physical or emotional attraction in that department 😉
  8. Yep I regrettably admit I was a bit wild as a teenager/first year college student, but now more mature, wiser, responsible, and a bit boring jk.
  9. That’s really cool you are into music! Keyboard is pretty fun and it is great you got lots of friends, means you are a fun great guy to have around! I also totally get the idea you want to be true to yourself, authentic, and liked for who you are. A LONG time ago (over 20 years) I thought the same but took it a bit of an extreme. I was tired of the “dating game” or whatever and just wanted to have fun playing music in a couple local bands and just staying after school jamming in the music room etc (was a music nerd), so I literally stopped caring and gained 40 lbs and yes I got really FAT! I was 240 lbs at 17 years old. I was even called earthquake by one girl 🤣 Then I got a call from a friend. He was in trouble and desperately needed help. He was sleeping with this older woman, her husband came home from work and wanted to attack him, he ran out of the house naked fearing for his life and wanted me to go to this boxing 🥊 class with him just to hide somewhere so he wouldn’t be found after school So being a good friend I went to that boxing class. Almost felt like dying first time, but stuck with it. No joke, within 2-3 months lost all that fat, and was in best shape of life, almost had a six pack. Even did a bit of jogging and for first time in life girls would start whistling if I had my shirt of jogging. I’d go to a bar and girls would try and take my shirt off, it was crazy I wasn’t use to that attention..Then played in couple other bands, moved to Europe years later, was on national television blah blah and had women fighting over after being on TV that night, not saying to brag but I have a point to say... What I realized is that women are attracted to YOU but want your best version of yourself! If you are your real authentic self but at your prime, being the best you can be, your truest self, that is what is attractive! So whatever it is you love to do, if you try and be the best version of YOU, you’ll no doubt attract more and more women.. Also worth noting your location also plays role - if it’s a small village there definitely will be less options.. Also meeting that one great girl is kinda like meeting one of your best friends. You have plenty of friends, right? That’s great but how many of them are your closest best friends? Maybe 2-3? Like a best friend you’ve known all your life, it is something rare, you instantly got along great...well it’s a bit similar with finding that special girl. Good luck!!
  10. The last ex who lied about living with another guy, having a 5 month old baby, leaving to her moms with the baby when I broke it off, lied and slept at her exes shortly after, wanted me to pay for her OWN apartment, would have her ex texting All night even though they were “broken up” cough cough ... and blaming me for being the bad one, and recently sent some provocative DMs wanting me to get her pregnant and asked “what would you do if you found out your child was not yours?” 🤦‍♂️ .... was a Scorpio ♏️:D but also is my best friend so 🤷‍♂️ ...made sure to block and thankfully avoided a massive train wreck 🚂 No offence to scorpios, please don’t sting me!!
  11. Sounds reasonable. Unless there are other indicators I would just assume he wants to feel more attractive or comfortable, for which reasons you don’t need to be seeing anyone else. As wiseman pointed out, best would be to focus also on keeping the romance alive with date nights, finding a babysitter etc. Obviously not soo easy at the moment given the circumstances, but worth the investment.
  12. She sounds very attracted to ya and you are doing great at keeping her satisfied in the bedroom - what’s the secret ??? 🤣🤣 The last women I was dating also were aggressive (if that’s a way to call it?) sexually in initiating and pursuing .. all .. the .. time and it made me feel VERY guilty if I would turn down.. (I actually lost a ‘friend’ because I turned her down. Long story - but met her and a friend at a music festival like 15 years ago when I was younger, had idea to do last minute trip to Niagara Falls with her, it was getting late so she suggested a hotel but I was so naive lol and she asked if she could put on porn channel and I fell asleep - I wasn’t attracted to her in that way and she wasnt really not my type - and oh boy was she angry last time I seen her !) 🤦‍♂️ You could always just turn it around and just offer to give her a massage or something .. Yes, she will be sad if you reject her I think this is very common especially since women are not used to being rejected as much as us guys IMO. What you will need to do is be very comforting to her and give LOTS of reassurance like - “hey hun you are sooo hot and sexy to me, I have that stupid work stuff on my mind, I know it’s stupid, so I’m a bit stressed about that, so how about tomorrow I’ll ...” Yeah it’s pretty stressful times with Covid, at least the economy is picking up and I’ve been reading lots in newspapers right now workers have more power and are in demand than before. Even starting to save for an emergency fund 3-6 months of basic expenses would help get rid of any worries, but the economy is picking up, I just wish I invested 10,000 in Bitcoin when Covid hit and sold it now making almost 100k... oh well too late for that Also with working out etc yeah this was crappy year as well for many with not being able to go to gyms etc.. So far I’ve been trying intermittent fasting which is where you skip breakfast except can have coffee or tea , have lunch and last meal before 8 pm I think it helps with calorie control and is supposed to be overall pretty healthy .. so back again to my original question - what’s the secret ??? 🤣🤣🤣 Also don’t worry so much if you didn’t make her climax as usual, from what I can tell it’s more about the experience not so much the end result ..
  13. Sorry about this. Its her nature to be deceptive. I once dated someone like that and it was horrible. Do yourself a favour and find someone loyal and honest. She is not worth your time. I can imagine with having a job with lots of responsibility (and stress) it’s crucial to have peace of mind. Shes just bringing drama and headaches to your life and there’s no way she would change. It would actually get a LOT worse after having children together. there is a quote, “Choose very carefully the person that you spend your life with, because 95% of your happiness or your misery will come from that one decision.” It’s a pretty wise statement and very true.
  14. Ok 🙂 First of all, I think people should be treated with respect and dignity in the workplace and a boss etc should be there more to support, coach, develop and help you to grow and not berate, bully, micromanage, criticize sharply all the time, especially in front of others. I was a boss in my previous role and never once would raise my voice or shout, if I noticed there was a mistake or error someone did, just a simple - "Hi 🙂 Noticed xyz wasn't done / added, so if you could please add that would be greatly appreciated. Really helps us with xyz. Thank you :)" and definitely not in front of others. I think you have to have an emotional intelligence of 70 or so to not realize nobody feels comfortable being sharply criticized in front of others. Anyway, so recently I had some very unpleasant experiences and here's what I did that helped. Last year I was working for this very 'special' person you could say. He was absolute genius (I wouldn't be surprised if his IQ was 160 or more), but there was just one rather large issue - he lacked empathy. He was that 2% of the population you are warned about. The only emotions he expressed were - 1) dead silence and emotionless expression 2) anger and fits of rage 3) an evil sounding laugh...on a daily basis. He would hide in the back office and leave the light on even while sneaking out because he thought all us workers would slack off. When I fist met him I introduced myself, remember this sharp long dead stare, he immediately went off doing something else. Later on that day he came out shouting at somebody and one of the colleagues said - 'looks like the lion is out of the cage again' Anyway, so there would be constant berating, taking any chance possible to humiliate others, in front of people on slack or in person. One of the older guys has high blood pressure and the CEO must have been reading a private slack conversation between us, because as soon as he privately messaged me he didn't how to log into this platform, the boss started berating him in front of 300 people in slack for not knowing how to do his job. His BP elevated to such level he had to take few days off (and we switched to private whatsapp communication as it was clear our private slack conversations were being monitored). I would get messages at 3:00 am during the week and even 11:30 pm on Sundays with shouting. EVERY message to everyone would end with "?!?!?" just to enhance the sharpness. "What is this?!?! Where are we ?!?!?! I need this fixed. NOW!!!" and often for nothing or just some paranoia there was a 'bug' in this system. Learned the hard way never to say the "B" word because that resulted in swearing, and a slam on the phone during all hands meeting. My coworker: Oh, yeah I think there was a tiny little bug, but all fixed now CEO: Bug??!!!! What Bug?!!!?? There can't possibly be a bug!! Can't believe what you did!! !@#!@# (phone slammed) Anyways, the constant shouting was getting too much. He was the CEO afteral, so complaining to HR wouldn't and didn't do much. I regretted going to work each day for this very reason alone. I quit, they wanted me to stay and promised to change, it never happened, so I quit again. The final straw was when I went to visit my father who was diagnosed with cancer and the CEO wanted me to work and solve another 'never ending issue' that came with the job. He said something along the lines of "I know your father is ill, but I don't care and need this fixed. I EXPECT this solved by tomorrow, no excuses!! (father is now fine so all is good 🙂 That was the last straw. I found a better job and the weight was removed from my shoulders. I even changed industries, finally showing up to work with a smile on my face. No more in the middle of the night shouting. Even though it was great professional experience in the field, it just wasn't worth it. A life of peace at the workplace was far more important. The stress was getting too much and starting to affect my personal life, which I regret, I wasn't the happy positive person I was before. ***I also came across an interesting video from this psychology professor saying if you stay in a miserable job, after 5 years you will become bitter and age twice as fast, instead of looking 2-3 years older, you will look 10 - so that was some motivation right there! Fast forward, loving the new job, but there is another similar type of person, only she is not my boss and does not have any authority over me, so this makes things WAY easier to maneuver. Even though this person goes through our work, looking for the tiniest mistake, even reporting me to our boss and writing in our group channel I was late 7 minutes (there was a reason, but I didn't feel the need to have to justify myself and give her that sense of power, especially since she is not my boss). In order to out-maneuver this person who was actually trying to attack me (making up false rumors, spreading gossip, trying to damage my reputation, shouting, swearing, violently slamming fist on table), basically trying to show her dominance and have everyone fear her and report to her even though she is not a boss. She would love to be, but wasn't promoted 😉 Anyway, the way I managed to kind of out-maneuver this person was a bit complex, but mostly I was very lucky and met this amazing coworker from the UK who I am very grateful for. He is one of the most senior in the company and when he found out what was going on, he stuck up for me, defended me, reported on that person, and said he believed in my work and said I was industrious. It almost felt like a real life angel. In hindsight, I think this person attacking me was just a defense mechanism (malignant narcissism - there are some you-tube videos about it). So, having a great relationship with another person who is senior in the company was CRUCIAL. This changed everything. Also, I did try to have a meeting with that girl, but she said "We're not friends, I'll never have a meeting" so I reported to my boss right after. I later found out another super nice guy heard the way she was talking to me and reported her. What it was I think is that I came to work with confidence. The day before I started I did have some large responsibilities and was a boss myself. I think she sensed this and it irked her. She would say, "Any questions?" and any time I said "Im fine for now thanks, but I'll let you know" and her response was "Oh so you think you know everything don't you! " with a mean look and had a target on my back from day 1. I was given great advice to document every negative interaction, while keeping calm and professional. If it is something that happens more than twice a week, it could be an indication of a problem, otherwise just an angry statement here and there, shouldn't be mandatory to report about, as we all make mistakes and have our bad days. Anyways, after 4 months or so, and careful planning, documenting, having the right relationships, this person is no longer an issue to me. So far, the battle has been won. Also had some great tips from this community on how to deal with such a person so I am also thankful for that and it helped 🙂 So that's my story. Maybe just summary of points are - If it is just a one-off issue, might be best to ignore as we all have bad days - if it is multiple times a week, start documenting, there could be a problem - try and make a relationship with a trusted colleague, ideally who has some authority or seniority, you will get a lot of great advice, this person can give honest opinion of your work, and also help you grow, AND if there is a problem in the future, stick up for you - in the meantime, being calm and professional, a simple neutral "ok thanks for the input, got it" is better than responding with any emotions (and saying what you are truly feeling, which I would have gotten fired if I had done so :D) Hope it all gets better with your work! 🙂
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