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bbogdanov

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  1. Thanks! Very insightful! Usually I don't have trust issues but that thing with the ex made me be on my guard for a while. I do have instances of overreacting sometimes... Therapy will definitely be of help to me.
  2. That's why I said that I was trying. I don't always have the strength or the tools to manage such situations. But I have the goodwill
  3. Yeah, the mismatch between my insecurity and the progression I see is the problem here, I suppose. I guess I need counceling (I will arrange it) and I think if sufficient amount of time has passed, I may become more calm and collected.
  4. Ah, I see. Does it mean that I'm like that in every situation or was it only about the living together and trust issues? I try to not act upon my feelings but it doesn't work every time. It's a conscious effort and I may be not so good at it but there's a progress in our relationship so I guess I am doing more things right than wrong? Or she may be patient enough?
  5. Yeah, trying to make sense of feelings is a "flaw" of my rational mind. Like you said - oftentimes they can't be compared to facts. "your emotions and ability to notice your feelings yet choose a reaction that permits the progression hasn't caught up yet" - can you please explain in simple terms? I am not sure I can understand that fully. BTW trust is less of an issue now. We were discussing our opinions on exes yesterday and she said that her most recent bf had contacted her (sending some funny picture) and that she hadn't heard from him in a year or so (looking me straight in the eyes). She said that it was always like that - those people somehow sense when you're taken and they appear out of the blue. She was curious to know why I was against keeping exes in the picture while not being "jealous" of uknown men but I couldn't pinpoint the exact reason/s (other than the common history of both persons or something like the "old flames never die" cliche...). It turned out that this particular ex had contacted her 3 or 4 or 5 weeks ago asking her about her vacation plans for the summer or something like that so she'd lied to me couple of minutes earlier. She seemed a little bit upset and said that she shouldn't tell me that but she wanted to be honest. So I guess it's still not the whole truth...
  6. Thanks! So her attitude in that case was a positive one, right? I really appreciate her concerns and I think I managed to calm her down that nothing bad would happen and I would not be changing my opinion so she was free to enjoy herself on the vacation. The automatic thoughts are really annoying and when searching through the internet, I decided that I might benefit from a CBT so I intend to find a good specialist in the area. The insecurity and self-rejection become more and more irrational given how things are progressing. It just doesn't make sense
  7. The regular update. We spent the weekend together. I guess we have some progress towards that exclusivity goal because I heard her telling her mom on the phone "...I am with my boyfriend...". She raised the summer vacation issue. It turned out that she'd been more and more concerned lately and she was thinking a lot about it. She told me that she really feared that I could freak out during her stay there and that I could change my mind about the appropriateness of the situation (and about our relationship altogether). She said "I am afraid that when I get back here, I may find a completely different person. You might have changed your mind about us and don't accept this thing anymore. But I assure you 1000% that there won't be anything to worry about, please promise me that you will be OK and you won't flip out. I want you to trust me.". I told her that I trust her and that she was more and more showing me with actions that i could rely on her so there wasn't anything to be afraid of. She wasn't sure that I trust her but I did my best to be convincing enough. She said that she knew the vacation thing was not so appropriate and that I was not OK with it but I told her that it was not that big of a deal for me, I could live with it. And I am continuing the battle with the automatic thoughts
  8. No, I didn’t say you mean it in a bad way : ) I have friends, like I said, but that doesn’t help me much when I start analyzing and getting insecure, for example. It takes all of my brain capacity.
  9. Yes, I do have. But sometimes it doesn’t help much
  10. You sound reasonable. There may be that factor in play, too - (fear of) appearing weak. Not because of admitting that I like her and want to be with her but because of looking incompetent and clueless. Actions here may speak louder than words and I while I can't be 100% sure (we didn't specifically discuss it and even if we did - in theory, she could still lie to me, I guess), I am confident enough to take it for granted. Which, in theory, leaves opportunity to get burned, of course. I just feel that if I ask her, she will confirm and it will be needless instant gratification for me. Just like that thing with the ex when I asked her if she was going to cut ties with him after the vacation and she answered that she'd already given him a call and informed him about us. So I trust her much more now and her behaviour doesn't make me have doubts (she's even bringing more and more personal stuff into my place lately ).
  11. I am mostly not comfortable because I've never done it (explicitly agreeing with a woman that we are in an exclusive relationship) and because I think it will be unnecessary (will be like asking about the obvious which will be strange; "obvious" of course being highly subjective here).
  12. My bad. I had to say that the word was not kind, not you as a person. But I really rest my brain, I don't doubt our status now. And I still insist on not having the "excusivity" talk because it's not comfortable to me (I fell like it would be pointless asking about the obvious) and I never act like that. I asked couple of friends, btw, and both said that a confirmation was not needed usually because things happen naturally and you could gauge the situation. Of course it can be a bias but it works for me. So I don't really need clarity. If she needs such - she can ask me and I will confirm.
  13. Yeah, I can't even define them as difficulties : ) And they are sometimes cute. After all, we don't fight about it, it's all playful in the end. I wake up at 6:30. She has a really hard time getting up and she's usually laying in bed complaining about it and wanting me to stay in it, too She has more energy once she's ready and prepared for work.
  14. I am just sharing details (even if they are little ones), I don't have anything to let go. I brush it off at the moment. Nothing can divert me from my morning routine and I've been like that forever (school, university, work). I have a sense of responsibility and getting up and being on time is my top priority, I am like a soldier But I repeat - no big deal, just an inessential nuance of my observations
  15. You can be kind, direct and honest - you seem to be the latter two things but Bull*** doesn't fit the first one Never mind, thanks anyway! I don't have problems with our status and I don't need to pour my heart out. We don't date other people and things are going forwards.
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