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Catgurl

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  1. I had actually wondered about that. I never saw him slip anything into my drinks but I thought it odd that I really started getting tired after just a few drinks. Maybe I just don't want to believe Brad could be like that. or maybe I was just really tired from working too much. I would really like to find out tho. he doesn't talk with anyone I know at work. I want to tell him but I'm afraid of how he will respond. and I feel that he is already beginning the process of healing and possibly forgiving me and telling him would probably set us back 3 or 4 steps, if not cause him to dump me on the spot. I know some here are saying I should leave, but I really do love him and just couldn't imagine living a life without him.
  2. well let me just say that I would never want any guy to go to prison for something he didn't do. initially I did not think of it as "rape", I just thought of it as Brad getting me drunk and then pushing himself on him until I was too tired to keep him off. I would work a 10 hour day and just be exhausted already and then we would be drinking and at some point I really felt like I would pass out. It was then that I felt too tired too move and he would have his way with me. we would be flirting and cuddling and touching but i felt I had control of the situation until I started getting more drunk. Then I noticed he took advantage of that and kept pushing more until eventually, on the verge of maybe passing out, I was just too weak to stop him. yes I did enjoy it but I would always tell him no and please stop and kept fighting him literally to exhaustion. and also I spoke with a counselor afterwards and she said it was rape. but i have thought about it more and read these replies and i would never want to see Brad get in trouble. I did not have to keep going over there. I did not have to drink. I did not have to use him for comfort. I basically asked for it. and so there is no way I could justify reporting this. nor would I want to anyways. I don't hate him and I blame myself for what happened. so there is no way I could ever tell my bf? not only would it end any chance of us getting back together but it could also get a guy in trouble who may have some problems but does not deserve that.
  3. Thanks for all the honest replies. You have all given me a lot to think about. I know I was in the wrong to keep letting him take advantage of me like that and I should come clean. But you are right that he would probably try to kill this guy and he'd probably get the police involved. And I'm not sure that with everything else going on in my life right now that I could handle all the stress that would come with that. In hindsight I now see that my friend was not really a friend at all and I believe it was just all about the sex. I hate him now even tho I know I'm partly to blame for what happened. I hate knowing he is going to get away with all this but I love my bf and I honestly don't feel he could handle dealing with it.
  4. Well, here is my story. I've betrayed my boyfriend/fiance and possibly made the worst decision I have ever made in my life. This is a man whom I love deeply and wanted (and still want) to spend the rest of my life with. Knowing that information, I can't understand why I did what I did. Of all people I should know, but I don't feel like I really do. I met this guy named Brad at my work. Since the first time we worked together we just hit it off. I'm a very shy person and I have a lot of social anxiety but right away he made me feel comfortable around him. I enjoyed working with him because I was able to be playful with him. It made me think that we had somewhat of a connection. One night I went to his place to hang out with him and another co-worker. This is the first time I had ever hung out with anyone from my work. For awhile it was just the two of us and I could tell that he really liked me. When we were hanging out he touched my side, but it scared me and I went home after only a little while because I knew my bf would be getting off work soon. Then the next time I saw him at work he did the same thing. Then he started calling me all the time to hang out, but I was too scared to because I didn't want him making moves on me and I didn't know how to tell him I had a boyfriend. I guess I liked the attention because it made me feel attractive, but eventually I wanted it to stop because I love my bf and I had no interest in screwing things up. So one day after he left me a voicemail saying "hey beautiful" I called him back (while my bf was sitting next to me) and told him that I didn't think my boyfriend appreciated that message. He said "okay" and hung up the phone. Things were pretty awkward between us at work after that, but I felt relieved. For some reason, I still felt the need to be his "friend" at work and instead of totally ignoring him, I just tried to act normal and let things go. We kept flirting, and I was still nice to him when I saw him. I think it was because I felt bad for him, for letting him down, and I also knew that he had a lot of problems with drinking and getting stoned all the time. I cared about him getting in trouble for a DUI and in a weird way I wanted to help him. I think I felt this way about it because of the connection I may have had with him when we first met. Well, a couple of months pass, and there's a work get-together at the owner of my work's house. I drove up there with him because I didn't want to ride alone in my car. Then when we got to the owner's house I hung out with him pretty much the whole time. He wasn't trying to touch me or anything, but he kept looking at me, and I felt that connection again. I left the party early because my bf had the night off work and I wanted to go spend time with him, but I really left a lot later than I had intended since I was having such a good time. I drove Brad home and we talked a lot about stuff. I was also stoned at the time and started talking about how I haven't been single in 3 years. This was the first time I had really began to give thought to the idea that I might want to be single. Then I dropped him off and he told me he had a fun time and we should hang out some more. We did end up hanging out again on my 21st birthday. I went over to a friend from work's house to drink with them and some of my girlfriends before we went out to the bar. Brad didn't come because he's not 21 yet. I got really drunk, but it was so much fun. Then I told some of his friends and my friends that I thought I liked him, but I didn't know what to do because I have a boyfriend, and I didn't know how I could like someone like him in the first place because he's so ****ed up. Not to mention, my boyfriend is so much better than that. After we left the bars, I went back to my friend's house and Brad was there asleep. I was with my friend Nicole and I told her that I wanted to tell Brad I liked him. She said it was okay to tell him that, but to also tell him that I have a boyfriend and that nothing can happen between us. Well, he admitted he like me too, and after that he tried to kiss me. I admit I was drunk and flirting and leading him on, but I told him I couldn't kiss him because I had a bf and I would feel so bad about it afterwards. He kept trying to kiss me and I finally gave in. We layed there and kissed for a little bit until my friend came in and said she needed to go home. I told her about it and I felt so bad, but she said that I should tell my bf. The next day I talked to her and told her I felt like I shouldn’t tell him about it. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to, I knew it was the only way for our relationship to go on. But I don't like living a lie, and the guilt was killing me. But I just couldn’t see how I could tell him because we were moving in together the very next day. Then I made the mistake of going over to hang out with my work friend's again and I knew Brad was there also because he invited me. I got drunk again, and he kept telling me all these sweet things like how much he liked me, and that he hasn't connected with a girl like he's connected with me in a long time, and how much it sucked that we couldn't be together because I had a bf. I felt like I may have really liked him at this point, but I think it had a lot to do with the things he was saying. We ended up having sex that night, and I enjoyed it, but I didn't want to do that. I realize how stupid that sounds, but before we had sex he was touching me and I told him not to. Then he started trying to have sex with me and I told him I was really drunk and I might not be able to stop him, even if I didn't want to have sex, but it happened anyway. I felt incredibly sick after I got home, but I couldn't tell my bf because I didn't want to hurt him. Not to mention I didn't want to ruin us moving in together and sabotage our entire relationship. I was going to tell him about the kiss, I was sure about it, but after this happened I couldn't tell him anything. I felt so guilty and it made it really hard to be around him. When he was at work, I would go and hang out with these people, but I didn't want anything else to ever happen again between me and Brad. I would keep getting drunk every night so I could just forget. And I even told Brad that we couldn't keep doing that, I had a boyfriend whom I loved, and I just wanted to be friends. But everytime he would get drunk he would try and do things with me. I would keep pushing him away but I was always so drunk that eventually I got too tired to keep making him stop and he would end up having sex with me. This went on for a few months. To this day I have no idea why I kept going back, but I think a lot of it had to do with my self-esteem issues. Then my boyfriend started to figure things out but he only found out that I liked another guy and was having an EA. He was so hurt by this, and it made me really angry 😡 because I thought that liking a guy was nothing compared to what was actually happening. If he knew what was really happening, just liking another guy would have been a relief. Well, we got in a fight, and I didn't want to stay at home because I was so mad at him. I didn't like him being so upset at me just for liking a guy when this same guy had actually been repeatedly forcing himself on me for the past few months. And I was also mad because I felt if I told him the truth he wouldn’t believe me, and now here he was getting mad at me for just liking him! I then did the worst thing I could do and went over to Brad's house. I got drunk and we ended up kissing and we had sex again. I didn’t try too hard to stop things this time, because at that point I didn't want to care. But he would say things to me like, "why does it matter if you've already done it before?" and "treat me like you don't have a boyfriend." After this time, I realized that while I did enjoy the sex, I didn't really like Brad all that much, and I wasn't very attracted to him. Not just because he obviously didn’t respect me and was forcing himself on me, but also because compared to my bf he was a complete loser. My boyfriend never found all of this out because he stopped asking me about it and I didn't want to tell him about him raping me because it just makes it look worse and I wasn’t sure he would believe me. Plus, he’d probably want me to report it and while I am certainly through with Brad and never want to see him again, I wouldn’t want to see him go to jail. I also didn't want to tell him because it happened right before we moved into a house his parents bought us and I know that he would see it as a sign of me disrepecting him and his family. He has been there for me through so much, and I have only ever lied to him about this, and about being bulimic and telling him when I puked. The things I lied about were things I am so ashamed about that I don't want anyone to know because it will hurt or disapoint them. The worst part is that I knew that my EA was wrong, but I was being completely selfish and I hurt him so much. He is the one person I truly love and feel like he would do anything for me, but I betrayed him for reasons that I still don't fully understand. I don't know how to live with myself, and I don't want to live without him. Now I feel like I know I do not want to be single because I had everything I needed right in front of me, I just didn't realize that I had the best boyfriend anyone could ask for until I lost him. He told me he hates me, and he'll never be with me again. These words are so harsh, but I know I deserve every ounce of it... I want to do something, ANYTHING to get him back, to prove to him that I CAN change and I will change. I love him and I never meant to hurt him, and I want to make things better so that I can be with him forever. But I don't think there is anything I can do to get him back. And it's so f*cking depressing, because I don't want anyone else in my life but him... I honestly don't think I will find anyone that I love more than him, and it kills me, because I don't know how or why I did that. Now things are kind of up in the air. My ex and I are talking on a regular basis (a couple of times a day) and we see each other on occasion. I'm still unclear as to where things are going. There are times when I feel that he can forgive me and things can return to normal, and there are times when I think he'll never be able to move past this. I know that if he decides to stay with me, I will commit myself to regaining his trust and learning from my mistakes so that something like this never happens again. But what I really want to know is if I should tell my bf about this guy raping me while we are trying to rebuild our relationship and get back together? I feel like he has the right to know, but I’m not sure that if I tell him things will ever really return back to normal. Because I’ve already lied about my EA, he would probably think I’m also lying about the sex. I am mostly worried about the fact that although my partner may "forgive" me, he will never forget and he will constantly be reminded of this guy. I feel like at some point I will have payed for my mistake, or proven myself trustworthy and fully commited again, and yet I will still be treated like I am a bad person. ☹️ What should I say to him? If anyone has advise for me, I'd really appreciate it.
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