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How important are looks in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

blueowl32

By blueowl32
in Dating Advice

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blueowl32 Collaborator

blueowl32

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How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

 

What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face? Did some of my love/ dating experience failed because the guy thought I wasn't good enough physically? If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings. Correct?

What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly? What is she to do?

 

Please share your experience and views. Particularly wish to hear from men and also women who had a lot of dating/ love-finding experience. Thanks all.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

It's very important to be attracted, inside and out. Not media versions but real life versions.

 

It's important no matter how plain you are to take care of yourself. This means trying to be or getting in shape. Decent clothes. Good grooming. Anyone can make to an exercise class or gym, a clothes store, a dentist and a barber/hair stylist. Make it the best version of you, not Hollywood.

 

This person will likely get friendzoned, male or female, sorry.

What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly?
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rosephase Mentor

rosephase

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I know lots of people who look a lot of different ways who find loving long term partners. I know on-line dating tends to skew towards the shallow (which makes since you don't have much to go on other than looks). What are the other issues you have that you wished you looks would gloss over?

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j.man Grand Master

j.man

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Looks matter to me. Don't need her to be Eva Mendes, but I've still got aesthetic preferences. I'll admit I have dated women who were a bit below my standards as far as looks have gone, but they were friends for awhile before and our personalities clicked. I also have had female friends with whom I've gotten along extremely well but I was never anywhere near physically attracted to them.

 

It's variable from guy to guy. But so long as men are by large being the ones expected to approach women with whom they have little to go off other than her physical presentation, I think looks will continue to matter more to men than they do women, speaking very generally. If you want a better chance and are generally less attractive than other women, you'll have to put yourself out there and demonstrate your worth beyond your appearance.

 

There's no denying the fact there are looks and aesthetics that are more generally pleasing. Being fit, exercising good hygiene, wearing clothes that fit, having an overall friendly demeanor, etc. I won't use the word "ugly," but for those with a more generally unpleasing appearance, it's very, very rare I've seen someone who's simply stuck being unattractive.

 

One thing to be cautious of is this line of thinking:

"If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings."

 

When we're young and dumb, most guys generally think this. But there's a reason we all eventually develop the ideology "don't put your d**k in crazy." We realize even a pretty face and amazing boobs aren't worth it. Now it's crass, and I'm not calling you crazy, but the logic does apply to women who may not be explicitly crazy, but exceptionally insecure, carrying a ton of baggage with them, and whatnot. It'll be unhealthy guys who find themselves settling with mentally unhealthy women, so no, I wouldn't say that, in general, healthy men will put up some significant flaws for the sake of looks. And attractive women who don't address their issues very often find themselves with very, very poor quality relationships.

 

Again, that's not necessarily implicating you in any of that. I'm not recalling your post history off the top of my head, but if you've got emotional "flaws" that you feel are compounding your own perceived unattractiveness, you should definitely look get those sorted out.

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Matt3939 Enthusiast

Matt3939

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I really could care less. Being compatible with personality is much more important to me. The hottest person can turn ugly fast. A person you care for and love you can find the best in them. I don't have a type I guess. There does have to be something that you are attracted to though.

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Unreasonable Proficient

Unreasonable

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Looks don't matter, attractiveness does. They are not the same thing, but are not mutually exclusive. It is also completely subjective. Totally opinion-based.

 

My son's girlfriend, bless her heart, is one of the most physically unattractive people I personally know. That's fine though, because she's not my girlfriend, and she floats my son's boat, so who cares?

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greta96 Community Regular

greta96

Posted
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Looks may get you in the door, but they won't help keep the guy one bit. Once the novelty and the excitement of being with a very good looking person wears off, if there's no compatibility and the personality is not all that, nothing will ever last.

I have seen many gorgeous women who can't find a guy no matter what, and many below average ones who always find themselves in great relationships.

So while looks may attract more possibilities your way, once things get past the initial stage they become not so important. Just look at the many gorgeous celebrities who get cheated on and dumped...

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Agree.

Being fit, exercising good hygiene, wearing clothes that fit, having an overall friendly demeanor, etc. I won't use the word "ugly," but for those with a more generally unpleasing appearance, it's very, very rare I've seen someone who's simply stuck being unattractive.

 

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melancholy123 Grand Master

melancholy123

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If all you have going for you are good looks, then it's going to be a sad life for you if you have no personality. Looks are not important in the grand scheme of things. A person who is relatively smart, witty, funny, kind, considerate, likes small animals, is honest, above board, reasonably hard worker, has goals, functions in reality - those people are truly attractive. Looking "hot" is so superficial. A bubble headed boring but hot looking person won't turn anyone on for very long.

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Mari Collaborator

Mari

Posted
Posted
How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

 

What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face? Did some of my love/ dating experience failed because the guy thought I wasn't good enough physically? If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings. Correct?

What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly? What is she to do?

 

Please share your experience and views. Particularly wish to hear from men and also women who had a lot of dating/ love-finding experience. Thanks all.

 

It depends on the guy. There are some guys that will only go for a plain, kind hearted, smart and sweet girl. The makeup turns them off and the lack of personality turns them off. Others will go for girls that have multiple flaws and are awful but pretty, and then they will leave them when their looks run out. It really depends on the guy.

 

There happens to be a chart that maps looks vs personality. Apparently 7+ are in popular demand and those that are too good looking are for some reason considered to also be somewhat crazy.

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Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

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Confidence is really sexy!

 

People have different tastes, it's not cookie cutter.

 

BTW, that guy sounds like jerk! Very shallow. I suggest you find someone who has a stronger character/value system. Consider who you are attracted to, as this guy was not nice.

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RainyCoast Veteran

RainyCoast

Posted
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i don't know how to post a link from my phone. but there's a text titled ten women i have been warmed against becoming. some of it overly dramatic perhaps, but it does have a point. i think you should read it.

ironically, the less you are worried about being appealing, the more they seem attracted. not saying not to take good care of oneself, but that shouldn't be done for others anyway.

 

why is Dahl so quiet, how you doing there luv?

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Jibralta Grand Master

Jibralta

Posted
Posted
How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

 

What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face? Did some of my love/ dating experience failed because the guy thought I wasn't good enough physically? If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings. Correct?

What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly? What is she to do?

 

Please share your experience and views. Particularly wish to hear from men and also women who had a lot of dating/ love-finding experience. Thanks all.

 

I think looks can work against you, to be honest. You attract all sorts of guys that just like you for how you look, and who aren't really interested in who you are. Dealing with people like that is arduous and cumbersome. And if you're an ornery misanthrope like me, you go out of your way to dress down and scowl as much as possible. Especially in the gym.

 

You are good enough as you are. Don't waste time pining over people who can't see that.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love? Very important. Just are personality and geographical location.

 

What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face? That means you are a typical person.

 

Did some of my love/ dating experience failed because the guy thought I wasn't good enough physically? How would we know?

 

If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings. Correct? Being hot and pretty is not license to be crazy and terrible

 

What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly? What is she to do? She should look for someone who loves her for how she is.

 

Please share your experience and views. Particularly wish to hear from men and also women who had a lot of dating/ love-finding experience. Thanks all.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

Posted
Posted
How important are looks in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

 

Apparently, not very important. I've seen some 'wow!' men paired with some truly homely women, and visa versa.

 

Most people are NOT our match. Period. That's just the odds. So the goal is to meet someone with the capacity to view us through the right lens, who will recognize and appreciate our unique value.

 

Sure, that's rare--it's supposed to be rare. It's a needle in a haystack search, and that's why it's important to learn how to roll with dating and allow wrong matches to pass early. Latching onto anyone who might accept you and trying to convert them into a good match is a waste of the time you could spend seeking someone who truly clicks with you and 'gets' you. That's the kind of simpatico we all deserve, and I wouldn't allow my looks to trick me into settling for anything less.

 

Head high.

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  • 2 weeks later...
ShatteredMan Community Regular

ShatteredMan

Posted
Posted

I've dated models and I've dated "plain jane" girls. There's no question that physical attraction is important but if a woman isn't smart and doesn't have much of a sense of humor, she won't be in my world for long....no matter how hot she is...

 

I dated a girl that had a fairly successful commercial modelling career and a contract with a reputable agency. We had a great time together but she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

 

I got tired of having to explain jokes to her, advise her on financial decisions, being a therapist when she had rough days emotionally.

 

All of my buddies said I was crazy to let her go but it was a good thing. I would have never been challenged to grow as a man with her.

 

I dated another girl that was a teacher but did runway work in Italy in the summers when she was off. All she wanted was a baby daddy and I knew she was going to cost me everything I had.

 

I had much happier, fulfilling relationships with women that weren't as physically attractive but were smarter, better-rounded women. They challenged me and in return, I felt more emotionally drawn to them.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

Posted
Posted
How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

 

What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face? Did some of my love/ dating experience failed because the guy thought I wasn't good enough physically? If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings. Correct?

What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly? What is she to do?

 

Please share your experience and views. Particularly wish to hear from men and also women who had a lot of dating/ love-finding experience. Thanks all.

 

I think physical attraction and chemistry are essential. They can be related to physical features but not necessarily. In the huge city in which I did all my 24 years of dating (on and off) weight was pretty important - most men preferred thinner women. I found that that gave me an edge in the crazy dating scene because I was slim and petite. The other thing that helped is that I basically preferred shorter men so I had my pick of a number of awesome "cast offs" who were cast off because of their height.

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