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rosephase

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Everything posted by rosephase

  1. Hey, I'm sorry if you were feeling attacked. I wasn't pointing that at you. I was pointing it at the whole conversation I was reading. I can understand your boundaries. To me it just seems odd that from one text (that he showed you) you are questioning this friendship so hard. But I say stuff like "i was looking forward to seeing you" to my work friends often. So it's hard for me to even read that as flirting.
  2. I am always saddened by how our culture doesn't understand or trust male/female friendships. I think it keeps genders divided and at odds with one another. If a man only knows women as sex partner, romantic partner or family, then it slots women into roles that men aren't, and nothing else. And the other way around. I think it's important to have cross gender friendships. And it always bums me out how many people think hetero monogamy means you should never be close to someone of your spouse gender ever again. I tend to be attracted to men who have a lot of close female friendships. To me? That means they can be respectful to women and can see them as full people instead of a role. As for biking? I would always go to the person's house who is by the best routs. For biking it's not just about having a pretty place to do it (although that is really amazing) but it can also be about how dangerous it is. Cars are real. Good long rides can be hard to find. I think it's my job as a partner to work on myself instead of limiting my partner. I don't want my insecurities to limit someone I love.
  3. Have you tried asking her what level of contact you can expect? I don’t think there is anything wrong with being open if you fall in love easily... that’s kinda the point. You enjoy her, she is telling you she enjoys you. She’s not great at follow through (at the moment) so check in with her. Ask her what’s up. Communicate.
  4. Well it looks pretty done from the outside. She doesn't want to work on the relationship. She's calling the cops on you. She is telling you that you are stalking her. And she is seeing another man. It's done. I'm sorry that it happened in such a painful and inexplicable way but "trying" at this point would be taken as more stalking behavior and might get you in more legal trouble.
  5. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you any more. It doesn't really matter why. Trying to be in a relationship with someone who calls you a stalker and gets a restraining order against you is only going to lead to more stress and heartache. Sign the papers.
  6. You can't save him. He doesn't want help. The only thing you can do is leave and find someone who is taking better care of themselves. It's not your job to get your partner to grow. That's his job. Your job is to take care of yourself. And choosing a partner who gets abusive when he's down is not doing that. He's unpleasant to be around, he isn't working on his situation and he doesn't appreciate your effort towards helping him. It's time to leave and find someone who is ready willing able to be in a healthy relationship... which means they can take care of themselves and not be miserable and take it out on you.
  7. She hasn't booked it yet. Just say it isn't your cup of tea and figure out something that works for all of you. Honestly it just sounds like a group of friends trying to make plans. If you needed to be the party planner and final say in everything why not offer what you want to do fully instead of asking your friends for options?
  8. Isn't T your brother's girlfriend? Not the owner of the car? Or was your friend upset that you took people somewhere in T's car? Sorry, no I'm still not following. What upset your friend in the first place?
  9. Wait... I'm not following your story. You took your friend's car without asking?
  10. I think you should respect your daughters wishes and rights more. She is choosing not to see your mother for very valid reasons. If you want a good relationship with her respecting her autonomy is important. I wouldn't want to be around someone who harasses me about my religious choices. You gave up a lot of your rights to effect the way she grows and changes. Now you have to spend your time getting to know her and letting her know she is still loved by you and welcome in your life. You are working on repairing her trust in you. Focus on what YOU need to do so she feels safe around you and enjoys your company. Don't waste your energy wishing you could change who she is becoming. Work on who you are becoming.
  11. Attachment opens yourself up for hurt. Love, friendship, mentor... anytime you feel a close connection with someone you have to deal with the reality that someday they might not be there. In real life friend... or over the internet. Attachment is scary for a lot of people because of that. But being worried about it doesn't change the situation... so I would deal with your anxiety around it the way I would deal with any anxiety. Remind myself the pre-worrying doesn't help anything. Keep focus on the present and don't allow myself to spend a lot of time horror fantasizing about the "what if's".
  12. Then leave. Or kick him out and change the locks. You don't want to be in this relationship. You are worried about how it affects your kids... kick this jerk to the curb.
  13. He sounds like a terrible partner. But not abusive. Just, you know, a jerk. He sounds lazy, inconsiderate and annoying. That is way more than enough for you to leave him. It sounds like he does so little that it won't change how you live very much just to have him gone.
  14. A quick note on STI testing: They don't test for herpes unless there is an active outbreak or you push to get the test done. So most likely neither of you have been tested for it. Also there is no way to test for HPV in men. So he could be a carrier and his tests come back clear. I'm not saying this to scare you or make you feel bad... you should just know this stuff if you are having sex. So about this guy. It's really clear he is no where ready for a relationship. And to be honest? It doesn't sound like you are either. I would suggest you leave and give yourself some time to get to know yourself before you start dating anyone. Whatever you do don't get back into a relationship with this guy. He doesn't know how to be ethical in a relationship. He was extremely disrespectful of you and this other woman and this other woman's relationship. He has a LOT of personal work to do before he'll make a good partner to anyone. And you two have such a messy past even when/if he grows up it'll most likely be with someone else. Stop all contact, stop sleeping with him, stop quizzing him on his behavior... just break up with him already. Really, fully, break up.
  15. I would strongly suggest you compliment him on top of telling him what you want. And remember that feeling secure and happy in your skin is your job, not his. I have a partner who isn’t big into physical compliments. He thinks attachment to physical bodies is shallow... but I love words of affirmation and affection. So I normally let him know how amazing he is and how attractive I find him and how much i desire him. And he has become a lot better following my example. Does your partner complement you on other things? Does he tell you how smart or how strong or how capable you are? My partner who is bad at physical complements will walk up to me with his eyes glowing to tell me how he loves watching me work because I’m so good at my job. It’s one thing if you’re partner never tells you why they love you... it’s another if you need specific compliments to feel OK in your skin.
  16. So it was mutually abusive. It takes a long time to recover from abuse. You are still in recovery. That’s why you are still so angry. (No judgment I’m 1.5 years out of an abusive relationship and I still find a struggle with anger and a desire to rub my ex’s face in good things in my life ). Get off his social media. Block it all now, who cares what he thinks? It’s making your recovery harder and longer. And no wonder it’s taking you awhile to recover. That relationship turned you into someone you didn’t know. You’ve got to stop feeding your anger and focus on getting him out of your head.
  17. Maybe see someone about your anger issues? You admit you were abusive. And that part of your attachment to him is still coming from an abusive place. You can’t be in a healthy relationship while abuse still seems like a valid option. You were never the perfect girlfriend. Abuse makes that extremely clear. You need to do some deep work on yourself. It doesn’t sound like you have the tools and skills to be in a long term relationship. Maybe be alone for awhile and find a good therapist. The desire to hurt the people closest to you is an extremely destructive drive and it doesn’t go away just because your current partner isn’t upsetting you at the moment.
  18. Well... you are being selfish but I can understand why, you made a huge commitment really early in the relationship, that is setting yourself up for insecuirty. Why can you not emotionally handle being alone for two months? Why does being alone cause your mental health to deteriorate? You've been together for less than a year. Why is your life so wrapped around him that you can no longer handle two months of time? He wants to travel like this. He is clear that he is going to choose it. Your insecurities are your issues to take care of. Asking him to give up something that matters deeply to him because you are insecure is selfish. It's asking him to limit himself because of your issues.
  19. Learning personal boundaries is important for a child's safety. Everyone needs to be taught about personal bodily autonomy. I was taught to kiss grown ups and give them hugs or I was hurting their feelings. That is WAY to much emotional responsibility for a child. And those very lessons where part of why I ended up being sexually assaulted at a young age. Because when an adult told me to do something physically, I had been taught to do it, even if it felt bad or wrong... because that it how a child is supposed to treat an adult. You body is yours. Teaching children that their body is open for anyone who is bigger or adult or family... or whatever is wrong and deeply harmful. You don't have to kiss anyone you don't want to. We would never tell an adult to kiss someone because of guilt or "if you don't they will feel bad" why would that be an okay thing to teach children? Bodies involve consent. Learning that isn't just about your body it's about how to treat other people as well. If kids learn about consent in their formative years they are much less likely to violate other people's consent and much more likely to stand up for their own.
  20. Have you tired sending these people some of the numerous article out there on why children having personal boundaries is important to their safety and wellbeing? They are from a generation that didn't believe that children needed those things. Maybe some outside information would help them understand why it's so important... although it seems really strange to me that either or both of you saying that it is important, wouldn't be enough. Good for you and your wife. I hope that the rest of your wife's family can figure out how to respect your daughter so that they can have a relationship with her.
  21. If you trust him then it shouldn’t be an issue. You don’t have to like her or spend time with her. If he is trustworthy then she can’t MAKE him cheat.
  22. He kicked you out of his house. And he threatened to dump you if you just went into the next room. This guy isn’t as wonderful as you think he is. You should be thinking about if you are willing to stay with him... if you want a partner who is bad at knowing what he needs (if he needs alone time then he should know that and be able to tell you that before he’s threatening to break up with you) and who is acts publishing towards you.
  23. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are attracted to your partner. That Is the very definition of normal in romantic sexual relationships.
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