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Everything posted by ShatteredMan

  1. As usual, Wiseman and MissCanuck are right on the money. Also agree with Andrina, no one is worth "fighting for". Reread what you've written as if you're the one being solicited for advice on someone else's situation. You'll notice the first sentence in the third paragraph. Matter of fact, the more that you "fight for her" by finding ways to get her attention, you will probably push her away at a faster rate than she is already moving toward this new guy or others. The strongest move you can pull is to disappear and make yourself scarce. I had a similar situation a few years ago
  2. ^^Definitely. I'm glad that you've considered going to your GP for counseling. Definitely do this through a professional and don't discuss this with family and friends - its not their job to be your counselor. It takes a lot of strength to admit that you need help and to take the positive steps forward to start healing yourself. Please be patient with the process and "do the work" in terms of what your therapist asks you to do. It is a long, painful road (I know this first hand) but no one can do it but you. Also, take care of yourself physically. If you don't work out, g
  3. Break it off with her. Its the best thing for both of you.
  4. Like your friends and family are telling (and rightfully so), you do need to move on. She's been gone a year. She's not coming back and is probably with someone else now. You're 23 and lonely. You don't have PTSD. That girl is gone and you're choosing to dwell on the things that made you happy when you were with her. But here's the thing, you're probably not putting yourself in a position to get attention from other women due to this case of "oneitis" where you start believing the fantasy of the "one true love of a lifetime" BS that you were programmed to think from Disney movies, T
  5. Stop forgiving anyone that treats you like crap, regardless of whether they are women or men. Unless you have to deal with them for work and they control your career path, don't respond to them until they behave differently. As Holly says, you've got low self-worth and you need to make choices that will change this mindset. As Cherylyn has said, stay away from abnormal people. If a girl is cute but has personal problems, do not get into the mode of "I think I can fix her and she will love me for it". Unless you're a professional therapist and she's been referred to you for therapy,
  6. This is your answer. Do the right thing and find some distance some way from this woman. This situation will not end well for anyone and will probably have dire consequences on multiple fronts for your life.
  7. You should treat him like the ex that he is and move on. I once thrived on the fantasy of rekindling a romance with an ex who (despite my desires) hurt me badly and by not choosing to move on in a healthy, productive way, it ruined my life for at least a year. Don't do what I did. Accept the fact the past is the past and if you choose to relive it, you'll never move forward in a positive way and be in good place when someone who is going to be a far better person for you comes into your life.
  8. Its my impression that she initially thought you were a nice guy and she appreciated your interest and attention. You thought she was interested as well. It sounds like she hooked you based on her words and non-verbal behavior. They mean nothing. You shouldn't have bought the painting or the gifts. Those were beta male behaviors and you thought that it was the way to demonstrate to her that you would do anything for her attention. It also may have suggested to her that you were trying to "buy" her attention and future loyalty. She probably interpreted this as you were weak and
  9. Truth. At this point, you're a "side chick" to him. Don't you feel that you deserve more than this from a relationship? Don't you think that there's someone out there on this planet of billions of people that will not treat you this way? I'm willing to bet that the minute you cut him off, he'll come calling because you're "plan B" to him. Do not let him back into your life at this point. This will be very hard but you need to make the decision to do this and stick to it. This means shutting down all means that you both can "check up" on each other electronically. Stay away fro
  10. This is a total "C'mon man!!!" situation. This woman is a dumpster fire. Never talk to her again. You're welcome.
  11. Break up with him. Something tells me he's going to have a massive shift in his schedule once you do and he'll be calling or texting all the time once you're gone. I had a similar situation with a girl about a year ago. We've been dating about three months and all of a sudden she started working 15 hour days. She was never available on weekends and so therefore I stopped dating her. She was "amazed that I could make such a decision". I didn't know if she was seeing someone else or whatever. However, I had neither the time or the inclination to find out the hard way. So I left. It wa
  12. Truth. And you're not the first guy to be going through what you are because you thought she'd see you as knight in white shining armor and that she'd know in a heartbeat that "you're different from the other guys" or whoever is in her orbit. You were a rebound (as many of us have been), chose to ignore signs that showed how she was operating (done that too), which led to where you are now. So she has voted to be with someone else and is telling this to you through her actions. Having been there, it is very tough to accept and you're scheming about how she'll come to her senses and reach
  13. This girl is breadcrumbing you, man. She tells you to go pick up some food and then refuses to spend time with you? That sounds like she thinks you'll do her bidding because she knows you want her back. I wouldn't give her that satisfaction. She has all the power in this situation and she knows it. Go No Contact. If she reaches out, you respond when its convenient for you (ie. not immediately) and unless she is bringing dinner over to your place with the intention of some form of a romantic situation, you don't have any reason to see her at this point. If you do choose to respond (I w
  14. Its time for you to continue your self improvement efforts for your interests entirely. This situation is done and over, man. As for the statement about you "not being man enough/laziness"....unless you truly agree with these statements, you should cut her off and never look back. Speaking as someone who once wasted far too much time and effort on the fantasy of reconciling with an ex once, do yourself a favor and get time and distance away from her so you can start making yourself into a stronger man in every way for someone who truly sees you as an investment for their future. Good
  15. Completely agree. I had an ex's family reach out to me occasionally despite the fact that she was engaged to another guy. It didn't bother me because I no longer had any emotional attachment to her but I think her sister had hoped that we would get back together one day. If I still had any emotional attachment at that point, it might have been difficult....
  16. http://www.indeed.com Stick with the new job until you get another offer and decide to take it.
  17. So he basically set a date and broke it with you. Imagine if you had never known him before and this was a first date. What would you do to a guy who broke the first date? You'd never give him a second chance probably.....why would do give this guy a break? I tried to set a date with my ex. She broke it with a litany of excuses. I replied, "Ok, I understand...".........and that will be the last thing I ever communicate to her. It sucked at the time but today I'm glad I never went back for leftovers.
  18. You got nervous. It happens. You're not a wuss. You built up the romantic tension but this sounds like it was your first attempt at this. She's probably pretty confused too, which is why her arms were crossed. I'd try again the next chance you get.....but don't pounce on or force yourself on her. Just take the same approach again and see where it goes. If she pulls away, I'd open up the subject with her. Tell her that you weren't sure and you didn't want to force yourself on her and make her think you were a jerk. If she doesn't forgive you for misinterpreting the situation, thi
  19. As usual, I agree with Wiseman. You gotta put in the effort to maintain attraction and "keep dating your woman" even after you're married. However, I would lawyer up and get your financial arranged/secured as soon and as quietly as possible. If she turns angry or violent, make sure your cell phone is handy to record it. (or vice versa for women that are dealing with the opposite situation) A buddy of mine had a similar situation a while ago and his wife got very nasty during the divorce. Luckily, he recorded her throwing things at him and berating him in front of their kids. It made
  20. I've never understood why people question why LDR's have such a high failure rate. People should assume and accept the risk of infidelity upon entry. It's hard enough to cultivate and maintain a healthy and positive relationship with relatively close proximity to a partner in the age of social media and electronic dating options. I know I sound like a heartless d*** for saying this but it's tough for me to have empathy in situations like this. However, I've been heartbroken and shattered over the end of a relationship and later seen signs of emotional cheating. For that, I'm respectfull
  21. You're taking the right approach by severing ties completely. You're still hurting and probably still hoping he is coming back. We all go through this and it rarely happens just once. Go back and reread your post. If they are making you feel like a criminal, why would you accept this as your future? You'd never be able to escape from this situation, especially if you were married, had kids and then wanted a divorce from him. I've seen this happen and it is hell. Stay the course, stay NC, find a way to forward a little bit each day in a small way. This is a planet of 6 billion peopl
  22. This is emotional cheating. She knows it but wants to do it without feeling guilty.
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