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Everything posted by Unreasonable

  1. Congrats! May you never be an OP in the more depressing subforums here!
  2. It could be that he actually is on the verge of wanting to pull the trigger on divorce. My wife started to do this too and it was not idle manipulation. If he just started doing this recently I wouldn't assume he's just being threatening or manipulative, I'd take it at face value that he's checked out. I'd go to couples counselling and try to figure out what's going on.
  3. If you're questioning if he's a sociopath, then you should be happy if he doesn't return.
  4. Definite red flag. If you want to stay in this relationship, be on high alert. If someone has a pattern of cheating, you'll likely see it sooner or later.
  5. Yes it is, if she can't handle it. And she can't. You are not her. If you cannot tell us, see a therapist.
  6. Only tell your husband if you can't rid this guy on your own. You need to make it clear to this guy that you do not want to hear from him again for any reason, then block him. You have been far too conciliatory to him. Exes are exes for a reason, especially if you're MARRIED.
  7. After 10 years I would not be surprised if she genuinely forgot her lie about it's origins. Yes, lying's bad, but I don't think she necessarily was doing it with bad intentions. She was probably embarrassed by it and didn't want it to be a big deal so she made up some spur of the moment lie that she later forgot. I doubt she's terribly attached to a tattoo she doesn't see all that much of an old boyfriend, but I could see her not wanting to do anything about it due to pain and unnecessary expense. At which point she may protest and you'll have to be prepared for that. You'll have to mull over your motivations. If motivations are control and punishment, you probably should try to find a way to let it go.
  8. If you're "feeling ignored," constantly, I'd end it. Chances are, even if you hounded him off facebook, he'd find something else to ignore you with. That's without all the other stuff you listed.
  9. Thanks for the replies guys. Just dreading meeting her. I'm not a good actor and it's gonna be hard keeping a pleasant look on my face.
  10. He's 22 and my biological son. I don't know her personally but it doesn't seem like she's made a lot of good decisions in life, just my opinion. I do know he called my wife freaking out and tripping (probably marijuana) and begging "please mommy save me" when she got busted on a DUI and I think got some jail time. I don't know the whole story there because he and I don't talk that much, and I think he held out info to my wife. Plus she's working a minimum wage dead end job same as my son, which (no offense to anyone who might be in the same boat), just doesn't seem like an impressive place to be for somebody her age. Anyway, yeah, I won't say anything and just let whatever happens, happen. Maybe he'll learn something from it.
  11. I haven't met her yet, but this is grossing me out. She's 21 years older than him (the EXACT same age as my wife, his mother) and has a couple kids. He's just starting out in life. They work together (she is not in a position of power). Now, I have to say, this grosses my out, even though I'm sure she's taught him a thing or two. Seems like mommy issues. However I don't view what she's doing so much as predatory, as pathetic on her part (however, if the sexes were reversed and this was my daughter, I would be furious). I think she just wants a boy toy for validation and will discard him when somebody else comes along. He says "he loves her" and is very sensitive. This is not a sex-only sugar-momma thing to him. I don't want him to be crushed, but I just don't see this ending well. I probably shouldn't say anything negative, and just let him learn a life lesson, but I want to. What do you think?
  12. Well, in my marriage the first year was hell. She abused me and I eventually said if she did it one more time, ever, it was over. That seemed to work and she hasn't touched me in 2 decades. Got over that eventually, just took time. Now, she's had multiple emotional affairs. Last one was a couple years ago and I still haven't gotten over it completely. So I know what it's like not being able to let go of something. I suspect that will take more time, but if it happens again, I'm out. The hardest part is not looking at her like that's just what she is and thinking it is inevitable. If you really want to be with her, give it more time. However, you're not married, and presumably don't have kids. Things are less complicated for you. So I wouldn't give it much more time.
  13. Until poe is popular? That game is 5 years old. It's not going to get more popular. Nothing wrong with playing video games. But being a "professional gamer" implies you are making decent money off it in one form or the other (through cash prizes or something like a monetized youtube channel). Pro gamers usually compete on more than one game too. I don't know how much time you are putting into it but if it's a lot I could see that getting tiresome real fast. Do you play it more than you spend time with her? Is it costing you money? (going to tournaments on your own dime, etc).
  14. Eccentric is fine. Go ahead and own that. Creepy? Hell no. There is almost no redeeming value to creepiness. Gather whatever feedback you can and work on it.
  15. You seem to suggest that a big part of your problem is the inability to be in a relationship with a woman. May I ask why you think that is the case, and what steps, if any, have you taken to remedy that situation?
  16. What a jerk. I'd have been sorely tempted to send that conversation to his fiance. Yes, block him in every possible avenue and do everything you can never to think about him again. He's a cancer to your marriage.
  17. She lost her original ring a long time ago and has since been using a CZ since then. She's keen on the idea of replacing it. I definitely would not spring the vows thing on her out of nowhere. The getaway for two sounds like a great idea Andrina. We're due for a vacation anyway.
  18. So, my wife and I are coming up on our 25th Anniversary next year. We've had our ups and downs, have hurt each other over the years in many ways, but are on the mend. I want to give her a new ring for our Anniversary. But, I also want to renew our vows. I want it to be between us and not a big production. I don't want to bring family and friends into it because whenever I hear about renewing vows it makes me wonder who screwed up and I automatically assume there was cheating going on. However, I don't exactly want it to be a totally informal thing that we just do over a nice dinner. I want it to be a little more formal than that. Has anybody else renewed their vows? How'd it go and what arrangements did you make?
  19. I doubt he has any respect for porn stars and doesn't want you to remind him of one. But, can you clarify something? Is he watching pre-recorded cams, or live ones he is interacting with? If the latter, I don't think that's right.
  20. My wife's a medical coder with a CCS and now a coordinator. I don't know how much of her stress is self-inflicted (she obsesses over it during her off hours), but I wouldn't do the job for the amount they pay her, that's for damn sure.
  21. Your family should have nothing to do with that decision. The boundaries you set up for yourselves is yours to make, but it can't go one way. I'm not sure what you mean about it "hinting" a date, but yeah, it would look a date to anyone from the outside. If you suspect this guy has any romantic feelings for you, or you for him, I would definitely not do it.
  22. Sounds like you have moved on from passionate to companionate love (moving in together tends to do that), and seeing things the way they really are, which is lacking. Your lack of emotional connection is probably turning you off to her on the passion side. If your companionate love was any good you wouldn't even be thinking about flirting with other girls. Anyway, you can work on it, I suggest couples counselling if you're serious (it's probably cheaper than the legal mess of dealing with this house). And, I would highly discourage you from ever buying a house with someone you aren't married to. That adds a "married" difficulty, without any of the "married" benefits.
  23. Can they only cheat once? Sure. Will they only cheat once? Well, statistics bear out that if you cheat once, you are 350% more likely to cheat again (cite). So sure, it's possible. Just not bloody likely. BTW, that applies to you too.
  24. Second that he's possibly gay, asexual, or gained an aversion of sex, possibly from childhood trauma. Not every guy (or woman) is into oral, while I can see how that could give you a complex, especially how he phrased it. I wouldn't worry about that too much. My wife didn't like me going down there, so I didn't for a long time. Then, much later, she expressed some interest, and I was quite indifferent to it after being rebuffed for so long. How does he feel about vibrators? Regardless of how you proceed, you should be getting off in bed one way or another.
  25. If you are actually worried about it getting found out, don't do it. I knew a girl at my office that was a stripper and when it was discovered she got canned. This was many years ago, but where I live (at will employment), it could certainly still happen.
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