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90_hour_sleep

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90_hour_sleep last won the day on February 2 2018

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  1. You're probably long gone, RKO....but I'm curious what happened for you. Tough set of circumstances for everyone. A very polarizing situation. I feel for you and the mother. I hope however it all unfolds that you're able to move on with your life in a positive way.
  2. feels like this could've been a good memorial for her. these guys nailed it...imo
  3. mmm...although not exactly what you're referring to here (i believe), I'm reminded of these words: "The fact that millions of people share the same vices does not make these vices virtues, the fact that they share so many errors does not make the errors to be truths, and the fact that millions of people share the same form of mental pathology does not make these people sane." --Erich Fromm the other side of the coin almost. i feel a bit sad thinking about how cruel we can be to people who are sensitive to the world in ways we don't necessarily understand. upon reflection, i'm aware at how my own sensitivity was often (and still is) pushed aside to survive in this world...like it often just doesn't allow for these depths of feeling. there's the status quo of ''acceptable'' emotion...those things which we've collectively agreed upon as being the ''true gems of expression''...but how often those very expressions become vehicles to carry us further from our own wells. and then...there's a tremendous amount of gratitude for the relationships in life that bring us back...that allow...that are sensitive to parts of our nature that aren't often allowed to be fully present. i've a few of those now. i wonder if all life can viewed through this lens. our missions...spirit missions. i confess...i've been especially drawn to these kinds of thoughts in the more recent years (and especially this past week). my partner and i have had some good conversations about it...sitting with sadness where it lives in our bodies...maybe a cup of tea. reminded also of Thich Nhat Hanh...and his answer to a little girl asking how to deal with the sadness of losing her dog. he talks of the clouds...and the rain...and the water in his tea. this cycle of change...a metaphor for change...maybe death as well. the little girl's face is fascinating. little smiles of understanding...a little shift in her perspective allowing for some new thoughts. his words were so gentle...not in denial of the loss...but viewing it more as a transformation. yes... i felt teary reading your words. not sure exactly why. sat (sitting) with it. sometimes i think the ''bad'' things come along when we've become a bit ''sleepy''. ''wake up,'' they seem to be saying. it's time to move again. i feel tender. suppose that's why i was reminded of this place. thank you
  4. i think we're moving through some of the feelings of guilt which seem to be a natural part of grief (i think i'm more shocked at those feelings than i am about how deep my well of care was for this little guy). seems like it's the mind's way of rejecting the loss. trying to reconcile what happened by conjuring all manner of ways it could've somehow been different. should-haves, could-haves, what-ifs, if-onlys, etc etc etc. and with that, there's a reaffirmation of what we offered here. i read somewhere about the five basic freedoms we can hope to share with animals (SPCA list). the fifth one was the freedom to express behaviours that promote well-being. when all of the other needs have been met...one is free to be safely authentic. there's some confidence that he had that 🙂 i'm grateful really. grief seems to be a mirror into the depths. there's some evidence of personal growth. it's a nice legacy. thanks for sharing your words. nice to hear from a familiar presence (it's been a long time). hoping you're well.
  5. thanks for your thoughts, green. we're adjusting to life with this little guy. amazing how entwined he became with the tapestry of our lives. so many threads... consolation no. 3...i heard someone say it's a consolation to those who can't play anything else by liszt (you may be aware of his technical virtuosity). i had a laugh at that. also inspired me to try and learn. the piano has become an outlet for some of my inner workings. endings provide little openings for growth. 🙂
  6. lots of wisdom in your words. as i've grown in life, i've come to appreciate some of these truths. i'm less afraid of the tender places now...even noticed an aversion towards the chronic distraction that seems to plague us these days. our little guy was a conduit of presence...and it feels as though the process has opened a similar conduit within me (and my partner, who is sharing in this grief). the suddenness is a profound reminder of the fragility of life. how we come to take our time for granted is a wonder. in this respect...grief is a gift. i really do resonate with that at the moment. hoping it's something i can continue to carry with me. opportunities abound. thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. very much appreciated.
  7. truth. there are those that can't/don't understand these bonds. i can tell that you get it though. thanks for your words 🙂
  8. mmm...came in search of an old journal...but it's been archived. life has evolved and transformed...and has found other outlets of expression. c'est la vie... lost a family member/friend this past week. he was a cat...and so young (just 4...but had an undiagnosed heart condition...and released a clot. was very sudden. there was nothing anyone could've done). and such a vital part of life. so good. his passing has opened such a tender well inside of me. really, it's always been there...but i'm feeling as though his little legacy is to remind me of that place. there's transformation in this process. i'm reminded of other periods of grief. how this is similar. how it's different. there's a sense of wonder at this grief...a grief trying to make sense of loss...and love. i shouldn't be surprised that such a small creature offered this gift. there's beauty in that. i'm sitting here...listening to Liszt's Consolation no.3. It's a new piece for me. Somehow it's capturing -- stirring -- the soft belly of emotion in me. it's okay. Hafiz gave us another contemplation today. It's poignant in light of the events. Grief has transformed the words for me. From: A Year With Hafiz -- Daily Contemplations a collection of Daniel Ladinsky's interpretations: The Quintessence of Loneliness "I am like a heroin addict in my longing for a sublime state, for that ground of Conscious Nothing where the Rose ever blooms. O, the Friend has done me a great favor and so thoroughly ruined my life; what else would you expect seeing God would do! Out of the ashes of this broken frame there is a noble rising son pining for death, because since we first met, Beloved, I have become a foreigner to every world except that one in which there is only You--or Me. Now that the heart has held that which can never be touched, my subsistence is a blessed desolation and from that I cry for more loneliness. I am lonely. I am so lonely, dear Beloved, for the quintessence of loneliness. For what is more alone than God? Hafiz, what is more pure and alone, what is as magnificently sovereign as God?" You're not gone my little friend. Not truly. You've left your earthly body...but your legacy lives on.
  9. I'm annoyed by entitlement today. Possibly the quality I like least in humans.
  10. the bubble of where i live... music... ena journals..
  11. The Wealthy Renter Some interesting dialogue about the mentality around home ownership, and how it doesn't actually make sense for a lot of people.
  12. I'm grateful for reminders from my own past... Thanks, JN :)
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