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Ms Darcy

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Everything posted by Ms Darcy

  1. I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. Is it bad that I have mourned the death of an animal more than the break up of an ex. That was so sad to hear. And cats definitely do mourn.
  2. Perhaps what is getting lost is this. Moreso that incompatibility reared its ugly head again - whether one wants to label the ex or not.
  3. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out this time. It sounds like things had improved in many ways and that you guys were both making an earnest effort. Hope you feel better soon.
  4. Yeah. But I actually think that beyond personal experience, data and reading is really important. Because I think it's important to understand, systemically, how social status works. For example, in a *purely* capitalist system, you will always have significant amounts of poverty. As you have hierarchical work structures, president/ceo, VPs, managers, line workers ... the people at the bottom will make much less. And if companies have the ability to choose how to distribute wealth, they are more inclined to pay the top more and the bottom less. It's just the way it works without some level of government and/or social intervention. And in a *purely* (I mean unregulated) capitalist system, monopolies can crush competition and drive up the prices of everyday items (food, housing, clothes, internet, phones, transportation, etc. etc). So what you get is people who produce more wealth for the country, make less, and have a higher cost of living. There's no amount of "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" that gets you out of that. It's simple math, sadly. That's happened in part in the US. Wages have remained stagnant since 1973 yet the cost of living has skyrocketed. / Btw, the vast majority of fraud in the health care system is due from medical providers (doctors, hospital workers) and organized fraud (collusion between medical providers, lawyers, so-called patients). So, in terms of what is most material financially to total losses from the system, paying attention to potential billing schemes pays much more dividends than focusing on poor folks who may be cheating the system.
  5. This whole conversation, to me, highlights the failure of the education system. Generally, people are brought up to do rote work but not taught how to think critically and how to question things. I think it's nice that people believe anyone can "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and become successful. But there is actually quite a lot of empirical evidence that states very clearly that generally a person's social position in adulthood is a mix of institutional factors (outside of your control ... like the country you were born in and the family you were born into) and personal factors (inside your control). Fundamentally, I think people tend to look at the poor with disdain and the rich/wealthy with adulation. As an example, consider mortgage fraud. Mortgage fraud happens throughout the social spectrum. But when poorer people commit fraud, the losses range from $500 - $200,000. When wealthy folks (usually within corporations) commit white collar fraud, the median losses range from $10,000,000 to $500,000,000. (Think of the 2008/2009 crash in the US.) I don't see people admonishing wealthy folks for sometimes making bad choices? ( ). And I think it's because people view being wealthy as the END GOAL. Well, you are good or smart or deserving because you are rich - no matter how you got there or what you've done once you are there. I would encourage people to separate their own beliefs from facts. We live in a day and age where people use their beliefs to justify their actions. When, ideally, facts would helps drive beliefs and actions. I humbly suggest that we need to read more and really understand how wealth works in the modern world, so I would suggest reading:
  6. I agree. I don't think just anyone can learn to be a lawyer, a doctor, a software engineer, a CPA, a pharmacist etc etc just going through courses. Lots of people try very hard and don't cut it in the end. But I think if someone's willing to play the game, act a certain way, play a certain role, and do so with resilience, they'll get the interpersonal skill side.
  7. I think our own experiences color our perceptions, and that's OK. It makes for interesting discussion. Just a couple of quick thoughts. It took my husband 7 years of higher education to gain the technical skills to get where he is. It took him about a year (in the past couple of years) to get to social/interpersonal skills to get to the senior level. Similarly, it's taken me about 6 years of college/grad school for the foundational skills to think forward in my industry (and to be able to apply those principles to similar industries). I've never had much of an issue with interpersonal stuff. (I actually think going to school and getting involved in extra curricular activities that mimic the professional environment throughout the years from high school to college to grad school has been incredibly helpful in teaching me interpersonal skills). Mostly, I've had to focus more on not taking things personally and having the confidence not to stick around in an environment that wasn't the best for me personally. I think if someone needs as much as or more than 6/7 years to learn those professional interpersonal skills, they aren't going to go anywhere in their career. That's what I mean about "harder" to learn certain technical things. In terms of work ethic, interestingly, I think work ethic is strongly aligned with a) how passionate people feel about the mission and b) how respected they feel. I did work on a political campaign where you had young people working 10/12/14 hours a day 6 days a week for a couple of years. After that experience, I can NEVER write off young folks as lazy. But I would imagine much of that is because they really believed in what they were doing and they were working in a hope-filled environment where they had a lot of freedom to lead and innovate. I couldn't do stick with it like they did because I needed a salary. Oh, yes, they worked 60/70 hour weeks for many months FOR FREE. I would also add, it was an odd environment because it was very happy and encouraging. We were all poor and like a family. We were all working towards the same goal and took the lead on our own roles. It was somewhat similar to Agile methodology, if folks are familiar, with "sprints" to reach a specific goal. And we had "parties" and celebrations for reaching goals. The manager actually didn't "do" any work except to delegate tasks, check on status, eliminate obstacles (e.g. find money to fund a task) and celebrate successes. (She was essentially the Project Manager but we called her the cheerleader.) At first, I thought her position was an incredible waste. Over time, as I saw the productivity of everyone else, I thought of her as the most important person on the team. So, I'm more inclined to think there are just different profiles of millennials working in different industries.
  8. That's a fair point. I also think it's fairly straightforward to teach people communication skills and good phone manners. It's not as straightforward to teach people how to code, how to automate manual processes, how to innovate technically. There are some really great articles on this, which I have found to be amazingly on point for my own team. Essentially, the notion is that millennials tend to have an entrepreneurial basis/motivations for action/change - which drives innovation. / Anyway, I don't think having an entrepreneurial spirit justifies an entitled attitude. But I do think it does show that the older generations have a far greater dependence on and need for the younger ones in ways they might not like to admit.
  9. I am totally biased, but what I have noticed ... millennials are far more technologically and technically savvy than older generations. I feel like my boss is an exception. But, generally, I have noticed that many of the barriers to progress and innovation in my field are the older folks who cannot stop thinking in a more "manual" way versus "automated." It's a real problem. Younger folks are constantly learning new things and I feel like, where I am, the older folks insist on doing things in the most inefficient, least effective ways. So, rightly or wrongly, I feel like many resent working for a boss, who's only in his/her position because they have been around for 20 years plus, when they know they know far more.
  10. I'm just happening upon this journal. These days, with all the drama in the world, sometimes I like to escape to melodramatic romance novels with happy endings. This journal sort of reminds me of that in a way - entertaining and light. And written with swift fluffiness. But as I've gone on, I've gone from thinking "what a fabulous life" to "what a sad life." Maybe you are very happy. I hope so and you are just writing for entertainment. But wow girl, you seem very very sad. Maybe I'm wrong. And kick me if I am. I forget where you said it, but you said something about being a witness to the world and not apart of it. Certainly, you have an anachronistic style. But hopefully you can find something meaningful and purposeful to go for. Maybe go into writing. Your writing is very entertaining.
  11. Yeah, I don't think anyone should be throwing themselves at anyone else. But clues and hints ... This situation doesn't really count since it's not going anywhere. But if there is a someone else in the future, I would advise more of a middle ground.
  12. I didn't take a passive approach in dating. I figured out what I wanted and acted accordingly. The other benefit of that is that men FEEL when you are interested. And it helps fuel their interest. It's kind of like putting your foot on the accelerator. If things in the car are working, the car will speed up. In other words the relationship will go forward. On the other hand, if your foot isn't on the accelerator (or if there's obvious lack of interest from the woman), then it's no surprise the car overall slows down to a stop. It doesn't really matter in this case though.
  13. I'm not completely sure it's a sign of anything to be going slow with someone you are not that into. Well, a sign of anything other than it's easier to go slow when you are not that into someone.
  14. I echo what WL and Faraday have said. I think men and women of every age have this problem - dating without some healing from being dumped. And in the end, one or both often get very hurt.
  15. Yes, I have heard of Mercury in Retograde. I do think there can be external environmental factors that increase the probable of a break up someone was already thinking about executing. For example, as the weather changes from colder to warmer, the number of breakups increase. Regardless, I am sorry for your friend. Out of the blue after four years? That's brutal. Was this after any talk of marriage?
  16. I think I am just very impressed with Faraday's approach. (Taking notes!) Yes, processing is critical. Processing is critical thinking and learning!
  17. What an interesting exchange. I think, and forgive me if I am wrong Faraday, but it seems like Faraday was suggesting in the gentlest way possible that dating right now when you are on the rebound and not ready is not a good thing. And putting it in question form is a good way to get someone to think through that notion. The responses were the most interesting part. The first answer didn't actually answer the question. The second answer did answer the question but didn't reflect on changing behavior. It is almost like asking someone why they are cooking while they are temporarily blind. And then they answer that it's because they can't control the stove temperature. But that is getting better as they are learning how to figure out the heat by getting burned over and over. Then the follow-up question is won't cooking be easier and less dangerous when your eye sight is back? And then the answer is yes ... While they proceed to start cooking again. Just the way I read that. Could be off.
  18. I am remembering the chorus of folks who told WithLove to completely stop dating for a long while. There seemed to be some benefit to that. Of course, dating now is up to you. I just think the above post (male poster) is decent food for thought.
  19. Thought you might find this discussion interesting. It made me think, for every guy I have considered emotionally unavailable is it because they have been obsessed with a past girl/relationship? And worse, have I been emotionally unavailable because I have been obsessed with a past person/relationship (e.g. All that I have been hurt in the past stuff)?
  20. I'm with you dude. It wasn't as bad as others say. 3/5 for entertainment value. Jason Bourne though. Ugh. 2/5. Disappointment. Also saw "The Intern" with Deniro and Anne Hathaway. Very cute and sweet. 4/5. (Minus one star for Anne Hathaway's husband in the movie.)
  21. Realitynut, Faraday, JJ .... I am so sorry about your mothers. No words. I really hope things get better for you guys. Many hugs. Thinking about the bible and being alone. My grandma (and the rest of my family) grew up in a communal culture. She was sold into slavery/marriage when she was 12 (long story). Anyway, she had four children and raised them all on her own without an education and a strong belief in the bible. But she was never alone. Kids, cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews .... Everyone was around and helping each other all the time. She had no interest in marrying again and was dismayed when my mom did marry my dad. I don't mean to veer off topic, but there is something to be said about cultural context. Here in America (and probably Canada) it's more individualistic. You grow up, leave the nest, go to school, get a job, marry and have kids ... Something like that. I was born and raised in this culture but my parents and other family didn't. I can totally understand how important romantic love is here. Both my husband and I live states away from our families. We adopt friends here, but it's not THAT level of familial closeness. Whereas in my "home" country yea people would marry but it was very much either a companionate type love or a business like arrangement. (And often the marriages would last because divorce is rare.) Or, you would see a lot of single (never married or widowed women) taking more prominent roles in the community. I could totally see myself there and never marrying and never feeling alone (lol because you NEVER are) because family is always there to support and gossip. People were poor in money but rich in radiating love and care.
  22. Glad you had a good vacation. Maybe you can try to translate that to home and keep yourself very busy for a while.
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