How important are looks in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

[Salty]

I find men who aren't shallow better in bed. You see a hot guy with an ugly fat woman and 8 times out of 10 that guy can throw down!

[Sportster2005]

How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?

 

What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face? Did some of my love/ dating experience failed because the guy thought I wasn't good enough physically? If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings. Correct?

What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly? What is she to do?

 

Please share your experience and views. Particularly wish to hear from men and also women who had a lot of dating/ love-finding experience. Thanks all.

 

One of our collective goals is to ensure survival of our species. We don't go into a date thinking that. But when see an attractive person, we are partially driven by that goal. Women tend to like taller, stronger successful men. They will better ensure the offspring have a good chance of survival. Men tend to be attracted to sexy, healthy youngish women. They are likely to produce healthy offspring.

 

People that are in good shape and are mostly flawless are in high demand, and attract many suitors. It's not shallow. It's life. If you're not lucky in the gene pool, you'll have to work harder. You'll have to work on your strengths and minimize weakness.

 

It's always possible people will reject us because we don't measure up physically. But if they dated you at all, they probably found you attractive, or they wouldn't have dated you. Most rejections end up being lack of spark. It's more complicated than just looks. But if anyone says looks don't matter, they're in denial. They matter a lot.

 

Confidence and how happy you are also very important. Good looking people who lack these are often, and stay single. These two things are attraction multipliers.

 

Change and improve what you can. Live a happy life. Do things that boost your confidence. Work on being fit and healthy. They all contribute, and they all overlap. Toning up and being active will boost your confidence. Boosting your confidence will give you more motivation to continue in the gym/running/whatever. Ignore things you can't do anything about. I kind change my height and I'm losing my hair. Whatever. But I can go to the gym and run and dance. I can keep busy being happy. I don't know how attractive I am. I'm confident I'm a good man, and not hard on the eyes. That's all I need.

[Sportster2005]

Apparently, not very important. I've seen some 'wow!' men paired with some truly homely women, and visa versa.

 

Because there are exceptions, it isn't a logical conclusion that it's not very important. The rule, not the exception would be a more accurate determination. My observation is most people end up close to their physical equal. Most beautiful people are paired with other beautiful people. And conversely average to average. And sometimes mismatched couples have been together for years. We don't know what they look like when they first met. But know they are in love, and looks are less important to them. As far as each other goes. If one of them became single, they may look for someone they consider physically attractive.

 

On another note, there seems to be a lot of resentment on this thread against good looking people. Resentment is like drinking poisons and hoping someone else gets sick.

[catfeeder]

Because there are exceptions, it isn't a logical conclusion that it's not very important.

 

Exceptions are key, because what we're all looking for IS someone exceptional. Otherwise, what's the point in 'seeking' love, when we could all just quit dating and love whoever lives behind the door of the next apartment?

 

Being attractive to most people might increase your odds of finding that needle in the haystack, or it might not. The problem comes in recognizing that 'most people' aren't the ONE you're looking for.

 

Or, another way to say that could be: they aren't the one YOU are looking for.

 

I don't consider the odds being against any of us as lamentable. I agree, that's just part of life. I guess I'm a glass-half-full kind of person who believes in miracles, or synergy in combo's we'd least expect, or the liberation that comes from scrapping a calendar and trusting that if the right person for you comes along, you'll both work it out.

 

On another note, there seems to be a lot of resentment on this thread against good looking people. Resentment is like drinking poisons and hoping someone else gets sick.

 

That's a great way to consider resentment. I enjoy beautiful people. I also consider some people beautiful that may not appeal to many. We can debate how 'important' it is to appeal to the masses, and I guess that matters if one wants to become famous. However, what attracts us is as unique to each of us as we are unique. I'd prefer to feel good about that and keep it simple: if the train doesn't stop at your station, it's not your train.

[Sportster2005]

I don't consider the odds being against any of us as lamentable. I agree, that's just part of life. I guess I'm a glass-half-full kind of person who believes in miracles, or synergy in combo's we'd least expect, or the liberation that comes from scrapping a calendar and trusting that if the right person for you comes along, you'll both work it out.

 

 

Love your optimism Catfeeder.

[IAmFCA]

Are looks important? Yes. No.

 

I lost 15 pounds and my marketability on line improved. I value looks in choosing a partner. It matters.

Perfect looks? Doesn't matter.

 

I look for athletics in my dating partners so that value carries through more than looks. Examples:

 

My great looking crush of a few years ago has fallen in long lasting love with his perfect activity partner. They are both athletes and both have strong slender bodies, which is important to him. She is not pretty at all, but she gives him a strong challenging partner and that is important to him.

 

Similarly, my current crush - his ex manages a gym and has a great figure but is not pretty. He comments on my looks when he sees me. I suppose it matters.

 

A man who recently had a crush on me is great looking - has modeled - and is kind etc. I have no interest in him.

 

Counterpoint: all 3 men i am involved with are in impressively good shape. One is not good looking by any measure; i've always been attracted to him. Two of these men have no hair, two are shorter than average - traits people say matter but not to me. All three are strong and atypically smart.

 

So do looks matter? Yes. But they don't carry the day.

[itsbannapple]

I could be the hottest girl on the planet but inside I could be a raging b*tch and no guy is going to want that no matter how attractive I am. Honestly. I don't have the best body, I'm pretty chubby and I'm not as beautiful as other females but my boyfriend loves me for me and to him I am beautiful. Same goes for my boyfriend, he might not be totally ripped and muscular like some dudes, but I don't even care. I love his body because I love him. So looks don't really matter if you really like a person. It sounds like you have a lower self-esteem and I think if you work on yourself and do things that will higher your confidence, you will feel much better about yourself and might not feel this way anymore.