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IAmFCA

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Everything posted by IAmFCA

  1. Thanks for the well wishes. Kids are convinced I had IT but I am not so sure. Either way, has been a nice time, all things considered. Hope everyone is OK!
  2. He may be a keeper says Friend 1. Move into his house when you're an empty nester, say Friends 2 and 3, who don't know and couldn't be more different from Friend 1. I have just spent a week 24/7 with him in his house, from the first night he owned it till now. Quarantined. Sick. Work, eat, play in the same small one floor house. A week. And enjoyed it.
  3. Found a sailboat, getting it this weekend! :D
  4. Let's please remember that acceptance of an engagement and entering into marriage, counterintuitively, do not necessarily indicate a happy relationship. Make no assumptions. You could not have done anything differently.
  5. OP, My last bf is someone I had known for years, who pursued me and expressed clear goals for the relationship and a clear path for us to follow. Then, he departed from the path. Every three months, he would try to destroy the relationship, which he ultimately did. When we broke up? The morning after he surprised me while I was on vacation with my friends, having missed me enough to make a long drive for a short stay. Two days after he told me he had gone house shopping in a neighborhood we both liked. Some people feel unsure of their own ability to maintain a healthy relationship, and are
  6. Building on Keyman's post: When a man tells me that he is happy when i am happy, I look for exits. I feel pressure to communicate how happy he's made me, to make sure he is happy. Bottom line: Happiness comes from within. Anyone who thinks it comes from external sources will be perpetually unhappy; I can't make anyone else happy if they aren't happy already.
  7. New guy is proving himself bf material. "You're worth waiting for" and no pressure. Also had good conversations with my high schooler, helping her launch a little more comfortably. Feeling better.
  8. Thank you, Batya. My exH skipped his weekend without notice and teen has been choosing to stay with me in some other instances, and feeling a bit insecure in her skin. Feels like there isn't enough of me to go around, the part that feeds her nixes the part that feeds me. And of course being her mom feeds me more than anything... balance, though.
  9. Currently feeling muted... muted is the word. I feel as if what I need to do for myself and what I need to do for my kids is at odds.It makes sense. I have been slowly adjusting to being an empty nester. But, I am not, in fact, an empty nester. My sole teen remaining under my wing wants me home. It will be 4 weekends in a row that the man and I have been out of town separately, putting pressure on the week. Feeling defeated.
  10. We can love everyone - from a proper distance. In some cases, that is a lot of distance! An expression of sincere respect for what you have experienced would be to respect your distance, not to ask you to violate your own boundaries. Isn't that how it all began? I say: keep your distance. I regret that some people use death as a manipulative tool, but its the truth. I've seen it. If you have something to say, a desire to express absolution or some such, then find a way to express that from a distance.
  11. I appreciate your wide eyed look in the mirror. Also, thank you for sharing it with us, when you might have defended yourself or ducked away. Well done.
  12. I hear you loud and clear. Following my instincts here, and words likely insufficient in the short moment I have... yet moved to say a little bit. Yes, I agree with you. Agree isn't the right word. At the same time -- had a great LTR with a deeply satisfying sexual aspect - with someone who had some very real limitations. My instincts tell me there is more to this adventure than what I have experienced to date. And yeah, if there never is more well then we gotta problem.
  13. OP, A narrow and important point: It is ALWAYS kinder to break up. It will never be easier to break up. Every day you permit your relationship to continue is a day you are making it that much more difficult to end it. She will not walk away from you, nor is it easier on her if you wait for her to figure out that she should. In fact, she will be hurt even more by that sort of outcome. Take the hit, end it in a forthright manner. That is the way to go that causes the least amount of pain. Pain-free is not an option. Nor is it reasonable. She too took the risk of being in a relationshi
  14. What purpose did she serve for you? If you were as smitten as you think, you'd have gotten yourself free and asked her out. You didn't. Are you choosing situations that can't ever develop into more serious relationships? The friend keeps you a bit aloof from the gf. The gf keeps you a bit distant from the friend.
  15. Sex isn't everything... yep. tested that and found its not enough That its just Meh ... yep. Attracted, for sure. It's just not all that. its just not. Do I want new guy to be in shape? You betcha. Gotta wait that one out. Do I want the sexy friend as a bf? No, I don't. Lots of reasons.
  16. The friendwith whom I can have such passion? We met years ago.
  17. Um. She used you all this time? What? You have had a gf all this time, right? Your friend - you never asked her out nor made any other effort to be available to her as a boyfriend. Is it fair to say you have been having an emotional affair with this woman, while keeping your gf on the side? So -- she has figured out that you are not available, and is moving on. Good for her. You will need to do the same. And, regardless of what you'd like to do, it is time to end your relationship with your gf. Your ability to sustain an interest in someone else indicates that you are not well match
  18. Speaking out loud what I have been ashamed to say, which is: sex? Meh. We get it done. I readily admit I have been treated to some off the charts atypical excellence in this department. I do expect it to improve. In a world of comparisons, it will likely never be my best, or even second best. But it might be wonderful as we grow in our knowledge and emotion and also in our own paths of fitness and personal.expression (through work and the arts). Walk in the door, feel overcome by lust, and indulge in the power of that force? Nope. Not yet. I miss that, I do. The man I wrote of last
  19. I would not reach out, because she needs months, not weeks. Stay engaged on insta. Date and hope she does the same. Look for opportunity in 9 to 12 months.
  20. Guiding principal : I attract what I am. Be what I want to attract to my life.
  21. Thinking about this has been helpful. Its good to feel what it is I want to protect -- which is part of the equation - and to identify what feels a bit reckless.
  22. Absolutely on point. One of my lessons to myself along the way is to pay attention to incremental choices because when I see feel and celebrate those, it is easier for me to find my boundaries sooner and get back on path.
  23. Out of town guy is not on my path forward. To adhere to my path is the surest way of going where I want to go. Therefore, irresponsible to myself.
  24. lols Agree - his head space is in single-land or demi-single-land. He is sabotaging whatever commitment he might be trying to sustain.
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