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Everything posted by 90_hour_sleep

  1. my own journal...a club i had to join. that was worth a laugh... probably should count my blessings for that...as a laugh was sorely needed. i learned a new term this morning: parallel parenting. it's what parents do when they are incapable of getting along. sometimes it's one parent...sometimes it's both. it doesn't really matter though. it's some sort of coping strategy for the collective madness of rearing children. i'm not even a primary parent. i'm just along for this nightmarish ride. i find myself questioning what i was thinking. how i could've been
  2. Interesting shift in societal dynamics. I'm wondering when fear and the mongering of said-fear became such an epidemic. I feel sad about it. Nothing seems to suffocate the life within quite like fear. Even the fear that has roots in good intention and some form of prevention. We have the ability as creatures of thought and reason to discern between situations that have the potential to cause harm (basically any activity) and those that carry with them a more inherent likelihood of harm. But those lines seem to have become blurred. Nowadays...if it CAN happen, that usually translates to,
  3. I enjoyed this. I recall reading something from Oliver Sacks... that in his clinical career he discovered that the only true cures for depression were music (playing) and gardening. Therapeutic. I'm sure anything that you feel creatively invested in would work well; but, there is definitely something unique about playing music. The brain goes a bit crazy with activity. If you need extra encouragement...I'm happy to offer it. Find yourself a piano!! My enjoyment has only increased as an adult. I have a small sense of regret that I didn't do it sooner...like 15-20 years ago. I opted f
  4. Hey Reality! Ha... a familar 'face' so-to-speak. The journals are where it's at. People shine when they're just observing and relating...as opposed to giving advice. That's been my experience at least. The best feedback I've ever received came in the form of active listening. Some thoughts in passing that weren't ever intended as ''advice''...just some friendly and/or compassionate words of shared experience. I'm surprised people read this at all sometimes...but then part of me really appreciates the fact that someone might anonymously feel something. It's all very passive. Screen
  5. I'm annoyed by entitlement today. Possibly the quality I like least in humans.
  6. the bubble of where i live... music... ena journals..
  7. hello old friend... it's a bubble. had a funny little ena thought today...so...here i am. i can recall a time when this place was a little crutch. might've been borderline addictive. hours a day...every day. perusing. contributing. beyond the normal interactions. i think most things work that way though. there's a fine line between participation and over-consumption. i'm glad it was here while it was here. some fantastic connections and insights from some lovely humans (a handful who have contributed snippets of wisdom on this journal...or just acted as anonymous ears for some em
  8. I had a similar thought. Don't know much about your relationship...but maybe it's an opportunity. No one can really know for sure. What's your gut say? Sexuality is a massive spectrum. We all slide along it in our own ways. Can't label a person for one preference or another. You'll never know what he was up to if you don't ask.
  9. Tough to be objective in the throes of it all. That's the beauty of space. Gives you a chance to explore your own depths honestly and openly. This is an opportunity if you choose to frame it that way. We're all a bit brainwashed by our social structures. There's no sense in either of you going back to what you had. You both deserve a chance to explore other aspects of your being. Best to move forward without attachment to a past that has played itself out. And besides, ''reconciliations'' that actually stand the test of time typically involve an element of newness (which is implici
  10. Ha! The old lizard. Not sure how much care he requires. Seems he's about as primordial as they come...just rolling along on instinct... Thanks for the feedback, Frazen. This has been a place of purging for me...so the flow has its roots in that. Usually just honest expression. Glad you said hello. :)
  11. This was a nice surprise. Thanks for your feedback, IAG. Been so many years here...and it warms me a little to know that there are still a few around from the relative beginning. It's good to have some reflections from someone who has witnessed some of my more exposed tendencies. Can always rely on honest feedback. I was actually thinking about you recently...and about something you said in a thread of mine from a couple years back. It had something to do with kids...specifically kids who have parens who don't live together. I think it was in regards to one parent's level of participa
  12. ''The Wisdom of No Escape,'' by Pema Chodron. Not as well known as some of her others. As much to do with the timing of the first read...but really helped shake up my perspective on "the bigger picture". Love this woman.
  13. Up...down... Up...down... Just never ends, does it. The constant flow of life and its challenges. I feel emotionally challenged right now. There was a little window of physical un-wellness last week that bled into a long weekend...and it feels like it really contributed to a general feeling of emotional lowness. Been taking it out to some degree on my current relationship. Feeling a bit smothered by it...or the circumstances around it. There was a trigger that's been rolling around inside of me...and i've been trying to pin down what the root of the feeling is. Girlfriend met m
  14. I was wondering about this part. What do you mean about the middle ground? Is it the meaty substance...the depth of relating with others? Have a feeling I might be misinterpreting... I don't know you...or your history...your dynamic with yourself and others; although, reading through the thread it's difficult not to nod along with the others about this...that its run its course and ultimately there are just a few loose threads keeping the two of you tangled together in a pokey little dance. At the same time, it seems beneficial to examine what your ''other gut'' was suggesting. Perha
  15. Ya...foo foo on the tax implications. That's a major turn-off. I've been self-employed at times...but have yet to run into a major issue with the tax man. I'll consider myself lucky...and take your story into consideration moving forward. The time crunch doesn't feel like a happy place to me...energetically or otherwise. Maybe this is more like a hobby...with the added bonus of (maybe) leading to small doses of monetary prosperity. I don't really know yet. Vlogging has less appeal to me. Can't say why exactly. I suppose it's just not the medium I find myself exploring. Could be i
  16. Yes. The income part is not necessary...but I have considered the idea that it could potentially provide a very small supplement (key word). The idea would be to nurture something I already enjoy doing during my periods of downtime (a six-month contract for me is often the equivalent of a full year of work for the 9-5, M-F job). So, I can afford to be selective in my process because it really isn't about feeding myself. Supplement. I've considered the idea of starting some sort of blog (although the word bothers me sometimes). That way I can practice the process and contribute things
  17. Good question. I haven't honestly given the specifics much thought. The creative stuff is too personal? I appreciate this suggestion. There are a few areas I could focus on...expanding a bit on what bluecastle alluded to...exploring areas of interest a little deeper. Not sure what the 1099 is. Not currently contracting...but it's always an option for me with what I do. Thanks for the feedback, Jibralta. :)
  18. There's an idea of money in there somewhere...but I'm not naive enough to think it'll be an easy process...and I'm not so sure it's the primary motivating factor. I've got an aptitude for writing that I'd like to nurture in some different ways. I like the bolded bit...inspiring. And your final suggestions are helpful...thank you.
  19. Do you think there are more casual opportunities out there? Where if it's not someone's primary means of earning a living the need to succeed is somewhat less critical? Do you have your own experience? Are you a writer? How did you start out? I appreciate the feedback. I don't expect that it'd be an easy thing to break into. More of a gradual process of trial and error...success and failure.
  20. I always like the idea of doing things that you already enjoy doing and either inviting someone else along, or finding a group that shares the same interest in a particular activity. Less emphasis on ''dating'' and more emphasis on sharing experience. If there's some additional chemistry...explore it. If not...move along.
  21. I appreciate your input, bluecastle! This helps to temper my expectations. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd have the stomach for it...but perhaps the fact that I wouldn't be dependent on writing for my well-being in life would mitigate that. I like your last line. Just take a stab at it. How can anyone else know what my experience will be? Your circumstances may be different...but how do you get contracts/gigs?
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