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princesa

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  1. princesa
    Dear Lisa, I think you must know best if writing an e-mail you ask him not to reply will give you the closure you need. I've written some letters in the past with the same intention, but today I'd say I did that in order to get an answer. And only the "negative" or indifferent answer gave me closure = I had to realise he truly didn't want me anymore. Did I have to humiliate myself, I think sometimes...because at the end of the day, shouldn't cheaters and dumpers themselves apologise for hurting us, and not us for loving them and maybe for some things we did and are not that proud of?I'm not sure. On the other hand, I like your mail because it's short, not really gushy, and you've found a good way to start it with that promotion thing. You say what you have to say and if you think that'll bring you closure, please go for it. If you do send this mail, and he won't answer, or if he answers in a very indifferent way, please get the grip and promise me not to do anything anymore!!!!! I know it hurts but you know you can't hang on anymore... Actually, I'm doing something similar myself = I broke the NC rule (heck, I might as well admit it...)...I have been waiting for 2 looooooong months for this, that is his birthday, to send a "casual" congratulation as if giving him the ball by letting him know in a subtle way I haven't forgotten and I wish him all the best...I sent it this week and still haven't got any answer. I admit I'm waiting for one, naturally...and you can believe this uncertainty about whether he has received it really kills me!! If he doesn't answer, or answers in a very formal way or something like that, that's it then. (It should be it anyways!!!) In a way we're all looking for a closure somehow, I guess... But really Lisa: no begging, pouring out your heart, apologising...He KNOWS how much you care, even if you didn't send the mail. There is one sentence that worries me am hoping this will either completely close it for me or it will be a new beginning. ...so what do you want? Keep on as it is = you still hurting and wondering about him? This shows that you are expecting something to happen...like I am with the birthday thing . I guess we both have to make it clear that if us breaking the NC rule has as a consequence a) then what will we do, and if b) then what will we do. We shouldn't just wait and see and then make conclusions, I'm afraid that will make us feel worse. And what we don't want, I'm sure you don't want it either, is starting from square 1 all over again... I don't know if you understand what I mean (my bloody english skills again...) - we should be prepared and not break the rule as if this was the last straw. For me it is...but I don't want it to break my back if it doesn't lead to expected answer... You're a big girl and know best, like I always say!!!! take care and let us know what happened, princesa
  2. princesa
    Hi again, ok...I surrender. I admit it's easier to come here and get advice for those magic tricks that'll bring him back. By tha way, i'm just trying one of mu own out, in case it works, I'll let you know... If it doesn't work...I'll slowly but definitely move towards healing a broken heart section, because the break up seems to be definite, I've lost the illusion of him coming running back, and I guess I'm just broken hearted. Anyways, I agree with you Singer. Princesa
  3. princesa
    Hello Pollylop, I just wanted to say that I completely agree with the guys who posted their comments before me. Initial No Contact is a MUST, otherwise you can a) never get real closure b) never be real friends as you never really broke up c) never really move on. It surely is more difficult for the one that has been dumped...but I admit it could be difficult also for the person who actually broke up, because somehow there still are feelings (they don't disappear just like that) even if there's no real point (enough love, maybe?) to continue the relationship. I was (sort of) dumped, told my ex not to be in any kind of contact with me anymore, and still he tried to call (once)...I deduce that it is or at least was difficult for him too, and no matter how much I want(ed) him to call + stay in touch...at the end of the day I'm happy he finally respected the No Contact-rule, it's been almost 2 months now...otherwise I don't think I could have gotten even this far in my healing... So my advice is to give your ex time to heal. You can still be friends after some time. I'm still friends with my former ex, even though he's married and lives far away now. It took some time though. And I really truly wish I can be friends one day with my latest ex...but my heart's still hurting. When I'm ready to be friends, I'll contact him. If your boyfriend says he's ready now, sorry to say but he's fooling himself and you, just to stay close. But that won't help him heal. Hope this helped, this is my experience. Take care, Princesa
  4. princesa
    hi there, I hope you are still doing fine, at least "better"... I noticed something hilarious today and it reminds me of Lisa saying earlier that we are all survivors...well, it happens that my cell phone rang (no...it wasn't him...) and I realised= remembered that the ring tone is Destiny's Child's "Survivor"...in fact I had installed that tone 3 years ago, when I was veeeery heart broken, too. Because of another guy. Some years have passed and here we go again...I had even got so used to that ring tone and never changed it that I didn't remember why I chose it in the first place!!! So I want to stress once again that we will make it, other people will come that we'll love and that'll love us...unfortunately we may get heart broken again, too...but hey, this is life. It's never only bad times or only pure happiness. There are storms only before the calm... Princesa
  5. princesa
    Hi Singer, yes...it does make sense...and I'm sorry I pointed the moving on question out in this section...in fact I wasn't looking where I was writing, for me this breaking up, getting back together, healing a broken heart is all the same: I'm hurt, I miss him, I wish he'd love me, and I know he doesn't, I have to move on...I need support in every way. Of course, if someone could give me the ultimate advice to get him back...I'd be more than delighted!!! But isn't it true as well, that we want to see the likelihood of reconciliation...even if there isn't any. I mean it's a lot more encouraging to write in this forum than listen to the advice in the section breaking up... Anyways, I got your point. From now on I'll give my advice to move on in the other section ...but secretly come here for any advice to get my ex back!!!! Princesa
  6. princesa
    Hello Sweetieone and everybody else, yes here we are...all of us, still writing on this forum - why??? I don't think it's that much about giving each other hope! Ok, he/she may come back, this may happen, but in most of the cases it doesn't...it's much more about sharing this probably surreal expectation of everything returning back to where it was. We are all hoping for that miracle...but deep down we also know that this is probably not going to happen and thereforeeee we need all the support we can get from people that know exactly how we are feeling, because they are in the same situation. Your title captured my attention because it's soooo true: mornings are the worst. I hate having to think about my ex the last thing in the evening, the first god damn thing in the morning. Why? For how long? I don't have a clue. No matter how much I love him and wish him to realise what a wonderful human being he has dumped...what are the chances that actually is going to happen? The thing is...no matter how much we ponder here on whether our ex's still might want to come back or not, I think the most important thing is to support each other to move on... Anyways. I guess you've all read tons of self help literature - how about reading a novel instead? I recommend you ladies who haven't already read the book Laura Zigman: "Animal husbandry" it's soooooo our situation...and it still helps you laugh and get a let's say pseudo-scientific view on breaking up. In the book, when Jane is dumped by her boy friend her friend gives her this advice (that I'd love to give us all now): "After Andrew", he said, "I forced myself to go out, to meet people, to date. But everytime I did, every time I was out or in bed with someone, I'd think, But they're not him. And they weren't. And you're going to think that for a while too, because they're not Ray either, and somehow you're going to have to believe that even though they're not Ray, there's going to be someone else who's going to make you just as happy as he did." He sat down next to me on the couch and sighed, as if he knew what I wanted to hear. "Maybe he'll come back. And maybe he won't. But nothing you do will affect that. You can wait for something that may never happen or you can start trying to get over him now." Does this sound familiar? Hugs for everyone, Princesa
  7. princesa
    Hi there. Listen to Lisaria...she always has the best advice anyways Look...it's soooo difficult sometimes, I really ask myself often why does everything always have to be so damn difficult...but if it wasn't so, would we feel this alive, could we then appreciate the good times when they eventually come? My life is a real roller coaster, too...somehow I seem to fall into this terrible hole every second year = all of the sudden I realise I'm unemployed, dumped, heart broken, sick, broke....Really, this almost is so pathetic i have to laugh! Why am I telling you this? Because our greatest glory is not in never failing but in always rising again!!! You are a great person, so am I,...and we CAN rise again!! Like in all those extreme makeover shows they have on tv, instead of our looks we can improve our inner feeling, we can start liking ourselves again, we can rise and thrive again! this may sound stupid, but believe us...bad times never last forever. Never. In my country we say: if bad times seem to be lasting very long, happiness can't be far away anymore! C'mon. You'll be fine...just believe in yourself. we'll be here for you. Lots of hugs from Central Europe, Princesa
  8. princesa
    Belle, if you guys broke up and the advice you get from everywhere is no contact, start dating again etc...then why not trying to find new people on the internet? I mean both of you. I think internet is quite a good way to look for someone new...you don't really have to go out and flirt, you can do this from home. It's like sort of moving on without moving from home...Besides. You can always look around without really committing yourself to anything...? Princesa
  9. princesa
    Hi Lisa, just wanted to say I'm glad you didn't contact him and that you are feeling stronger now. I know it just too well how this process goes, one day I feel so strong and shout out advice to other people as if I was a relationship guru or something, then some other day I feel sooooo bad and wish I didn't have to get out of my bed. But this is how it goes...and when we've been through this enough times (I wish one time was enough...but at least I've been here before) we will eventually get what we deserve, love and respect. We must learn from all this suffering, right? Well...I'm glad you feel stronger. Let's not let them put us down. hugs, princesa
  10. princesa
    Hi Lisa. How about No Contact...apparently it does work, they say...If I was you wouldn't call myself. If he does have a spark for you, he'll call. That's what I think of my ex too, if he was in love with me, there was nothing to keep him from calling!!! Anyways, you know best! hugs, princesa
  11. princesa
    Hi everybody, well well...you surely are having a dispute here. Poor Lisa must be all confused! Or are you taking this as an entertainment? Maybe it's just meant to be a distraction, good one guys...that's what we all need anyways, distraction from wondering about our exs! But I do have to say I very very much agree with Deb. It's a piece of very dangerous advice that you are giving there Kipster!! Even if you didn't cheat again, what are the chances Lisas's ex won't??? I'd say one in a million...And if you're saying, that the chances are he really won't cheat again and that he really has realised he truly loves Lisa...I don't think that's the point. The point is will Lisa ever be able to trust him again? Imagine, maybe he didn't cheat again, but Lisa would still never be able to forget what he did. It's no life being aware and suspecting all the time. Besides, by staying with a guy that's toxic for her, that she's addicted to, maybe she'd miss out on a true harmony and affection that she could (and will...) find with somebody that may not be as charismatic and cool as the scumbag, but at least he'd make her happy. I can only repeat my own experience: I was cheated really badly, forgave him just because I was too afraid of losing him...well, then I had him but no trust, no real love, no future really. And oh yes, he was sooooooo regretful, he swore he loved me and he didn't know what had got into him and he'd never do that again and he'd always love me etc. But he did. A couple of months after that he left me for another, not even the same girl I know he cheated me with (I wonder how many were there)!! So you can imagine I wished nothing more than I had had the strength to kick him out after the first cheating... After recovery I was really angry with myself and decided to take no BS from anybody anymore. And I know many stories like this...I guess I haven't been the only woman who loved too much the wrong guy...and Kipster, I really haven't ever heard of ANY guy story where the guy cheated only once and then never again... Look Lisa, you too deserve the very best. And like you tell the others, it will come to you too. We just need a little patience. After this cheating guy I've met 2 others that I've loved as much. Fair enough these stories didn't work out either, but the point is I did recover from that one back then, and I found other men to love. Back then I thought I'd never recover. I thought I'd never forget, and I haven't forgotten, sure enough, that mistake is still carved in my memory as a warning example!! And at least I'd say these other guys that I've had deserved my affection a lot more than my ex scumbag... Listen to Debisfun. I think she can better put herself into your situation. And don't forget we are here for you. Hugs, Princesa
  12. princesa
    Hello Lisa. Look, I think you are intelligent enough to know what's best for you. But it kind of scares me to read all these advices and talks that say 'if you want him back and love him, then go for it'...Sometimes, always I'd say, no matter how much we love and want them to love us has nothing to do with how stable and long lasting the relationship can be. Yes, maybe you get some guy that cheated you to come back, and yes, maybe it will make you feel better to be close to him. But in the long run, will you be able to trust him? A person who has cheated once and has been forgiven for that, will cheat again - I'm 100% sure of that, by a very very painful own experience. Please think about that. Besides, I can tell you that you WILL find a guy who will respect you and love you a lot more. Sorry, but I really can't see why you are adviced to fight for this guy who doesn't respect you. You're better off without him. Even if it hurts. Hugs, Princesa
  13. princesa
    Hi Lisa, I was already going to sleep but then I saw your post, and since your comments always have helped me so much, I really feel bad for this set-back in your healing. Look. I've been cheated really bad twice by two different men - they did NOT love me, otherwise they wouldn't have done what they did. No matter how much it hurts and no matter how much you love this scumbag (it's not your fault you have feelings 4 him), you have to stand up 4 yourself 4 what you are worth. And Lisa, I can read that you are worth a lot. You don't have to put up with a cheating man unless you like 'open relationships' which I suppose you don't. I completely agree with Healing: this guy is just trying to save his face and he's also doing this because he has a bad conscience - he has done something wrong and he knows that. Don't interprete this as caring 4 you. I'm sure he once did, but nowadays he only seems to be acting selfish. I know it"s hard to admit that now. My longest recovery from a broken heart was exactly from the guy who hurt and cheated me most. Today I'm suffering from a completely different kind of heart break, and I ask myself, why did I suffer for the cheater that much back then. He wasn't even worth all that pain. But you can't control who you fall for and not who breaks your heart in most pieces, can you? You seem to be an intelligent, adult woman. You can help the others and always find words that give the others strength - please don't let this guy put you down. You CAN be strong, you know. I'd just try to forget this guy...at the end of the day you will, and you know that. You once replied me 'it doesn't seem like that now but you will survive this' - well so will you. I wouldn't write any mail, but if you need closure, go ahead. THEN please forget about him. At least start trying to... Take care, Princesa PS. You also wrote once "pour your heart out here, not to him"...so...
  14. princesa
    Hi Deborah, Sounds really cool, I especially liked the bit I just posted another reply elsewhere wishing I could accept myself as I am, because even like this I really think I'm the best thing that could ever happen to this person who (sort of) dumped me. If he can't see it, too bad. You sound so strong! I'm happy for you, because inner strength is the only way through pain. take care, princesa
  15. princesa
    Hello everybody. I think after the break up it is really important to work on ourselves, especially after they've dumped us...but I don't like the expression "to become BETTER" - as if we were not good enough? I gave everything I could (read: too much) because I was and probably still am in love with this guy...if I have to learn now, how to give less, all these strategies how to keep a guy interested and not become a doormat, will I be "better" then? I want somebody to love me as I am, not as a person I can become... Anyways, I think this was just a matter of expression (english isn't my native language)...I think that we should work on ourselves, too...but in order to make ourselves happier, more self-confident, not to become "better" (for them). So, what have I done in these six weeks? After some days at my friend's, because I just couldn't bear the loneliness, I started to exercise 4 times a week. Lost some weight naturally, and also went to an esthetic treatment. Actually I consider myself a real catch "characterwise', so I couldn't think of anything else that was wrong with me but my looks. Stupid, I know, and my friends still keep on telling me there is nothing wrong with me, and I do get some attention from other men...but I guess I just feel deep down inside that if I only was even prettier ... - I know this isn't really the reason why he didn't love me, maybe it has nothing to do with me, but you can imagine that I have to blame something, don't I? Maybe I also wanted to prove myself something similar by going to get some photomodel pics taken - yes, I did some modelling basically for myself, just to see myself "through art", hoping to see somebody else than I feel! And some of the photos are amazing indeed, I can hardly recognize myself. I look at this sexy and beautiful blond and wonder why the h**l do I feel this ugly and bad? So unlovable. I've talked lots with my friends, a therapist...read self help books, novels, watched movies that reflect the same hurting I feel inside. And naturally this forum - I'm deeply thankful for my friend for telling me about this! You guys through your comments surely make me feel better! And I've started to be really creative - I've started to write again...last time I pretended to write a novel myself was after my last break up, ages ago. I have to say art really is a great way to express all these feelings that appear when you suffer...how do you think all great novels and pieces of art in general were born? Sometimes I think I'm even "glad" I can feel this pain...if I didn't, would I feel this alive? I mean life is not just about being happy, sad feelings are true as well. Naturally I wish I could find happiness again, I guess I feel even if I don't see that right now...most of all I wish I could learn to accept myself and feel lovable again, just as I am. I don't "need' to become better, just feel better. Take care and thanks 4 being there, Princesa
  16. princesa
    Hi guys, you're right. Naturally we will be stronger next time around...and not only because we've read all the relationship books available and applied NC rules and worked on ourselves - unfortunately human beings only learn by suffering. In my country we say: what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. BUT. No matter how strong and great we will be in the next relationship, there still is a chance, because there always is, that the love fades away the novelty wears of, one of the 2 falls out of love. It's not in our hands...it's sad. I know I'm supposed to be more optimistic and "believe" in love...but all I can feel right now is cynism. Princesa
  17. princesa

    love...

    princesa replied to cabernet's topic in Personal Growth

    Dear Cabernet, wow, I'm deeply touched by your comments. You show a very mature and adult attitude - a proof that you are a good and lovable person, sure enough that somebody will see that very soon and you'll find that love again. I'm recovering from a heart break like probably all the others here. Everybody has their own story to tell, but we've all experienced love.But even when it seems that we've found that personal fairy tale, in no time it can be over for reasons that are not up to us. We can't force anybody to fall in love with us and love us forever, and we can't often prevent them from falling in love with somebody else. Such is life. When somebody dumps you for another, you feel such a pain that only very few people can honestly be so not selfish but happy for these 2 other people for having found love. Why shouldn't their love be beautiful like yours was? It's not our priviledge. I guess the lesson to learn here is that we should fully enjoy love while it lasts, because we'll never know when it can be over. And once it is over, we should smile because it happened and not cry because it's over. I know this is more easily said than done...I'm fighting really hard myself against becoming a cynical eternal single person, because all my stories seem to end too fast... But anyways. I really appreciate what you wrote. Gotta keep on believing that we'll find love again, TOO. Take care, Princesa
  18. princesa
    Dear vckyjam, I was in a long-distance relationship too, and I broke up, because he said he wasn't sure. Actually he said he wasn't sure if he was that madly in love to travel as much as the long distance relationship required, not to mention taking the step to move together in one country. Funny thing is, he wanted to continue...I guess because he too had got used to being so much in contact, to knowing that the other person is out there somewhere missing me. But for me, no matter how much I miss him, what he had to offer just wasn't enough, was it? I broke up and started the famous no contact-rule. He called once after that, after a week or so, but I said again that there was no point in keeping in touch if that was how he felt. And after that: complete silence, and now it's been a bit more than 5 weeks. I can tell you that no day has passed that I didn't missed him. He is still my last thought before falling asleep, my first thought when I wake up. I spend my days wondering about what he's doing, where he is. I hate knowing his timetables, I even know the exact time his alarmclock rings every morning and I wake up thousands of kilometers away and wonder whether he heard it. But what can I do? I can only hope he'll think it over. As you must know, long distance relationships are anyways that difficult and hard, that instead of really expecting a miracle to happen and him changing his mind and preferring our relationship to one he might even have already found where he lives, I'm trying to do my best concentrating on myself and my healing. I've seen friends, worked out, started being creative again, made plans... This doesn't mean I've lost hope. No, in fact I'm still planning contacting him "in a subtle way" myself on his birthday this month. But I ain't going to beg or tell him how much I miss him, that's not the point and it surely is not going to make him love me. So my advice for you is that you keep on applying the NC-rule, because begging and discussing isn't going to make him move to England either. Maybe he's already really bored without your daily contact - this is what I hope my ex is experiencing! I know how much it hurts, but believe me, your life goes on, even though you can't help but think about him and hope. take care, Princesa
  19. princesa
    Larz, I still think you made the right decision, you showed courage and stood up to what you believe is right = stopped making yourself a pathetic doormat. I'm just curious to know, do you still feel true love for this woman, I mean UNSELFISH love, like that you really want her to be happy and you are willing to set her free, or is it that you want her to 'suffer and feel the pain like you did'? I've been analyzing different forms of love recently for a study, and I find the ideas of the ancient greeks really interesting. Do you know they have 4 words for 'love' - agape, philios, eros and storge. The most divine form is 'agape', and a human form of that would be that you love someone without asking anything in return. Like Sting says, if you love somebody, set them free... Really interesting guys, you should check on the internet on this. Larz, I really appreciate your comments, and I have learned a lot for my study as well. I'd just like yo hear your comment on these different forms of love, and how you qualify yours now. Thanks + take care, Princesa
  20. princesa
    Congratulations!!! You really stood up for yourself and I think your story is an example to follow for the most of us!!! I truly wish I could do the same if my ex realises how wonderful I am... I completely agree with previous writers, your story about how "no contact" really can be successful helps us all. I think you made NC-rule a success by standing up for yourself, it was worth applying the rule just to be able to discover this strength in you. Well done! Thanks for sharing that! Princesa
  21. princesa
    Hi woopsydaisy, maybe I didn't explain well what I meant (english isn't my mother tongue...an excuse, I know ) - I mean take a couple that is doing fine and actually both ARE in love with each other on at least some level - BUT one of them has this image of "the one" in his/her mind, of a sort of a dream partner, an image that doesn't correspond to the current partner. So should this person keep on searching for the exact match or settle for the second best = the current partner that is all right, lovable and so on? I mean you can never be sure that you'll meet the dream person, so why not make this other person your dream person by putting a little more effort into the relatioship. I don't mean that you just "take anyone", for example on grounds that you don't wanna be alone. No, that's not what I meant. I could never ever be with someone I'm not in love with. But I could and in fact want to be with someone who gives me love and I can have a great relationship with, even though this person might not have the exact looks and profession and nationality etc. that my ideal man would. To be honest, I don't even have a real picture of my ideal man ... Ok, I understand that problems start if you have somebody else just "stand by" while waiting for a dream guy. But at least in my case if I "settle for" someone well then I respect and show faith, even if the "first best" all off the sudden appeared. It's a matter of choice I think, and by then I would have chosen the "second best"...no? Ok, you can take me by word on this... I don't like this expression "settle for the second best" anyways. What I meant is more or less what Mixmaster said about his case - for his girlfriend obviously he was the best ("everything she ever wanted"), but in her mind he was only "second best"...so my question is, what's wrong with secondbests if you love them and they love you back? Maybe she's even unhappy, because for her "stupid idea of the one" she can't be happy with Mixmaster, and in that case I think she's making a mistake and complicating her life unnecessarily. Sorry Mixmaster for taking this example, maybe I got your case wrong anyways! Ok, enough for now...did you understand what I mean? Sorry for not making myself clearer, or maybe you just don't agree. Not everybody does... take care you all, princesa
  22. princesa
    Hi Mixmaster, I completely agree with you. This is exactly what I meant. People don't seem to have any need to stick with what they have, instead of trying to make things work it's easier for them to move on to the next, because "the perfect match" probably is somewhere out there. Nobody knows if they ever find the perfect match, but it seems to be worth trying. What I can't understand is that sometimes this means that while searching and hoping for this magic person to appear, these people even prefer being alone and sad to "settling for the second best". Ok, saying this sounds horrible, but like in your case, when two people really love each other and the relationship works great, what the %*££ is wrong with the second best?? especially if the first choice doesn't even exist or you can't be sure to find him/her... In my relationship I felt exactly the same: ...the worst for me is that afterwards I've been feeling really like it was my fault that I didn't correspond exactly to what he wants "physically". Like I wasn't pretty enough...and I have to say I never had this problem before!!! Besides, I was pretty enough for him to start the relationship with me, wasn't I? I admit that what comes to other person's looks etc. we all have our preferences - but in my case at least I know what attracts me and if I can feel good and start a relationship with someone, well then it doesn't even occur to me after some time that the guy may not have the height I wish my future husband had, I'd better break up. Like you say, we have to let this kind of superficial people go, no matter how much we love them and no matter how great the relationship itself was. We deserve something better - definitely to be accepted and loved just the way we are. Good luck, and sorry for what happened to you, Princesa
  23. princesa
    Hi there. Still bouncing back from broken hearts, aren't we...sometimes I think I live for the day I don't need to enter this forum again, and when after months I'll just pop in by coincidence, I won't find all the same people, because we're all completely healed and doing fantastically and we've found really fabulous new relationships and so on...Funny, it doesn't feel like it right now, but actually this is exactly what's going to happen. Other broken hearts will take our places here in this forum. I've been thinking about these things, too. I wonder whether I really fell for him so blindly that I forgot to stand for what I value and think and so on. I guess what comes to the values, we were more or less equal, but it was definitely me who did more when not every effort in the relationship! Ok, I called and travelled to see him and cooked for him and in many ways showed how much I cared, I did everything I could, but I did that because I wanted and because that's how I am when I'm in love - if I didn't do that or had pretended "hard to get", it would have been somebody else, not me. In a way I still regret that I didn't play that dream girl-thing (according to the book "Stop getting dumped") but sort of made myself too available. But why should I try to be somebody else? I read in this forum somebody saying that "somebody who loves you just the way you are knows exactly what you're worth"...so even if I called too much or did myself too available, I guess my "true love" in the future will appreciate it, won't he? Gabriel García Marguez says in Spanish "No pases el tiempo con alguien que no esté dispuesto a pasarlo contigo" = "Don't spend your time with someone who isn't willing to spend his time with you". Sounds simple but that's how it should be...if you're the one giving and spending, that's it, move on... Yes, reading all these relationship books is a bit too much, it helps, but now it has become the last straw, like this forum... But like I said in the beginnig, maybe very soon we won't be writing each other anyways...(optimistic, aren't I ) Princesa
  24. princesa
    Dear all, yes, this has been a difficult week, some days just are worse...I can see myself that I'm doing better when I don't need this forum's support. I mean I'm grateful for you being out there, but I wish I could one day stand on my own again and didn't need you guys. It'll come, I know... Anyways, I just wanted to comment something you wrote Mix: I've been going on and on about this lately, because this is just what annoys me now a days and it's making me very cynical. Unfortunately I'm even suffering this behaviour very personally, since I recently broke up with my boyfriend, because he wasn't passionately in love and thought he'd rather wait for something "better" - I could even understand this, if we were 19, but we are both over 30, really really want to settle down and we are really compatible too, enjoy(ed) each other's company and in every way I thought we were doing fine...but now my self-esteem is crashed and I have to think I was not "good enough". Obviously this is not my fault and he just doesn't love me, I have to move on, but just wanted to quote you and comment - people really don't know what they want, there is too much "offer" arround and yeah, who knows if you are to meet somebody better? This just makes me sick. To your question, I think our ex's will never forget us, like we won't completely forget our ex's either...probably even the one who decides to wait or even go for "something that's supposed to be better" will keep on cherishing the thought of us or even loving us, but they just need to try to find something they think is better. It's the way it is now a days, just like nobody is satisfied with collecting stamps as a hobby, nowadays it has to be mountain climbing or something else "extreme"... As you can see, this really puzzles me. in a way it's not just breaking up that makes me feel upset, it's just realising how disposable and unstable everything is nowadays. So why bother trying a relationship again? But you are young, forget about what I'm saying... Good luck anyways, princesa
  25. princesa
    Dear Matt, I absolutely underline everything you said. In fact, I'm going to print that out and carry it in my pocket, so when ever I feel blue (I broke up - because my boyfriend said he was not in love - only 4 weeks ago and sort of still live in the afterglow and that roller coaster of feelings) - no contact really is helping ME to move on. And like somebody said, you don't have to burn the bridge to be moving on (wrote that in my diary too... ), but the most important thing is to realise that they do not want to be with us like we deserve them to be with us, so no matter what we do and how much we cry that won't make them change their mind. It IS hard to carry on...but it will get better. Anyways, just wanted to say that I totally agree and have to congratulate you for such constructive thinking and helping many people by writing that so clearly. You're absolutely right. Good luck, Princesa
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