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Belle last won the day on February 22 2007

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  1. I can see what you mean about unpleasant memories. It’s been so long I had to read why we broke up. I don’t harbor the resentment I had back then and he wasn’t a bad guy. He just had some unhealthy defenses. I am awfully curious to see what’s happened in all of this time.
  2. Thanks for sharing. The last paragraph really resonated. I get the impression that you understand where I’m at.
  3. Gosh there’s so much negativity in your post. Do you come here to be a Debbie downer and tell yourself you’re trying to help people? I’m dating and moving forward. I’m not in a relationship and until I find a healthy partner I will continue to date. I am thinking the projection is coming more from you. Ask yourself why you are so incensed that I dare date other people. Pretty unreasonable from my perspective
  4. I do remember why we broke up. Fortunately I wrote it here and went and found it before I decided to meet him. Don’t worry about me. I have no rose colored glasses for him. But he’s not a bad person to be friends with either.
  5. Thanks Cherylyn but I'm not a black and white thinker. I don't see anything wrong with being friends with exes. In terms of rekindling, he's Bob Hope's cousin. No Hope.
  6. In the past year since I left my ex fiancé, I have had 5 exes reach out to me. I am actually going to have drinks with the one before my ex fiancé. I am seeing it as catching up and a distraction. I have other dates lined up this week and next. It's feast or famine in dating. Regardless of all of these distractions, I can't help but recognize that I'm still attached to the guy that I dated last. I don't know if it's limerence or if he simply is just a better person than all of my exes. I wish he had made it easier for me to move on. Instead he pulled a d*** move by being unselfish. I'm still hooked. :/ I guess moving forward is just one foot in front of the other.
  7. OP - 1) Realize that the quicker that you move through this obstacle, the closer you will move towards the right person for you. 2) Don't take this personally. It doesn't matter if you were a rebound. Your inherent value did not disappear even if you were. Just try to learn the cues of a guy that is overly attentive because he might be in rebound mode. 3) Don't spend your emotional capital on guys that aren't meant for you. You don't want to be worn out and cynical when the right guy shows up. The longer you waste grieving what's not supposed to be, the longer it takes you to find the right person. I don't know how old you are, but this is especially important if you want kids. 4) Be thankful that he moved on, even if rejection hurts like a b***. This is his way of saying that you were missing an incompatibility and it wouldn't have worked out anyway. And you would have wasted time. God will give you something better than you thought you could choose for yourself, if you let go of those men that don't work out.
  8. Rose - I have definitely sharpened my radar for the guys that aren't really relationship material. Those that are capable, but not right now can be more challenging. You can see that they have an elevated level of emotional maturity but aren't ready to work for it yet. On another note, a guy I dated over 7 years ago that was emotionally unavailable, took a "break" and then came back only for me to tell him no is reaching out to me again. He was very good looking, successful, no kids and we had a lot in common. He was a year out of his divorce though and was in no way ready for a relationship. I'm curious to catch up with him. I suspect that it wasn't just his divorce that made him emotionally unavailable, but I guess I can talk to him and find out. This is the 5th "ex" (he was a short term so not technically an ex) that has reached out to me in the last year since I left my ex fiancé. 3 of them I hadn't heard from in 7-8 years, 2 over a decade. There must be a full moon for exes..
  9. I love this. The latter part is the hard part. Staying vulnerable when you might actually have something to lose because this one is different than the others.
  10. You are preaching to the choir waffle. Except I am not happy single. My one regret is that when I was younger I didn't date enough. I was a serial monogamist and after I ended a couple of relationships, I took 3 years to get over each. Then I would date to find someone (not dating a number of people to see who was most compatible.) Then i'd find that person didn't work either. Those were years that I should have been finding the father of my kids but I was overly sentimental and believed there was this stupid thing called "soul mate." So, so foolish. Also, I let work take over my life during the same period.
  11. Ok now you're scaring. You make me want to run back to the last guy I dated. i hope you're at least making friends at the meetups. :)
  12. I found dating in my 20's much easier and a lot more fun than in my 30's or 40's. The guys were better looking, in shape and had lots of hair. lol I don't think I missed the boat. Some others here seem to think so but I'm not convinced. There are a lot of single people out there. It is unfortunate that it appears that there are a lot of single people that aren't necessarily capable of or want to have healthy relationships. That's what is dismaying.
  13. I'm finding that some of those catches are getting divorced for whatever reason. But they tend to jump right back into the next relationship because many men that have been married a long time don't like being alone.
  14. Rose - I just came back from a break. Sigh. It would be more worthwhile if I met people that ended up being friends but that's not happening either. I know I'm picky, but I'm not yet ready to settle. It sounds like you didn't, you just had to wait a while.
  15. Rose - I feel lucky that so far, it's been pretty obvious. One guy tried to argue me out of wanting to get married again. I thought, perhaps you should find a woman who doesn't want to get married again. Others can show high attraction but lack warmth (avoidant never married's). Highly introverted guys who can't hold a conversation and don't seem interested in human interaction. One guy still very angry at his ex wife. I'm glad they wear they have worn their red flags on their sleeves. I'm not expecting baggage free. I just want someone who has worked through their stuff and is capable of having a healthy relationship. Ok, that's not all I want but that's the starter.
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