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Belle

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Belle last won the day on February 22 2007

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  1. Interesting post Kellbell. It explains a lot about an obsession I had that I had no idea I was capable of, several years ago.
  2. Ericson, I may be in the minority, but I like that kind of guy. Except maybe the bland part. I don't like fighting with significant others, so as long as the guy can stand up for himself (I didn't necessarily read into your description as someone who had no backbone) in the event that I am wrong or crossing a boundary, I think things are great. I dont' like a yes man, but I do like someone who is laid back and easy to be with.
  3. I find it interesting that this made its way to the Getting back together forum. When I watched it, I realized that I wanted to bring something better in my life. Since my ex hurt me, I was pretty sure that's not what I wanted back. It was teh catalyst for moving completely forward. That being said, I had heard about teh laws of attraction years ago. I started using more positive energy and goal setting, and it has made ALL the difference. It's worked ridiculously well in my career and to a lesser extent my social life (mostly because I've focused more on setting goals for a career than I have getting a boyfriend). It's brought a lot more to my life than I ever had before. Could it bring back an ex? Not sure but I don't know that they're meant to be brought back. I just believe that if you know what you want and you're happy about yourself, you're going to attract more of what you want. It's pretty simple stuff and it works. I recommend it.
  4. If you've done all of this and he's still lashing out, I don't recommend a letter. I wasn't aware you'd taken big strides to admit culpability. If he's still highly resistant (euphemism) to your attempts to try to compensate for the hurt you caused him, maybe you should let it go. I would only recommend continuing to try to prove yourself to someone when they seem open to it, if fearful. But you've laid it out on the line and his response is pretty harsh. Now he needs to learn to live with his decision.
  5. thank you Sanns. I do try to compliment her to promote positive interaction. I'll do more and see if it has any effect. Thanks for being honest so I can see how she might feel.
  6. If he's 52 and he acts like this, there's no changing. I'm glad, though, that you are early on realizing that you will be happier without him. You can do better. Being alone and happy is better than being with an unstable person. If you feel pretty good now, in a few months you'll feel even better. I promise.
  7. Anger is good. Hopefully it'll keep you resolute. Everything he's doing \now is going to reinforce your feelings that it wasn't going to work out. There's nothing worse than a passive aggressive male. It's like being with a woman.
  8. Being happy with yourself is a really good start. If you treat yourself well and you feel good, your energy is going to attract like energy. Smile at people. Talk to random strangers on occasion. I like joking with strangers. It disarms them and seeing someone that's a little shy smile and feel good makes me feel good. And it's a vicious cycle. You make them feel good, you feel good and you want to be friendly with others...
  9. One of my longest relationships has been with my friend, T. We've had long periods of not speaking to each other after particular incidents. They're not really fights since I never really speak up and tell her how I feel, I simply withdraw. Essentially, the problem is that T really likes to nag constantly. She reminds me of my father, who is super negative and even calls his girlfriend stupid. I get tired of the both of them. Unfortunately, I have to deal with my dad. I just go small doses now. With my friend T, however, I don't have such a tie. I have felt closer to her than my own sisters because she's a very loyal and giving person. She's one of teh most giving people I know. I trust her and I know she trusts me. But part of the bargain is her negativity. It can get almost absurd. She's highly insecure and very competitive with me. We met at a job a decade ago and were competitive with each other. Now that she's a house wife and I'm doing really well in my career, she's still competitive. And she's always been competitive with men as well. I get a lot of attention from men and this really bothers her as she's insecure about her looks. So she goes out of her way to chip at me for not being in a settled relationship. It's not out of concern. It's a jab to make herself feel better since she "caught" her husband. The list is endless of the absurdities. I want to talk about these things to her to salvage the relationship. I know it's doomed to failure because frankly, I've had about all I can take. She has a problem and her problem is the need to fix everyone around her whether they need it or not. And a side effect is to put me down to make herself feel better about her life. If I talk to her about it, though, I'm afraid of the response. She's one of the least self aware people I know but believes she knows everything. This is a really tough combination. It means they never see anything logical that's pointed out to them. I really don't want to lose her, but I can't change her. And I can't live with the way things are because it brings me down. Any advice?
  10. Aero, I think you've gotten quite a bit of good advice here. I can totally relate to your ex. And I think that you're looking at things strictly from your point of view, your hurts, your needs. That's a bit selfish. The fact that he was still very angry with you in October, after 4 months post breakup, belies the hurt you caused him. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have bothered being angry. I think you're right. I believe he probably still does love you. Anger tends to be a tell tale sign. But his stubborness isn't what you think. He's afraid of you. And for good reason. I understand that you just needed some time to yourself to figure things out. But some people don't handle the same information the same way. Some would give you teh space you need and withdraw peacefully. They would hurt and grieve. Maybe they'd give it another chance. Maybe not. But he was very hurt. It sounds like this came out of left field for him. You hurt him, wounded his pride, and I do not get the impression that you have acknowledged this to him. I think one last shot via letter to validate his feelings and let him know that you truly are sorry that you've caused him pain would be a really good idea. It works more than being defensive that the person is immature for not giving you what you want. If you want to change the way the communication is going (NC in your case is going absolutely nowhere), you're going to have to set an example and DISARM this guy. If that means being vulnerable and apologetic, so be it. Whatever you write, make sure it's non inflammatory, accepts responsibility for everything, yes everything (later if he gets it through his head, he'll apologize for treating you poorly, I promise) and validates how he feels. It's pretty hard to be defensive and angry at someone who does these things. ANd I believe he's defensive and angry with you because you come accross even in your post as not accepting responsibility for hurting him. He can smell it too and it's just ticking him off more. And if he's still angry, you've done what you needed to do to be able to move on. But I would use NC only when you know it's over. I don't believe NC applies here.
  11. I think you want what you can't have. There was a big spark with this new girl because she never really cared about you and that seems to be an aphrodisiac for a lot of people. The more you wanted her, the less she wanted you. The less she wanted you, the more you wanted her. You're going to run into this again until you realize the cause. Wanting what you can't have is a losing proposition. Yes, you may feel like there's some cosmic connection, that this person is going to fulfill every need and validate you if they'll just give you their love, but it doesn't happen that way. Too much interest on one side always brings about the opposite effect on another person.
  12. I think you did a good thing for yourself and your daughter. Now neither of you have to put up with someone so assanine. I think his excuse about losing his temper because he was afraid was nonsense. If he could treat you this poorly over nothing, he's not a keeper. He's a manipuative and emotionally unstable person. Maybe he was hoping to provoke the fights to get out. Even a better reason to let him go. He can't behave like an adult and tell you that he's worried or maybe needs time to himself. He'd rather emotionally abuse you and make you feel like you've done something wrong so he can avoid feeling bad about himself. Bravo. Find someone who creates less drama.
  13. I don't believe in chasing after guys. However, I think that you need to change your attitude to attract teh right guys to you. It's hard, but if you feel confident that it's going to happen, you're going to send out more positive vibes. And that's when things get started. Every time I felt really good about my life and the prospects, it starts to rain men. Granted, I haven't found the right one. However, I get nothing when I'm disappointed and jaded about running into a bunch of guys that don't have their act together. Do something for yourself that makes you feel good. And get out there and learn how to be more outgoing. It's really tough at first, but gets easier with practice. And you meet a lot of great people that you wouldn't have had you stayed at home.
  14. I don't have guy friends that I cuddle with. I'm either interested or I'm not. That's too intimate for my buddies. I think there's some level of interest on her side, so go for it. That being said, don't put her on a pedestal. This could backfire, big. You will end up doing too much to please her and this will turn her off. I promise you that. THe very least is she'll take you for granted. You want to be on equal footing. Treat her well, but remain slightly aloof for as long as possible. Take a look at Love Tactics. I think it's right down your alley.
  15. I think you just need support. You already know teh answers. He's baiting you in a passive aggressive way. He misses you, but doesn't want things to change so he's hoping he can get a fix, if you let him. If you're shaking at the thought of contact, you are nowhere near ready to talk to have contact with him. You may want to consider taking him off your contact list and going invisible to him. Later on, much later on, you can change that if you'd like. But for now, I think you just need to take care of yourself until you've gotten over it. Courage.
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