well, this is my first post on this site and i wanted to get some feedback on somethign I've been going through over the last two months. About 2 months ago I broke up with my girlfiend of over a year. She was a really sweet, caring girl that really loved me and enjoyed being with me. The problem was, even though I cared for her a great deal, I didn't love her. I stayed with her for about a year and a half hoping that I would one day be able to tell her I loved her, but the day never came. I don't know what it was but I just didn't feel that certain something deep down when you ask yourself if you truly do love someone. So, basically due to that and other circumstances (I decided to buy a house on my own) we decided to end our relationship. She understood that maybe she wasn't the right girl for me and we decided to cut it off.
Now, I've been through a few long term relationships, and all of them have been hard to get over. This one, however wasn't nearly as emotional for me. I was upset because I did miss her, but I realized taht she wasn't the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I was able to deal with it a little better then past breakups.
All of this leads up to my dilemma. About 3 weeks after all communication with my ex ended, a friend of mine tried to hook me up with a friend of his. We met one day after work and, from what i thought, hit it off pretty well. We decided to see each other again, and then went out on a few dates over the course of a month. The problem was, I went completely bonkers for this girl. Something about her drew me towards her and I was feeling things for her that I wasn't able to feel with my ex.
My problem was, because i was so into this new girl, i began obsessing about her. For three weeks, she was all i could think about and my happiness hinged on how i thought she perceived me. I kept looking for reassurrance that she was into me, because i was hoping we would be able to start a relationship. The problem was, aside from when we saw each other, she didn’t show the signs of someone that was really into me. She rarely called and I felt like I was the only one trying to keep up contact. All of this boiled up until a few days ago when i finally decided to confront her about how I felt. I told her how great i thought she was and that i wanted to know her intentions (she has issues of her own and i was told by my friend taht she wasn't looking for anything serious). Basically, she confirmed my worst nightmare and told me she wasn’t looking for anything right now. She got out of a long term relationship about 2 years ago and she said she is now finally able to feel happy with herself. Needless to say, this hurt me a great deal and I am pretty upset about it. I had to tell her that if she felt that way then I didn’t think I could see her anymore. I didn’t want to get attached to her more then I already was, only to be rejected in the future. The bizarre thing is I’m taking this harder then breaking up with my gf of 1 ½ years.
I don’t know if this is normal or if this is because I’m on the “rebound”. I also think I might of fell for this girl so hard because I am looking for someone to fill the void of my ex. I’m not sure if either are true, because I really did think this girl was amazing. She was cute, goofy, funny and I enjoyed being with her. I’m just confused because now I’m here thinking I screwed things up by pressuring this girl into a relationship. I obviously have issues of my own, and I feel that I tried to move to fast with this girl and I scared her away.
I guess I’m writing here to see if anyone has gone through something similar or has any thoughts as to why I became so obsessed with this girl. I only knew her for a month, yet I’m as upset and depressed over losing her as if I dated her for a few years. I’m worried there might be issues deeper down that are causing me to have these feelings. Any advice is appreciated.
