nikkinoodles

I had the exact same dream a couple of weeks ago, cept it was with a guy (im a girl). i think it just means u are suconsciously (or even consciously) desiring a bit of intimacy. nic

Lol! i know exactly how u feel. i agree with what everyone else has sed. plus theres a lot of self restraint involves. ive personally found that in the evening wen i usually nibble the most due to boredom, that because ive been spending more time playing on my computer and the internet and hanging out in forums, that my nibbling on food has decreased. i have also been forcing myself to eat fruit when i have the nibbles aswell, instead of bad foods. i have also noticed that when im at school and bored i have to restrain myself from biting my nails, its a habit i do quite a bit but im trying to grow them, but i think if food was available i would go for that instead of nails. so ye, for me, its the complete boredom thing, and and a slight addiction aswell, cos even wen im not bored or hungry i still rummage through the cupboards, maybe thats due to habit... i wonder.... the whole water thing, ive tried that, and all it does for me, is makes me really bloated, and kinda sick, ok so it does put me off eating, but its so uncomftable, and u have to forever keep going to the toilet.

do u drink much water? i find sometimes when i get tired around that time i get more energy if im drinking water regularly, tha if not. also taking vitamins sometimes helps with energy.

I was walking along the street kinda dazed, my head in the clouds, In the Dark of night, it drew me in That distant glowing I stumbled towards and what I saw Was a girl through a glass plane Standing in the light The look in her eyes, So distant and empty So sad her face Confused her movements Why was I so enthralled, so captured? I take a step closer, and so does she My movements reflecting Those that I see She holds out her hand to the glass, I reply the gesture, to touch fingers, through the solid shield cant bare to carry on, I turn away and run and run, it starts to rain and I find shelter taking up refuge, I crouch to keep warm thoughts lingering on what I just saw I wipe away the tears, falling from my face I had seen the soul within, I felt all the pain, trapped for so many years All alone, with no one to turn to about my reflection in the mirror?

ive had an okish week, weve got a new puppy whos the cutest thing ive ever seen, and nuttins gone too wrong. i started a volunteer work today at a residential home, which was really nice, everyone was nice, the old people were, nice, quite happy in fact, i was expectin them to be well old, thou a few have a couple of difficulties but their all happy so it was great, and kinda fun aswell. my problem is... theres this guy i used to work with who i really like but he is engaged to a really lovely girl, and he left work so i didnt think id see him agen, but ive seen him loads of time at diff places and today he was in this band/prayer group that came to the home and he looked great! life is so bloody cruel sometimes! its not fair. questions 1. why does the world have to send you someone ud rather not see cos it hurts/is awkward/etc? 2. why is it that when i like a guy and he is with someone else that their patner is so nice that u cant be catty bout her to make u feel better? (i know thats not nice but its really annoyin that u have to be nice cos their so nice and its the last thing want to do) 3. why does life feel like it wants to screw with my head? owell.. gonna go cry in self pity now oh wait, it appears life wont let me do that either! --------------------

i prefer shaving down here every now and then because it feels more hygienic for me, thou i dont do it very often cos it can be really uncomftable wen growing back through.

thanx guys, i dont feel like i want to write another poem to go with it, it was just how i was feeling at the time of writing and it'd be hard for me to write a sequel when im not writing with feeling if u get what i mean. maybe its meant to feel like a "to be continued" but will never... hmmm... ok, thanx agen!

Who am i, thats what i ask, i used to know, but ive lost that clarity now im surrounded by all these clouds and i cant see a clearing no one else understands, i try to explain, but i cant get it out i have to joke it off blame it all on my ditzy little world thats what im living in wandering the streets, all alone, and everything is crazy, i am searching, for the answers to a thousand questions, and a million more what happened to the girl that knew everything where is she now she used to feel, she used to care, she used to have some sense but she went away and hasnt come back i cant see, i cant hear, ive lost my voice, surrounded by fear struggling to break through next an exit, all is black, where did the light go walking down this corridor, a thousand doors, a million more some are locked, some are boarded some are bare, some are empty with despair, some are themed some are stylish, they're not mine i regress my past, nothing there connected to whats screaming at mi, it seems so obvious but i just cant understand i need some guidance is it there im reaching out my hand... Why do i feel like putting "to be continued" at the end of this? any thoughts, anyone?

i just realised that the boils i was talking bout were acne boils, not as serious, thou the others seem to be talkin bout real proper boils, which i guess can be both treated same, thou the acne ones dont seem as much of a problem, i think, hmmm im propably not helpin here am i.

unfortuantely, i have also had the experience of boils, thou, not huge big ones, bout small medium, apparently i get it from mi dad, he used to get them really bad, mi bro too, thou not as bad, luckily its only a hormonal thing and not very often. I just try to ignore them, however painfl they are, cos theres not much u can do bout them without making it even worse, then when they have white heads, theres ur indicator that they can be picked, or treated, for mi puttin stuff on them beofre just doesnt do nething thou u cud try.

i dunno whats really up with me, i think a huge mixture of things, I'm exhausted, i havent slept propery all week, Im just finishing my period so hormones are going, and just finished exams this week, which were a huge stress, but i think mi parents are getting me down the most. they're just really bugging me at the moment, nothing i do is good enough and none of them even notice ive not been myself, my dad didnt even realise id been cryin wen he saw me just a second ago, and i just feel so helpless, its like these reasons just dont seem enough really, and i feel so stupid cryin over lil things, its so not like me, i barely ever cry, i get frustated but dont cry. but just now i just broke down. well thanx for listening, just needed to let it out.

noone ever has nothing, it may seem like it, but its never that bad, ur just not noticing wat u do really have. which i cant list for u cos i dunno wat ur life includes, but, i know it might be hard, but just try and think of wat u have, ie family, friends, a computer, feelings, a brain even, anything u can think of even if its trivial, its still summit uve got.

If you read wat i previous wrote then ignore it, i get the idea, its a mixture of a whole lot of thing that are getting you down, i must say, i think the best thing uve done so far is come on here and shared ur feelings. Now i know ive probably never been as low as u feel right now, but i know people who have, and they got through it, so you shud be able to too. if ur depressed ask a doctor for antidepressants. if u have a lot of thoughts, write them down, no matter what they are, or how much they hurt, its just a way to get them outk, plus u know that u always have enotealone to talk to.

hey, i was thinkin of a way to not to criticise ur opinion, but im goin to anyway, u seen to be saying its all the girls fault, and i totally disagree with that. first, it would help a bit if the nice guy was more assertive, then the girl would know that he was interested, and second, the nice guy has also got to be ready to take the risk, i was nearly involved with a nice guy, he liked me as much as i liked him, i asked him out and he agreed but then he chickened out and was more worried bout our friendship. oh and there as girls that prefer the nice guys, i am one of them, i thinks that it helps that i consider myself a got judge of character, i seem to be able to see rite through the jerks, and end up being rite, maybe its a gift. lol im going off the subject so that signals for me to shut up

if i said life was a river would u criticise the stones, just because they're a digust to you? why not look at the sparkle and the glitter, that you ignored when looking with hate. if i handed u a flower, would u moan about the thorns? you do not see the petals, bright and sweet as they might be. you can always cut off the thorns, though the stalk would look odd and bare, the thorns give it personality, and protection from your taunts. when the sun is shining why do u predict the rain? is it so had to believe, sun can come for two days? u cannot predict the weather, it is seen within ur style, you never see the weather nice, it is always pouring with rain. you cause urself pain by focusing on all that is wrong, step back and open ur eyes, u may be surprised to see, happiness in the world of pain you created it to be then wen life is fine and working, why waste you time and be upset, with what might never be? just sit back and relax, take life as it comes, and never look back. only see the cracks wen u reach them, or you'll be too scared to go on ahead. wow! i usually think up more angst poems and i don't like them so much, havnt wrote one in months though, so maybe im just happy at the moment, and it may not be a typical poem with rhymes or any rhythm but i feel happy bout it, a feeling of accomplishment

hey, i fell like sharing something happy, cos thats how im feeling. my big brother has gotten his girlfriend pregnant, some wud call him a twat for the accident happenin a bin soon, but most are pleased, including mi, cos well hes leaving college in july so it wont affect that, and he was gonna ask her to marry him neways, so yes im very happen that im going to be an aunt and will be praying everyday that nothing gones wrong in the next nine months.

hey, personally im a strong believer of fate. maybe wat happened to u was fate, or as i think some1 has been watchin over u. though, just for the non believers i have to say it cud have just bin coinsidence, but who believes that? i will also say though, that i dont think u need to worry about dying just yet. i dont really want to say too much cause i dont want to affend anyones religions or whateva, but have faith ur been looked after.

hi, just incase anyone was interested, i have made the decision to stay at school, it took me a lot of thinking and pulling my hair out, but i figured it out. thankyou all for your help!!!!!

hey hope you all are fine. Im thinking bout leaving school mid term and im not sure if it is the right decision, i hope you can help. i want to leave school because im really unhappy bout it, i have no enthusiam for it at all, basically it depresses me. i have no problem what so ever with the actual work just the whole being there and having to do it. I have spoken to various people including my parents and head of year, who are all a bit disappointed because i could do well and get good grades. i dont actually need the further grades im doing to do wat i want to do and i have my path planned for what i would do if i leave so im fully prepared either way, but i dont know where my heart truly lies. i would love to leave skool and not have all the worries and annoyances etc that it throws at mi, but i have uncertainties like what if i did try to stay on would it get better? and all my friends are there and i would miss them, though i definitely wudnt miss a few girls who i would call "female dogs".(dont want to swear now do i). and what if i ive made the wrong decision with my choice on wat im going to do when i leave? what do u think? how do i tell which is the right path for me and where my heart really does lie?

In the dark of midnight, I sit there looking on, Who could see me there? Would they even care? When I appear to be safe and well, Thou they cant read my mind, They can't see the battle, That rages on within me, In front of me, Everywhere, And there is no escape, Nightmares are just shadows, Of how I really feel, I haven't dreamed for ages, The hallucinations keep me awake, I feel my heart breaking, With every breathe I take, I try to hold them in, But tears fall down as waterfalls, And never seize to calm, I've cried more than a river, Even more than a lake, It must have been an ocean, An ocean of you, But u don't deserve the honour, My battle of pain and pride, Because you are not worth my tears, And now I can say goodnight. wow! im surprised at how much angst there was in me, i feel very light now. should do this more often. Nikki xx

Hi, just a lil poem i thought id share. I like writing but havent bin able to write anything of potential till this situation was buggin mi and i feel it the first thing ive wrote with feeling for ages, and i personally am proud of it. Enjoy reading. I thought I was over u and I thought I didn't love u nemore but I guess I was wrong Cos that day, wen I saw u And I caught ur eye I cudnt breathe, My Heart stopped, And I had butterflies Tellin me, that Im not over u Im still lovin u, No matter wat I do To get u outta my head Im not over u And im still lovin u And im in pain cos I feel this way, We havent really spoke, Since u let me go I thought I was happy, Getting on, I didn't realise that I was just Hiding from the pain, and my true feelings. But now I know I wonder how u really feel now, How did u feel that day? Were u sad to see me? Or did u just feel nothing, cos I never really meant a thing to u, Was I just a fool ova u? I know that now, Ive gotta move on, not doin mi ne good, Holdin on…

Hi, well i told my friend i liked him, he sed he liked mi too, he sed lets give it a try, then a lil while later he sed, actually i think we shud stay friends. Ne one got ne ideas on good pick mi ups to cheer mi up, not feelin too great. I have decided to take a lil while out from speakin to him, but i dont hate him, just wish he sed no straight away rather than lettin mi get mi hopes up. thanx for listenin, now pls does ne1 know wat wud be good to cheer mi up? or at least give mi peace of mind? nic

hey, thanx for the advise. Last nite, i emailed him teelin him how much i liked him, and i spoke to him like 10 mins ago and he didnt mention it but he wanted to meet up and it seemed positve and im just tryin not to get my hopes up too high, just in case, but i am pretty happy, ill let u know how it goes.

Ok, this is a bit tricky, but here goes... My best friend went out with this guy and they broke up but remained friends. I got to know him and friends and he has become one of my best friends. i started having feelings for him and checked with my friend if she minded and there was no problem but after a while it was forgotten bout cos i had more important things to think bout. they went out agen and he came to me for support, i found out more bout their break up from him than my best friend, ironically. he he devastated, thou she got over it v. quickly, goin out with a new guy like the next week. ok, still with mi? they remained friends gen thou he never really got over her, but there was a point wen he seemed to like mi and had told mi friend summit bout wantin to get together with mi and we did meet up but it didnt go so well cos we had nuttin to do thou i really enjoyed his company. nuttin hadnt for a while, i guess we were both busy but we speak all the time online. my feelings have increased lately and i really wanna tell him, but recently he has just decided to not speak to my friend for a while so he can get ova her, and im not sure if i shud tell mi now or wait a while? please help, its drivin mi mad. its so confusin. also i sumtimes get the feelin that he definitely likes me more than a friend but others im not so sure, i defiantely want to tell him to find out but i dunno wen... ahh!!