Jump to content

TheFoglifter

Banned Users
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,220

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    3

 Content Type 

Everything posted by TheFoglifter

  1. TheFoglifter
    ... pay more attention to the women and kids that come to Hooters than any man that walks in that door." Stupid move since the man is paying. Then again, you aren't working at hooters for your intellect. Its a very simple service. You are selling fantasy, just like a strip club. Men go there to get served by girls in tight skimpy clothing, and they are happy to pay for it.
  2. TheFoglifter
    ... i shouldnt go to the resturant saturday night with them, i can sit and talk to you on the phone"... " This is where YOU are supposed to say "no, its OK, go ahead" and MEAN IT.
  3. TheFoglifter
    ... would call me and let me know if he was coming over to my place after the party." ... did not call me, so around 11pm I phoned him, he said he was still at the party and would call me when he left, I was a bit disappointed that I had to call him, but it's no big deal, he then did call on his way home around midnight and said he had a busy day the next day," With only the information in the OP to go on, my opinion is that your "friend" got impatient. Personally, I HATE when my girlfriend acts this way. I say I'm going to do something, but she doesn't reveal the arbitrary timetable she has already assigned. So I miss a deadline I didn't know existed, and I'm already in trouble. So she has to call me because I'm unreliable and didn't call (in her eyes, this constitutes a "lie") even though there was no time specified. In my opinion, your friend was acting like a child, and the boyfriend, at 60-something, just doesn't have the patience to deal with child-like tactics. If she doesn't want that to happen again, she needs to set concrete expectations that are not arbitrary. Maybe he fully intended to call as he left the party, but now we'll never know because she pre-empted him and didn't give him a chance. I hate this behavior in my 20s -- if it happens to me in my 60s, I'd react the same way.
  4. TheFoglifter
    I agree with what trash mail said, and add my own personal experience. "Jokes" can be half-serious too, and indeed could be insulting without you realizing it. I wanted to ask how satisfied you both are with your sex lives. When my gf and I have nights the way you described (me festering and angry), a lack of sex is probably the cause of 75% of them.
  5. TheFoglifter
    Initially I was going to ask if the nerve problem would prevent her from feeling the smack in the head she sorely needs. But the problem does go deeper than just an inconsiderate person. In all probability she knows that she is mistreating you, and probably feels like she is watching as someone else controls her body. As an analogy that might clarify this for you, when my Dad was out of work, he was quite crabby. At least he was able to go out, job hunt, and do whatever -- your wife is a prisoner. Its hard to feel useless. Have you already explored things you can get for her to occupy her time? Is there a series of books she likes? Can she play video games? Can she proofread papers? Can she take an online course, or trade stocks, or do some arts and crafts, or anything like that? Could you get a cat or a bird or a fish or something? If all of this fails (or has already failed) then I don't think there is going to be any reaching her, and you might as well at least stand up for yourself. As was said earlier, whats the worst that can happen? - She can't hurt you physically. - I'm sure sex is already out of the question. - She can't support herself, and nobody else would want her. If she could channel that energy into something else, then maybe she'd improve?
  6. TheFoglifter
    its not, nor should it be considered cheating in terms of a divorce. Whats next, if a woman watches "the bachelor" she can be considered cheating?
  7. TheFoglifter
    ... just don't know how he doesn't think his behavior is rude." What makes you think it is unintentional? You said he thinks a lot of what he does is funny. He is a bully and you are his target. Unfortunately, just like when dealing with a rude boss, your only options are to deal or leave. There aren't many actions you can take that wouldn't put your boyfriend between a rock and a hard place. Obviously the grandfather has the influence to get people to side with him, so unless your boyfriend is ready to cut out his family, you are stuck. You said earlier that your bf has an apartment. Why are you hanging out as the house with the grandfather then? If he has his own apartment, wouldn't it be much more fun if the two of you could be alone? Otherwise, all you can really do is completely ignore him. Act like he doesn't exist. Talk around him, through him, whatever it takes to pretend he is not there. No matter WHAT, do not show any visible annoyance, as it will fuel his fire and you'll have to work twice as hard to recover the ground.
  8. TheFoglifter
    I agree that it can also be code for "I want to keep fooling around with you, but I don't want all the crap that comes with being your boyfriend". This is a common phrase used by both genders.
  9. TheFoglifter
    Damn.... you never mentioned WHY he got laid off. Its tough out there, budget cuts and all that crap do not make it easy to keep a job even if you are good. It makes me question whether you work, or whether you want to sit at home. Maybe he has lost respect for you too given how non-supportive you seem. Employers LOVE married family men, because they know that married family men have kids and a wife to support. A single guy with less to lose can walk out at any time, but a married guy who has to pay a mortgage and ballet lessons and whatever is less likely to leave.
  10. TheFoglifter
    But she HAS given him something to worry about. She is being subjected to people who glorify ideals that cause the OP worry. I agree its entirely possible for her never to be persuaded. I agree that many people have friends who have interests that they themselves would NEVER pursue (drugs, crime, cheating...) We also don't know what point we are at here. If the OP's gf came home one day and said something like "yeah, Cindy just cheated on her boyfriend again... he has no idea" and she had a tone of satisfaction in her voice, that might be something to worry about. If she said "I wish Cindy didn't cheat on her boyfriend, he's so nice to her and he has no idea" then that is a different story.
  11. TheFoglifter
    I second the "you don't want a guy who is backed up all the time" comment. Its a downward spiral -- if he masturbates bc he feels he isn't getting enough, he'll demand more from you, you'll give less, he'll get less, he'll demand more, you'll give less... Let him be -- maybe even encourage him to masturbate while you "inspire" him.
  12. TheFoglifter
    Yeah seriously. This issue goes deeper too. Did you ever see the Eddie Murphy skit (I think it was from the 80s, in "raw" or "delirious") when he talks about how he wants to marry that woman from Africa who was riding the back of the Zebra. He was afraid he'd bring her to America, and she'd learn from her American friends about divorce, and taking half his money. One day, she'd walk in and just say: Eddie.... I WANT HALF! As condescending as it sounds, there are plenty of "ideas" that men get nervous of having their girlfriends practice. Its especially dangerous when everyone in the group is doing it and getting away with it and having so much fun, and she is the one who is still working hard and feeling left out. Whether that idea is cheating, or quitting their jobs, or whatever... still causes a lot of trouble.
  13. TheFoglifter
    No it doesn't. What you said is more accurately described as "golddigger". Maybe its better to just agree that "high maintenance" is an umbrella term that covers the whole lot.
  14. TheFoglifter
    ... guess my problem now is that I have it in my head that this is not acceptable in a relationship and I wouldn't be being a decent boyfriend if I was not upset about this." But this isn't a problem. Read through the "should my girlfriend have a male roommate" thread and you'll see the same issue. Its all about boundaries, and you are perfectly valid in feeling boundaries have been crossed. ... quote Dr. Phil: "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"" This is interesting advice and I'd love to know the context. The way you have quoted this line seems that you are advocating happiness over being right. I would be happy if a bank error gave me a million dollars, but what if that million was some lonely old lady's retirement nest egg, and she was now doomed to eat cat food and live in a box. It sounds like I could keep the money under the guise of being happy over being right.
  15. TheFoglifter
    HM doesn't always have to mean gold-digger. There are cases where money never enters the picture, and others when it does. High maintenance could mean that you always have to comfort her over something, or she is always demanding you spend time with her. You constantly have to make excuses to your friends and miss going out with your friends, or cut back or even give up activities you enjoy because she "needs" something. Of course high maintenance could also mean that she always wants to go out, and expects lots of gifts and lunches, and presents, and she always needs you to help her out with some unforeseen expense, or she can't treat you to movies because a surprise bill came up. No fun if you don't get something out of it.
  16. TheFoglifter
    Dude... just worry it out, it'll be over soon. Find something to keep you occupied. I know how you feel, and I would be unable to worry no matter HOW many times she said "its nothing, its nothing". If your relationship was meant to survive, it will survive. Best of luck to you.
  17. TheFoglifter
    The OP has already been moralized to enough. If he wants to continue in this relationship, he'll continue in the relationship. He obviously has reasons he prefers his current gf to going out and meeting someone his own age. Besides, plenty of 32 year olds still live with mom and dad, so they too could use the "I'm grounded excuse" heh heh.
  18. TheFoglifter
    ... that is..." That is what this is all about: You get the reassurance you need that nothing will happen between your gf and Chad. She eliminates the risk of Chad mis-understanding, and the best friend gets Chad a companion for the dance.
  19. TheFoglifter
    Then it seems you have the best solution in front of you. She makes things clear with Chad, you get what you want, she gets what she wants, nobody gets hurt. The problem is if "Angel" has a vested interest in getting gf together with Chad. If gf says she told Chad, will you believe her?
  20. TheFoglifter
    You need to set boundaries and stick to them. At first, she is going to fight you, and why wouldn't she -- you have taught her that she can hold out and win. Expect at first that she will do things out of pride -- like if you say "I'm taking the car" she will say "fine, I'll walk" to try and manipulate you into backtracking yourself. EVERY TIME you backtrack, it will take twice as much work to recover the ground. As I say in my sig, the one who is more willing to walk is the one with all the power. She has you convinced that she is more willing to walk. Convince her otherwise.
  21. TheFoglifter
    I've seen it a dozen times with people who study abroad. Before they leave, they promise nothing will change, and that when they come home they'll be the same as they were. After they get back, the only thing they can talk about is how much they hate it and want to go back abroad. As has been said before, your gf is afraid that she will waste however many years waiting for you, only to find out when you return that you have found someone else. She wants to know now whether she should start looking again, or whether its worthwhile to wait. As such, you have to make choices together. If you are on a beautiful tropical island surrounded by hot girls and places to have fun, you may do yourself a disservice to be unable to enjoy all that. However, if you ARE serious about this girl (as you said you were) then it would not be fair to her to make her wait. If money is a factor, let her be patient. You may be a suffering student now, but if you become a successful doctor, money will not be a problem. If she, like many girls here, have said "I don't care about the ring, I care about you", then marry her as soon as you can!!! A girl like that doesn't come along often, and there are plenty of girls out there who consider a $10,000 ring to be "settling for less".
  22. TheFoglifter
    I suspect that recently divorced men who just want FWB do so because they want all the things they DIDN'T get in their marriage. If you were previously in a situation where you had all the responsibilities and none of the benefits, its natural to want to "catch up" by getting all the benefits and none of the responsibilities. Men seek out a stable source of sex before committing -- the deal that this man has is GREAT. Why the hell would he want to risk losing the sex but getting saddled with all the responsibilities? If you want this to work as a relationship, it is my opinion you need to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that he will CONTINUE to get what he wants (whether that is just sex, or whether its more) if you were his gf instead of his FWB. If he can be certain that he will still get the sex, possibly even BETTER sex, then he will not be afraid to commit. This is so important I'm going to rephrase it. Ever heard the term "bait and switch"? Many guys are afraid to let their gfs get "too secure" because they are afraid that the sex will stop. Unfortunately it is too true. The same is true of men getting too secure, and then being less romantic. Your theme throughout the conversation should be unmistakably this: "if we were an official couple you would get all you have now and more". If your boss told you "from now on, we will pay you less, and you will do more work" would you be happy? probably not. Would you seek out another job? Quite possibly. Keep this in mind as you let him know that he does not have to worry about getting less sex.
  23. TheFoglifter
    I'm going to stand by what I said earlier, since this is obviously very important to the OP, and since he has already been made aware of the "details". Forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do is only going to create resent, and damage your relationship. Understand that she is being pulled in opposite directions by people she does not want to disappoint, and in those situations, it is usually whoever is better at guilting that gets their way. Assuming everything is on the level, this is hard enough for her. OK, you say she'll tell Chad its just as friends. If she does so prior to entering the dance, will that put your mind at ease? If that is truly all it takes to solve the issue, then thats all she has to do and the problem is solved. You however, are worried that it will NOT be just as friends -- that Chad will make a move, and she will be pressured into doing something. I repeat that all you have at this point is trust. Isn't it better to find out NOW than later on?
  24. TheFoglifter
    I want to shop at this store! Sounds like there are a ton of hotties. I haven't read your other posts, so I'm only responding on this thread. The way some of these girls dress and look today, age is irrelevant. She may only "be" 16, but if she's hot, she's hot. Depending on my mood, I may give anywhere from a discrete glance, to a full blown stop in my tracks and watch her as far as I can see her. Its a perfectly normal male thing to look. When he starts getting crude though, that is when the trouble starts. I almost feel bad for him the way you systematically took down each part of his story. He probably shouldn't have gotten on the hotties line since he knew she'd probably say something to you. At least if he had stayed on the longer line the first time, you wouldn't have had as much evidence. Its obviously gone way beyond the point where he can just say "you are paranoid" because now, whether he is innocent or not, your mind is already made up. Instead of asking him whether or not you can or cannot trust him, I would recommend you ask yourself what he has to do to prove his trustworthiness. Don't think of something vague like "he has to be better" because that is not quantifiable, and thereforeeee impossible to measure whether he has or has not done it.
  25. TheFoglifter
    Ellie makes quite a good point, similar to the one I made. Lets forget about whether or not it will happen and strike at the heart of the matter. How would you react if she exhibited this behavior towards you? I kind of see ellie's point about the positives, maybe she'll get it all out of her system and be "real" with you. Alternatively, maybe she'll play you against another guy (Steve took me to can you top that?). In this age of price comparison and self-gratification, inevitably we will be matched against people who can offer more than we can.
×
×
  • Create New...