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Everything posted by mr_echo

  1. You may want to check out the Histrionic Personality Disorder forum. Look for the HPD game. It may shed some light on this 180 degree about turn stuff. link removed
  2. Suesser Tod, I do agree with this. Yet I'm not sure that being hurt by someone you truly love necessarily equates with hate. Sometimes people fall in love with an image they project onto their partners and when the partner doesn't resonate with that image, the projection can turn into hate. In my case, I've been terribly hurt but I certainly don't hate the person who has hurt me. She has no idea that she has hurt me for one thing.
  3. A thin line between love and hate? I'm sorry but this statement is such a cliche and quite incorrect. People who believe this sort of thing often have shallow emotions to begin with. Hate is more related to envy and uncontrollable desires. Just my 2 cents...
  4. Thanks Blender, I really needed to hear this today. Everytime I've seen my ex gf she has been sarcastic and spiteful. I tried the "being friends" thing - it just doesn't work. I am not going to tell her about my NC she'll figure it out herself. Onwards and upwards from now on. Regards and best wishes to everyone going through tough times.
  5. uniballpen, you're not narcisstic this is all normal. For what it's worth I am in exactly the same position as you. Except that my ex is an N and has more issues than you can shake a stick at. In the end it's just not worth it cos you don't deserve being treated like that. Time will heal and you will get back to being yourself again. Life will still be wonderful.
  6. PRSOV - I somehow doubt that she would entertain that idea. I don't even think she really believes there's anything wrong with her. If I suggested as much to her I think she would just start raging. At first, I just thought it was little bit of immaturity but now I'm not sure. She has an enormous cruel streak in her which I've seen close up, not just to me but to others as well. I fear that she will go on to have an extremely unhappy life. I have a mixture of feelings, relief, concern and love over what is happening and it's making it really hard to let go. I really want to do NC but she keeps the ball rolling by her hate campaign to mutual friends. I wish I knew what her problem was - what do you mean by it being more than skin deep? Is this sort of thing treatable? She always seemed to be in a permanent bad mood but not really depressed. She's also quite ambitious career wise but she has no clue about what she wants to do - at first I put it down to impatience/frustration but now I think it runs deeper...
  7. CluelessGuy (lol), I think this can be very true that we never really know - but breakups can really shed light on the real person inside. She appears to be in denial and doing an awful lot of projecting onto me, so much so, that it's obvious it's her mindset and character she's expressing. It is, to me, quite weird behaviour. I know it's not my place to "help" her anymore but it's just more difficult letting go when the person is being so hateful. I suppose some people thrive on the melodrama.
  8. Spunkmaster/Suesser - thanks for your replies. I do think she has unresolved feelings about things but I think she may have some serious issues as well. As for the signals, which I can clearly see now, they included idealising me at the beginning of the relationship but when she knew I had committed, she began to criticise and devalue me, at first in small things (really small things) and this gradually began to get at me. I think her ex-best friend accused her of using me as a mealticket. However, I only gave her what she asked me for and always encouraged her independence. From what I've read she may have commitmentphobia.. As for me, I don't like my generosity being taken advantage of or misrepresented. This is one of my buttons! However, I think it's more about trust. All the things she used to value at the beginning are now the very things she is hatefully criticising me for. She told me that she has high expectations but low self esteem - which I can see now. I just think she's being very destructive...so it's relatively easy for me to do NC as every time I have seen her she has let loose some very congealed rage. So this is really what my question is about, how can people go from totally loving someone to totally hating someone, when it's really unwarranted. I know she has issues with her biological father and her mum is quite controlling. It's just that I feel she is using me as a dumping ground for her issues... I'm just finding it hard to come to terms with it all, s'all.
  9. Briefly, my ex split up with me about 5 weeks ago, it was her decision and it came out of the blue. Of course, I now see some indicators that it was going to happen but I was still very much in love with her. Anyway, post breakup I have been doing NC as much as possible but occasionally I have seen her at work. Coupled with the fact that I got angry and resentful for the first few days after splitting - a feeling that I'd been taken for a ride emotionally, financially etc. which resultred in some sharp exchanges. So to cut a long story short, she has told everybody that she hates me, that I am a bast**d etc. and is acting very hateful (and I mean really hateful) towards me and is focussing on the post breakup exchanges, rather than the split itself. Weirdly only a few weeks before this she was telling everyone how mucch she loved me. I am just wondering what motivates this behaviour as it's been 5 weeks since the split. In short I can't understand why she is putting all this energy into a hate campaign as it is making it very difficult for both of us to move on. Any thoughts gratefully appreciated....
  10. Has anyone here been verbally emotionally abused after a breakup? My ex is focussing on the immediate aftermath of the split where we argued via txt msgs. She won't allow closure and instead is abusive to me when we see each other. Due to this I have decided not to see her, i.e. NC. TBH, i now see she was abusive in the 4 weeks before the split, I just didn't pay too much attention to it because i was in love. It was as if she went through a phase of devalueing me before she got ready to split. Any of this sound familiar? I'm still trying to get over it
  11. Things I don't like about the ex * Needy and demanding * In complete denial about her issues * Intolerant * Arrogant * Took money off me and blames me for it * Idealized me then devalued me * Selfish beyond belief * Misrepresents the relationship * Cruel to others * Cruel to me * Hateful and unforgiving * Melodramatic (i.e. acting out) * Accuses me of being immature whilst being immature herself * Projects everything onto others oh the list is endless!
  12. I believe the chinese character for crisis also means opportunity...
  13. I think my Ex would benefit from watching The Secret and the LOA stuff. But if I told her about it, she is so perverse and stubborn that she would view it as an attempt at manipulation. Some people just don't get it heh heh
  14. Thanks shadow - you're telling me exactly what I need to hear. If she's in Poland I'm afraid I don't really have her address - she's removed everything personal off the laptop. If she's still here all I know is she may still be working in the restaurant over the road - so there's a possibility I could ask someone there (when she's not around). All I have otherwise is her mobile number. She's obviously been planning this for awhile. I know I've been taken for a huge ride and she's probably laughing. Weirdly she doesn't see that she's done anything wrong. Anyway, I'm off to the gym for the first time in a year to take my mind off things for a few hours.
  15. Hi shadow, I hope the weather in oz is better than the emotional climate in my house at the moment! We don't have any mutual friends - she has her polish friends and I have my english friends. So that's not an option. I'm worried that if I sent her a txt message about this she will interpret it wrongly. And then what? I think part of all of this is about her controlling me... i dunno :sad:
  16. Stats: 17 days post break up / Day 5 of NC / 6 month relationship My tale of woe: I'm beginning to have a major readjustment in my feelings for my Ex. Last night I discovered that she has helped herself to various of my possessions. Some are small things, such as the laptop mouse and webcam. One item though is of sentimental value to me. I know this sounds ludicrous but she has taken my mum's suitcase. My mum died 2 years ago from a brain tumour and the day before she died in the nursing home she suddenly had a moment of lucidity and said that she would pack her suitcase and come back home to me. The next day she died. I want this item back but the Ex is not talking, communicating or anything. The thing is the Ex could have taken any suitcase but she took that one. I was even considering giving her the laptop as an exchange. I am so upset by all of this. It's clear she has no respect.
  17. GoSox7 - that's a very moving story. I'm in such a similar situation. I was dumped 16 days ago and she cut me completely out of her life. She forbade me to contact her. I got very upset and angry and began to blame her for a lot of things. TBH, I was in denial too. Still came as a complete shock though.
  18. Very similar to my Ex...after the initial "honeymoon" phase where I was idealised and pursued she moved in with me. I think there were financial reasons for this amongst others. She would tell me how much I meant to her etc etc. Then after a few months little criticism started to creep in. Very small things really but they all began to add up. I didn't know what was going on and tried even harder to meet her many needs. Then she began to withdraw to the point of finishing the relationship and stating that she no longer required anything off me. She is a bright university grad who has a huge sense of self-entitlement. As far as I can determine she walked after our very first argument. I'm wondering if she's got someone else now. ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) Day 4 NC
  19. I would like opinions on how to deal with an Ex's anger. In my case, I invoked her anger by sending a stupid txt msg which nonetheless contained some hurtful truths. Not a good thing to do, I know. My Ex has jealousy issues and a kind of deep seated anger in general. She always criticised/judged etc. Anyway, I'm now on day 4 of NC and am reasonably certain that I will not go back, even if that were a possibility. However, she has certain things that belong to me and at some point I will have to see her. Third parties aren't an option unfortunately. Does the anger after a breakup eventually subside? ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)
  20. Milburn from Sheffield right? Meant to be better than the monkeys...anyway the lyric is good.
  21. Thanks Parsley - you've cheered me up! and your sig is great too! Is it a lyric?
  22. Interesting points. I'm regretting accusing my ex-gf of lying too - I realise she did it to protect herself even if it inevitably would hurt me. It's NC day 4 soon and I've got to pull myself together. You mentioned a quit smoking site - what's the url? This is something I need to do too. Regards.
  23. It's now the end of day 3 NC of this rollercoaster ride. I have so many mixed feelings. anger. confusion. shame. How could I still love this person...why did she disrespect me so much and why didn't I catch on to what was going on with her. Is she alright and why does she hate me. All the things I did for her are now objects of her hatred. I've been told this is called "devalueing & discarding" and atypical behaviour of disordered people. This frightens me. If she had a problem with the relationship why didn't she talk about it...oh my god I feel so bad. What did I do to hurt her? Sorry folks after a good day yesterday, today has been a real tough one. ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)
  24. It's the end of day 3 of NC for me and I'm bouncing off the walls. I miss my ex-gf so much despite the terrible things she is doing. I feel like I've been dropped from a very great height. I need a parachute. and a great big hug](*,)
  25. dgtx, your ex-gf sounds identical to mine. Was she always in a permanent bad mood? Did she do things or say things to make you react a certain way and then cry foul? Like a self-fulfilling prophecy? Just curious cos' even tho I loved her to bits the sheer effort was overwhelming me that something had to give. Also she was covertly judgemental and quite narcissistic...interesting.
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