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catren

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  1. Oh NTL, it upsets me to see you STILL in this place. Last Feb / March we were in very similar situations and provided support to one another - 6/7 months ago!!! Like you, I found it too difficult to cut contact - scared to death that I would lose him forever - hoping against hope that he would wake up one day and realize how much he needed me in his life. For me, it started in Jan / 07. I was determined that this pain would not consume me past the first half of 2007. I would not spend more than 6 months in limbo over someone who was too confused to know what to do. So, as of July 01 - I ended it all - deciding that I would not put up with that cr@p any longer. I had done much grieving by then and it was suddenly somewhat easier once I took control back of my life. It's now been 2 months of NC and I've moved on - even done some dating. It still hurts a lot sometimes. I still want to pick up that phone and call him. But, I now understand the consequences to me. The difference in my situation is that he respects my need for NC - although I know he would have liked to stay in contact. Time does heal all wounds but only if you let it. Please, please, take control back here. It's not about what he wants anymore - it needs to be what YOU want for your life and I think we all know you deserve a heck of a lot better than this.
  2. NTL, take a look at my thread: It was when I completely took the pressure off and moved on with my life that he has started to reach out more. I don't know what I'm going to do about that but there may be a chance yet. As for you, you do really need to walk away now and let him do whatever it is he needs to do. That's the only way for you to heal and the only way for him to not resent you. Just continue to seek support here and throguh your friends - we'll help you get through it.
  3. NTL, He's been great at twisting things around. I understand exactly why you feel the way you do. As for me, yes, we still have contact, although limited. Will update on another thread as I too am looking for advice.
  4. NTL,, I'm not surprised that you're confused - he hasn't been clear with you on anything - has been giving totally mixed messages for months now. However, you do need to move on because this j3rk does not deserve your love - he does not deserve you waiting any longer. Of course you're hurting - a lot, but that's because you opened yourself up to him again. Say goodbye, give yourself time to get over him and find someone who can actually commit to you without having to beg for it. You do deserve better!!
  5. Wow, all of this after how you've been treated!!! He needs his head examined. Does he actually expect you to wait for him for the next year? You've already waited months! I'd actually like to give him a piece of my own mind. He is delusional. Seriously. You are going to be much better off without him. Don't forget all of the support you have here.
  6. Well, I guess you can tell from all of our responses that you are supported here. Yes, this hurts like hell, but please take the advice of all of us - Delete him from your life.
  7. NTL, I recall the many many times you needed him or tried to reach him and he wasn't there for you. He left you hanging for MONTHS and now he can't handle being left hanging for a day. Right now you have the upper hand - keep it. The minute you call him, he will blame all of this on you and not accept the responsibility of his behaviour over the past several months. And, even though he clearly told you he was through, now he's hinting that maybe there could be something in the future - that's completely cruel. This guy is trouble and won't be coming back to you. All he wants is his neat little package of closure. You owe him NOTHING. And, he talks about the respect you owe him - after how he's treated you? Nuts. Don't play his game anymore, walk away and let him see that you're just fine without him thank you very much. You can do this.
  8. NTL, He's obviously feeling guilty about how things ended with him being so angry. All he's looking to do is absolve himself of that guilt. Remember all the times you needed him emotionally and he wasn't there. So, this is not about your needs now - it's about his. I know this hurts like he11 but you need to decide once and for all do you want to bring a different closure to this. I don't think talking ot him will make any difference to the outcome and you may feel even worse after. I see it this way - at this point, you sort of have the upper hand because he's not happy with how things ended. I have found that feeling this way does help somewhat with the pain of a break up however immature that may be. I honestly don't think he deserves the nice little closure he's seeking after how you've been put aside for the past few months. Ignore him - focus on you - get your support here.
  9. Oh NTL, I feel so bad for you. Even though he's left you hanging for months now, I know that you truly had hope that it would all work out if you gave it time. I know you must feel devastated right now, even in the midst of your anger. Please,keep posting, we're here for you - for whatever comfort this may provide.
  10. You sound like you're doing the things that need to be done. Is the house on the market yet?
  11. NTL, it was onlyh after I gave my ex space (to come to some acceptance myself) that he started to be able to realize how he really feels about me. So, I really encourage you to continue to give him the space you''ve been giving him. I know it's hard and that you miss him and the way things were like crazy but stick with it - it's the only was for him to figure out what he wants.
  12. NTL, I don't know if you read my post or not about my ex but we met up last night and I think he wants to try again. He said that me leaving him alone allowed him to realize how much he loves and misses me. We may give it another shot but neither of us is willing to commit to anything at the moment. I think it's okay to contact him about the interviews without mentioning the relationship at all. I can't guarantee that anything will "work" for sure but I've learned that if someone asks for space, we need to give it to them - as hard as it is.
  13. I think savoie is right - ask him if there is anything you can do for teh relationship. His response should tell you a lot. Letting go sucks and not having control is often immobilizing. You can't control what he does but you can control how you deal with all of this. Maybe you need to walk away if he can't give you what you need.
  14. Good to hear from you NTL. "he said that he thinks if a couple is meant to be, they should only spend great moments together and in our case we don't." What kind of crap is this?? Real relationships take real work and there will always be ups and downs. Love is what is supposed to sustain in those moments even when you don't know how to make it through. I truly believe that people just don't try hard enough to work out relationships anymore. It's easier to walk away than to put effort into keeping it working. If he thinks it's supposed to be sunshine and roses, he'll never be happy in any relationship. Ask anyone who's been together for 50 years if there have been times when they wanted to leave - they'd all say yes!! With that being said, some relationships should end - when there is abuse or when there is no love left. NTL, if he wants the relationship to end, he will tell you. Until then, he's with you and it's not over. Just keep doing what you're doing and give him the space he thinks he needs to clear his mind.
  15. Hey NTL, give us an update when you get a chance. Crossing my fingers that things went well.
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