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wishiknew

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  1. wishiknew
    jizzy, Thats great news, i almost expected this to happen. You know to just keep on trucking along and then all of a sudden you're dating again. Funny how you were the last to know though. You've done a great job of not overdoing things and i'm sure you'll continue down the same path you've been on. I wish you all the best!
  2. wishiknew
    Hey Jizzy! thanks for stopping by, i've been a bit lazy in keeping up to date on my posts. been lurking and keeping up to date on your posts, but not posting a lot lately. Since my last post we did take some time apart and this weekend we got together for a mutual friend's birthday and had some nice conversation. I spent the better part of Sunday with her organizing pictures from her trip to Europe last year. Things are definitely looking a bit more positive, but I have drawn some pretty clear boundaries for myself. No more relationship talk, or at least i'm not going to bring it up. I think its helped me quite a bit, I've had a lot of time to reflect and rethink if this is really what I want. And now we are just each doing our own respective things. We do have plans for dinner on valentine's day, well I had made reservations a while back and forgotten about them. But when we were talking at the birthday party on the weekend she mentioned wanted to get together for dinner sometime this week. Her only stipulation was that it not be Valentine's day, but for the simple fact that it would have been impossible to get a table at a decent restaurant unless we had reservations. So I won't have to cancel the reservations, like I had originally planned last week. We're still not dating, but we are definitely closer now.
  3. wishiknew
    1. I was hurt badly in my last serious relationship, so I was hesitant to invest anything emotionally into this one. I didn't actually realize what she meant to me until I lost her. 2. Kind of ties back to #1 but I wasn't very good at communicating with her. Ironically, things have been much better since we've broken up. 3. I was very selfish in the relationship, it was mostly what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, etc.
  4. wishiknew
    great news, just remember to take things slow and not fall back into old habits. I wish you all the best!
  5. wishiknew
    Hi Rhonda, My situation is this, I was dating this girl for almost 2 years and things were seemingly great. My problem is I'm not very good at communication in a relationship, actually neither of us really were. Things were starting to get a little more serious between us and I did mention moving in together, started to plan for a future together. Well things changed and she broke things off before Christmas. Her reasoning behind it is that she just wasn't sure of what she wanted anymore. Its not that she doesn't want to be with me, but she needed some time to determine whether or not she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. We've had some discussions and are clearly communicating better now than we did while we were together. She admits that she does doubt breaking up with me on some days but just isn't sure she wants to give us another chance unless she is 100% sure of it. Despite all the advocates of NC on this forum, we still remain in close contact and see/talk on a very regular basis. So for the time being we are friends, maybe a little more than friends, but definitely not a couple. I will admit that there are some days when I doubt my decision to remain close to her and be her friend. It is hard on me at times being around her and trying to be just friends, it has gotten easier with time though. So my question to you is, do I remain on this path that I'm on? Shall I continue to be her friend and supportive of her until I get some clear direction on what it is that she wants? Thank you for your time and insight.
  6. wishiknew
    glad to hear things are going so well, just keep doing what you're doing and i'm sure it will all come together.
  7. wishiknew
    my view is this: an ex is like a diseased limb, you have to cut it off for the sake of your health to ensure your own survival.
  8. wishiknew
    Ok, its taken me a couple days but I think I'm finally opening my eyes to this situation. I've put far too much into this and for the most part gotten nothing back. So i've decided to take a big step back and well, just be friends. Maybe even less than that, I always told her I didn't believe in being friends with an ex. Not right away anyways, months or years down the road there is the opportunity when everyone has healed. I may just make myself scarce and be nothing more than an acquaintance to her at this point. its taken me a while, but i finally feel like i'm starting to make some progress.
  9. wishiknew
    I remember hearing that it takes 21 days to break a habit. We are after all creatures of habit. Now that being said, its not going to be a hard and fast rule. Find something new to take your mind off things/her. Go to the gym, take a walk, something that you haven't done in a while, or maybe have never done before.
  10. wishiknew
    sasha faye, i've been in a similar situation. minus the cocaine use part that is. I dated this one girl for 5 years, in the end she decided she decided she didn't love me and we broke up. A week later I found out she was sleeping with one of my best friends. I was in denial about it for a long time, but when i finally accepted it and saw them for who they really are, I moved on. This is what you have to do, for your own sanity. I know things seem dark and lonely now, I've been there. But trust me when I say this, they will get better and you will find someone else who is better for you and more deserving of both your friendship and your love.
  11. wishiknew
    No, there isn't need to make a decision right away. She just needs time and thats all I can do is to give it to her, but a lot of the advice I've been getting is very much like the first reply. She knows that i want to try again and work things out and there are days when she has doubts about breaking up with me in the first place. She's just so unsure of what she wants and I can't help her with it, its something she has to do on her own.
  12. wishiknew
    My ex (sometimes I still have a hard time calling her that) and I have been broken up now for about 6 weeks. We still see and talk to each other on a fairly regular basis, not daily but never more than a couple days. We spend the last week away on a trip, just the two of us for my birthday. The reason we broke up is because she just wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. We talked about it last week, she does miss me, still cares about me. The problem is, she is trying to figure out if she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I guess things were starting to get serious, and though we never really talked about it, I just figured thats what direction we were headed in. The trip was good, nothing too awkward. Actually everything felt like it used to be most of the time. She was calling me "babe" again like she used to, we slept on the same bed. In all that time alone together we had some good discussions about our relationship. Where things went wrong, where things are going, what might have been, what could be. BUT she still says she isn't ready to say she's my girlfriend again and at the same time doesn't want me missing out on any opportunities while she's trying to figure things out. So what do I do now? I'm resistant to the idea of NC because we are so close as friends. We are communicating a lot better now about things than we ever did as a couple, so I think thats a step in the right direction.
  13. wishiknew
    Sometimes I feel the same way as you, a little cold hearted, a little cynical. Because you know what, you and I will always have that thought hanging in the back of our heads. Even if we do get back together, whats to stop them from breaking up with us again? The second time around it can go one of two ways. Things change and you work on the relationship and it works out, or option B which is that we fall back into our old routines and habits which gets us right back to where we are now. I think what you're doing is fine, whats the point of being overly sweet or doing too much for someone that you're not really dating? I know you said things are much better now in terms of communication and stuff. The same goes for my relationship with my ex, she's even gone as far as to ask if we got back together how they would be. I swore to her that they wouldn't go back to the way they were, I took her for granted and that would never happen again. Maybe you should bring this up with your ex when and if he's ready to have a relationship talk.
  14. wishiknew
    JIzzyM, To answer all your questions in no particular order, we've had some long relationship talks. Some good has come out of them, she does think about getting back together but right now she's still sitting on the fence because she truly doesn't know what she wants. She says that she doesn't want to get back together unless she's 100% sure because she saw what the breakup did to me and doesn't want to put me through that ever again. She misses me, she said sometimes she's even in denial about things because there are times when it feels like we're still dating. No, I don't spend all of my time with her, although there are days that i might want to. We see each other maybe a couple nights a week and I still see my other friends regularily. Sometimes we all get together and do something as a big group too. We are having fun together again, whether it be just the two of us or in a large group. Our usual hangout sessions seem a lot like date type stuff, we'll go skating in the park, dinner and a movie, grab a coffee. Sometimes just hanging out at her place or mine like we used to. The trip was great, we were playful with one another and it seemed like there was some flirting going on from her end. The thing is I know she's extra cautious with my feelings because she doesn't want to give me false hope. I do feel that we are a little closer because of all the time we spent together, probably not as much progress as I would have liked to see but I know this is going to take time.
  15. wishiknew
    Well, the ex and I spent 3 nights away on a trip for my birthday. It's something she and I had always wanted to do, she wanted to plan it last year but things never worked out. And even though we broke up before Christmas, she still wanted to go on this trip together. For those of you who don't know my situation, she broke up with me because she wasn't sure if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. We had gotten to the point in our relationship where things were starting to get serious and she just became unsure of what she really wanted. So she broke it off, we still talked and saw each other on a fairly regular basis. She refused to call is a break, becasue she's been in that situation and she knows it would be too hard on me, so it was a break up. She told me she didn't want me waiting around for her make up her mind. Anyways, back to the trip. To make a long story short we had 1 room with 2 beds. For the majority of the time, only 1 got used. There was some cuddling which felt great, things seemed almost normal at times as though we may be on the road to getting back together. We had some talks regarding our relationship and she does miss me but still isn't ready to say we're dating again. Still needs some time to figure things out about what she wants out of her life, or if she really does want to spend the rest of our lives together. Things have really gotten better communication wise since we broke up, we are both the type of person to keep most of our most intimate thoughts and feelings to ourselves. That's no longer the case as we share every aspect of our lives, just like the best friends we used to be, only closer. i don't know if I want feedback or advice, I just had to get this aired out. Reply as you feel appropriate. I know there are those that will say she's keeping me around until something/someone better comes along.
  16. wishiknew
    thats your classic drunk dial. probably better for the both of you that you missed the calls.
  17. wishiknew
    We had a nice long talk the other night and cleared the air. here is my original thread for a little background. So yeah, back to our talk. We talked about where things went wrong, and how we were both doing. It seemed like she being the dumper was having a much easier time dealing with and I told her that. She got a little upset by that, almost on the verge of tears because she says that this isn't easy on her. I told her how I felt and said a lot of the things I've been wanting to say but was too afraid to either push her away or make things awkward. It was nice to have that talk and not really change anything. This was a little over a month ago we've been apart, but we've still been seeing each other on a regular basis. Doing a lot of "date" type things and sometimes just hanging out doing nothing at all. Sometimes its as if things are back to the way they were, other times i'm not sure sure. Long story short, she wants to be with me, she misses me. BUT at this stage she just isn't sure if she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She even says sometimes she's in denial about things because they happened so suddenly and we both still spend so much time together. We've been communicating a lot better since we broke up than we ever did when we were together. The problem is we both like to keep things to ourselves, but thats gotten a lot better in the last coupld of weeks.
  18. wishiknew
    wow, another positive outcome, and a local one at that. I wish you all the best
  19. wishiknew
    It varies from person to person, but my experience from past relationships is yeah about half the time you were together is what it takes to truly get over things and move on. There are days when you may feel like you are better and ready to get on with your life earlier, but thats just a moment. My last relationship that lasted 5 years took me almost 3 years to get over it.
  20. wishiknew
    read something by dr. john gray. he's the mars and venus guy.
  21. wishiknew
    SpeedingCars, You will find love, you will grow as a person and you will find a relationship better than this one. Here's my story, I was 18 and freshman in college. I met this girl in one of my classes and it took me a few months but eventually we started dating. Things were wonderful, we had great times and shared everything. We dated for almost 5 years, talked about getting married, starting a family and our lives together. We were almost ready to buy a house together, had been seriously looking and getting everything in order. But then one day she decided she just didn't love me anymore and didn't feel the same way she once did about me. I was crushed, i put my entire existence into that relationship and I thought that she was definitely "the one." I felt very much like you do now and thought that I would spend the rest of my life single and alone. Fast forward a few years and a couple meaningless relationships I had almost given up hope on finding someone. But when I had all but given up wanting/needing to be in a relationship and was least expecting it. Someone wonderful came into my life and showed me that yes I could love again. We had an amazing relationship, shared even more than I did with the one I spent 5 years with. So the answer to your question is yes, there is a life for you after a breakup even though it doesn't seem like it at the moment. The pain will subside, you will let go, you will move on to bigger and better things. Don't let it run your life, don't let it ruin your life. Just go back to being you and let things happen, life will run its course.
  22. wishiknew
    I think past relationships should be left there, in the past. I try to bring as little baggage as possible into a new relationship. yes the old relationships help to define who we are, but at the same time you are starting fresh with someone new. So unless they want to know about my past, I tend to keep things to myself.
  23. wishiknew
    i think you hit the nail on the head, he's being distant because he's afraid that you may be weaning yourself off of him. He's at the point where he realizes that he isn't the center of you attention all the time (which is good for you) but still wants to be a big part of your life. It seems to me like there is an "us" if he referred to it as such, I just wish he would outright say it and clearly define what that means to you two at this point. I'm sure you very much would like that too though, but sadly these things take far longer than they should. Just keep doing what you're doing, i think that things will work out in the end.
  24. wishiknew
    open relationship just means more communication and talking about feelings. Something i hadn't really done the entire time we were together. Nothing to update at this time, but i'll keep you posted.
  25. wishiknew
    I've been through this once before, I thought it was the end of the world. I dated the girl for 5 years, we were talking about getting married, looking at buying a house together and then one day she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore. I thought she was the one, thought I would never feel the same away about anyone again. I was wrong, it took time, a long time but things did get better and I found something even better than I had ever imagined. Of course that didn't work out and I'm a month into that breakup but knowing now what happened to me I'll survive this again.
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