sydneybean84

The plot thickens: Things had been racing along at break-neck speed for over a month...We spent an amazing New Years Eve together, followed by COUNTLESS nights at my apartment...Apparently the gf was out of town for two weeks or so, so he took full advantage of that and spent literally every night at my house week before last and at least three nights last week....The thing is, I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN....I swear to you when whatever this thing is between us ends, I will have lost all hope of meeting anyone in the future. I feel sad, alone, and ashamed. There is nothing on earth I crave more than his touch and his presense. Losing him will kill me emotionally. I have been very hurt before and vowed that I would not open my heart to anyone again until I was sure...Here I am a year later with my heart broken yet again!! Is love this hard on everyone? When does the easy part begin? Have'nt I suffered enough?? I mean, really!! Sometimes I feel like I will be alone forever....

I have a rather puzzling update to my posting. I'll admit right off the bat that all of the sound advice y'all gave me went in one ear and out the other. At the time (and admitedly right now) I was/am so smitten with him that nothing else mattered. I mean nothing. What I did do, however was start asking him more questions. You see before the relationship he was already in, was something like the "elephant in the room", we both knew it was there and an issue, but he prompted me to "live in the moment"...blah blah blah...To make a long story short, all of my questioning has left me even more confused! First of all, he has NEVER,EVER mentioned his "girlfriend's" name (even in passing),I have never seen a picture of her, when we are together (which is quite frequently, I am ashamed to admit) his phone never rings (his friend "Reese" will call, etc, but not her) and everytime I call him and he's at home, she is not. He did not spend the holidays with the "girlfriend", but rather with his family in Baltimore. He has already made us New Year's plans....Honestly, sometimes I question whether or not this "girlfriend" even exists...Why does'nt she ever call or spend time with him? If something goes wrong or wonderfully in his life, I'm the first one he calls. If they live together (as he says) then where the hell is she? If I were pregnant, AND in love with him, I would be on him like white on rice! Do men ever create fictional relationships? Am I psycho for even contemplating whether or not he is lying? Im going nuts here folks, really! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

i think the real question is WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR ANGER? I think if you can honestly answer THAT question for yourself, then you will be one step closer to living without it. Anger is like a cancer, it will take over your whole body....GET RID OF IT!! YOU DON'T NEED IT!! Have you tried running? If you're out of shape, then I can't even begin to tell you how painful it'll be when you first get out there.(that pain will soon be replaced by this euphoric feeling though, when you really get into it) Imagine yourself running away from the things/people/issues that make you angry...

Do you have these feelings for her because she is the first woman to give you this type of attention/affection, or because you TRULY see something magnificent in her? Do you consider you feelings at this point in time to be worth the risk of losing most supportive friendship you have ever had? Also, your feelings of depression when you are not with her, as well as your feelings of self-loathing read as slightly manic....(have you seen a therapist? it helps greatly, TRUST ME) You sound like a wonderful person,(she thinks so as well or else she would'nt spend as much time with you as she does..) Tread carefully, think things out and be logical....What would your ideal end result be with this woman? Would the expression of your desires make things prematurely awkward? How do you really think she feels about you? Best of Luck Hun.....Follow you heart.....

As strange as this may sound my dear, you two have built a very damaging, co-dependence....I can tell from the sound of things that you yourself are'nt an average guy, because you have been with her for quite sometime and I'm sure most of her behavior is not new.In addition, there is something about the way that she treats you, that you find acceptable, even comfortable...Are you into any type of submissive/BDSM type of stuff?? It seems like you might. (Or if you don't you might want to look into it, it may be a way in the future of expressing your sexual needs without making them your lifestyle..) Regardless, whatever you found intrigueing/beguiling about this woman seems to have dissipated. I think you need to move on. All the weed in the world would'nt make her a good girlfriend.....

sex in the morning is the best....I can't bring myself to kissing though, we both smoke cigs and I think it would be best to avoid a nasty, morning after, I taste like an ashtray kiss...ahhhhh what a way to wake up.....

HUNNY THIS IS A TEXTBOOK SITUATION!! First of all, I don't care how much you weigh or how old you are, there is someone on this planet who can appreciate you JUST AS YOU ARE!! And beyond that, YOU NEED TO APPRECIATE YOURSELF!! This man is such a loser, I could honestly vomit all over my keyboard right now! Don't you know that HE'S the one that won't be able to find someone else and thats why he feels the need to emotionally cripple you to make you think the opposite!! He puts you down because he does'nt want you to leave him (I know sounds strange right?!) Case in fact DO NOT MARRY THIS LOSER!!! Chances are he has no intention of marrying you anyway, but uses an inpending wedding date as leverage over you....I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN DO BETTER!! first you have to WANT better, and I know you do....Dump him so fast his head spins...Then get your like together, if YOU like your weight and feel good about yourself, then FINE,if you don't adopt a workout plan that fits your lifestyle and goals,and lose it , YOU HAVE OPTIONS, HE DOES'NT, ACT LIKE IT!!! whew....best of luck queen....

Hunny, I know exactly how you feel. And if you take him back I know exactly what he'll do...The thing about violent men is they're pretty much all the same. At the end of the day, this man does not know how to love you. And you can't fix him. I wish I could say that violent men have the capacity to change their behavior, but I have yet to meet one that has. And my ex certainly didn't...They just find new victims, and you don't have to be one. I'll tell you the best thing you can do for yourself and your sanity is tell your closest girlfriends what happened....If they're anything like mine, they will comfort you and tell you never to go back to him. And you probably won't listen-AT FIRST...the thing is its gonna take time, you've been sucked in,but not all the way...GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! I cannot think of a more clean cut exit than the one you have created for yourself. No man is worth you tears and the one who is will never make you cry. Believe that!

Ok so, you are definitely what I would call "of age" to embark on your own sexual journey. Trust me when I tell you can most definitely take more than one finger...You are a woman, and as such have been blessed with a VERY malleable vagina (how do you think you will ever have children, or use a super tampon)....I think the biggest issue is your own trepidation, when you are nervous the walls of the vagina constrict, making any type of insertion pretty uncomfortable. When you do decide to have sex, RELAX, and if all else fails, thats why a genius invented lube...Be wise though hunny! Take care of yourself!

Ok so not to be an or anything, but are the words "shy" and the phrase "low self esteem" being used interchangeably? I mean, "he does't want to interrupt?" Whatever, you know him and I don't, but it seems the best way to get a shy guy out of his shell is to express you interest. Sometimes you have to show that shy guy that his affections are not one sided...He sounds adorable, sacrificing life and limb to see you, How sweet! Regardless, I think the thing what most shy people fear is rejection or awkwardness...So to avoid both, be upfront and tell him how you feel. He sounds super into you! Good Luck! Oh and if you want to see him more often just say so, he sounds open!

This guy is a bonafide loser, girl! I know from personal experience how hard it is to untangle yourself from someone when your family and friends all know and adore him, and when you really feel like you have made a lot of emotional sacrifices for someone....The thing is at this point he has no respect for you. You have clearly shown him that you are not going anywhere...surprise him! Unfortunately a lot of men need boundaries, they want to be shown what you will and will not accept. At this point he thinks anything is fair game! Cut those emotional ties hun, regardless of how your friends and family feel about him, YOU are the one with him, and if he does'nt know how to act, FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES!!

I know this might seem crass, but have you been tested for STD's? There is no telling the status is of a girl who is that promiscuous with that many men.Do yourself a favor and make sure you are healthy...AND NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN!!

Hunny, this man is giving you quite a few indications that at this point in his life he does not have the time or energy it requieres to be in a relationship....Besides that fact, I feel like maybe you got into this relationship in order to help fight off your depression, not because you really had the desire to share your life with someone. I know just as well as anyone what it feels like to be lonely, or to truly crave companionship, but don't sell yourself short! I have the perfect test of your relationship....give him (and yourself) some space! Stop calling him for say two days or so, and see what his response is...(and use that time to really figure out if this is what YOU want!) More than likely, you two are both in this relationship out of convenience rather than desire. Drop that zero, and find a man that's super into you! And in the downtime, take hot bubble baths, rent/watch your favorite movies and eat ice cream!! Works for me!

Yeah it does suck to hear all of this from you all. It sucks but its oddly cathartic. I am reading what I have been thinking for the past couple of weeks...I have been in agony!! I talked to "D" for quite sometime over the phone last night, with all of the intentions in the world of breaking things off with him (y'all will never believe it but I actually printed out the commentary you all posted and had it in my hand as I spoke to him to keep me focused on the issue at hand....) I figured over the phone would be a lot easier so I could avoid the "oh my God he's soooo handsome distraction....." To make a long story short, I did not accomplish my goal. He is meeting me after work to "talk things out in person"....Pray for me y'all......I really want to do what is right...Tonight could be the last time I see him, and that hurts!!

and another thing: When he and I met (supposedly) the relationship between him and his gf was on the rocks and basically over. Could she be using the preganacy as a last-ditch effort to keep him? I mean if a relationship is over, its over. He should be a father to this impending child, but why stay with someone who does'nt make you happy? im just saying....