keepdreaming

I even found a conversation with one of his friends that was asking if there was anything else he did wrong to me because he wanted to fess up everything and come clean with it all. His friend called him crazy and then thought it was me on his SN. I don't know if this is just him feeling really, really guilty though

I'm not sure if I will ever be able to get over this. It hurts so much that he was going behind my back for such a long time. I had a long talk with him today and I got so frustrated because he isn't able to give me answers on WHY he did it. I feel like if there is an actual reason for his answers it will help me move on... but he won't give me one and it's making me go insane. So while he was at work I decided to try this Google Desktop thing that everyones been talking about and WOW I found some pretty crazy conversations. There were tons of them with his guy friends telling them how much he screwed up and how he wanted to change and he was dumb for so long. He told them he was never going to be around his EX anymore and they were all making fun of him calling him whipped and stuff but he was like I'm not drinking around her I want nothing to do with her. He told them what he told me that this whole experience made him realize how much I meant to him and how he needed to change. I don't know what to think of this... I mean I know what he did was wrong but do you think it's possible that he really has changed? Or is this part of the guilt he feels? Once I'm over it will he just go back and continue his normal scumbag ways? I don't know what to think anymore.

Yes you guys are right... it's just hard. I'm so sad all the time and I don't want to let him go. I don't understand how someone can lie for so long! It makes me angry and then sad and then angry and it never ends!! I really thought he was the one for me and I thought everything was going to end up the way we both said we wanted (obviously he didn't want that). It's also frustrating to know that the ex is just waiting there for him to come back, she's been waiting for almost a year. When I end it, he'll just go right back to her and it makes me so angry. I want him and I can't have him the way I want. I feel used and I feel stupid

Yes, it does look silly when I put it into perspective. My perfect match except for the lies... that doesn't make any sense. I do know this and I have known this it's just getting the strength to pick up my things and leave for good is what I don't know how to do. I try and try and try but he always has a way of changing my mind and making me reconsider. Since the cheating happened he has treated me very well and he's made a big effort to fix the problem but I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him again. Today we had a long talk about things and he claims that he needed something like this to happen to straighten him out and to make him realize what he had with me... I just don't know if this is sincere.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and a few months ago I found out he'd been cheating on me since the START. I had always been a little nervous about him being unfaithful because he had just come out of a serious relationship and I knew that his ex was still very much in love with him. She was very unstable when they broke up and I knew how easily he could cheat on me with her if he wanted. I guess it was my own fault for trusting him so easily... I knew she was texting him and I knew they still called each other a lot but I kind of made my own excuses for it because I wanted to believe him that they were done. I had really fallen for this guy and I didn't want to be wrong about him. Well, in the end, I was wrong about him and I guess I learned my lesson big time. After I found out I talked to his ex-girlfriend about it because I wanted to know the full story and I wasn't sure if he was giving me all the details. He did some horrible things. He promised her all the same things he was promising me... telling her that in the end he wanted to be with her and marry her and that he still loved her and missed her. I asked her, well if he felt this way then why wasn't he with you, why was he with me? She didn't have an answer but I realized he knew that if he told her those things then he could have both of us. Have his cake and eat it too. My problem now is trying to move on... I try soooo hard to be strong and leave him but I just CAN'T. Other than the fact that he cheated on me, he really is my perfect match. And it's not only me that sees it...my friends, family.. everyone. I'm so, so in love but I feel like the whole situation is just tearing me apart. At times I get so angry about what happened that I want to leave him, but when it comes down to actually doing it I just can't. I talk to him about this and of course he'll beg me not to and say he's learned and how much of a mistake he made... but I just feel like I'll never be able to believe him or trust him ever again. I'm not the type of person that just gets over something like this. It's been about 4 months since I found out and I can't even count how many times I've tried to get up and go... I feel like now he doesn't even take it seriously when I say I can't do it anymore. He knows I'll listen to what he says and come back. I wish I was stronger. I really need help, does anyone have any kind of advice because I feel like I'm not doing anything right