Biffy

I would tell the girl you're seeing what's going on in your head if I were you. Honesty is always the best policy. We've all been there, had our heartsbroken and try to move on in a positive way by getting out there and dating again. Rebounding isn't fair on the other person - you should be telling her where you are in your head and that you want to take it slow. And being a guitar man you should be your strat or your gibson out and letting rip sir.

I think she's an immature fool. Your life will be so much better without her. Kick her to the curb and don't look back.

After a nice healthy dose of regression I'm back to thinking and knowing that I'm awesome. Sure I still love my ex and want her back but I'm not dwelling on it anymore. She may well realize one day what she has thrown away - a guy that loved her completely despite of all of her failings... or she may not but the key is I'll be fine regardless. Any other awesome folks out there? (as if I didn't already know )

Wow... this guy is a complete * * * *. Congratulations for your "loss" and good luck (not that you'll need it) in finding a real man.

The only warning sign I got was "You Have Mail" Not particularly helpful, no... but true!

I have! I told her that the only times I want to hear from her is when it's work related or if she wants to get back together with me.

After another day of ignoring my ex's emails etc at work on Friday she popped into my office to see me. She asked me how I was and I told her I was really good and asked her how she was and she says "I'm ok... well not really, I'm not ok at all" so I stupidly said "oh dear, what's up?" and she says "I can't tell you about it" Now is she saying that in reference to a new guy on the scene you think? Is it to do with me maybe? Or is it that she's just trying to play with my head? The most important question is though - why on Earth do I care??

Thanks Hulk, that's good advice and I had best take it as I wouldn't want to make you angry... I imagine I wouldn't like you when you're angry. Anyone have any clues why she keeps looking at me? I am a sexy * * * * * but she didn't look over at me THIS much when we were together...

I can understand the birthday and christmas cards... but valentines?? Isn't that a little odd to you?

DG, just a quick note to say that I'm finding the way you're handling your situation to be very inspiritaional. I hope it all works out well for you.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with that. My birthday's at the end of the month and I know I'll be thinking just that. I hope I won't let it ruin my day. And I also hope that I'll be out of my job by then as if I'm still here then I'm sure that there will be a big card signed by all my colleagues... her included and that would suck.

I can't as I work with her, and all this contact comes only at work.

Grrrr... she keeps contacting me. I don't understand it, if she doesn't want to be with me why does she keep contacting me? Doesn't bother me most of the time but it does occasionaly piss me off as it plants little seeds in my head that maybe she's regretting her decision and changing her mind. Then common sense kicks in and tells me that she would let me know if that were the case... probably.

Thanks for the replies everyone, can't wait to get out of this job so I can really start to heal without having to see her everyday. I just wish I could stop wanting her back.

I know, the whole thing just blows my mind. I can't have any regrets though as looking back I honestly don't think I could have been a boyfriend if I tried - I'd learned my lessons from past relationships and applied them in this one. I was loving, considerate, open, honest and at the same time I didn't allow myself to be walked over. Maybe I'll get it right next time! And yes, I think she does have some issues - her friends have phoned me up saying exactly that.

Hi folks, Just wanted to have a little vent and get a little support. My ex spilt up with my about 2 months ago - I'm 26, she's 23 - we were only together about 6 months but it really was the best 6 months of my life. Never felt such a special connection with someone before. We got together only 3 months after she got out of an abusive 3 year year relationship. I wasn't sure we should get together so soon as I didn't want to be the rebound guy but she said as long as we took it slow it wouldn't be a problem. We took it slow and after a couple of months it started getting quite serious. I treated her very well, I was very open with her, took her to nice places etc and gave her space and encouraged her to see her friends etc. Her mother and my ex agreed that I was the "perfect boyfriend" I wasn't "too nice" either though, I put my foot down when I thought I needed to. After about 5 months we went on a holiday together for a week which was the longest we'd ever spent together and I think a holiday is often an acid test for a couple - we had an amazing time. When we got back we had a chat about where we were as a couple etc and she told me she was in love with me and can see us growing old together etc.. About a month later we went to lunch together (we work together) had a sneaky kiss and cuddle in the lift on the way back to our desks and then half an hour later she sent me an email breaking up with me... very classy. She said she didn't want to be in a relationship etc... the usual nothing reasons. I did the whole begging, pleading bit initially and then initiated NC which is very hard when you work with your ex. She kept IMing/ emailing/ phoning me telling me how much she misses me - I told her that unless she wants to get back together I really don't want to hear from her... she kept visiting me at my desk for chats and tings like that. Then she went way for a couple of weeks with her friend in which there was total NC, and I healed a great deal in that time - when she came back to work she went straight back into phoning me up, visiting me at my desk etc and I've been acting completely normal with her, being outwardly happy, jovial but short and sweet, "under-staying my welcome" as super_dave would say. The more distant I've been the more she contacted me. Last Friday I had lunch with one of her work colleagues that I've know just as long as my ex, a little while after we had lunch the colleague phoned me up in tears saying that my ex had quizzed her as to what I've been saying about my ex and what I'm up to these days and when the colleague told her that she wasn't mentioned my ex told her that she didn't know why I talk to this colleague as I "have never liked her and think she's annoying" That blew my mind, I imagine that my ex said it out of jealousy... very weird though. Then I made the cardinal error of drunk-dialing her on Saturday night - it started off just chatting about his and that and then we started discussing "us" again and she said that our 6 months together were amazing and she loves and misses me but just needs to be by herself and that we probably won't reconcile. So I told her to stop contacting and she still is but only at work. I'm so gutted, I've taken this break up worse than any others before - including a 3 year one in which my partner had cheated on me. I'm hopefully going to be leaving this job at the end of the month so that will help me heal I'm sure and it will let her experience life completely without me in it. I'm trying to stop wanting to get back together with her and hoping that she will change her mind but it's proving hard. I am doing so much better these days though and I feel a lot stronger and happier but I still have lots of pain in bursts but less frequent bursts than before. I am keeping busy, I'm enjoying myself with friends and getting in pretty darn good shape too. But in these past 2 months I've been hounded by a previous ex who I became friends again (she wants to get back together with me), I was involved in a very nasty car accident (2 broken ribs and concussion), one of my friends killed himself and 2 of my relatives are weeks away from death in hospice beds. So yeah, having a tough time of it of late but I can feel myself coming through this so much stronger. Comments and support would be lovely - sorry if this long, rambling nonsense!

Hi John, Sorry to hear you're suffering, from the posts of yours I've read you seem like a really nice fella and I hate it when nice folk are suffering. You were together for 6 years, that is a very long time so of course it's normal for you to still feel like you do. Jeez, I'm 2 months out of a 6 MONTH relationship and still want me ex back/ feel like crap - but having said that I work with my ex so have to put up with her starring at me all day! It will get better, like everyone on here keeps telling you - keep yourself as busy as possible and when you feel weak, post here. Whenever those rosey memories of your relationship start popping into your mind force yourself to counter those thoughts with negative thoughts of her. Do not call her dude.

With you on that, my ex is the same. Tells me she's in love with me and then decides she doesn't want to be in a relationship... but really misses me and still loves me. Quite the headtrip to be on the receiving end of it and it's clear that you should leave these people to sort out their own issues of which they clearly have plenty.

Good point! I may go along, try and get a photo with the band and send the photo to her with a note saying "ha ha ha ha" or words to that effect!

The friend that gave the tickets to me is always giving me freebies as he works for a major record label so it's no skin off his nose what I do with them. I don't what I'll do with them...

Hey kids, A friend of mine has presented me with 2 tickets to a concert, the band in question happens to be one I'm not too fond of but my ex worships... I'm thinking of letting her have them, and before you start with the "dude, you won't win her back with gifts" that's not my intention (although I still kinda do want to get back with her), I plan to give them to a mutual friend to give to her under the premise that the friend doesn't say who they're from. Should I or shall I sell them on ebay and use the proceeds to buy something for the most awesome person I know... me?

I get the feeling that you're maybe grasping at straws with this I'm afraid.

Good for you, sounds like you've moved on really well. Making plans for future is very important I think in the wake of a break up. I've done the same, I'm going to fly out to California next summer, buy a motorbike and drive from coast to coast over the course of about 3 months.

This is all excellent advice Sparkle. I spent a while chasing my ex around like a little lost puppy trying to reconcile with her. Now I'm being Mr. Aloof, moving on nicely whilst still wanting to get back with her. Now she's starting to contact me more and more and flirting with me etc and I'm being very cordial, jovial but in very small amounts. She's trying to pry information out of my friends about what I'm up to etc and just like me they ain't telling her anything.

Jeez... myspace, the latest curse to the techno-generation!