Biffy

It's very difficult for a while - It's 5 weeks since my ex dropped me like I was hot.... And I still think about her lots and foolishly still want er back. I was just seriously considering emailig a friend of hers asking her whether it was worth me still holding a candle for my ex. Now that would have been pretty dumb, and I'm glad I had the sense to not do it. I keep myself as busy as possible but it still doesn't go away, but I know it will with time as it will with you.

Good for you. And happy birthday for yesterday!

I'm spending these 2 weeks trying to find a new job to get the hell away from her. I'm also spending the time trying to kill the futile hope and want for a reconciliation in my head... that'll be a lot more difficult than finding a new job.

Sounds pretty normal to me. It's been 5 weeks for me, it was awful at first then I was fine again and the past few days I got completely miserable again which led me to breaking my NC/ LC by txting her telling her I missed her... what a fool! Don't do that, keep it up and keep busy.

Thanks you guys, this forum is really helpful. I work with my ex which makes it really difficult to maintain NC... but I was managing it until today - even though she's not in, (she's off work for 2 weeks) and I was thinking these 2 weeks would be much better for me... Grrrr. I'm so annoyed with myself for texting her but at least it just said I missed her rather than "I love you and want you back... why did you leave me... wah wah"

Hi peeps, It's been 5 weeks since my ex callously dumped me by email and for the first 2 weeks I was inconsolable, as it was such a good relationship and her lack of reasons for wanting it to end. Then I felt fine for a while about it, realised what a good catch I am and that she truly has lost a lot in losing me. But I'm still in love with her and really missing her now and for some reason I still want her back. Even though she dumped me by email 2 weeks after she told me she loved me, acted so coldly to me in the aftermath of the breakup like I never meant anything to her, and when I was involved in a car accident 3 weeks after the breakup in which my friend died and I suffered broken ribs and concussion she didn't contact me once to ask how I am... She did email another friend of mine to ask if I was ok but that's just not the same is it? So why am I still wanting her back? And why on Earth did I just send her a text telling her I missed her? That's beyond dumb.

Thanks Frisco, I'm sure you're right about getting down about it all again but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Your posts have been especially helpful... I'd buy you a beer but I think you're on a whole different continent.

I was fearing that my new outlook would fade overnight but it really hasn't - I feel great today. Sure I still love her and I miss her but if she can't see how good she had it then she isn't worth my efforts to win her back. I even had a little chat with her today and felt absolutely fine about it. And I've also just been offered a job teaching English in Rio at the start of 2007... and I think we all know the quality of Brazilian women! Life is good. Thank y'all, this messageboard has really helped.

After 3 weeks of torturing myself about why my ex broke up with me and having NC with her, she started messaging me and we had it out... me wanting to know why she would want to end something so good and then it hit me, I had a moment of clarity. It doesn't actually matter why, I know how much of a good person I am and I will find someone worthy of my love and attention. She's made a stupid mistake chucking me.

My ex broke up with me nearly 3 weeks ago and said that she didn't think we'd get back together... But against my better judgement I'm still holding onto the hope that she'll change her mind, I guess it's because I don't want it to be over and want her back. My question is, how do I stop hoping we'll get back together?

I know you're right but this hope of reconciliation keeps creeping back into my head.

Yeah, I asked why she wanted to split up and she said that she didn't think she felt the way she should about me, I asked how she should feel about me and she said she didn't know. She's basically very confused about what she wants in her life and she was in this position with her previous boyfriend but persevered with the relationship until he cheated on her... I don't know whether I'm paying the price for her ex's dishonesty or not... I really am clueless as to why she doesn't want to be with me - I can honestly say that I couldn't have treated her better or been more open and honest with her if I tried.

Thanks closure, I'm sure you're right. 2 more questions - 1. When does one collect their stuff from the ex's place and how do they go about it considering they are maintaining NC?? 2. I got a friend to get my now ex a signed photo of her favourite singer... he mailed it to me today... do I burn it and send her the ashes or do I remind her of how good a boyfriend I was by letting her have it?

I haven't posted much on here but I've read a lot of what you guys have been saying and have found it really helpful so thank you. My girl dumped me two weeks ago for fairly generic reasons - I'm too good for her, I deserve more, she needs to be on her own, not ready for a relationship etc etc. Since she text me a lot and emailed me telling me she misses me and trying to chat to me like nothing had happened. This prompted me to demand to know where I stood and she said then that she loves me but doesn't think we'll get back together. At this point I told her to stop contacting me... which she did for a day or two - my responses then hardened and have now stopped and we haven't had contact for about a week. It's particularly difficult for me as I work with her so I see her every day and it's just killing me although I'm putting on a brave face and acting like all is right with the world but the stress of it has led me to taking the rest of this week off, basically to avoid her. The thing is I still desperately want her back and even though she said she doesn't think we'll get back together I'm still holding onto the hope that we will - maybe because of the rubbish reasons she gave for the break up and I keep thinking she said we wouldn't because I pressurised her into a decision and she's still undecided. It's better when I'm not at work and have to see her so maybe this time off will help.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Since, I had one more attempt at talking to her to understand her thinking and in that conversation she said that she doesn't think we'll get back together again so I told her not to contact me anymore. She didn't for a day but now I'm getting a few messages a day from her and I'm ignoring most of them and replying to the odd one with blunt, to-the-point replies. I can't help but get hope from the fact she keeps contacting me and I know I probably shouldn't but I don't know why she would keep trying to contact me.

Last week my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I'm 26, she's 23 - we got together 3 months after she got out of a 3 year relationship. It started off where she was unsure what she wanted but then it was smooth sailing for 5 months - we got on really well, went on 2 holidays together and then about 3 weeks ago she told me she was in love with me. Then virtually out of the blue she told me that she needed to be on her own and was not ready for a relationship and that I was so good that she doesn't feel like she can give me what I deserve in a relationship. I've spoken to her since and she doesn't have much else new to say other than she needs to be on her own for a while, and when asked if there's a chance we can get back together she says maybe. This is a real head trip for me, as is the messages and phone calls from her telling me she misses me. I also work in the same building as her so have to look at her everyday. I'm absolutely heartbroken and can't move on - some advice would be great please peeps.