seren

Yeah god its a hard one........ see thats the thing I LIKE being alone, he may think i have no life hahahaha but in my head and heart i know its because i ENJOY it. I hope i dont seem boring or needy. i gues syoru only really needy and dependant if you HAVE to see them, you go OUT of your way to be with them all the time. which we dont, were just already doin nuttin lol. See the thing with me and my bf also is that in his teenage yrs he was kinda a nerd, he went to private school n didnt have many friends etc but with me i was a HUGE party person in school, always organizing weekend parties and gigs etc.....n then when iw a sonly 18 i moved abroad to the uk for 2 years where i went clubbin alot, partying ALOT and had ALOT I MEAN ALOT of time on my own, no fmaily or nuttin and travelling alot. so i got way over the club scene and way used to being happy at home on own, and wheni came home i realised how much i missed my family etc n now i just love being home with them. just chillin. but hes more just getting into the club scene etc even tho hes 22 haha because its only now he has really close mates etc..... so i hoep i dont seem needy that im always here if he needs me or wants to see me, n i do ask him if hes strayin all the time ( but thats cos i HAVE to know whats goin on in my day etc hahah) . its true we al need hobbies etc. i do photography but thats in itself kinda mellow. ahh well anymore thoughts. is this a major prob? anymore htoughts on what u think makes someone needy? i agree with if your happiness depends on rship that is too dependant. thats v true

I was just wondering what are the diffrences between wanting to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend like in a normal way and what makes u seem too dependant or needy? with my bf its kinda lame cos i dont have many friends or anything here so im always free. BUT im VERY happy being on my own, i have no dramas with it, i dont NEED people. But im worried he may think im dependant on him. only becaus i dont have my own life much without friends etc. i work and study but im always free sorta thing. is this really bad? I love to spend time with him of course like any girlfriend does. ia lways ask if hes stayin the night again cos he always stays at mine and we never stay at his cos he still lives iwth his parents. when he says he isnt stayin the night im fine with it ( i used to say awww but now i dont) he often goes out with boys and im ALWAYS fine with that, and he often takes priority ove rhis studies rather then me and im always fine with that. i let him do whatever BUT im always availabel for him if he wants to see me and i worry that makes me SEEM dependant and clingy. does it?????????? am i just bein ultra paranoid? What do you think makes a person too needy or dependant on you? like callin all the time or what? i never call him unless its regarding something were doin together that night or something. when he is at home or out with boys i NEVER call or bother him, i give him space when hes away. i never call him on phone unless reason etc. and i dont beg him to see me when hes free. but i do wonder what are things people do that make them seem too dependant or needy? can i have some examples and do u think i am?

Hey i sooooooooo agree with hajimaji........ the reason why is i went out with a guy who sounds just like him n what hajimaji said rings true for me.... can i ask you something......is his always put you first, always agreeing with you etc a MAJOR put off mainly because you feel it isnt genuine???? this is a big question and i would love to know your thought on it. how longhad u been together before u first broke up with him? the guy i went out with who was just like this, had no friends, stopped playin cricket to spend saturdays with me, always was at my feet, used to even say to me let me kiss your feet , you are like my queen ( omg). he worshipped me, told me he loved me aftre like 2 months, cooked for hours for me etc etc wrote me letters.. the thing is i did like him, i was attracted to him and we did get along great besides this.......BUT i found the reason i MOSTLY REALLY DIDNT LIKE the way he loved me was becaus ei just didnt think it was genuine..........its like they need u so bad but why?? do they think your better then them? do they think they cant do better? but mostly it made me feel like his love was fake and instead he just had so emotional issues he needed to deal with. it wasnt so much he loved me but loved the idea maybe.........either wa it felt n became like it was fake to me........ in the end it was.....i broke up with him, best thing, but it is very hard with guys liek this, cos they still seem to hanga round. i wanted to stay friends but u cant with guys liek this, they still want to hold your hand n massage you even without being your bf so in a way it gets worse....... i would just explain to him that you dont love him etc. break it off n stay broken. with my guy i stayed his friends to avoid the 'ill kill myself guilt trip' but i dunno ild prob just drop him n turn my phone off. my ex also got VERY angry, out of nowhere, but this didnt show util we were broke up n were just as friends ( i had sesed he had a temper b4 when we were together tho) but he ended up being quite violent and MAD MAD MAD at me for breaking up with him, it wa slike us being friends and building trust with me ws one big plan to get back at me........ be careful, it hink ppl like this have issues n dependency for reason.... do u think it puts u off cos u feel its not genuine?

HajiMagi can you explain our answer again, because i didnt follow it. im confused what you meant? anyways I often wonder this also, as i have been given this reason as to why we were breaking up. how long were you and your bf together? how old r u? my ex also is EXTREMLY convincing that what he said as his reason is true. befre we were together he would always be up late studying, obsessing over exams and his potential future career. after gettin to know him i found out through him, and through people who knew him that in his past he suffered very bad depression moslty from severe low self esteem, hence his need to BECOME someone to AMOUNT to something somehow meant he would be proving to himself his own worth. he used to work out all time, puttin o weight etc to be someone he could like. maybe ur ex is like this also. i really do believe that u need to love yourself, who you are b4 u can honestly and totaly love, and who you are for some people includes your career etc. sometimes they feel that they cant give anything until they are where they wanna be. i believe my x felt this way. reason u and i dont get it is because the way we see it is if u like someone wouldnt u want that no matter what? i guess for some people particularly men, their priority is career, freedom etc b4 they can settle. the thought that they wont achieve this as long as they r with you takes over any love feelings they have. smetimes they do try to love us even tho, but like my ex they usualy just realise you create distraction, they realise they cant do it, and realise the possible pain of continuing. In my rship with my ex he wa smy priority and i was his second priority as his first one was his studies etc. i never hounded him for time, committment, nothing, although we were fairly committed n serious. i was very understanding, but yet in end he still felt the need to break first, the need o get his life in order b4 he could get serious with me. 'serious' as in priority, marrige n all the rest. i was with someone once when i was young, 18, i was SO in love but always worried about how if he was the one, how that was it, i would get married to him n that be it, no life of my own etc. it was scary n sometimes made me doubt the rship. i think its like that for them. guys do tend to think with logic more then emotion. but i dunno. generalisation can b dangerous also. I guess its like this.....you love your bf but you also want to live your life while your young....you feel you wont get another chance at having fun while your young, just like they feel the urgency to get their career in order, soon enough the fear and urge to do whatever it is you DONT have at the moment will take over the 'good' feelings of what u DO have, and so you bail out to get what u feel your missing. i guess it boils down to the fact that the career thing is more important to them then us. but why is that? because they dont love us? because they dont care? i dont htink so, i think its because feel they have to do that beofre they CAN allow themselves to fall in love, they think they cant fall in love anyways before doing that because they will always worry about how they didnt do it. whereas if they do the career thing first they can fall in love after n everything will be fine. a win win. they may loose you though but if the didnt they would have lost the career and if the did choose you they feel they wouldnt have been able to do it anyways. i guess they dont think they can be ready to be with you util they do this first. not the other way around. but i dunno, i dont really get it. but i cant be sure.

Sandy D said it. I culdnt believe it, i only read your posts and went to write u a reply saying how amazing you are when i saw that sandy d had virtually said the same thing. I havent heard anyone sound so maturely in love. your completely selfless and admirably kind. you have a beautiful soul. i feel for you so much. your post almost brought me to tears, theres so much emotion in them, not only for you but also for her with her father etc. i truly believe that if i can get even that bit of emotion just from reading your post, that this has happened because it had got way too much for her to handle. i wish u best of luck

here it is... my ex broke up with me after 9 months. he said at first it was because he wasnt ready for serious rship, then he went on to say he wasnt sure he was in love, and then he said that he didnt knwo the definate reason why he broke up with me. he told me all this reasons without me ever even asking him once. I cared enough about him to not be horible about a break up and understand he wasnt ready instead. I never bothered him with phone calls or emails or demanding the reason why we broke up, nuttin. instead i have answered his calls which arent too many anyways, his emails etc in a sweet friendly way never mentioning the break up or anything. we have started a friendship which i am v hapy about as we were always v close. the thing is i know have this desire after 3 months to know why we did for a fact break up. its kinda annoying me, its like i wanna know so i can have that COMPLETE closure, a reason for the record, a reason to learn from etc....and also i wnat us to stay friends n im scared me not knowing the real reason, or any reason at all really may effect this in long run...... do you think i can ask him for a reason? it has been 3 months since we split. we did nc for a month then we emailed n now he calls me once a month about, give or take an odd email inbetween. i dont soooo dont want to seem like im holding on ( cos i am moving on ok i think) and i dont want to put any pressure on him or seem like im still dwelling on us breakin up,c os im not, i just wanna know why we did n i kinda think thats fair enuff. but do u think its ok for me to ask? will he htink im dwelling etc? will it pressure him? what do u think?

how much does it matter to u as a guy that your gf is chumy chum with your mates, like close n mates n all? cos im startin to see a guy, ive been crushin on him abit, i like him hes way cool, but im nervous cos even tho me n his mates get along fine, were not really much alike, n i dont see us being buddies as such, but we def dont hate each other, i just find it hard to get into conversation with em alot, esp cos their so young and into way diff things, ive said this to my guy, he gets it. see im 23 n travelled ALOT and matured alot in those kinda ways, n his mates r all 20/21 and into cars n chicks only haha n i just find sooooooooo hard to get common ground, i try hard though, me n his mates et along fine its just sometimes i would rther just he went out with em n i went out with girls in that time cos i feel arkward round em like they r all really close old friends n im only new one, n its hard. does this matter muh?

so either way it means he wasnt in love with me?

DONT worry about the money.....my last ex was a real class act, he owed me money, i was so mad about being let down i wasnt about to also let him take my money n ruin my fun............BUT in the end i said to him 'uknow what keep the money, its my money im payin u to get out of my life'! i had never felt better....... rrying about money your loosing, or trip ur missin out on just hold u back , get empowered n dont go show him HOW MUCH your not givin in to him by even wqastin the ticket

what do you guys think about people breaking up cos they arent ready for a SERIOUS relationship..... my ex and i were 2gether 9 months, everthing was so awesome between us.......no major dramas........then we broke up, he wasnt read for serious rship......... can ppl break up honestly cos their not ready for serious rship or is this just bs line...... we had one month no contact, he now calls me here n there, even when we broke up we admitted we had v strong feleings n there was no argument or beggin, just tears n hugs............ can ppl just not b ready 4 serious rship? what does it mean if so? he said being in love means u get married n he isnt ready for that

I just need anothers view b4 i go ahead n allow myself to get too upset about this....... my bf of 9 months broke up with me out of nowhere 2 months ago...he cried, i cried, i said i wanted whatever he did, that i cared enuff to accept it n hugged him etc we held each other n said goodbye........he emailed 2 days later to further xplain sayin he hated how hes bad sharing emotions n that he isnt ready for serious rship, in which it definetly was gettin......he is the most amazing person who gave me so much in the rship that i adore him so much, the syain is true if u love them u can set them free, because he never once treated me bad broke my trust nuttin, we were like best friends....... anyways we didnt talk for about a month, i never demanded reasns or begged him to come back but simply wanted what he did.........he called me 2 days after that to catch up, i was at a friends place and oculdnt talk long but i sent him a txt a week later thankin him for callin and apologising for not bein to talk too long..... he know show important it is to me to be friends n he said we owuld keep in touch........ the hting is i havent talked to him since he called, like 3 weeks ago. today it was my bday........i didnt even get a happy bday txt, no email nuttin....... that kills me. I mean i can deal with him breakin it off, i can give him space n be so understanding never even got cut with him just wnated what he did and then i get this????????? i dont even get acknolwedgement on my bday!!!!!!!!! am i being silly being beyond upset bout this? its like i can deal with us not bein bf gf but not being friends or him to not showing me same support i do him...... do u think im overreacting? he has no way of being able to forget my bday as its a public holiday n he would have been reminded all day long it was today and all week in fact

hey, i mean no offence here, but maybe justs omething ot think about.... her dad is dying of terminal cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do u comprehend that? he is dying form a sickness that she sees every day in him........AND its her FATHER. and your here on enotalone talking about your break up n her ditchin you........... i know ur upset about her breaking up with you but maybe she has more important things ot focus on right now and i htink you should b more understanding of it, not be callin her to know why she ditched you but callin her after a few days to see if she needs any support with her dad........ why arnt u on here asking how u can help her thru this time....... my ex, love of my life broke up with me, he suffers bad depression and i love him more then life..........do u know what i did when he suddenly broke up with me on valentines day? i kissed him told him i loved him n here if he needs me.........he has called me since n we chatted, nothing about our rship but bout how each other are, written a cpl of emails all bout how r u etc......... cos i love him os much i can let him go, n i want whatever it is he needs....... u shoudl try this approach maybe

wow, I have this intense saddness over come me when i read your post, the bit that gets me is that he broke your trust...................that has to be the most painful thing ver, its like havin somehting stolen...........to think that u had been with him so long and then in the end its like u never knew him........ trust me i knwo what you are feeling exactly i have had it happen.........it is the WORST feeling in the world.......... i honestly HONESTLY thought i would never date agian, it took me a long time to convince myself i COULD infact risk it n date again when imet this guy who is everyting...........pls PLS dont let him make u loose your faith.......pls dont let him take ur trust away, dont disable yourself in the future because of this guy............ even if you did htings wrong in the rship in the past it DOESNT maater, noone is perfect. i did this alot with my ex ( the one who took my trust for a long time) i blamed myself in ways n wondered what if i had of done this diffently, but in the end i realised..........the day i meet someone who ACCEPTS my faullts is the day i meet the one........and it shappened, i can b a real moody cow, but my current bf laughs n cudlles me instead of turning away............so whatever ur faults r if any doesnt matter if ruined ur rship cos they shouldnt have mattered if it was real....... i fel sick for you, i knwo whats its like to imagine her there , with him etc, it makes ur blood boil n ur heart break.......nothing but time im afraid will heal, im so sorry to say.........so sorry.......... your soooooooooooooo amazing n brave to have not contacted him, i was always weak there when wronged........i demanded apologies or reaosns.......anything but the reality.......

intresting....... Im not thnking about my exin that way.......i have NO intrest in EVER reconciling with him, i walked away then and have never looked back.........what i was asking is do u ever feel like that again? it was such an amazing deep love i had for my ex, i had butterlfies n all.......... with my new bf i guess ive matured, ive had another bf inbetween my ex and this guy and i guess ive learnt alot.......its just i LOVE my bf i truly do BUT it isnt as intense, it isnt all fire n burning passion, it is a passion that i adore him n he completes me but it isnt like omg deep love... i gues smy ex was more infatuation...........but i recently met a guy who like my ex is my dream guy in the way that he has all the same intrests ( my bf and i dont as much) dresses way i love etc etc n it just got me thinking...if i was with him would it be all intense etc or is it that if i was with him, it would b like my ex and not work out....... i gues smy bf is real cos it does work, we love and respedct each other , even if i dont have those masisve buteerflies i am deeply happy..........

Im just wondering what others think? My first love was incredible, this deep intense love, i could never imagine being without him BUT it was complicated and hard, he hurt me like no tomorrow, he was too cool and often left em in the dark with where we stood etc...... anyways it took me over a yr to get over him n never have i felt that kind of emotion again, now what im wondering is this..........is love ever as intense as your first love was? and secondly, what is better n more so real love............the guy u feel so intensely about and have EVERYTHING in common with, hes ur dream guy even by looks wise, or the guy who is always there for you, who u adore like no other but it isnt as INTENSE, but u love him all the same, the guy who rubs ur back when sick, n supports u n who u support back, the guy who never leaves u in the dark etc......... see i love the second guy with all my heart truly n deeply, but it just isnt that PASSION i once had........ any thoughts

I'm sorry but way i see it is maybe way she has so maybe somethin worth considering i dunno.......... when i read ur post i felt like u were making or tryin to gain sympathy as a way of holding onto her, AND doin that by makin her owrry/ feel guilty/ concerned. was ur accident really that bad? i mean u saw her best friend out, why were u out if in such bad pain???? why did u need HER support if u do have friends n fam as she said? i think u used thi as an exscuse to talk/see her or maybe see the reaction from her. u wanted to knwo if she would care or not. this is a sad but common thing exs do...........she cared, she called u but i think she hasnt again cos she feels like i do n that u onl r holindg on n purposely exagherating to worry her......... get over it n dont use thinsg like that as tests or to hold on, it sounds pathetic

why did you break up with her? were u in love? what reasons did you give her?

intrested.........does anyone know the actual statistics on how many couples get back together? as although im tol dnto many do, it seems i know alot of ppl who have..........thereforeeee im quite intrested to knwo which one it is and the actual statistics? anyone know if not any guesses?

ha! timing.........thanks for your reply........i say timing because i just sent him an email........im one of those peope who need to knwo where they stand, cos if we arent ogin to be friends ild liek to knwo now so ican work on also gettin over that now.........u know. its a really non pressured email, i just figured ive not even asked him about the why whys of the break up or pressured him about anythin in the past but always supported him n never needing explanations always just trusting him.......so for the first time im odin what i feel i really need, n im only asking for one thing, n thats if w ecan be friends or not. i just wrote that im just wnating to knwo if we can or not, that i understand if he cant n of course i dont wanna email him or anything if he doesnt want me to, just i wanna know where we stand cos i kinda feel hurt as i thought we were goin to try to be, but i understand if he cant be, but to pls let me know, n that if he cant even email me to let me knwo that, that i guess ill just get the drift, so i didt even put pressure on him to email me back on this..........soemtimes i think i should tho, anyways i do really need to know n i think its ok to ask that seems there is no reason we cant be, as its one thing to break up but another to not even talk anymore........i just hate the htought of having him completely not i my life, as he started as my friend n i miss that part of him

why do exs ignore you? my ex and i broke up 6 weks ago, it was almost mutual by the way i accepted that he needed to be on his own and i love dhim n trusted him enough to let him go and move on........it was the nicest break up i have had....civilised, understanding, hugging and crying...... we said we hoped to b friends, i just wasnt sur eif i was goin to be able to... i didnt speak to him for a month, i needed time as we all do, but when i felt strong enough i sent him a hello email..........i got no response........ the thing is i feel so hurt, i hate the feeling of he doesnt care anymore, he doesnt even wnat me as a friend even.......... why if w ehad no reasons to not be friends, is he ignoring me? i was his first gf, first intimate mate, friend everything. we broke up cos he just isnt ready for serious rshp ( been together almost yr) why is he ignoring me? i dont wat to email him or call or anything if he doesnt wanna hear form me, i understand the hardships of break ups, but i just wanna understand why he cant even reply, even if to tell me to not b friends anyone know?

hmmmmm, its good to hear other peoples opinions. I personaly tho think that EVERYONE at times need space. NOTHING is ever as simple as " its an exscuse cos EVERY guy that says it means he just doesnt wanna be with u and cant come out n just say that". I think and also from personal experience that sometimes things get too much, sometimes not having a job makes u fel like nothing and puts pressure on u to be a better bf or gf n thereforeeee sometimes u just wish u were single so it didnt matter whether u were working or not. Or sometimes u just need abit of time to sort out your head, maybe you suffer depression n just wnat to work out your faults n issues before u can commit to a rship. does noone else agree with this? my ex sufferes depression, he says sometimes he cant even feel. he needs to sort out his issues b4 he consideres anythin else like serious rship. i know him n trust him with all my heart. i believe its genuine. any thoughts?

why do guys break up with u needing space? can a guy really love u but because of work, or lack thereof, or depression, or family probs or whatever dramas need to be broken up to get their head together? i hear alot of ppls bfs say they need space. is it possible they do just really need some time to get their career sorte dn under control n stress under control? if so why do they break up with u to do this? why cant they still stay with u n get thru their hard times?

My bf and i were together for 9 months, everytnin was fine cept for him suffering depression here n there and not being able to EVEr say how he feels. He used to get so frustrtaed n upset....even cry form frustration, that he couldnt simply tell me how he felt about me. He said he liked me 9 out of ten ( this is what it comes to trynig to get him to explain how he feels). But that in love to him means ur ready to spend rest of your lives together n hes has to work stuff out before hes ready for that. anyways weve broken up now after 9 months, when we broke up i asked if there was any chance we would get back together, he said a slim to none chance. That hurt. anyways 2 days later he wrote me an email as promised explaining the break up alil more, saying he needs time to get over his issues etc b4 he can consider having any r/ship let alone a serious one. He also said that he was wrong to tell me we had a slim to none chance of gettin back together n that he only said that cos he wnats me to be happy n not miserable worrying about him etc and putting plans on hold. I replied a erally happy positive email , sayni im ok and that i understand whats happened ( we never fight, both really trust each other, and even when broke up we held hands n kissed one another goodbye, we never are bitter r anything etc) I have sent him email about how i understand and how i am hre if needs me. I really care and i have been actually really good about us breakin up because i know its what he needs at the moment , so thereforeeee its also what i want. I feel like this time is a good space f us,and if we dont get back together its ok by me, but i will still way wnat us to be friends. as hes my best friend and i care abou him more then naything. hes the most honest and amazing person i know, i want whatever he wnats n whatevers best for him i also want, but i really dont wat us loose friendship. of course i would love us to be together again and he has said he was wrong to say we had a slim to non chance,but i know not to hope and again, i only wna what he wnats. The thing is its been 9 days since then and he hasnt emailed since. does that mean he doesnt even want to be friends? does it mean there is no hope of us gettin back? does it mean he wants nothing to do with me again? his last email was full of care ad tryin his hardest to explain. we have no bad terms. or is 9 days nothing to stress about? is he just taking time to get over his issues?

i me this person and he loves me so much. the thing is im sure im falling in love with him, we have only been together 9 mnths but i have to leave to study abroad for 8mnths and i feel like im scared to hurt him or him hurt me but do i love him but if im willing to still go overseas and not give up my dreams of living my life before getting involved again does it mean im not in love with him? just cos im not willing to not go abroad because im not ready to!!!! but is that normal???can i be in love and just not be ready ...can yo be in love with someone and not follow it hrough just because the timimng isnt right ?????

I was just wondering if anyone else out there has felt like this or understands what im feeling. I was with a guy who moved way too fast for me and i didnt feel the same so i broke up with him, the thing is we stayed very close and best friends and then i moved overseas for 3mnths, now that im back hes moved on and im finding i really miss the closeness we had, i miss the wya he needed me and loved me, imiss having someone, i want him to still be liek that for me but i dont think im in love with him i think i just need someon but im not sure. the thing is he kept tellin me he wanted to wait for me while i was overseas and then we would get back together but i kept saying no cos i didnt know if i could grow to love him as much as he loved me already and didnt wnat to lead him on. so i just feel so confused cos i know now hes moved on and said it was easy to move on from me while i was overseas cos i wasnt here, and now hes tryin to start a relationship with a new girl...this is where im really confused, because i feel like i wouldnt wnat to actually GET BACK with him but i miss the way he needed me etc and i hate being alone now and i hate that he doesnt need me and i wish he still loved me, i dont care that he has feelings for this other girl ( which helps me know im not in love with him) but i hate the idea of them having each other......i knwo im being so selfish and i hate feleing liek this, so im giving him space away form me unitl i have my independence back and over all this. the thing is do you knwo nayone or have you felt like you dont wnat someone to like anyone else but you even if your not in love with them???? have you hated the idea of an ex or best friend getting with someone else cos you want that??? is it because i wnat that??? why do i feel like this? my main question is though: have you felt like you dont wnat to be with someone commited but you dont wnat them to like anyone else?????