seren

all awesome replies........ thankyou so much i have just cut out all take away, junk and sodas and am being more conscious about the calories fat and sugars in my food....... im not depriving myself of all things i just am more conscious n balance it out but absolutely no junk fast food etc i also haved joined a gym n have been goin 4 times a week altho only 3 last week (eek) haha but aim for 4-5 times a week ummmmmmmm one of the posters i think it was lgirl can you tell me why counting claories will make me fat???? n why i shouldnt? dont i need to atleast be aware of them?? but everyone thanks so much for ur replies

im really confused..... I have been researching on how to loose weight, stuff on calorie intake etc but im getting mixed messages.........I have read that counting your calories wont work as your metabolic rate drops when u loose weight, BUT if i am aware of this and continuously check on how many calories i should be havin in regards to my weight loss would i be ok??? i also keep a check on my fat intake If i stck to 1400-1500 calories n excerside 5 times a week doin full cardio at the gym should i be ok or what??? i have made an appt to see a dietician but its not for 2 weeks so i was hoping for some advice now.........if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated....... im scared that even if i lower my calorie intake to 1400-1500 and excercise i wont loose weight.......i want to loose about half a kilo to a kilo a week........... also how much of my diet should be protein? can anyone help???

hey guys, feelin proud of myself, i went to the gym n did all my weigh in and fat measurements etc, my trainer was v cool, n i actually wasnt that nervous in the end, your comments REALLY helped.......so i just wanted ot say thankyou i know it sounds silly but this really was a difficult thing for me, i used ot have eating dissorders n friends n bros who would ALWAYS put me down, so i gained a very bad image of wha it means to be even alil fat so this was very difficult........thankyou for helpin me thru it

Thankyou so much guys..... even tho i know this i just wanted alil more moral support, your comments i will keep in mind when i go haha.... my bf is my great inspiration he is so supportive of me, never told me to loose weight etc n he is a personal trainer who even tho im not very fit applauds me every time we train....... so yah, i spose most of them there would be like him n just wanna see ppl achieve their goals n help them THANKS so much guys seren

Hey, dunno exactly why im posting this but maybe just looking for some indepth views n maybe alil moral support, i dunno... I have since having a kid gained alot of weight n havent been able to loose it, the thing is i got so down about it i put on even more, n i have started to diet n am loosing weight n every now n then i go to the gym with my bro or i walk every day so on....BUT i want to be able to JOIN the gym so i can work out more regularly, the thing is i am too embarrassed about getting my body fat count done, being weighed n haveing a fittness test...... does anyone think that the professionals think badly of you??? ive booked an appt for monday to join the gym n i will do it but it is taking alot for me to do this, im goin to be quite nervous..... do u think they will judge me? i think i will ask for another female to do the tests with me which will make it better but still....... my bf is a personal trainer so he has done me up a plan but im more then sure the guy said i still have to do the tests, n i want to, im just scared any positive thoughts???

I was wondering how many points a day does weight watchers allow you to eat????? Tried searching on web but couldnt find anythin thanks guysssssss

Thanks guys......... raykay.........i went off the pill about 3-4 months ago and have just been using condoms EVERY time since......i know coming off the pill can effect your period but it isnt that as my period has been ok since coming off it...... my period has been known to come late b4, im just worried is all, n yah i will take a test as soon as i get back from my holiday with my bf.........we r going away for 5 days outer state n i dont want to find out im pregnant n then go on holiday n be stressed the whole time.........im not OVERLY worried yet, cos as ive said it has been late b4, but when i get back i will def take a test as im sure i WILL b worried quite badly by then.... So sad that im 24 n been sexually active since 18 n not realised how common it is for this to happen, i guess ive always been especially carefull ie pill and condoms so i never experienced this kind of concern....... ill keep u guys posted thanks guys

Hi, Just a qui k question.........my bf and i are always very careful with using protection during sex.......but as of late i have not been able to afford the pill so we have just been using condoms.........we never do anything silly and r very resposnible with this..........BUT i am 3 weeks late for my period and i am wondering if it is at all possible that the condom can break without either party knowing? or is it somehting that when it happens he would atleast know?

Hi, Since i became sexually active I have been travelling overseas, although it is not exscuse I have not had a pap smear yet, i am in honesty 2 yrs over due now. Now i am back in my home country the 1st thing i wanna do is have a all over womens check up including pap smear........ the only thing is im so worried that they will know i havent had one yet? Is there any way that my dr will be able to tell i havent had a pap smear b4? or is there anyway for her to know that i lost my virginity 2 yrs ago? also does it hurt?

It sounds liek your talking about ppl who broke up with u for bad reasons such as cheated on you, or for another guy etc etc, all this sounds like if someone broke up with you badly....but not all break ups have to be done badly, sometimes their done out of love. I have noticed that MANY people on this site believe that if you loved your boyfriend or if he/she loved you that you wouldnt have EVER broken up........its said to sooo many on this site...the philosophy that 'LOVE CONQUERS ALL'. It just isnt that simple......although I could say research says this statistics prove this bla bla bla, it seems all so predictable.......i just wanna share through experience and thoughts........ A rship to last take SO MUCH MORE then just love, it takes commitment, trust, self esteem, shared goals etc etc...... I have been with a man i loved more then life itself......i met him when my mum became best friends with his mum.....he was addicted to heroin but was coming clean and after 2 yrs watching him in so much pain from withdrawal time and time again i realised 'LOVE COULDNT CONQUER ALL'. after my first love where i met him at 19 n was so too young and had that niggling thought of needing to live my life and move overseas with my scholarship i again realised 'LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL'. People are brough up in wetsern culture on these belifes that are so easy and simple and so PERFECT, a fairytale......they ride of into the sunset BUT they dont show the day after that.........the day they awake and bills come in and children are born and addictions kick in or money falters....... Please dont tell people here with broken hearts that their loved one never loved them.........it isnt true alot of time........its not always so simple......that means out of my 3 loves ive ha din my life none of them i really loved............thats BS. Heres some myths for thought: Love Myth vs. Love Reality Love Myth --------------------------------------------------------------- • True love conquers all --------------------------------------------------------------- • When it's really true love, you will know it the moment you meet the other person. --------------------------------------------------------------- • There is only one true love in the world who is right for you. --------------------------------------------------------------- • The perfect partner will fulfill you completely in every way. --------------------------------------------------------------- • When you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love. Love Reality --------------------------------------------------------------- • Love is not enough to make a relationship work - in needs compatibility and commitment [Jen - and I will add communication, integrity and honesty] --------------------------------------------------------------- • It takes just a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time. --------------------------------------------------------------- • It is possible to experience true love with more than one person - there are many potential partners you could be happy with. --------------------------------------------------------------- • The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them. --------------------------------------------------------------- • Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love does!

YAY........another poster with the same thought i had a few months ago..... i had posted a similar post previously earlier in the yr..............this was it: love truths vs love myths Hey all, Theres something I have noticed, and although it is only my opinion in the end i suppose I was thinking maybe this would help some people think...... I have noticed that MANY people on this site believe that if you loved your boyfriend or if he/she loved you that you wouldnt have EVER broken up........its said to sooo many on this site...the philosophy that 'LOVE CONQUERS ALL'. It just isnt that simple......although I could say research says this statistics prove this bla bla bla, it seems all so predictable.......i just wanna share through experience and thoughts........ A rship to last take SO MUCH MORE then just love, it takes commitment, trust, self esteem, shared goals etc etc...... I have been with a man i loved more then life itself......i met him when my mum became best friends with his mum.....he was addicted to heroin but was coming clean and after 2 yrs watching him in so much pain from withdrawal time and time again i realised 'LOVE COULDNT CONQUER ALL'. after my first love where i met him at 19 n was so too young and had that niggling thought of needing to live my life and move overseas with my scholarship i again realised 'LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL'. People are brough up in wetsern culture on these belifes that are so easy and simple and so PERFECT, a fairytale......they ride of into the sunset BUT they dont show the day after that.........the day they awake and bills come in and children are born and addictions kick in or money falters....... Please dont tell people here with broken hearts that their loved one never loved them.........it isnt true alot of time........its not always so simple......that means out of my 3 loves ive ha din my life none of them i really loved............thats BS. Heres some myths for thought: Love Myth vs. Love Reality Love Myth --------------------------------------------------------------- • True love conquers all --------------------------------------------------------------- • When it's really true love, you will know it the moment you meet the other person. --------------------------------------------------------------- • There is only one true love in the world who is right for you. --------------------------------------------------------------- • The perfect partner will fulfill you completely in every way. --------------------------------------------------------------- • When you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love. Love Reality --------------------------------------------------------------- • Love is not enough to make a relationship work - in needs compatibility and commitment [Jen - and I will add communication, integrity and honesty] --------------------------------------------------------------- • It takes just a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time. --------------------------------------------------------------- • It is possible to experience true love with more than one person - there are many potential partners you could be happy with. --------------------------------------------------------------- • The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them. --------------------------------------------------------------- • Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love does!

nataliejulie.........u said 'Every single person I've ever been in a relationship with is in my life right now (well, except the recent ex) and I could easily flip the switch and start dating one of them if I was interested (but after so long, you realize why they are an ex!).' I dont know but r u telling buckley that she shouldnt get back with her ex as she should have by now realised the reason for why he was an ex instead?........is that what u were sayin? like ppl shouldnt go back to exs cos they should be wised up n realise their xs r no good now if this is what u were saying, i so disagree, i have got back with my ex for v similar reasns, not everyone has an ex who should be an ex, sometimes ppl just need time or space n then gettin back together is even better, sometimes ppl break up, move on n then get back together, some ppl break up because of long distance, because job, because of family or illness, because of soooooooo many things, things that arent issues that should be judged upon as the kind of person they r...............some exs r still good people.........if ur ex and u break up for ok reasons n u find urseleves back together, thats great. not everyone has a reason to remember why an ex is an ex

Hmmm you broke up, you are NOT back together and you ARE still sleeping with him..........this is goin to really hurt your self esteem if he indeed decides to NOT get back with you. Everyone is different but im a BIG believer in that you should NOT sell yourself short, you should NOT let someone take advantge of your feelings and in a way he is doing this. Im sure if a gf of yours was in the same situation you would have advised her to not sleep with him in fear of her getting hurt, why should u sleep with him? of course u have feelings for him but HE BROKE UP WITH YOU, sure it may be on good terms still etc but you shouldnt sleep with him, if he is SOOO afriad of hurting you he would NOT be doing this. I have had two rships in similar positions where one ended up being a real jerk n the other was more like your ex , very honest nver lie or hurt me etc and both times NEITHER of them would sleep with me even when we were trying to sort things out in fear of hurting me........ i ended up back with both of them, the jerk and i finlay broke up again but the other ex and i are back together still....... of course i wanted to sleep with them when we werent offically back together, i mean, i stil had feelings for them, i wanted so badly to feel the way i used to......laying in bed with them holding me, even if it wasnt real, even if it was just for a moment. but they wouldnt let it happen......if he was such a good honest caring person he should be stronger then this.....OR he should have atleast SOME IDEA of what he wants. not this i dunno bs. also i STRONGLY agree with echo when they posted " why couldnt he have still phoned that night of your date?".............again why couldnt he??????? he phoned someone else that night. i dont mean to be harsh but it seems u get all workd up over something like him not calling, you even find out he has called someone else, but then as soon as he does call you, even tho its a day later, you seem to forget all about how he didnt phone you..........this is a VERY BAD sign....... its like ur seeing thru rose petal glasses........our just going with denail and hope.........we all wanna do that but its very risky to do so he should respect u more for NOT sleeping with him, so why dont u try that? he broke up with you, you shouldnt let him have it both ways........ be independent n strong like we should be, love urself, dont settle for less.........imagine sayin to him ' i wont sleep with u unless were together'. god that would make u sooooooo respectable, strong, not need or clingy nor desperate........dont u wann be all those things? but most of all if it does turn out sour you wouldnt have lost ur self esteem, imagine how u will feel if he decides he still doesnt want u n never does and u did sleep with him. It will be bad i expect. im sorry but i just cant say enuff how much of a bad idea i is to sleep with him, i mean what r u gaining form it? we often confuse the idea of because their sleeping with us again must mean they still love us, but it isnt necessarily true. Have u ever broken up with someone, as in been the dumper? its tough, u go thru spells where u think u want them back, where u regret or get lonely but its easy to confuse that for possibly wanting to get back with them when really u dont, u just get confused. they done mean to use you or hurt you but they do, they dont see it as doing the wrong thing but it is. Also with the calling him at 6pm to see if u were going out or not, i wouldnt bother, dont chase him, he shold be chasing you, if he doesnt call you DONT call him, leave him be, see if he reallyoes wnat you, your making it so easy for him, hes still dating you , sleeping with you, and u chase him n r there every time he wnats you, he should be making it up to you not the other way around. your goin to fast, u slept with him first date n then posted ' trying to work things out', it seems you think doing all this means u uys r going to work it out or atleast try, but i get a sense its not that far yet...........hes still confused he even said so, which is WHY he broke up with you so how is that on the rd to working things out..... i dunno i dnt mean to be harsh or anthing, im just concerned with how u write ur posts, i fear for you is all........ think about maybe focusing on you, NOT being there all time for him, not worrying about where u are at now etc.......not sleeping with him, try moving on instead UNTIL he says he does wanan work things out. When he says he DOES wanna work things out is when u ARE on rd to working things out. not anytime sooner. u need to move on not hope he will work things out...........just to be safe....... with my exs i was friends with em, no sleeping together, no waiting for them to call or go out again, nada, i was busy, i said no alot, i was a real friend n i focused on feeling that way only, and when we did work things out, it was up to them n they chased me, n i looked at it like we werent getting BACK together but more like starting a whole new rship, like we only just met......... think about it

I think there is a such thing a committment phobe but of ocurse its rare and usualy it is just a person tryin to justify why someone broke it off with them............BUT as all things not everyone is same, has same mentality n capabilities, everyone has fears........i grew up in a v bad family, and hae suffered depression in my life, even now when i am fine i still find it very hard to commit. sayin theres no such thing as commitment phobe is like sayin love conquers all and it doesnt. drug addictions, constant stress, depression, v bad break ups in past can all contribute with one being overly cautious and anxious to give their all...........

I was just wonderin is it really bad if your gf doesnt have many friends? how important is this? you see i travelled for 3 yrs after high school and during that time all my friends moved round the country for uni etc and i dont have anyone im real close with. I feel like ive grow alot esp since travelled and im notso much in partying mood, i do still go out with friends when i can drive the hr but is not v often at all, im happy to just be home doing my art or hangin with bros, and i love havin time to self as im used to it form travellin. when with my bf im happy to just hang with him but also very VERY happy to just be home while he goes out n does his thing. i never get upset if he goe sout with boys, infact i love him to. i tell him to. but does it matter that i dont go out with my friends v much?

I know alot of people will disagree.........thats ok........ I think 'The One' is merely the one who it happens to work out with.....there was good communication, good timing etc.....it works AND there is love.....The belife of 'The One' to me is true but not in the sense that he is the only one, he is the one because he is who i was meantt o be with because he fullfills my every need etc etc i believe he is 'the one' because and simply because its who it works with....we click

Hey all, Theres something I have noticed, and although it is only my opinion in the end i suppose I was thinking maybe this would help some people think...... I have noticed that MANY people on this site believe that if you loved your boyfriend or if he/she loved you that you wouldnt have EVER broken up........its said to sooo many on this site...the philosophy that 'LOVE CONQUERS ALL'. It just isnt that simple......although I could say research says this statistics prove this bla bla bla, it seems all so predictable.......i just wanna share through experience and thoughts........ A rship to last take SO MUCH MORE then just love, it takes commitment, trust, self esteem, shared goals etc etc...... I have been with a man i loved more then life itself......he was addicted to heroin and after 2 rs watching him in so much pain from withdrawal time and time again i realised 'LOVE COULDNT CONQUER ALL'. after my last ex who beat me i again realised 'LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL'. People are brough up in wetsern culture on these belifes that are so easy and simple and so PERFECT, a fairytale......they ride of into the sunset BUT they dont show the day after that.........the day they awake and bills come in and children are born and addictions kick in or money falters....... Please dont tell people here with broken hearts that their loved one never loved them.........it isnt true alot of time........its not always so simple......that means out of my 3 loves ive ha din my life none of them i really loved............thats BS. Heres some myths for thought: Love Myth vs. Love Reality Love Myth --------------------------------------------------------------- • True love conquers all --------------------------------------------------------------- • When it's really true love, you will know it the moment you meet the other person. --------------------------------------------------------------- • There is only one true love in the world who is right for you. --------------------------------------------------------------- • The perfect partner will fulfill you completely in every way. --------------------------------------------------------------- • When you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love. Love Reality --------------------------------------------------------------- • Love is not enough to make a relationship work - in needs compatibility and commitment [Jen - and I will add communication, integrity and honesty] --------------------------------------------------------------- • It takes just a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time. --------------------------------------------------------------- • It is possible to experience true love with more than one person - there are many potential partners you could be happy with. --------------------------------------------------------------- • The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them. --------------------------------------------------------------- • Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love does!

u thinking of askin her back?

Trust me Cassiana he is so defintely hurting. The whole post got me kinda shaken up you could really feel all the emotion from it..i can tell your very upset. a problem is when u keep things insede ( i do this too) esp to help the other person in the end as soon as they do soemthing worng it explodes, but seems u have never shown anger b4 i think this is prob a good thing... he is so much like my first ove its crazy, it went on for well over a yr, even in the end when i went to move back to my home country i went to se ehim after a long time of no see, BUT when i got there i found out he had moved house, he was still in touch with me but h ad failed to even mention he didnt live in the country anymore.....he just left without a hug goodbye....... it wasnt for a whole year and a half AFTER that day that we were talking on yahoo messenger when he said to me for the first time ever..........'seren....bout the past..i am so sorry, i ca never explain it, even to myself, i did so love you and it hurt bad'.... and this was the FIRST time out of like 3 yrs that he had ever acknowledge it or apologised........it wa sliek for first time he admitted he knew he hurt me, and showed me that in fact it did matter to him n it definetly hurt him, and he knew what he missed.....it took him that long, sometime si htink they really are just that screwed up, of course i was at uni and burst into tears straight away, i had never felt such an emotion, i thought itas all in past and i wasnt hurt anymore, but as soon as he said sorry it was liek finally...i can out it to rest...... anyways trust me, hes hurtin

Roy, haha i wont say kinda harsh because i agree one hundred percent with you about me and way i was with my ex............the things is htough lke we all do i think your reading it form exactly as it is said, not considering a deeper side ( this is still no exscuse tho). BUT yes i went out with a guy after my first love who i knew deep down i wouldnt fal madly in love with, not like i did with my first love BUT i was at the time not allowing myself to admit that, i WANTED to fall in love with him and go di was tryin so hard to, but in end i just didnt and so yes i broke up with him after 3 months.....i was comlpetely honest and we even remained friends........ I at the time didnt think in my head ' hey i so dont even like this guy enough but ill be withanyways', i never thought that, it was more of i want n thereforeeee hopefuly will fall in love with this guy because hes everything i want.....he didnt play games, he was emotionaly open...he didnt have any set backs, he was kind etc etc.......but in end i finally was able to admit to mself that i wasnt goin to fal i love with him, i gues si knew all the time but i never allowed myself to see it at first. i had been so hurt by my ex, but i was over him by time i got with this guy, i wasnt with this new guy to lick m wounds as you said, NOT AT ALL, i was over my ex, i was with this guy cos he was everything my ex b4 wasnt and i wnated to get it right that time round, and i definetly wnated a secure love that wouldnt hurt me. whilst i was with the new guy i did meet a guy who was alot like my ex, i was tempted between the two and even tho the other guy was prob more my type, i chose the new guy as he was ' everything i needed and was looking for at time'. it ended badly ultimately, we stayed friends but he still kept tryin to be with me, i had to keep sayin no and that i knew wouldnt fall for him, how sorry i was, so he ended up sayin he wanted to defielty just be friends but he ended up being violent towards me ( ironic i know) he ended up having alcoholic pschosis so we stopped even talking really. i know i did worng thing but even tho i knew subconsciously he wasnt the one i believe, i didnt allow myself to see that when i was with him. i know how i sounded and i guess i wasnt afraid to be completely honest aott hings i have done, because at one time or another we all do things that arent the best, so long as we realise and learn form it, im sorry for what i did but it was a diffrent story whilst i was in the situation...... still, i shoulda have aditted it to myself earlier and not kept hping it would work out between us.......

wow im kinda surprised to se this topic get so heated hahaha...... seriously dont we all know that everyone has a diffrent opinion. none of us r right or wrong, but i guess we come on here to hear OPINIONS and then try to see form others view and hopefully can then realise or gain some sort of clarity for ourselves on what fits best. as in gain some more reality on the situation that maybe we can not face yet or have not come to see....... we only come here for advice, not absolute correct answers and nothing else........hearing all kinds of answers helps u get better outlook, rather then heairng just one, isnt this why we are here? i agree if you are in love with someone, you dont suffer any form of mental illness, nor trust issues from abuse etc etc all thos major things, that you would do anything to be with them, but i DO think that even still if you ar constantly having to do EVERYTHING and anything to keep it going that eventually you will tire and let it go even tho u love them. i dont however completely understad this ' the one ; thing. can someone help me understand? does it mean that 'the one' is who u really love? who you couldnt love anyone more then? OR does it simply mean the one who it just happens to work out with....the one where everyting fits, including timing........and who if course you love i mean i really loved my first love but obviously he wasnt the one cos we broke up, but even if i meet 'the oe i dont think it will mean that i will love him more then i loved my first love, i think it would just mean that i will love him just as much BUT other things work better such as communication , timing etc.......is this right?

Im glad alot of people on here also see beyond the typical expected 'your just not the one if it didnt work out',' if you broke up you or he/she musnt have been in love', if u were in love you would be able to make it work' . All these things are said soooooooooo much and alot ALOT of time they are true but also alot of time their just so not true in my opinion ( which is just an opinion). it always depends. we need to understand it is possible to be in love n not be able to be with them in serious rship, but also that alot of peopl do break up cos u just arent the one, both can happen and do happen. I myself have gone out with a guy i KNEW wasnt my type, i KNEW i wouldnt fall for, and i KNEW would NEVER REJECT ME. I went out with him because that was exactly what i needed after a very painful break up, where my ex constantly left me in the dark etc. I wasnt ready to go out with someone who was going to be the same, i needed a guy who wasnt scared to tell me how he felt, who was there for me always etc who would never hurt me, so i became his gf even tho i knew i wouldnt fall madly i love with him, even tho i knew he wasnt 'the one'. and i would have and did choose that over being with a guy i knew i would fall for, but wasnt as secure. i just wasnt emotionaly ready to cope with my head n emotions possibly being done in again I dont believe in the one, i believe in fate i think the one that works out is the one who was meant to be, thats all. to much balances on love, your life, career, mentality, health, past etc etc so manyt hings effect the way we handle life including relatnships, it is one of the only things that can truley hurt us so badly....when u loose someone u love in abreak up its like ur loosing someone in death and thats the worst thing that does happen in life, so who isnt scared of love, who isnt scared of loosing it, how many people out there cant cope with even leavin the house, or how they look, or stress, or their job etc, and to put all this with making a rship wor can b ver tough for some ppl. there are so many reasons more to break up then simply that u just werent the one. sometimes u can love someone and physcially not be able to be with them because of loads reasons. like my ex and his depression n self esteem. like me and my first love, who to this day is the one who really rocked my world and i think of nearly every day but the whole time we were together i was scared about how i was only 18 n wouldnt live my life........ things, even little things can take away the love feeling you feel when the fear sinks in. even soemthing like i need to get my life together b4 i can commit, after thinking that for awhile u start to loose the love feleing because the need to get ur life in order takes over......sometimes there are things u need to do b4 being able to be in rship, like love yourself etc I do think alot of time it is you just arent the one, or they dont love you but of course there r so many times when it is more then that, n not that at all

I agree with Ger in love and burning down. although i can see where the others are coming from, i too agree it is just an exscuse if this perosn has told u this as a reason to break up with you. The thing is on this site i have bene gettin a feeling that many people well majority of people have an opinion that is very black and white, alot of people believe everything will be overcome as long as there is love and that any reason for a break up is just a mere exscuse........i dont believe either of these, i believe there are many reasons people break up such as feeling as though they need someone who is 'safe' in which can be very true. there are so many complictions in life, and so many people who have low self eteem , mental illness etc which al have huge effect on rships, yet i feel as though these reasons for break ups are brushed off on this site because they seem to be thought of as just exscuses like theres no more thought on the issue even. that if it was love the rship would exisiting still. love is never uncomplicated. there are many ways n reasons why n how people deal with things. love is a very strong and serious emotion to most people thereforeeee it is one of the most highly abused with all of these said complications.

Cassiana, i agree with you so much. its crazy how much what you are going thru is the same as me in terms of our exs fighting battles against their own personal demons, a fight that holds much on the thought of self worth and achivement. Like your ex feeling inadequate because o f his illness, my ex sufferes depression to a point he doesnt knwo what hes feeling..if anything....it comes and goes.....but his lack of self love doesnt........i dont knwo where his low self esteem came frome and i dont know exactly the degree it used to be, but i know in high school etc it was worse and he was very effected by it.....he also feels a need to be independent, to get a good job, to be a better person or something to be able to feel they can be loved, they n love etc. we can tell them we think their amazing, we can tell them we love them, but think the best thing to do is what u and i have both done...give them their space, support them, let them know were here.....let them go in the sense of needing them to see what we do, it doesnt matter that we see how amazing they r, its so much more important they do. I think we become an extra stresss, an extra pressure while they still feel they havent suceeded in what they have plannned. My ex has a plan, he has to get a job ( also law) finish his studies, becomes an all round better person to him, he knows he needs to work on his issues. I understand he needs to be alone for this. I remember when i felt so bad when i was unemployed ( although was only 4 months) i stressed so bad, and i remember sayin i wish i was single so i didnt have that extra pressure to be someone. imagine their feelings of inadequacy goin thru this if they were still with us. its not healthy. i know. i wish u n i kew how to show them how to love themselves. but we cant. its their journey, but it DOES NOT mean he doesnt love you. he so does. its been over a yr n hes still there. he opens up to you, cmon your the most amazing thing to him i can bet u on that. i too admire you, your complete selflessness and amazing amount of care. he knows this........just be you and hold on for as long as u think is ok

Hey cassiana, I have read alot of your posts, i know your story...........I gues si read your posts alot because what you are wondering is the biggest love question that is so confusing to me......n i too would love to know...... Often so often and esaecially on this website we are told that if they truly loved you, if they were in love with you they woud be with you, as simple as that. You will even get told how there is a book called hes just not that into you and well, that must mean that love is that simple, if your in ove thats it , u would do ANYTHING to make it work........ It sometimes feels im the only one who has trouble beliving or understanding this statement......... i dont believe it. i try to because hey who doesnt want something as clean as that, something as black n white n easy to know. so uncomplicated. but i just dont compeletly, but i do wonder............ The thing is my first love.........what can i say, it was 3 yrs ago that we broke up, 5 since we met............i had never felt anything like it, i have never sensed someones love for me so strongly, i never had anyone hold me the way he did, i never had anyone not be able to COMEPLETLY let go none have such conflict in what they were feeling, ive never been so confused and frustrated in all my life..........ive never been so hurt....... he ended it after never completely starting it, he was alwyas hot then cold. distant and cool, very very scared to ever let me be with him once n for all.......he pushed me away like your ex is doing, he would call me n thn nt return my txts.........i just wnated to know what it wa he felt and if he did love me why ouldnt he be with me??????????? I JUST DIDNT GET IT. now i think i do......i dont believe love conquers all, i dont believe someone who is suffering depression, someone who has been abused, someone who has been very hurt in past and isnt ready yet CAN do whatever it takes to keep a person..........i dont believe if you loose someone or you have massive money troubles and long distance in the rd or any of the THOUSANDS OF THINGS THAT COMPLICATE RELATIONSHIPS that every time u can make it work no matter what just because you love them............i think sometimes when you combine what you wnat and what you need, the stage in your life, your past with your partners needs, wnats and stage in life and past that you can always handle it.........sometimes its too much....... i knwo people say but if your in love it wouldnt be too much.......i think love is v strong emotion sometimes even that is too much if your not in right mid frame etc, alot balances on being in love, alot of people need to make sure they can cope before gettin in too deep.........i think maybe they hold off being in love, not intentionaly but i think if theres something complicating the relatinship like illness sometimes that TAKES OVER the ability to love, thereforeeee they do find it ok to walk away....... i think the book sayin hes just not that into means......hes not into u ENOUGH to marry you as in hes not THE ONE ......ive been in love n not wanting to get married before you know, i wasnt ready for it yet, does that mean i DIDNT actually love him? its so confusing......i think timing has alot to do with fallin in love......i think if its bad time u may not fal n love, u will walk away before u feel any more, but if it was right time with that same person mabe you would have...u know....i think they may know they could love u but just arent ready right now.......they know they cant, they have to many issues......... love doesnt i dont htink all sudden give u this amazing armour where u all sudden become storng and emotionaly and mentaly stable, and able to knock every complication out of way without any drama.....sometimes people, some people walk away instead........en gets too much, EVERYONE has their limit of whats enough....... someone once said to me also that if its a good rship there wont be any complication cos u wont let them become complicted, this is so not true...... I can say this but i dont knwo if im right or worng....what does everyone else think? All i know is my ex recent one, dropped me after he lost his job, no self esteem, suffered depression, ad put WAY too much pressur eon himself to become something someone when i thought he already was best person in world.......i honestly think he just didnt love me cos he wasnt ready, he neded to get well, n work on him love him first, for it to last d he knew that