Lewis25

Hey Sandy, Whereabouts in Australia is she moving to? If my relationship's gone to seed, maybe I can keep her occupied for you.

Ah yes. Do try not to project yourself there just yet though. There's a lotta living to be done before having revenge on some girlfriend from the future.

Thankyou for the reply. You're right about many things. I guess I can't help but feel that we(me and her) are different people who react in different ways. I probably wouldn't react this way to my father passing, but there is some very painful stuff in their past. Things which, thankfully I never had to go through. I guess I'm just trying to understand her, and give her a chance at happiness, through forgiveness. But yeah, she ran off to another guy. I expect they're having a very strange and passionate rendezvous, but I just can't be sure of anything they're doing. It's so soul destroying, all of it. Thanks though.

So she's moving to Australia. We'll that should ease your mind shouldn't it. It says a lot about her intentions, if not his. It's very natural to want to stay in touch, and even reasonably close to an ex. Nobody likes the idea that a relationship just dies, and there was no point. He invested a lot of time into that relationship. I guess he doesn't want it to feel like wasted time. Who would? Don't get angry if you can help it. It's a good thing this guy can't just switch off theese feelings. It offers a lot of promise to your relationship, and his feelings towards you.

This is tough. You have to decide whether or not to voice your concerns, possibly straining the relationship, or surrender to the unknown and accept whatever comes. If you choose to trust him(not always easy) then you yourself will actually start to feel less anxious. He in turn, will feel an obligation towards that trust. If you start to question his fidelity, he may subconsciously or consciously, choose to live up to those expectations you have of him. Like I said, it's a tough one. Personally, when I travelled(seven weeks at a time sometimes), I called my girlfriend nearly everyday. I guess I wanted her to feel at ease, plus I just loved hearing her voice. I could never cheat on her. (There's a post about it). My advice would be to surrender to the unknown instead of trying to control it. But that requires enormous strength. Good Luck.

Here goes. My girlfriend broke up with me four weeks ago. It was a genuine shock. We talked about her patterns in relationships while we were together. She always had a tendency to be distracted, or to escape her situation when things became difficult. However, she seemed sure this time that she had found true love and that this would not happen with us. And it really felt like true love. We both had relationships in the past, but never had it felt so right. Intellecually, physically and instictively compatible. Neither of us wanted to change or mould the other into anything else. We had freedom, humour, intimacy and love. blah,blah,blah. We're both performers, and I have spent some time on the road. Although the separations were difficult, we found much romance in the idea of missing eachother, and were both true to the other. Some months ago, she did her first overseas tour with a male performer from another country. It was one of her most treasured experiences. Naturally, a friendship was formed between the two as they went on their daily adventures. After the tour I met her in Europe, and we had the holiday we'd been talking about for months. It was a great time, however part of the holiday invoved meeting her estranged father, who was very ill at the time. It was an incredibly emotionally taxing time for her, and myself to a lesser extent. Upon our arrival home, she was a bit lost. The come-down from a tour is a powerful one. You live in a fantasy world for a while where the phone never rings, the bills don't come in the mail, and every day is a brand new adventure. You wonder if it even happened, and you wonder if it will ever happen again. You're rea;ity seems very mundane for a while. On top of this, seeing her father brought on a whole other set of emotions. Things moved along for a couple of months. She seemed detatched, but I tried to understand how she felt, and didn't want to pressure her into "getting over it". Then, her father died. There was much left unsaid between them, and it caused(is causing much pain). For a month, I tried to just be there for her. I felt helpless. It was a very difficult time. Then one night she told me it was over. I was shocked. I asked if there was anyone else, and you guessed it, she had developed feelings for the guy she went on tour with. Turns out he's been emailing her for a while telling her he thinks he's in love with her, and she's taken the bait. After we broke up, we talked a lot. I told her I wasn't angry(and I wasn't strangely), and wanted her to know how much I loved her and would try to understand why this happened. She doesn't seem to even know herself why this happened. She was HAPPY with me. There were times when she told me she loved me more than anyone on earth. We talked about our future with hope and excitement. Now it's over, and she is with him now, in another country. She told me she was going there to try and better understand her situation. She feels like a monster, and she is painfully aware of the pattern she may be fulfilling once again. She tells me she's still in love with me. Says she can't imagine her life without me, and says that my reaction to everything has shown her a whole new side of me, and that she loves me more than ever now. So confusing. I'm not eating, and feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. And she is nowhere to be found. I haven't heard from her for five days. And I fear the worst..... Any opinions would be truly appreciated. Thankyou for your patience

It seems you are an imfatuation junkie. There is a real, almost drug-like thrill in the first stages of a relationship, and yes, it disappears after a time(usually two or so years). If the guy you're with is worth it, you should ask yourself if you want to be a part of his life, if you're genuinely curious about how his life will unfold and if you want to be around while it does. I hate hearing it as much as saying it, but the real rewards and magic within a relationship take time and sometimes work before they reveal themselves. Good Luck.