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metro_girl

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Everything posted by metro_girl

  1. I think it's great if you want to stay a virgin until you're married. You'll meet the person who is right for you. Don't feel like a freak, either. Sometimes people who tell you that it's odd are just jealous because they didn't have a choice in the matter when they lost their innocence, or they really regret it, but know that they can't get it back. When you don't put the physical part of your relationship ahead of everything else, you'll find the person who is really right for you. You won't be controlled by your hormones. Unfortunately, we live in a world today where people think it's more normal that you've had six sexual partners, maybe two kids by two different people, and have lived with someone for a few years before you really settle down. And if you don't have those sexual experiences, well, then you're just immature. I think it's the opposite. You're showing maturity by making a decision to wait until you're married.
  2. I'm just not sure that I have the same values as someone who would be together with a woman with children for 15 years without being married. I also don't want to be with a man who still feels responsible for an ex and her kids. If he didn't know after 5 years that it wasn't working out with her, and they weren't married, why stay together for 15 years? Anyway, thanks, I guess I have my answer and I won't be interested in pursuing the match with so much baggage. I also have had past experiences with men my age who prefer single moms. I don't know if they ever want to have kids of their own. Or, the single mom somehow looks less unselfish and more self-sacrificing than a woman like me who has focused on a career.
  3. Wait it out and don't contact him again. Let him contact you. I think that you've contacted him too much and you need to step back and let him pursue a little bit more. Guys might like it if you pursue, but it makes you unhappy waiting for him to return messages.
  4. Hello: I've been on one of the online dating sites (eharmony, but wasn't sure if I could post it here). I'm 37, never married, no kids. I have written clearly on my profile that I'm not interested in dating single dads or a man who isn't over his ex. Does this man, who is 40, never married, no kids, really sound single and available if his closest friend is his ex-girlfriend? Or, why were they together for 15 years without getting married? Should I just say, "Red flag and next!" for this match? I asked him this question: "Tell me about your closest friend. How long have you known him/her; and what do you like best about him/her?" And here is his reply: "My closest friend is my ex-girlfriend. We were together for 15 years and I am still very close to her kids, as well. I like the fact that she is a genuinely good person and practices what she preaches."
  5. Hi: I think it depends on your field. The darker the color, the more serious the suit. A dark navy suit is traditionally seen as the interview suit. Black might be too severe. I prefer a charcoal or a light grey. For women, a business suit with a skirt that is at the knee is usually considered to be the most appropriate for an interview, with a button-down blouse that is not revealing from any angle. If you're petite like me, then find something petite. Le Suit is a good line of suits sold in most department stores. Wool or a wool blend is best, but most microfiber suits that don't wrinkle are also good. If you can, buy a starter suit with a skirt, jacket, and pants. You can start to mix and match and build a work wardrobe.
  6. Part of the point I was making is being lost because of this whole discussion about D.O.s and M.D.s The test of "knowledge" was mostly to prove that the other women were equally intelligent. I don't think that's true in a booksmart way. I think it was much easier to marry a doctor for them, than to actually attend school, study, pass the exams, and become a doctor. Even if they wanted to, I don't think they would have been able to earn a graduate degree. My family was trying to make it appear that we women just made different choices with our lives, that I chose school and career over a husband and family. I didn't make the choice that way. I also want a husband and children, and I think I've now finally found the right man for me. I also don't think the women made the choice to have kids instead of attending school. I really don't think they would have been accepted into graduate school even if they wanted to go. They had time when they were younger to attend undergrad school, and they chose not to. They're my age, so it's not like women haven't been going to college.
  7. I would expect that knowing there a 4 quarts in a gallon is not a huge test of knowledge, and the D.O. was being slightly arrogant to assume the "women" at the table wouldn't know the answers. A D.O. isn't a real M.D. That isn't like saying a D.O. isn't a real doctor. I also think admissions standards to most osteopathic medical schools are lower than traditional medical schools. This particular D.O. has a father who was a D.O., and he's a little more than spoiled. If that's not bad enough, he drives a Jaguar. The family has to make over it and make a big deal about it. In this case, he really didn't put much effort into the accomplishment of being a doctor, so my comment doesn't indicate that I'm arrogant or looking down on anyone. My family rewards lack of effort and especially ignorance from girls.
  8. Is it possible you're grieving the loss of your future with him than actually the loss of the relationship? You pictured what a future with him would be like, and now you must create a new future for yourself, and that's probably what's holding you back. Four years is a long time so you probably do miss him. It would be easier for me to move on if I were angry that he cheated and also easier to accept that he's made it clear he's no longer interested in a future with you. When I was your age I wasted a year grieving the loss of a college boyfriend and I really regret it. 22 is a great year!! I didn't start to feel happy again about myself and my future until I was 25, because I went to graduate school and started working. I thought when I was 22 that I would be planning a wedding and all that stuff. Most of my friends who were married that young ended up divorced.
  9. To answer the question, "Is it possible that you maybe are coming off a bit too arrogant?" No, I'm very humble about my accomplishments. The comment about the D.O. instead of the M.D. is similar to comments about Ph.D.s not being "real" doctors, a comment that is made frequently about my degree in my family. I guess you'd have to be there to understand. Once again, this proves my point in a way, doesn't it? An educated and smart woman is often considered arrogant about her intelligence and looking down on others, but a D.O. who hands out word puzzles is called what? I'd say, not a real M.D.
  10. I can only stay through dinner and then that's about enough.
  11. I enjoy listening to music, but I thought 99 Red Luft Balloon from the '80s was about nuclear war. I'm not sure if it was meant to be a feel-good song, but it does have a great beat and you can dance to it (that's from the * * * * Clark American Bandstand show where they used to rate songs!
  12. Yes, Thanksgiving, that day when I get to see relatives I haven't seen for a while. Does you family reward girls for NOT seeming to be too bright in a booksmart way? For example, I was with my family yesterday and a cousin's husband gave us a word game such as 1001 A N (1001 Arabian Nights is the answer) or 24 H in a D (24 hours in a day) 52 C in a D and a J (52 Cards in a Deck and a Joker) 13 S in the AF (13 stripes in the American Flag) 32 DF and WF (32 Degrees Fahrenheit and Water Freezes). I'm not bragging, but the entire list was just too easy. I have a Ph.D. and it would be really frightening if I didn't get these. My BA is in English and I taught special ed and English at the college level for several years before getting my Ph.D. I now work as a research scientist. If my family doesn't think I'm smart enough to answer these questions, what does that say? I was figuring out the answers very quickly but after the first couple times, I stopped to give the other women a chance to respond. I've been reprimanded before for "showing off" my intelligence (my booksmart intelligence). On the other hand, my cousins who are all married and didn't go to college can spend as much time as they want showing off and bragging about their kids and their husbands and their clothes, cars, and jewelry. The thing is, if that stuff meant anything to me, I would have done what they did and spent more time finding a husband than putting myself through school to support myself. One of the questions was 4 Q in a G. I guessed 4 quarts in a gallon. The women and a couple of the guys actually made me question whether this was the correct answer because two of the women thought there were 2 quarts in a gallon. The cousin's husband who gave us the word puzzle is a D.O. not even a real M.D. and he had to know the answer was 4 quarts in a gallon, but his wife didn't and no one wanted her to look stupid!!! Why is it okay for them to try to make me feel like a loser because I'm still single (and they are both on their second marriages), but it's not okay for them to realize that maybe, yes, earning a Ph.D. may have raised my IQ by a few points? And, if that's not bad enough, they still think I'm a poor college student struggling to get by. They can't possibly understand how a woman could make it on her own. Not only do I make it on my own, I live rather well even without a man's income.
  13. Share with her what's going on or else she will think you don't care about her when you distance yourself from her. It drives me nuts when guys do that.
  14. I haven't posted here in a while. I'm 36, never married no kids. I was confused earlier between two great guys. One was 33, never married and no kids, and the other man was 45, divorced with three kids with an ex-wife who was also remarried to a divorced man with kids. The divorced guy had been divorced for five years so that wasn't really a concern. I knew it was over between him and his former spouse. My question is this: Is anyone else having problems with the effects of divorce and dating? It feels like I waited a long time to get married because I wanted to find true love and I didn't want to get divorced. However, at my age, almost everyone is divorced with kids. I also notice now that the older "kids" who married, had kids, and divorced at a younger age are having a lot more fun dating because they aren't looking for the kind of lifelong mate I'm looking for. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this or if it's just me. I find myself becoming angry and resentful that I didn't just find someone when I was in my twenties and have kids and risk divorce if it wasn't the right person. Things seemed to work out better for the single moms who did that. I'm now dating a 43-year-old who is also single, never married no kids. He was engaged a few years ago but it didn't work out. He's in the military and has been deployed and also lived overseas. I don't know why I struggle so much with the concept of divorce and remarriage and kids. I feel like it's a mental block in this culture to feel the way I feel about it. Luckily, the man I'm dating now seems to have the same beliefs I have. Any thoughts on this? I'd like to know if I'm alone in feeling this way. Thanks.
  15. If you're going by what women put in their online profiles about wanting a tall guy, it's because most men lie online about their height (as well as their income), just like women probably lie about their age and their weight (posting outdated photos). For some odd reason, I'm a little under 5'4", so I know how tall a man is when we meet in person, yet most men will select 5'10" as their height online even if they're really around 5'6". Maybe women prefer men who tell the truth. 5'4" is a great height, BTW, because I don't ever get my jeans altered in length if I wear heals and most guys are taller than I am.
  16. So are you saying that guys who are HOT are usually bad for us?
  17. I'm surprised sometimes by the "issues" men are willing to accept, if not embrace, in women compared to the "issues" they won't accept. For example, I had a date scheduled with a man and my mother passed away at noon that very day. The following week was filled with wake and funeral arrangements. I somehow managed to reschedule the date for the following week. Looking back, I probably came accross as depressed, but it was situational. My mother just died. After a few weeks, I decided to go to a grief counselor, which was the first time in my life I'd ever been to a professional counselor. I wasn't on medication. I wasn't abusive. However, this man still didn't get that my emotions weren't all about him. He dumped me and found someone who was more "fun" i.e. a bartender. Then over the course of dating her he kept coming around me. I'm not a person with a lot of problems or baggage, but I hit a rough spot. It would have been nice if he could have toughed it out with me. Issues men accept willingly in women: relationships with exes (still married, that's even more exciting to men!) children from a previous relationship or marriage and looking for financial support from a new man (a lot of men are attracted to single moms) bills and debt from shopping or partying beyond their means (men will line up to pay these bills off for them) drug and alcohol problems (she's soooo much fun!) not able to support oneself financially, looking to live with a man (she can move in with him after a month!) lots of sexual partners (great, she's experienced in bed and knows how to please a man) Issues men don't accept willingly in women: time needed to spend on school time needed to spend on a career time needed to spend with family grief at the loss of a loved one (a family member) bills or debt from student loans mortgage on a home able to support oneself financially, and NOT looking to live with a man interested in dating and courtship, and not just looking for a hookup interested in marriage and family and actually able to make a commitment not very experienced sexually, and doesn't have a lot of past sexual partners
  18. I like the 32-year-old, and I am considering a LTR with him. We've only gone out on three dates. Everything is going great between us so far. As for being a parent, I think that I will need to spend time with the single dad to see if he and I are compatible as a couple before I worry about being a step-parent. I was a K-12 special education teacher and spent 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, sometimes more, with other people's children, so I don't think I'll have a problem with the six-year-old. If his mother isn't a psycho, which it sounds like she's not, then I won't have a problem communicating with her. That's way down the road since I haven't even gone out on one date with the single dad - we just met Thursday. Interesting advice from the men - to tell the guys I'm dating that I'm dating other guys. In all my years of dating, I've never had a man tell me that he's dating others. I think I was supposed to figure it out myself. On the other hand, the men would like to know. That's interesting.
  19. The single dad knows that I'm dating casually. He and I discussed that at our first meeting. We met on a dating site that's designed for people to meet more than one person at a time and our profiles are still open. That's why I didn't think I needed to provide a detailed explanation to any man I'm dating that I'm also dating others. I'm thinking that they are doing the same thing. Except, the man that I've gone out with three times is 32-years-old and I don't think he has much experience with dating. I tried talking with him to find out if he's even been in a "serious" relationship. I just don't think that after three dates I owe someone an explanation as to my plans or who else I'm spending my time with. I also thought it was the man's place to bring up "exclusivity" talks, and not the woman. Wouldn't it be arrogant of me to bring that up? I guess I'll just keep accepting and going out on dates with him until he asks me if I'm dating others. Any better options? As for the single dad and his priorites, I wouldn't respect him if he didn't feel his child came first in his life. However, if he used his child as an excuse to avoid making me a priority if we developed a relationship, then I wouldn't be interested in him. He's not doing that, from what I can tell. I've dated guys who make their motorcycle a priority over a relationship. Even if I have my own children, I think the intimate relationship and bond between the two parents needs to be made a priority.
  20. I was certain that I didn't want to date a single dad. I posted on here before about asking him questions regarding his divorce and his ex without sounding like I was grilling him. We were matched on eharmony and he didn't tell me until our phone call that he was a divorced single dad. I debated whether to meet him. I met him Thursday for about an hour. He was honest with me about the details of his divorce and his ex. They met in med school. Both are eye surgeons. He thought that was all they had in common. They divorced four years ago before moving back to the city where I live, where they both are from originally. It made a big difference to me that the house he lives in is one he built himself and didn't live in it with her. And also that he wants to remarry and have more kids. In just the hour's time, I was able to find out at least more info to help me decide to go out with him on a date. I'm glad that I gave him a chance. I'm still not sure how it's going to work out dating him, since he has his six-year-old son every other weekend and on Wednesdays. I'm also still dating another guy who is getting more attached to me. This time, I'm dating casually until the infatuation stage he's clearly in wears off, and until I find the one who's right for me. Any advice on dating single parents? Any advice on dating more than one person at a time? I've let the guy I've gone out with on three dates know that he could talk with me about anything or ask me anything, that I'm an open book, but he's not once asked if I'm dating anyone else. He just thinks I'm this wonderful woman. I turned him down for a date tonight because I want to slow down the pace of the relationship while I get to know this other man.
  21. As for the monthly email, it goes out to a distro list, which includes him. Neither one of us has a choice in the matter. It just looks like my name appears in his email inbox until he opens the email to read it. We didn't work together when we first met, so no need to lecture about not dating people at work.
  22. I dated and was intimate with a man who worked in a different building at the time. He's been in my building since August '05 and will be there until around June '06. I see him in the hall about once or twice a week and we act like we don't see each other. As part of my job, I have to send out something like an email once a month to a distro list, which includes him. It will be like this even after he moves out of town in June. Technically, is this breaking NC and does it have the same adverse effects? He became engaged to someone else in November and decided that he and I couldn't "remain in contact," which didn't make me happy. I've met someone else also, although I'm not moving as quickly as he did. If it was up to me, he and I could be civil to each other when we see each other, but that's not happening, no "hello, how are you's". Since it's clear we have to remain in contact, should I try one more attempt to see if we can at least be civil to each other and say hello to each other? Should I try to talk to him when I do see him? He helped me out during a rough time in my life when my mother passed away, and it's sad to me that he now feels he can't even say hello to me. I don't really know what to do. I do know that I don't like being in the same building with him and not even speaking to him.
  23. Maybe it's not really attraction or chemistry, but you trying to work out old scripts from your childhood or adolescence, except trying to make the outcome what you wanted it to be, which is nearly impossible and leads to heartbreak. For example, if your parent was an abusive alcoholic, you're attracted to an abusive alcoholic hoping to get it right, and because it actually feels normal and comfortable. I didn't have abusive alcoholics for parents, but I did have a father who was emotionally distant, who felt his job ended with putting food on the table, and a mother who was very controlling. I had the tendency to be attracted to men who were emotionally distant and unavailable.
  24. I wasn't really referring to anyone in this thread as "bitter". It seems to be a common theme in a lot of threads posted that a woman is after something if she wants to be treated well on a date. He asked for ideas for 2nd dates. I think a person's age and location will depend on ideas for dates. We don't have a beach in the midwest, so walks on the beach are out. Here, men have the tendency to take women to a restaurant for dinner on a date. If you're old enough, attending wine-tastings are fun, so are galleries. I'm curious how his second date went and what he chose to do. As for when to call after a first date, I've had some guys make plans at the end of the date and some call the next day. Don't think too much about it. Just call when you want to call.
  25. I've been in your situation before where I felt like I was cheating. You need to listen to him and not wait for him. Just keep dating other guys. This one just sounds like he's not ready for a relationship with you.
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