Süsser Tod
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Everything posted by Süsser Tod
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Read this: Some people just can't get to trust, and need every bit of reassurance they can get. So don't be to fast to judge someone as "not relationship worthy". If the other person can't get to give them that reassurance, maybe it would be fair for that person to look for that reassurance somewhere else.
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So he made it official? Ugh that's really bad. On the brightside, you'll be able to get a relationship with someone closer to you now.
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I'm currently preparing for the test. I've postponed it enough, and my plan was to have three exams completed by the time she came back, it looks like at best I'll manage to have two completed. You're right, I've exhausted every emotion possible. Right now I'm feeling resignation and just longing for her to come back. Kind of indiferent at the same time. Yes, I do love her, but love is being shadowed by the frustration and anger of she being so far, my fears of losing her and my mind playing games with me. She is quite aware of it, and she has said that its wearing her down. To be honest, I don't know what she saw in me, I'm hurting her so much and she does not deserve that. I've decided to contact her less. Up to now we have been talking on the phone everyday, I won't do it anymore, it seems to make things worse. And I do want her to come back with me, so, I think it is better to keep less contact. Also, when I talk to her, as you said, I'll focus on the good, and try to forget about the bad. Today I really blew it... In the last couple of days I hadn't seen any "I love u" from her, that kinda freaked me out. Then today she sent me an e-mail and said that she was on the University library, so we could have an e-mail chat. I replied and never heard back from her. So after waiting an hour, I called her. She told me that she went out of the library in a rush because they were going dancing. My mind went nuts after hearing that. She is not the kind of girl that does that, even less on a monday. So there I was thinking about how much she has changed, feeling left out, and thinking that her motive to go was to be with someone else... I told her that. Obviously, it made her really upset. She got angry and sad because I don't trust her. She said she hasn't changed on the inside, that she has changed, but that she is the same person and that this are special circumstances, so she may do things that she normally does not do. We'll see. I started dating a "nice boring girl", if I get back a "party girl" (I pray not) I'm out of there. She had always told me she didn't liked to go dancing, too crowded, too much people, etc. Now, she telling me that she wants to go, doesn't make a lot of sense. Also, they have been going at least once a week to a pub, thats totally not like her. Hope once she comes back she is not that different. Well, in fact I can say, I love the person that left 3 weeks ago. I don't know if I'll be able to love the person that will come back in 3 weeks, as I'm having trouble dealing with the person that is over there now.
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Sweet!!! I'll keep that one in mind!
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Yes, I know how you're feeling, I'm feeling the same way. Dunno what else I can say to help you, all I've said is what has helped me more or less to keep going, hope it helps you more than it did to me.
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Finally!!! Congratulations, now, enjoy!
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Wait until you try it before dismissing it.
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Yes, she is very logical, unfortunately, that logic is used to reinforce the fears. Logic: man + alcohol + willing girl = sex Right? Turn it like this: AS's boyfriend + alcohol + willing girl = cheating Pure simple logic. That logic fails to dismiss the fears, it only reinforces them, and that is not counting how those fears can twist that logic: AS's boyfriend + alcohol + willing girl + AS has cheated + everybody cheats, there is a TV show called chaters!!! + just look at the infidelity forum at ENA, everybody cheats! + etc = I gotta get out of here, he will cheat on me as soon as he has a chance! When in fact it should be something like: AS's boyfriend + AS's boyfriend loves AS + AS's boyfriend is a loyal person + strong relationship + alcohol + willing girl = disapointed willing girl Unfortunately, as logic as someone can be, one's logic will be always painted by fears.
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Forget about that. Hold on to that, focus your mind there. You know he doesn't deserve it, you know you love him, you have no reason to think he is cheating on you! Stop thinking about your fears, the more you think about them, the more they'll eat you. Disclaimer: Way easier said than done.
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No, it can't. Because you know why you were like that in the past. You cheated before they cheated on you. You left them before they left you. You always did it first, because you always had the fear of they doing it to you. As they say, shoot first, ask questions later. So if they ended up cheating on you, no biggie, you had already cheated on them, and if the sorry * * * * * left you, no worries, you already had someone else lined up. And you know what fears drove you to do that, right? Same ones that are rearing their ugly face now. I know you're a brilliant girl, don't let your fears overpower your mind.
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Well, I've never cheated on anyone, and I don't think I was abusive of my passive-aggressive ex gf. However, I always have the same fears as you, I hardly believe it has to do with your past, but with your insecurities, fear of abandonment and attachment issues. The thing about your past is only your mind making up an excuse to be entitled to feel like that.
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Eh, well, I'm too screwed up at this point I can't think straight anymore. Not the place/time for that post.
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hmmm, I think I've nailed what is wrong with my gf. Last two calls have been too cold on her side. I remember yesterday I had to tell her "I love you" several times before I got an "I love u too" from her. Also, on her last e-mails, an "I love you/miss you" is nowhere to be found. She has also been sending me more e-mails, but they seem to be lacking any feelings from a gf, look to mee more like friendly e-mails, like "How have you been, how are your cats, whats up @ the office?". I guess it is done. Don't know if I should try to talk to her or go NC.
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Next week, July 11 I'll take the test. Also I signed today for the self help course, starting July 12. The gf situation I don't know anymore to handle it, I'm blurring my emotions and confused. For example, I feel like (or think) everytime we talk she would rather do something else, however, she has sent me e-mails asking me to call her, and thanking me for calling her.
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If a guy really likes you will he...
Süsser Tod replied to xcountryprincess's topic in Dating Advice
Honestly, most of what those girls will get is a guy that has no respect for them and only wants to get laid and then dump them. -
At what point would you call it a break? I think that after two weeks of NC there are little chances, if any, that he still thinks of you as his gf.
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Well, right now she is all about having fun, not about love. In the future, for sure, she will change. It may take her a couple of years, maybe even 20 years, but at some point she will change. Trust me, there is plenty of fish in the sea to even bother thinking if she will change.
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Well, I would hardly call that love, it is more of a crush, infatuation or maybe even an obsession, but love it isnt.
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Seriously, it is a situation that will get nothing good for you. Yes, it may have good moments, but overall, it will be more pain than anything else. Do you really want that, or would you rather give yourself a chance to meet someone else that can return those feelings to you?
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You'll be in a world of pain, just because you chose it, so don't complain. Its like, what would happen if I pick up a red hot piece of steel? Well, you'll get hurt. And what would happen if I don't want to let it go? Well, you'll burn yourself quite bad. Kinda pointless and dumb, right?
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apologizing for something I didn't do
Süsser Tod replied to shorty20's topic in Friendship and Friends
More like a heated up argument, and it has been blown out of proportions by your friends? Give them time to cool down. -
What happens? Well other than you being hurt, not much. Forget about him and move on.
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Their needs will change as they mature and grow up as persons. However, don't even worry about it, the new grown up person may be someone you can't stand being with for 5 minutes. Don't sweat it, look for someone else.
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apologizing for something I didn't do
Süsser Tod replied to shorty20's topic in Friendship and Friends
How was that a fight if your boyfriend didn't hit anyone? -
5 months and you've been broken up for two weeks? I think you should add one more to the list of failed relationships. Well, I can tell you this, at least you gave it a try. Later, a few years down the road, you won't be asking yourself and loosing sleep trying to think what would have happened if you had staid there with him. Now, move on with your life, still possible to meet your family?