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temperamental_taurus

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  1. temperamental_taurus
    Good for you, Lonely... you're standing strong and proud... we HAVE to during times like these. At some point I was expecting my ex to also try and change; quit the drinking, go to AA whatever it took so that I didn't walk out of his life - unfortunately that never happened. But, what I've come to realize is, if they had TRULY cared about us, if they had truly LOVED US, they would have NEVER done what they've done to us in the first place. It won't take us leaving to change them - they were already like this - and do we really want these kind of people in our lives??? Ones who claim to love us, yet can turn around and treat us the way they have??? That's not how love feels to ME, when I love someone I am not like THAT. So, unfortuantely, I was trapped in a lease and wasted a year of my life - but I got out the earliest I could... and I was lonely for a few days until I got into a whole new routine. But now that I'm settled - I feel great!!! I mean really GREAT!!! And I truly am a believer in KARMA... and I hope it bites him in the... well... you-know-what since I'm not allowed to say that word on this site ... hee hee And I know it feels like an eternity before your move date... it did to me too - I couldn't imagine being there one more hour of one more day longer than I had to be... just get through each individual day - remember "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" - did you ever see Finding Nemo? LOL And don't let whatever he throws at you bother you... Walk away with your head held proud - we're better than these losers!!! (can I say that word???) When's your move date?
  2. temperamental_taurus
    LonelyGirl - Hang in there! You're doing the right thing. I just moved out on my own about 2 weeks ago... and both he and I knew I was leaving for an entire month. You can expect his behavior to continue, by disrespecting you, pretending like he doesn't care, going out etc... it's his way of showing you that it's not bothering him at all... BUT in reality it does. He probably feels very rejected - which is the reason he's going out - he's seeking validation that he is "wanted". He's mean and disrespectful because he is hurting - and he wants you to hurt too. It doesn't sound like there was much respect towards you during the relationship anyways - by going to strip clubs, and worst of all - cheating on you. You should have left him then and there... and if not right then, when he started saying that you not trusting him is YOUR problem - for a situation HE created. OOOooo men make me so mad sometimes!!! It's tough - the time leading up to when you move out - but when you do, you'll feel peaceful... It's so quiet and bright in my new apartment. I love it. And if he wants you back, he'll do WHATEVER it takes to make you trust him again... You're doing the right thing, just stay strong and don't change your mind - you'll be kicking yourself later if you do... I'm here if you need to talk!!!
  3. temperamental_taurus
    It's been a little while since I've posted on here because he tracked everything I did online and it only caused more arguing. But to recap, he was an alcoholic and I was trapped in a lease with him. Well, I finally moved out on Saturday. I feel a huge weight lifted off myself knowing I don't have to come home to a nightmare everyday. We decided try to remain together but live apart for awhile - I figured what the heck... I'd tried everything else, right? And the pleasantries of that lasted a whole 5 days? To make a long story short, the little games began... (making me contact him first, postponing plans to see each other, acting like it's no big deal) and tonight I pretty much told him to kiss off. I am no longer going to allow him to frustrate me. I'm deciding to completely end this entire waste of my time. My new apartment is wonderful, the sun shines in every morning and lights up the place - it makes me happy, for once - in a melancholy kind of way. It's peaceful here, I'm just learning to re-adjust to being by myself. He's been IM'ing me tonight, drunk, I'm sure - saying all kinds of nasty things... that he's moving in with some chik named "Heather" and calling me names... funny how I can move out and have him still hurt me. I don't understand any of it, and I never will, I'm sure. Sigh, when does it end... will I ever be happy? Why is the one thing I want so unobtainable for me???
  4. temperamental_taurus
    Just a couple of questions, number one - why did you refuse to take her back when SHE wanted to and secondly is it because she's with another man now that YOU want to get her back? One thing I tell people who are having relationship troubles is - GENUINE RESPONSES ONLY - by this I mean, during a fight, if you know you are wrong, apologize, if someone apologizes to you, accept it - don't act all macho, cool or strong. If someone you love comes back to you, wanting reconciliation, talk openly and honestly about it - if you want them back TAKE THEM BACK and don't reject the person you love out of stubborness, etc... You never know when you could possibly lose that person for good, so make every interaction a honest one. Don't play games!!! So, I'm asking you the question, WHY did you reject her when she wanted you back and now why do you want HER?
  5. temperamental_taurus
    I was put on Zoloft for PMDD (a severe form of PMS). At first I had little to no side-effects - the only thing I truly experienced was yawning all the time...but that stopped after a few weeks. I was on Zoloft for a total of 3 months. Within that time I gained 30 pounds, approximately 10 pounds per month. I felt exhausted, yet the symptoms of PMDD were dramatically reduced. I didn't mind taking Zoloft but decided to stop due to the weight gain - and THAT'S when my problems began. Tell your mother to read about withdrawal from Zoloft. This is something that doctors DO NOT tell you. When taking Zoloft it's a wonderful drug, but getting off of it is a NASTY experience, one that I would NEVER go through again. It is mentioned somewhere that people have actually committed suicide rather than go through the withdrawal effects of Zoloft. There is a huge lawsuit going on regarding it as well. Some people HAVE to continue to take the drug even though they don't want to because of what happens to them when they try and stop. I, myself, weaned myself off. After about 4 days Zoloft free my entire life was turned upside down and remained that way for about the next 1.5 months. I suffered from extreme vertigo and was so nauseated that I vomited frequently... I turned to online information and found countless articles regarding Zoloft Withdrawal - there are even forums regarding this issue!!!! I could barely drive because of the spinning in my head. I had difficulty working because of it!!! I couldn't get up off the couch without help... This spinning lasted for 1 1/2 months... and came and went with little "electric zaps" that I could feel shooting through my brain. There were other symptoms that I can not remember but DO YOUR RESEARCH!!! My suggestion would be to discuss this with your doctor immediately - wean yourself off - or be prepared to be on it for the rest of your life. I struggled through withdrawal without re-starting Zoloft - but there are many people who CAN NOT... Educate yourself!!!
  6. temperamental_taurus
    Thank you for your kind words and support - and for letting me vent!!!
  7. temperamental_taurus
    Yes, this pamphlet IS from Al-Anon, and with it she included a Meeting List for Al-Anon groups with numbers, locations and times. I had asked her yesterday if I could accompany her to a meeting. I will be attending them for sure... thanks for your suggestion, it's amazing once you quit keeping quiet about it how many other people have been down this very same road and are there to support you... I'm very thankful for the many caring people in my life right now...
  8. temperamental_taurus
    So I'm moving out on April 30th - MY Independence Day... and every minute that ticks by feels like torture to me... It's been about 4 days since I told him I was leaving. Being around him is hard. I am SO ANGRY... I'm angry that he is an alcoholic, I'm angry about everything he's done and everything he HASN'T done. I feel like I need to lash out and hurt him emotionally for all the pain he has caused me. I look at him and can only see a pathetic weak man consumed by his own personal demons - he almost makes me physically sick. A friend handed me a pamphlet today called "Alcoholism, A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial"... and all I had to do was read the first few paragraphs and I could have sworn they had written this about me. How predictable the whole cycle with an alcoholic is. How predicatable the partner's life is - when envolved with someone with this disease. As I read further, I just kept saying "Wow....wow... WOW" and my entire life for the last year was laid out right before me. I got goosebumps and almost cried... the failing of this relationship ISN'T MY FAULT. AND I'M NOT CRAZY!!! This is what life with an alcoholic is... and you know what??? I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT FOR MYSELF!!!!!!! I wish to God it was April 30th already... I hate going home, I hate having to deal with any of this for even ONE MORE MINUTE!!!!! I'M TIRED OF BEING RESENTFUL AND ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED!!!! I AM SO ANGRY WITH HIM FOR BEING SICK!!!
  9. temperamental_taurus
    I am not a therapist, but it sounds like she could benefit from one. This cycle will continue unless someone breaks it. Where SOME fighting is normal in a relationship, having to fight ALL the time is not. And there are healthy ways to have a disagreement. Trust me, loving someone isn't enough to help them. And sometimes change can only occur when they are on their own. There are obviously deep emotional issues from past sexual abuse, her mother passing away... encourage her to see someone and ask yourself, is this how YOU want to be treated - if you were honest with yourself I bet the answer would be no.
  10. temperamental_taurus
    I was once told by a man that if I didn't play head games with my boyfriends, that'd I'd end up alone. Well, unfortunately, I can not play the mind games etc... and I am truly a very loving "Nice Girl"... and so apparently I am fated to wind up alone??? We'll see... but I absolutely REFUSE to treat someone I care about poorly - it just doesn't make sense to me. That is because I have respect for both myself and the other person. I would give ANYTHING to find a truly "Nice Guy" (I WILL find one - there's gotta be ONE left somewhere) and once I do, will hang on tight. It takes someone who is secure with themselves, mentally healthy and has self-respect to WANT a nice guy and not all the drama that comes with the partners who are forever riding their emotional rollercoasters!!!! (Personally, all that up & down stuff makes me sick to my stomach and Dramamine's expensive!!! would rather get off the ride and feel better....)
  11. temperamental_taurus
    *hugs* I know what it feels like to not be receiving affection from your partner, but I'd like to remind you of one thing. You are married. IF you are unhappy and have made a valient effort to change things in your relationship, then leave and get a divorce. But if you choose to stay, you can not be having an affair, emotional or otherwise, with someone who is NOT your husband. Do I think you are being treated right, no. Do I think that is an excuse for infidelity, no. I would evaluate your marriage. Obviously he holds resentment about things from the past. Is this how you want to live your life? I know what MY answer would be, as I'm living it right now. Above all you need to be true to yourself, you made a commitment, a promise to another when you said your marriage vows. Uphold that promise until your divorce is final and then pursue someone that gives you what you need out of a relationship.
  12. temperamental_taurus
    Well, on the bright side - I've learned a valuable lesson... to notice the signs/symptoms of a substance abuser and to stay away... How can I rationalize with him when he's only had about 7 full days without drinking in 6 months? We truly had no chance of ever working out, he made sure of that. I was also thinking that someday he'll realize what he's done - but even THAT I'm beginning to doubt because his sense of reality was altered due to the high volumes of beer he consumes - he probably DOES think I'm to blame and everything and everyone else - for HIS problems. I'll be glad when the pain stops... and I know there's someone out there waiting for a person like me, who is willing to give as much as he's given... and all of this is just filler until I find him. I have the rest of my life ahead of me, I'm glad to finally be starting on my way again. There's a song ... "God bless the broken roads that lead me straight to you..." This was just one more journey I had to take until I find the place where I'm supposed to be.
  13. temperamental_taurus
    (I was kidding about the drinking part) a small attempt at humor... I don't drink... but I may look into the Al-Anon thing... I need to understand how, why and what I could have done differently...
  14. temperamental_taurus
    (Hope that wasn't a bad word!!!) Ugh, I need a drink... SO KIDDING!!!
  15. temperamental_taurus
    Thank you Life bites for me right now...
  16. temperamental_taurus
    I have no friends - they were all cut off a long time ago because they were all male and HE didn't approve... I do have family though, just they're 2 hours away
  17. temperamental_taurus
    Thank you all for all your kind words, though they're hard to read through the tears... I need them right now... I feel like I'm dying inside...
  18. temperamental_taurus
    I have a hard time with all the "BUTS" "BUT when he's not drinking he's so wonderful" because he is - yet he drinks daily so I rarely get to see that person. I also wanna scream "BUT it's not fair that I lose out and have my heart broken because of alcohol, am I not worth more than that???" HE can drink himself into a stupor where all I can do is suffer through it all by myself... I sound so childish saying this but it's not FAIR!!!!
  19. temperamental_taurus
    It just hurts
  20. temperamental_taurus
    I realize this isn't normal behavior but this is the FIRST alcoholic person I've ever been with - and I guess being who I am I wanted to help him. It doesn't make it any easier, though - because even though there's something wrong with him, the only thing wrong with ME is that I'm too tolerant. I guess I just need validation that I'm doing the right thing, cause it doesn't feel RIGHT to walk away and leave him like this.
  21. temperamental_taurus
    Well, I went out today, after another horrible weekend of his , and rented myself an apartment. (He stabbed my sub-woofer with a screwdriver and mistook one of my friends and threatened them to stay away from me. Made a fool of himself and I had to apologize for him. I always said that if any destruction of property occurred that was it. So be it. I'm moving out in 3 weeks. I should be happy, right? Well, I'm not - although I know I should be. He's just fine with it or so he appears. How can he be when he's losing me because of his drinking and the way it modifies his behaviors??? How can he feel alright that he just caused the loss of someone who truly loved him because he couldn't stop drinking??? He says he'll be better off without ME, that I need to learn how to "take care of a man". How can he say this is all because of ME??? I've only stood beside him, encouraging him, forgiving him, tolerating him... all for nothing!!! This is breaking my heart....
  22. temperamental_taurus
    It's hard but I hear you. I wish there was an easy way out of this.
  23. temperamental_taurus
    I just don't know what to do anymore, I love him....
  24. temperamental_taurus
    Lord, I don't know - because when he is sober I get a glimpse of the man I feel in love with - hanging on to the hope that he will remain that way, praying with everything I have that THIS TIME he'll be different. He's making me feel like I CHEATED on him, when I know I didn't, I was upfront and honest with BOTH OF THEM... and now he's questioning MY loyality - when all I've ever done is stick by him and forgive him... I just don't understand what I'm doing WRONG!!!
  25. temperamental_taurus
    yup, we're at it again, this time over something minor, or at least I feel it is... I could use some input. My boyfriend and I are having relationship issues, and if you've been following my previous posts, you'll know why. Well, Easter weekend was a bad one, I broke up with him, but he then swore that as long as we're together he won't drink so I took him back - hopeful, once again that he'd conquer this illness... I think he made it 2 days... ANYWAYS - an ex-boyfriend got in touch with me on Monday, he called my work... pretty much told me he has never found anyone as fun as me, and pretty much wanted me to stay overnight with him in a Presidential suite. I said no, that I'm happy being "married" (we're not married - just a silly term we use for a ltr) He called me on my cell, yeah I told him to so I could take the phone call on my break. I then was honest with my "boyfriend" and let him know that yes, I had talked with so and so, but that I let him know I was still in a relationship and no, I wasn't going to meet up with him. Well, now my "boyfriend" I use this term loosely, is pissed. Saying that he needs to "think about my character" and if he wants to be with a cheater like ME!!! A cheater like me??!!! Ugh, whatever! Yes, I talked with an ex on the phone for about 20 minutes, mainly just catching up after I told him I wasn't available. I explained to my boyfriend that if I WASN"T honest with him THAT would be omission and thus, I couldn't be trusted - but that I WAS honest with him, told him I loved him about the call and that opportunities will always present themselves in life but what we do with those temptations that defines a person's character. I did not take my ex up on his offer, I told him I was still in the relationship AND told my boyfriend about it - that was it!!!! I can understand why he'd be UPSET that my ex-boyfriend wants me back, but not that he'd be pissed enough at ME to want to "think about whether or not he wants to be with someone like me". Am I wrong??? Was I wrong??? Am I THAT awful because I spoke with an ex on the phone??? Please tell me...
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