temperamental_taurus

So, my very best friend in the whole world contacted me at work today to see how I was doing. It was so good to hear from him! I gave him an update and he was absolutely amazed. He was like, "Girl, one thing I've noticed about you is that when you fall in love with someone your loyality to that person is unbreakable - no matter what happens you are always there for him." That most men he knows would kill for that. That he's jealous that his wife is not that way. But is that a good thing? And I suppose that even if it's not, it's who I am. I have something inside of me that insists that giving up is not an option. Yeah, I'm a Taurus and loyality is one of the traits - but then I don't see stupidity listed there - could stubborness and tenacity be my problem? Am I THAT stubborn that I can't even convince myself to walk away from a bad thing? Ah, who knows. Feeling pretty good still, got alot done at work today - organized everything, threw away alot of stuff - amazing what you can get done when a 195 pound weights been lifted of your shoulders!

Laclarita - *hugs* to you sweetie! I know this is a difficult time, I just got out of a similar situation myself, and to tell you the truth, I never know if it's truly over or not. He completely controlled me too. I begged for him to take me back many, many times - once he even made me get on my knees in front of him... which I did =( I'd beg for it not to be over, I apologized so many times in situations that needed no apology from ME. I'd say I would be better etc when I had done nothing wrong but get upset when he treated me badly. Here are some of the things I lived with: I had to change my phone number because some of my friends were guys, and he insisted they wanted to sleep with me. I was not allowed to use Yahoo IM because he insisted I was talking to men to sleep with them. I had a bucket of water dumped on me and my computer because I was smoking in my house. He got mad at me and blamed me that his family didn't like me, when all I ever did was try (he had told them NOT to like me in the first place). He cancelled plans with me to go out with other women. Then tell me he kissed them etc... He would ignore me until I contacted him. He got mad at me for getting upset when he called me names. He got mad at me for getting upset that he had a date with a girl while he was with me. He got mad at me because I was upset that he moved in with two women. He got mad at me because I became friends with his two female roommates. He blamed me that his life is chaos when I'm around. He said it's my fault he has to move out of the house where he lives (the owner is selling it - has nothing to do with me) He got mad at me each and every time I was upset and crying because of what he'd done to me. He got mad at me because he says I judge him, which translates into he can do whatever he wants and I'm not to question. Sex was on his terms when ever HE wanted it - i was rejected if I approached him. He told me I would always be second to his friends and whatever else was going on in his life. he told me I was just a "booty call" to him. he'd call me psycho, crazy, psychotic he told me how much he loved me etc so I'd break up with a nice guy i was seeing, then laughed about it afterwards and told me how he'd done it just to mess that up for me. he stabbed a speaker that i was given as a birthday present from an ex with a screwdriver he shoved me off the bed he left bruises all over my arm from grabbing me he sexually abused me (i'll leave out the gory details) he told people horrible lies about me he'd belittle me, call me names, make me feel so small, insignificant I could go on and on... but it's over now. I'm on an anti-depressant and I'm going to get over this. I used to feel as though I couldn't breathe without him because he controlled my thoughts, my actions, my emotions - everything! He had me so wrapped up in him - and I know how it feels - BUT!!! I do not deserve this treatment. I never did anything to him but forgive, tolerate and adjust to the new expectations that were put upon me day after day. And you don't deserve it either! How do you heal without baggage? Well, just realize that you were the one that loved. There's nothing wrong with YOU, that it is because he is a twisted individual that he got off on treating you the way he did. That you can and will get better than him - that you have that potential - he does not. Walk away with your head held high... why? Because you survived it! You were strong enough to make it through! It is because he is weak that he needs to feel in control. Hating him is fine for now, but it won't last forever like that. You will begin to pity him and then feel nothing at all. What helps is just taking a deep breath and letting go of all off it. It's not important now - the only thing that is is that you're safe, you're away from him and you're going to be much better!

Thanks rionmccloud, I appreciate your support! Lessons learned huh? Well, I can't really say I've learned any lesson through this except for one: substance abusers never change and that a relationship with one will never work. Sometimes I question God as to WHY he allows these types of people to enter my life. I didn't ask for this! I know that he never puts one through anything they are incapable of handling - and that makes me feel a sense of relief - knowing I can and will get past this horrible time in my life. But I don't blame God, and continue to pray for the strength to stand up to such a dark influence in my life. I feel so good today! The thoughts of D are fleeting and are only filled with pity for him. That he's such a wreck, that he's so messed up, that he's so lost, that he lost me. And I look towards the future and know that anything is better than the place that I was at with him. It almost makes me a little smug, knowing that his life will continue on in the same way, the names and faces may be different but the end result will always be the same - and I won't be there for him to blame anymore!

Hiya Satin - I'm going through the same emotions as you are. I also begged, pleaded, humiliated myself in front of him - all because he broke me down. Yes, I too felt weak and pathetic... and I have lashed out at him, and I do have moments where I am so angry. Angry at myself for being weak, angry at him for taking advantage of my love for him, angry that he led me on, told me he loved me, that I fell for all of it. He blamed me too for everything, but as they say when you point a finger you have 3 more pointing back at you. I think it's normal to be angry - it's part of the healing process. After all these emotions work themselves out, we'll feel better and be much stronger because of what we went through. My ex was not a good person, although it took me WAY too long to figure that out... and so I am now willing to accept that we are over, that it's going to take time for me to heal and I'm allowing myself time to do it and go through all the emotions that this healing requires. I'm right there with you and time does ease the pain!

Thanks, Salty, I've never thought about it that way before! And it makes sense. He IS a low-life and I lowered myself being with a person like him. I spent the weekend with family and then left today when the guilt trips started. (they are Catholic and good at the guilt thing) Not really capable of dealing with those kinda things on top of everything else so I left - but it was good to see them - it's been awhile. On the drive down I analyzed myself and decided that I'm going to focus all my love inwards and start treating myself like I do these unworthy idiots. Maybe then my life will get better - because all they do is suck the life out of me. Looking forward to a life without him, and although I do still think of him, it's only a million questions that will always go unanswered because even if I got an honest reply out of him, he's so messed up that he probably doesn't know why he does the things he does anyways. Such a waste of a human being, although to be human - you must possess a heart...

I'm in the process of performing reconstructive heart surgery on myself. I haven't posted here in quite awhile, having had a relapse of my "heart condition" once again. It seems to be a chronic problem, that doesn't quite go away. Since it's such a persistent affliction, I don't usually have enough time to recover from the last episode before a new bout hits me even harder than the last. I've been dealing with it going on a year and a half now, I'm weak and tired and just ready to heal. My history is documented in prior posts, and to bring everything up to date - I went back to him. And it was worse than ever. This time I guess I took the approach of, well if you can't beat him, join him and partied HARD weekend after weekend with him. It didn't matter. I was still verbally abused, cheated on, lied to, broke down, ignored, isolated, and even sexually abused. He leads such a corrupt life-style. It's quite disturbing, but I figured maybe he'd love me if I just was there having his kinda fun right along side of him. I started smoking pot with him, took tons of uppers, drank bottles and bottles of wine, hard liquor - everything - oh yeah, it was a party every weekend. We'd end up driving home, completely wasted, in my car... him nearly driving off the road he was so intoxicated, only to get home and allow him to whatever he wanted to, to my body, to ME. Then the weekend was over and he'd pretty much ignore me Mon through Thursday (unless he was horny) until the weekend hit again. Through this last month, I had finally gotten to meet the two girl roommates he had moved in with. They are actually pretty cool people, one of the girls and I actually have quite a bit in common. To make a long story as short as possible - the owner of the house has decided to sell it and they all have to move out. D (my ex) is moving now to a condo 3 miles away from where I live. This is extremely bad. Up to this point, this man has completely controlled me. If you knew me, you'd swear I was one of the strongest people you'd ever met, but with HIM, I'm mush. Knowing this, I approached my doctor and she prescribed me an anti-depressant specifically for this type of thing. Hopefully it'll give me the backbone that I never had with him. I walked out on him Friday morning after finding out that he had a date later that night with another girl and that I'd just have to "get over it and deal". I don't think so. He had tried to lie and say he was going out with work friends - but I knew better. What a cheating lying..... !!! I left him - for the last time. The idea of him living 3 miles away from me makes me sick!!! Ugh. This is only day 4 on my meds, I needed more time for them to take affect, I'm still feeling weak when it comes to him. But I'm determined now, because my life will be ruined if I allow him to still be in it once he moves out by me. He called me yesterday (Saturday morning) and against my better judgement, I listened to what he had to say. He was screaming at me that I was ruining his life, that I had told someone that he had said he had slept with his roommates - which is EXACTLY what he had told me - and probably alot of other people too. Blaming me for all his problems. I calmly explained to him that it was about time he started taking responsibility for his actions and that perhaps he shouldn't lie and then when people talk and start comparing notes, there are no inconsistencies in his story... That he made his bed, he needs to lie in it and that I am no longer interested in dealing with the drama that he has surronding him because of his poor choices. None of this is MY fault and I refuse to take the blame any more! It's like I was listening to a child! He was upset that I actually became friends with his roomies, he blamed me for the house getting sold (?!?), he blamed me for people calling him on what he had said about them, he blamed me for ruining his life (?!?) - I told him he did that quite well on his own... WOW is all I have to say. So, here I am AGAIN... determined more than ever to be done with all of this and need this avenue to pour my thoughts and feelings into... as well as the support of all of you, to get me through this. I have heard that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them so I'm looking at a 9 month healing process - and that's ok with me. At this point, I am happy being by myself, not interested in dating and just want to have some piece and quiet... to go out, have fun, to find myself again and allow these anti-depressants to work. I can't wait to feel stable again and free of this madness. More later... A.

First off, I am SO sorry that you are going through this right now! I know what it feels like, to be cheated on... and you are in shock I'm sure. If you have pictures of them in your bed, doing those things then I'm sure more went on than just oral sex... and he has no right to be mad at YOU for snooping... when he is your husband and he's broken your trust by cheating. My gut tells me that if he slept with this woman before in his previous marriage over 20 years ago - that this woman isn't going anywhere... and will be a part of his life forever. He cheated on you... and the likelyhood of it occurring again is high. You need to figure out if this is something you're going to be able to handle going on if you stay with this man. *hugs* I know this is a rough time, hang in there.

Hope & Laker, I do hear you, I know what you are saying, I just have NO strength when it comes to him... I'm as addicted to him as he is to alcohol...and he said today he's going to end up hurting me again but right now, I'm just living in today. My sponsor is out of town for a week and i can't call her... she'd tell me what to do. I am still detached though… If he walks away tomorrow, it would be what he needs to do…All I can do is continue to go to Al-Anon in hopes that I will eventually either learn how to deal with him or leave him alone. We've had a good two days… and if that's all it amounts to, that's fine… it's just awesome that we have been able to have such a good time together, enjoying each other… There will come a time, I'm sure when I no longer want to or CAN'T deal with him… Al-Anon states that it is possible to have a sane relationship with an alcoholic… - either I'm going to come out of this learning how to deal with him appropriately or learning how to deal with someone else appropriately… either way, it's a win/win situation as far as I'm concerned. We have great sex together… that part in itself is undeniable and hard as heck to say no to… we like the same type of sex… we're on the same page as far as the physical stuff goes… sometimes someone can be all that you've hoped for, yet disappointing in bed. And my physical pleasure right now is something that is important to me. Could this all backfire in both of our faces? Perhaps, but everyone in Al-Anon, whether or not their alcoholic is present in their lives or not… starts from somewhere… and it may just continue to be a good thing… I'm not counting on anything at this moment – just taking it day by day.

Thanks Laker... I was thinking we need to exchange email addys or something, it sounds as if our stories are similiar... Let me know if this is something you'd be interested in... So, I saw the ex last night... and we had a good evening together. We both were laughing and had fun together. Amazing what happens when you "Let go and let God"... I didn't feel that over-whelming feeling to save him and I was just able to relax and enjoy him. Kinda wish I had started the whole Al-Anon thing a long time ago... but like I said, hind-sight is 20/20... he asked me out on a date, to go play minature golf, I accepted and as long as we continue to be pleasant to one another, I have no problem being around him... I guess this is all a learning process... or more accurately a RE-learning process... I'm going to an Al-Anon meeting tonight and then another on Friday night. I'm beginning to look forward to them. More later...

Thanks guys, I appreciate your input on that issue… it's not like I'm waiting around FOR him to come back, I just feel that at some point in my life, whether it be 2 years from now or 20, that he and I are connected somehow. It may even be when I've married the man of my dreams… who knows, all I know is that THAT FEELING was older than me… if that makes any sense… I didn't know him, I wasn't attracted to him, and it was just something that hit me out of the blue. Anyways… only the process of life may reveal what the meaning of it all was. Maybe it was that I loved him in another life (not that I put much credit in all that) and that I had found ONE of the men whom I'd fall in love with during this lifetime… I just wanted to hear someone else's input on that. At this point, I'm not sure if there are ANY truly healthy people out there, but LG, you're right – I'll just learn how to deal with them differently… And I'm going to continue to go to the meetings… I had such a peaceful sleep last night, the most peaceful in years… When I woke up, I was amazed… and that feeling lasted throughout the morning. I think it's because I'm praying right before bed… with such strength coming from just a few meetings and the peace that I felt this morning, why would I NOT continue to go – I have only seen positives. I feel the need to put a disclaimer in here… since I'm still pretty messed up over everything, my thoughts and ramblings may be all over the place. One day I may be happy, making positive choices and the next day I may do something completely self-destructive and make no logical sense at all… I appreciate any and everyone's input; I just want you to realize that I'm in the process of healing and I may have bad days! I'm saying this now because I don't want anyone disappointed in the poor choices that I am so certain to make… *hugs* to all you wonderful people that are out there listening!!! I do appreciate all of your help and truly take to heart and think about all that you tell me.

Thanks LG... I was talking with my sponsor last night for about a hour... and what she told me is that she can STILL be standing in a room and the one sick person in that room will find her... and that she's attracted to this type of man. I agreed with her, that's what I'm attracted to and asked if there is any hope for me Doubt I'll change my preferences - she hasn't - but continuing to go to Al-Anon will teach me how to behave differently once I'm in one of these kind of relationships. I know I shouldn't have signed up for that place, but I did it WEEKS ago and paid ALOT of money for it... it's good for a year... I'll take it slow... And yeah, I did think about what brought those 2 guys there, and it's fun to dream, but I'm well aware that they are as sick as I am, I'm sure. At least we'd have things in common Ok, bad joke. A little eye candy isn't a bad thing, though... My only weakness at this point, is D... He's the only one that seems to have some sick hold over me... other men don't pose such an issue, I'm always able to just walk away... I'm a runner, that's what I do and I'm good at it. I promise you, LG that I won't get into ANY relationship... except with myself... I just want some form of a social life... and dinner dates are a safe thing... I don't fall for people very quickly anyways. OK, I need to try and explain something to you... The problem with D, and I think I talked about this is another post on someone else's issue, is that when I met him, I wasn't even attracted to him, but he smiled at me accross a pool table and this feeling hit me in the gut... and I knew. He's the one... the feeling felt like an age old search had come to a close, the familiarity I felt with him, like I'd known him FOREVER - it was like my whole entire soul breathed a sigh of relief - and remember - I wasn't attracted to him, I didn't even KNOW him. I've learned that my instincts are pretty much dead-on and I listen to them. So, what was that feeling? I've never felt it with any other person I've ever met. I've held on to him because of that... I can still feel that feeling as sharply as when it hit me that Sunday long ago. Yes, so he's lost right now, but I suppose that doesn't mean that the likelyhood that we "re-find" each other later in life isn't there... When I'm healthier... I won't say when he is healthier because I seriously doubt he'll ever seek the help he needs... My sponsor said it is very easy, through Al-Anon, to maintain a sane relationship with an Alcoholic... maybe this is just the path he and I must take right now... I'd like some thoughts on what I've just written... A.

I'm truly planning on trying to maintain my freedom for awhile unless someone just absolutely amazes me. I'm going to date though, meeting people isn't bad. I've already been selected by 5 different men through that professionals only dating service... and I only just completed the video and profile and pics Monday afternoon... hey, what's free dinner, ya know? Didn't realize it worked so fast... I'm not looking to replace D, doubt anyone could at this moment, just wanting to get out there and enjoy life... and nice dinners with professional men, well - there could be worse things in life More later...A.

Just got back from another AlAnon meeting and this one was good too... Almost didn't go because I had a decent day... but my friend at work said the days she didn't feel like going were the days she needed to the most... those words stuck and I forced myself. Glad I did, met some more great girls... AND, ok ok... yes, I know this is BAD but DANG were there two hotties in there... and I mean HOTTIES... and the one that was the prime speciman of maleness kept eye-balling me... Now, before anyone goes jumping down my throat about that AlAnon isn't the place for that kinda thing... I got up and got out of there before he even had time to approach me... Although, they HAVE told stories where 2 people have meet, fell in love and married d/t AlAnon... figured I'd play the little disappearing girl, keep a little mystery going, ya know? (Cinderella, Cinderella....) for next time... gotta leave them wondering. But I do hope to see him again - whatever it takes to keep going back, ya know??? LOL I could see myself being cured of my ex instantaniously *poof* Um, D who???

Thanks, Isle... I will continue to go to Al-Anon as long as it's helping me... I'm sure I will get to a point where I no longer feel like I need it... LG, I will probably end up making amends to everyone I have harmed... I haven't heard anything about it yet... and it's probably not the time for me yet... I guess the point where I'm at thus far is just accepting responsibility for helping make the problem worse between my ex and I - even though I had all the best intentions... I realize now that in my next relationships not to try and fix, but to just let go and if the situation isn't to my liking, to just leave. I know that someday the ex and I can be friends... we talked briefly today, and it was fine. I am finally ok with the situation... I guess I understand him just a little bit better and all that resentment has faded away. He couldn't and can't help it... and either could I. Didn't even feel that urge to fix him, help him, encourage him...etc that stuff I'm EXTREMELY good at. YAY me... LOL I've let go and I truly wish him happiness, whatever that translates into for him... I truly credit the small amount of education I've received from Al-Anon for this... I understand now and it makes SENSE. Finally something logical!!! On another positive note, I've lost 17 pounds so far and it keeps falling off... I think that once I began feeling better I was able to want to find "that girl" I used to be again... Those pictures I took yesterday... well, there's one in there that was absolutely amazing, I was floored. All were good, but I was captivated by this one imparticular. Hopefully, I will be able to get ahold of it. What an awesome photographer that woman was... may take some fancy computer skills to get around the 500 bucks wanted for the entire album More later...A.

Sexy... Yeah, it definitely is hard to get the meaning sometimes from the written word, I completely understand =) I hope you were able to read the part where I have already had the conversation with him regarding us being friends and me warning him that he may get hurt because I can't offer him what he wants right now. I was very honest with him and he said he'd be able to respect the boundaries of friendship with me. So, I thought about what you said, Hope... that I should question even being friends with him right now - and once again you're right. I told him today that we need to not see each other anymore... that I do not and will not ever have the feelings for him that he does for me... that i do not feel like kissing him, being intimate with him and that he obviously can not handle the just "being friends" with me thing and that yesterday proved it... that it actually scared me a little bit. That it is better if we don't have contact for awhile and he needs to detach from me, that'd it be better for him. I had to be very firm with him in order to make sure he understands what I was saying. He was accepting of this (we'll see...ha ha) and said that he admits he's holding on too tight. I just am craving the time I need to get over my ex by myself... I need to focus on me right now because I haven't for so long. I'm feeling stronger than I have in awhile and I don't want or need any distractions (like a stalker) to interfere with that... Yesterday, I was driving through our old neighborhood and started to feel sad... I reminded myself that that feeling is my addiction to him (like his to alcohol) and that I needed to push through it... and I did - the feeling only lasted about 10 minutes and subsided. I remembered to check in with sponsor last night, I'm going to another Al-Anon meeting tonight... Have been reading the AA book and am praying twice a day... God will get me through this... I guess the only kinda sad thing is that I didn't start this process while I was still with him... hind-sight is always 20/20... and I don't really want this as a chronic issue in my life anyways...

Thanks, Hope... you did tell me and you were right. I had this talk with him the other day and he agreed that if and when i was ready for that kind of closeness again, I can go to him but he won't pursue it from me. And it hasn't happened since that night. And I agree with you and me that I should stay away for awhile... yes, he's been there for me, but under what pretense, ya know? I'm not some girl that just tosses people aside like the other poster said... if I was, I wouldn't be in the mess I am now... it's just that this behavior from him is unacceptable.

Sexy... Absolutely not, but you don't realize the amount that I've been controlled this past year... and that was NOT the sweet friend I have known. I certainly don't treat HIM like that and he has no right to say those things to me. I will not allow myself to be treated like this by a man ever again. I had told him this while he was over as well... that I am very sensitive to the red flags a man displays right now... and this was a huge red flag. I can't even go to an appt without the where were yous, I drove by your house to check on you (he was working today) - that is stalker material... and I will take inventory of those little "signs" immediately. Are you saying that because I've been intimate with him and that he has stood by me that he should now be allowed to treat me however he wants? Absolutely not... I have kept in close contact with him everyday, so to jump to those conclusions about me is ridiculous.

Yes, EG, that is essentially what will happen... as I did, you will watch him slowly kill himself everyday. And it used to kill me... I just started Al-Anon, and to hear the stories of every other person who watches their loved ones destroy themselves day after day makes me immediately burst into tears... because that was me... maybe you should look into a similar thing for yourself. Education on this issue for yourself is important, but at some point you must make a choice, is he worth it? I would say yes if ONLY he makes healthier choices to kick the habit... Or are you worth more, because sometimes we loose ourselves somewhere in their addiction... and we end up just as sick as they are. Don't be that girl!!! Hugs to you...

Soooo... sigh... today was a frustrating day besides the news about the photography thing this morning (yay that's so kewl!!! hee hee) I went to get my nails done and got a text message from my friend J (remember him?) Anyways he was like where were you? I KNOW you weren't home... I text him back and was like What?!? And he replied well, you told me you were going to be home today and you aren't - I know... OOOO man, did I get pissed. I sent back a nasty text stating that I didn't know I needed to check in or stay home on my days off... and he said something else accusatory. I stopped texting after that. A few hours later, after my photoshoot for that dating thing I had signed up for awhile ago, I got another text that was accusatory... and asked if he could call, I told him no - wasn't wasting the last minutes I have arguing. So he asked if he could come over to talk with me. I said fine and when he got here I laid into him. Who the heck does he think he is to QUESTION where I am or what I'm doing? He's not my boyfriend, he has no right to try and keep me under his thumb. I told him I am over 21, free and an American citizen and have the right to do what ever it is I want. That he is to never question me again. He said he thought I was with "D"... How dare he assume I'm with another man, and even if I was (which I wasn't), he is my FRIEND - we have no ties... I was explicitly clear on that... you are NOT my boyfriend and you're lucky I'm even speaking to you right now. He apologized and gave me forehead kisses (ok I'm a sucka for those) and then I told him to leave... Ugh, how frustrating... don't think I'll call him for a few days, if ever... One of my NICE ex's is coming over tonight... it'll be good to see him, it has been awhile. I'm feeling awesome being single finally... I have the freedom to choose EXACTLY who I want... and what I'm not willing to put up with now... when did I get so strong? It feels like an over-night over-haul on my system... Maybe Al-Anon does work

Since he is lying and trying to keep this narcotic usage from you, it is obvious he knows he has a problem with it and can not stop. I work in the medical field and the "normal" prescribed dosage is around 1 to 2 tabs by mouth every 4 hours as needed... It is obvious he has a serious problem, and addictions like this a very difficult for him to overcome on his own. There are organizations, like Narcotics Anonomous that are out there but he has to be the one to figure that out on his own... Trust me, I tried to save my alcoholic and it produced the opposite effect. There are things that you can do like educate yourself... etc. My suggestion is not to marry him though, until you see progress in this area and the lies stop. Life with an addict is NOT fun... I just got out myself. They are very selfish and self-serving. You do not need trust issues in a marriage. I know your first reaction is to want to help him, save him... but you can not, unfortunately. Don't even try or you may make matters worse... I realize now that I did. Talk with him about it then back off. It is UP TO HIM to acknowledge his addiction and seek help on his own. Hang in there and educate yourself - hugs to you, I know it's hard - it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

Ok, I'm getting nervous - I told her yes!!! I accepted her offer... Now what?!? I need to breathe deep breaths!!! Directors, writers, actors, officers!!! It's all just too much!!!

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Ok, I'll try to put some on here... check back, it may take a minute...

I have a NikonCoolPix 4300 4.0 Megapixel - digital camera... but I think I have a Minolta camera at my parents house... I told her before I'm not trained, although I DID take a photography class while I was in school - apparently that doesn't matter. I'm also an artist, I love to draw and paint... so maybe photography comes naturally to me too... I NERVOUS though... photographing actors??? Ack!!!! But I won't let this opportunity pass me by either... especially if their brochure isn't good - I could help re-design it too! My mommy always told me I should have gone into art

OMG, OMG, OMG!!! This is SOOOO exciting... While I was living with the ex I was bored out of my mind... and began taking photos of my cats... The woman I gave Luna back to asked for some updated images of Luna, and I forwarded some to her... she loved them... I got this email today!!! Should I??? Shouldn't I??? I'm scared, nervous, excited ARGH!!!