dwg1255

There is so much that has occurred since I wrote. I held it in as long as I could.....I finally told him I was not buying the whole nothing happened thing ....that I had found the photos...and I knew that she was in MY bed with him. When I finally confronted...there was SO much rage inside of me that I scared myself.....I went into a total fit of rage....I tore the sheets off the bed....I threw things....I screamed ....I cried..... I have never felt such rage in my entire life. He set there completely wide eyed and could not believe what he was seeing. He could not deny anything...I had the proof...so he did not even try...but he became extremely angry that I had found out. We both finally calmed enough that we could talk. I was able to tell him that I realized that the bottom line was that something had turned very wrong in our marriage for this to happen in the first place. I knew that we had been having problems.......and life had been hell recently.....but I never thought this would happen. Some background here.....he lost a very powerful job 18 months ago....he went from a man who supported his family with a 6 figure income to a man struggling. He started a new business...but that has been a huge struggle too. His job lost was not only a huge blow but was a public humiliation state wide. Because of all the stress....we have begun to fight a lot.....I worry about finances.....and try to keep a tight rein on spending.....he feels he needs to spend to have the things the business needs....and the fights go on about financial issues constantly... I have gotten very angry at him about lots of issues recently.....and instead of just letting it slide and holding it all in...I let him know how unhappy with him that I was recently. I have always been supportive and loving ...but recently watching all our money slip away...and me struggling to rob Peter to pay Paul.....led to my finally blowing. We had talked...we had worked things out....and I thought we were doing ok....again. This is not the first argument....and I figured would not be the last....but we love each other....and life is good. He has suffered depressive moods over the last 18 months....and has had so many regrets for many bad choices in his life. I will have to finish this later...interruption

I am an emotional wreck. I have just discovered that my husband contacted a former lover and she came to my house when I was out of town working. They had an affair 20 years ago, when he was married to another woman. He and I have been married for 7 years. I inocently discovered email that she had sent him while looking for something that my husband had sent one of our employees. I was sick. I immediately confronted him and he began trying to act as if he did not know what I was talking about. I told him that I had seen the email and that I knew that he had seen her. He did then admit that he had contacted her and that they had met for dinner...nothing else. He said that he had always found her easy to talk to and that he felt he needed someone to "talk to". He has recently started a new business and since she had worked for him before, he was considering offering her a job. I knew there was more to the story. I went and confronted her....before he had had time to contact her and "get their stories straight." I found out from her that she had come to my house. Remember, I am out of town working.....for HIS business. She of course denied that anything happened more than talking. I still knew that I was not being told the whole story. There were just too many missing links. One of the emails that I saw was her responding to an email from him where he was trying to send her a photo that she could not open. He said he had tried to send her a photo from their days together 20 years ago. I am NOT stupid. The photo had a ID number like our digital camera assigns to a photo....not one that he had scanned to send. I have a powerful gut and I knew that my suspicions were right. I did a search on his computer and found photos of HER in MY bedroom giving MY husband oral sex. I am sick....he refuses to talk about it...He says nothing happened and my obsessing over it is going to destoy our marriage. He says he loves me and with me is where he wants to be...that she is nothing to him. I have not told him that I discovered the photos....I am scared....he will be so angry at me for snooping....but he lied to me....I knew my gut was telling me the truth and I had to find it. HELP...HOW DO I SAVE MY MARRIAGE.