Dre_7

Agreed, stares and glances are nothing, What's important is how you feel about who YOU decide to date. At the end of the day, it's just you and the person you've chosen. If people don't like you for it, or act strangely towards you and your mate, they have big issues.

Well, I think that the reason I want to settle down is to love and to be loved. You don't get that from random flings and so on. I had a summer fling with this girl, totally initiated by her. We were in it for two different purposes, in the end, she broke up with me, probably because she thought I wasn't "experienced" enough. I mean she was a party girl and all. And I'm like the anti-matter of that lifestyle. After her, what I really want became more solidified in my mind.

Hey, I was wondering if you guys think there is any such thing as being too young to get serious with one person? Personally, I think that it depends on how well you know who you are and what you want. Also if you're not the type to get into and out of relationships fast, then you might want something more stable. I'm asking because it seems that whenever I talk to my friends about wanting (not necessarily needing) that one special person, they say I "have my whole life ahead of me,"while that is true..I'm sure we all know what it's like to want to have something special with another person. However, I don't intend to rush into anything with anyone, or force anything. I just feel that I'd be really happy if I were settled. And..it's not like any part of my life is lacking either. Except, maybe I could get out more. So is there such a thing as being too young to settle down? (Not married, but just exclusive, and hopefully long term)

You know one thing that made me wake up is a picture I,ve got of me in '92 when I weighed 230+. I stood in front of a mirror with the same shirt on I had then (yep I keep things around forver!) and I just couldn't believe it! I filled that shirt out in the photo and now here it is hanging off me! But hey, it's taken me a while to see it and convince myself of it. Exorcise, eating right, the gym, yeah they've helped but it was when I said "No more!" that it happened. Just like this being single thing. I've changed my attitude to that and through belief in myself and taking action something WILL happen! Don't know what it is, I've just got this feeling! I've started making eye contact more, I've had a couple of girls smile at me and yeah I'm still nervous about that 'cause I've never noticed it before and 'cause it makes me feel like I'm 14 when I got sidetraked and went into that downword spiral of self hatred. I'm starting over but I like where this could head! Kyo, wolf, and whoever else: It's about making peace with your past and the biggest thing making peace with yourself! Open your mind to what could happen, what can happen, and look to the future with hope and forget about what you did or didn't do. Sound like a self help book? Good! You're on the right track. Just like you I used to be 235, then I lost alot of weight and went down to 165. Right after I had lost all the weight, my confidence skyrocketed, I was getting compliments from other guy's girlfriends! I think the key is to maintain the confidence you get from achieving something, if you lost weight, keep working out. If that girl you think is cute smiles at you, smile at other girls when you can..etc. See the thing with guys like us is that until we get that special girl, we need to have our confidence constantly reinforced, the good news is, it's simple. Just like what you are doing, be proactive, and happy with your accomplishments. Think about talking to a girl you really like, are you going to say..."well, umm, I like you, but I'm not feeling confident because I used to be overweight." lol..wake up, you're a whole new person. All the excess physical and emotional baggage is gone, but I think you're headed in the right direction. Keep at it

Holding hands, cuddling and that stuff is an awesome indicator that she's into you, and since you're not reluctant to do that stuff with her, then you probably like her too. I say it's time to proceed

The biggest sign of someone who isn't serious about you, is making and breaking plans in an instant. Even if she was single and doing this, she wouldn't be worth it. And pay attention to the fact that she keeps saying that her boyfriend wouldn't be too happy. He's not a stumbling block, he's the reason you shouldn't bother with her. I know you don't want to hear that, but I've been there before. Maybe she likes you as a person and doesn't want to hurt you, so she talks to you, makes plans but flakes on you. Think about it, are you sure it's not the thrill of the chase that's keeping you around this girl? If it is, then there are certainly healthier ways to enjoy interactions with girls.

I think it should be okay, as long as you don't throw a pity party, saying how much your shyness stopped you from having sex or a relationship. The self-defacing bit gets old pretty fast. Just be proud of the fact that you didn't resort to anything drastic, like getting a prostitute or something of that sort. And like everyone says, if you find a smart, mature girl, virgin or non-virgin, she will respect you and love you regardless.

Toad, From my perspective, I think she could be overwhelmed. If you two go out again, take it slow. Or better yet, give her as much as she gives you..since you two have some background. Flirt with her, tease her, but at the same time express your qualities. Most importantly, relax and be yourself with her. Good luck!

Nobody's perfect, but when I see a girl I like...I forget all her imperfections. I'm aware of my imperfections too, and I can only hope that I will be able to change the things in my control. My favourite saying goes.. "I don't love you because you're beautiful, but you're beautiful because I love you."

I think the word nice guy is used all too arbitrarily. What is a "nice guy?" When the term is thrown around in the realm of dating, it means a guy who expresses his feelings too quickly, gives too much to the girl too quickly, and is afraid to express a difference of opinion with the opposite sex. That's the definition of the nice guy that girls wouldn't want, and if "nice girls" with these same annoyances existed, guys wouldn't want that either. It's a matter of being too clingy and needy, too fast. And at the other end of the continuum, there are "jerks," who supposedly don't shower the girl with attention, are in it for what they can get, and are generally inconsiderate. I think that anyone who falls into either of these extremes needs psychiatric help, because they're not doing too much good for their social lives, whether it be with family, friends, relationships. As such, both terms should be throw out the window. My point is that, along the lines of what rain_and_hugs said, guys have to be seemingly indifferent in their pursuit. The keyword is "seemingly,"the minute you start spilling your heart out about your strong feelings, you kill all sense of attraction, or any possibility of it. But at the same time, you HAVE to show that you are capable of listening, and taking care of the girl. I think the best way is to vary your approach, maybe one day tease her playfully, but if she ever wants to talk, be the listener. Girls and guys need to be multi-faceted, both to maintain the attraction, as well as maintain the relationship itself. I disagree with the notion of ethology. While we are "animals,"We have highly specialized brain functions, physical capabilities, a full spectrum of emotions, the ability to imagine and create. Hence, describing human attraction in terms of ethology is to belittle the power of love and attraction. Attraction is rooted in chemicals and the brain, but there is an even more important component which is the way we can grow to nurture those around us.

Man...I have nothing else to say..except I will....BRAVO!!! Someone else on this site gets it....EVERY GUY ON THIS SITE THAT IS SHY...WHATEVER...READ THIS...LEARN!! THIS IS HOW YOU FLIRT! This is how you stop asking all those little questions about 'does she like me?' b/c of her little body signals....This is how you will no longer have to ask questions like that b/c you will KNOW if she likes you. Now...randy...you're starting to sound like me tho...you're in denial. Of course this girl likes you....EVERY sign I read from this is soooo obvious...see I was like you, I did all the same exact type of things with the last girl I dated...teased and flirted with her all the time, busted on her...you know. But like you...I was so amazed by how it worked that I got lost in it and still was questioning myself about whether or not she liked me. I questioned too long tho and ended up messing it up...moved on(but I dont doubt Ill get a 2nd chance with her in time). See...after I moved on, I looked back at everything again...b/c you'll see it from a different perspective, and it was soooo obvious this girl was nuts about me b/c she was like your girl, wouldn't leave me alone. Ask her out!...and keep up whatever you're doing! I fully agree with you DTZ, especially if the teasing is silly, yet in good taste. It gives the girl something to keep up with, and the opposite of tesing/flirting (being more open) is being nervous and anxious, in which case it's bad for both you and the girl with all that tension. I've tried it, it works..and there's no harm in it. Also, guys who do this are not "jerks," at all, I'm saying this because I'm a nice person, but I've always had that general playful teasing nature. And for the guys, if you think it won't work, try it with an acquaintance, you'll be surprised. Even if you're not successful, you have experience and knowledge.

I would think it's one of two things... from my experience, she's either interested or attracted to you, or she noticed you looking at her, and she's friendly so she smiled. But if you just turned around, and she was smiling at you, don't think about it, just say hi. if you're close enough. From my perspective, if I smile at a random girl, it's because I'm attracted to her, on a conscious level, but the smile is totally spontaneous. Maybe a girl can elaborate on the conscious/subconscious thing.

Well, I had this friend who was so passionate about helping me to reach my soccer dream. He's four years older than me, which I think makes him very authoritative. Older people who lack wisdom and maturity, usually think they are experts at life based on their age. He also had an "I'm always right attitude." I had a bad tournament a few weeks ago, after that it seemed that everytime I met with him, I was asked "are you dumb?" or "are you stupid?" And he'd tell me that he respected my dream more than he respects me. And I was being treated like crap all based on one tournament, he himself said time and time again I'm a good player etc. Then I figured friendship is friendship and sport is sport, and if he can't separate the two then there's no reason to keep him as a friend. And this wasn't the first time that he was acting like a jerk either. I want to realize my dreams more than the people around me can fathom, but at this age I think I respond to constructive criticism better than I do to teasing, and childish banter. So how did he impact my life negatively? Before I let him go, I was always stressed out, not able to train or play properly, because whatever he said would always go through my mind when I had a soccer ball at my feet. That extended to lowering myself esteem, because all he seemed to do was criticize. Nobody likes criticism, but it does have benefits, when used sparingly and constructively. In addition, I've developed a qucik temper, that happens when somebody close to you always has you on the defensive, EVERYTIME you talk to them. And I think because of the stress, my blood pressure went up somewhat. Not good. But on the positive side of things, when I let him go, I've been able to train and play with a peace of mind. I can see my goals clearly again, I know what I need to work on etc. Overall, I feel like I'm on the right track again. All the progress I've made throughout my teenage years were based on some positive encouragement from my mom, and a never say die attitude. I intend to do it all with the help of God, my mom's support, and an the determination to fulfill my potential. ..So that's the story of the person who became "toxic" in my life

It's hard enough finding someone special as it is, even without placing restrictions and boundaries on where you can and can't approach someone that catches your eye. Let destiny run its course, just be open minded and you can meet the girl of your dreams anywhere. But like most people have said, don't go to a religious event with your main focus being on meeting girls. And that applies to any place you go out to, let things happen natrually. Talk to girls, mingle, and there will be some that you'll like and they'll like you as well. And most importantly, always enjoy what you are doing; whether its work, school, church, etc. We are drawn to people who demonsrate a zeal for life.

I was wondering if it takes specific types of girls to respond to the stuff you read in dating and seduction articles..and other types of girls to respond to the guy who's funny and flirting with her and being natrual etc..so what I'm asking is, do different girls respond to different things? I'm all for being myself and if the girl doesn't like it well, that's her loss...but I always hear guys saying the dating and seduction stuff works well...your thoughts?

I think chemistry is the pinnacle of physical and mental attraction. It's when you meet someone you can't help but drool over lol, and in addition, there's a spark and your personalities go well together. That being said, it over rides preferences. As a matter of fact, it's better to have chemistry with someone instead of selecting based on a preference or two. But I guess that goes without saying.

breasts do not equal instant attraction, I don't think a woman would have negative attitudes towards men stemming from the fact that she has larger breasts, there's no direct or indirect correlation. They're just a body part, like a nose, eyes, ears and lips. Maybe some guys who like larger breasts are superficial, but the same argument could be made against you al7 for having a preference for a certain typr of butt. I think with women, the wholistic picture is more important than any single body part. As for me, I like pretty girls that make me smile when I see them, that's attraction. When you see someone and you can't help but smile.

Go after your other crush, life is too short to waste time with girls who don't feel the same way. Especially since she's made it clear that she doesn't feel the same way. If you think you have strong feelings for girl #1, imagine what it would feel like if the girl in band actually liked you back. It's like the feelings will intensify x 1000000000000.... go after the other girl...ya never know

My thoughts exactly shysoul.

Lola, I don't think you should wait for the person to come to you. I think waiting means patience in finding the right one whether you go to them or they come to you. But chances are if you wait around and don't try, nothing will happen. So if you think there's a chance. Better to make sure than to live in doubt.

Hmm, I agree that you have to know what you want in a person, physically and even more so personality-wise. There are alot of relatively good looking people out there, so to differentiate our dream girl/guy from the crowd, I believe one has to know what they want that person to be to them. I mean everyday I go out, I see girls that I'm attracted to so I know I'm not overly picky lol. However, not every girl has the right personality, so I agree with you shysoul about the more underlying personality traits. And as for meeting the right person, I believe it takes time. But there's no specific time frame, it could happen tomorrow, next week, next month etc. You just have to know what you want, and that'll keep you motivated to keep looking for the one. I was talking to my mom about it, and she just told me never give up on finding someone. It's hard and it can be difficult, but nothing worthwhile will just fall in your lap, and good things do come to those who wait.

lol...maybe they think you're staring at them so that's why they're staring at you

haha, that's always kinda iffy I guess, in a classroom setting, you can't always be sure who somebody is looking at accross the room.

Hmm, I know what you mean. It's not wrong to think somebody might like you...what's wrong is when you like them too and you start living a fantasy, and don't try to talk to the person or anything. It's best to take some form of action as soon as you percieve interest, flirt a bit. When you feel confident take it to the next step. I also don't think it has anything to do with arrogance or pride. Is it arrogant and proud to think that others should find you attractive, if you carry yourself well? It's arrogant to think that everyone will find you attractive, but it's all well and good to hope that those you like might like you back. And to answer your question. Yes, I've had these day dreaming experiences. Both with girls that actually liked me and girls that didn't. The only way to be sure is to talk to the girl, and try to see things objectively. For example, eye contact is great, but is it accompanied by a smile? Small things like this can help you figure things out. And trust me, when someone truly likes you, you'll know.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.... agreed, if she knows you like her and she likes you, it won't really matter that she knows. Isn't the idea to hint that you like her, metallicAguy?