Dre_7

What does that have to do with my post? You've made similar comments in other threads. Im not trying to be rude but if you need help or want to ask a particular question why not start your own thread? Im not trying to change who I am anymore. I dressed really trendy and had a particular look for a while. I felt like I was acting. I always met guys I have nothing in common with. But part of the problem is that I dont necessarily feel attractive if Im not dressing up and I dont get the looks either. But I really dont want the looks. I really dont like ppl gawking at me. I dont like alot of attention and I want a guy that doesnt like alot of attention. Its hard to find ppl that like to talk to you one on one instead of in some big group so they can show off. No matter how I dress I still get these guy that will come up to me and say things like "Hey girl, you fine" blah blah blah.....irritating. I really dont want to seem aggressive and I have a problem with not flirting enough..Thanks for all the comments. They have definetely helped. Sorry if im being repetitive. lol...I wish more girls (and people in general) had the mentality of not wanting alot of attention. As a guy, I like getting looks because it's nice catching the eye of someone you think is cute as well. But I know what you mean about the attention being annoying. I think it has more to do with your looks than the way you dress now that you've elaborated. I think flirting comes natrually when you're genuinely interested in someone, especially if they're reciprocating the interest. So don't worry too much about the meatheads lol, in time you'll find what you're looking for.

Be proactive, go after the guys you want. It's not so much how you look as it is who you are. From a guy's perspective, if you want that type of guy, he's a bit harder to find than your the guys you're talking about that approach you. I'm sure if you're looking for that kind of guy, then you must be an awesome girl. If you're too shy to approach theguys you want, then smile at them, say hi when you get a chance to in your classes. I'm not saying that you have to do all the work for the guy, but show interest. With introverted guys, since many of them are not trying to nail everything that walks, you just have to be a bit more straighforward with them i.e. FLIRT lol. lol, I wish I could find a girl who was looking for the things you want in a guy...Just remember to be friendly and personable. The difference between girls who think they're hot and girls who are pretty, yet down to Earth is that hot girls have an attitude that makes them unapproachable to all but the guys they like. And in terms of the way you dress, I think you should dress nicely but keep it simple. Don't dress up so much that you appear to be high maintenance, but don't dress down so much that you don't work with what you've got lol. my philosophy with dressing is that making an effort to look good, should look effortless. Maybe it's different with girls lol. Now go get 'em!

I know what you're saying, but some people don't progress beyond complaining about the past. It's good to try to help the girl especially if she's had a difficult past, but some girls are drama queens.These girls just want someone standing by with a box of kleenex everytime they get wrapped up in the same situations. You can't be happy with someone else or make someone else happy unless you're happy with yourself.

Sorry to hear that 1899...but this is no reason to be upset or disappointed. All the signs pointed to her having this "diva syndrome." This is why I steer clear of these types of girls as much as possible. However, like you, I learned from experience. This girl doesn't respect you, maybe she's attracted to you, but she doesn't respect you from what I've read. My suggestion is that you take the high road, and tell her you had a good time hanging out with her, but you'd just like to be friends. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't let yourself become angry or hold anything against her. Bitterness is the cause of a lot of negative side effects. End things on your own terms, and just let it go. I still think you can find someone who is more down to Earth. You deserve better than that. Now hold your head high and go get it...

purple_girl, like everyone says it sounds like he's interested. lol I can't help looking at a girl repeatedly if I'm interested. Don't let your friend dampen your hopes, let things pan out on their own. For some reason, friends tend to be the people least likely to be excited for you lol..I wish you the best and I would certainly say you're onto something

Thanks Shinobie!

I understand what you're saying, and I agree with you. However, the point of my post was to see if there's anyone else out there who has made a similar observation in terms of general physical attraction. I think in your case you need to run away at the first sign of baggage. See you can offer all the help you want to these women, but change comes from within. Some people like having a shoulder to cry on, and they use it as an excuse to never grow up and move on. You don't need to be anybody's rebound guy. If you want to help these women, be friends with them. If you want a relationship, find a girl with a good head on her shoulders. And.... be happy in your own skin.

You don't know this Shinobie, you could be attracting a whole bunch of girls unknowingly. One of my friends always tells me how many girls I get looks from when we're walking around, and I am completely clueless. Unless you look every girl in the face as you pass them by you're not going to know. But that's sorta desperate, if you catch a girl looking, try to hold her eye contact, if it's long enough say hi. Nah dude i dont get that.I get froma couple of a my friends jks that im bad looking so no help there. People who insult you aren't your friends man, you don't have to put up with that, eventually you'll have no sense of self-worth if you keep thinking like this.

You don't know this Shinobie, you could be attracting a whole bunch of girls unknowingly. One of my friends always tells me how many girls I get looks from when we're walking around, and I am completely clueless. Unless you look every girl in the face as you pass them by you're not going to know. But that's sorta desperate, if you catch a girl looking, try to hold her eye contact, if it's long enough say hi.

I second that, one of my female friends told me I have so much confidence. I told her it seems that way because I smile alot.

I think the looking away thing works when you see him regularly, and if you do look away then smile when you do it. As for me, I prefer extended mutual eye contact. Someone posted and said if you find a person that you lock eyes with, then you've found yourself someone new...I'd like to agree with that!

Yes, and it didn't mean I allowed myself to be trampled on, I just didn't know women. I didn't impose my self at all, I kind of let her take the leading role to an extent. That turned out to be a big turn off for many, many women (this is the short version mind you). I had to learn to appreciate my desires to be "assertive" at times. That doesn't mean I abused women or anything of the sort, but I became comfortable with the masculine traits that are indicative of being a man. There's a reason why women like assertive guys, I'm not making this stuff up, and I'm not brainwashed by society and the media. Some guys are afraid to be sexual with women, they're afraid of their own sexuality. I think that also plays a part in why some guys are consistently treated as "friends" rather than "boyfriends." I'm not saying you should be overtly sexual towards women or even sexual in terms of actively trying to get sex. Sexuality is more than intercourse, but it's very important. Oh I agree whole heartedly. Do you see anything in this post that implies you shouldn't be a nice guy? I agree with you on the assertiveness part, as well as that men shouldn't be afraid of their sexuality. To me that's all part and parcel of a relationship. But my problem is when people use nice guy as a blanket term for anyone who isn't in the majority of guys chasing women like a sport. However, if you are talking about displaying masculinity as a way of attracting women..that's fine. The problem is that some guys don't even know where to being defining masculinity and they end up idealizing the jerk syndrome. A real man is assertive, but at the same time he is able to show love in other ways besides just sexually. He should also be a good friend to his girlfriend, and not friend as in a male girlfriend, but in the context of the relationship. So I guess the ideal man encapsulates the assertiveness of the "jerk" and the endearing qualities of the nice guy. But then again, none of us is ideal. So we can only strive to be the best we can to maitain a quality relationship void of clinginess as well as selfishness.

Shidoshi, I've been faced with the harsh realities of life, if anything they've made me hold onto my values even more. So I take it you used to think that being a nice guy was the way to go? Well, of course you were absolutely wrong. People who are pushovers get trampled. The issue is not about being a good person, it's about not being needy and clingy. There are girls who are just like guys who assimilate that "nice" girl role and they get trampled on just like nice guys do. You don't have to be "nice" to become needy, people become like that when their life revolves around a relationship, or getting into one. If someone is weak in a crisis then indeed they are weak. If one girl is all it takes for a guy to turn into a so-called jerk, then he didn't know who he really was in the first place. That's why I hate this nice guy vs. jerk debate, it never ends..and neither side can see the validity of the other's arguments. Plus different people like different things...some girls like good guys and some girls like the bad boys, it's that simple. And the truth is, it really doesn't matter what you are because your personality really determines the outcome of your life. In essense, be who you are, and get what you deserve... So to each his (or her) own...

lol...Beec, I look at alot of girls, not just only the ones I'm attracted to. And yes it is about how you act and treat women, I was just making an observation.

Thanks, but when I'm looking for eye contact, am I looking for it or a lack thereof . . . when I like someone I find it harder to make eye contact, so that's what I'm assuming but I dunno . . . If by a lucky chance my teacher let's us be lab partners again (chosen by her) then I think I'll ask her her AIM if we have a good conversation Just look to see how much she looks into your eyes when she's talking to you..are her eyes darting around? or is she looking at you intently?

Hey guys, Walking around campus and being out and about in general, I've noticed I seem to get looks from a certain "type" of girls. By that type I mean girls with dark hair and light eyes (blue for example). And if I think back, I've always had girls with that look seemingly attracted to me. I think it's awesome because if I had to write what I wanted on paper in terms of physical aspects, that would be it. So, is there a certain type of girl or guy you attract? I think it's kinda interesting, because we all know what we're attracted to but we almost never think about who's attracted to us...at least on a physical level.

You've started off well, keep talking to her. Eventually, you might want to get her msn/AIM/Yahoo etc. Talk to her outside of class too. Be sure to make her laugh using things you observe wherever you are. Don't look for body language signs initially, looking for those can make you paranoid. The only one you need to look for at this point is eye contact. You will be able to tell whether she likes you soon enough.

I like when the girl smiles, but I prefer being overwhelmed with her eye contact lol, because then that makes me smile. Unless I find her so attractive that I'm stunned that she's looking at me, in which case I kinda just stare then kick myself afterwards.

I was walking on campus the other day, I glanced towards this girl right as she was passing by, and she had her eyes locked on me. Problem is, I was kinda in my own little world before I noticed her. I regret not noticing her right away, she was beautiful, maybe I would have smiled at her. But to answer the question, I like when a girl stares back, and I can tell she's interested. If she's just looking because I am, well that's no fun lol. I think there's a certain way girls look at you when they're interested, they lower their heads while sort of looking up at the guy and might even smile. But I guess it depends on the girl and how attracted she is.

Well it just so happens she is no slacker in the looks department. I showed some interest and she showed interest back. Her knowing my sisters may have helped too. Imean it really was easy, which is why im wondering how long it will last. I dont know about what to look for in a personality, ive just always assumed if you both are best friends to each other and its easy for you to talk to each other. Hopefully shes not high maintenance. I really dont know her that well Dre_7, so only time will tell as I hang out with her I guess. Don't worry about what to look for, you'll know if she's right for you instinctively. And being good friends with her is an awesome start, as long as you've established romantic interest in her and vice versa. What you need to keep in mind is not to weigh everything on how beautiful she is, that's all. There's a good chance she could be an awesome person, because there are girls who are beautiful inside and out, it's just that they're few and far between. And as for wanting experience with girls, that'll happen natrually. And if even you're not as experienced as you wish to be, it's not a big deal unless you're a player-in-the-making. Any girl who is going to date you should not be concerned about your track record, she should be concerned with who you are and how adept you are at dealing with the give-and-take nature of relationships. One more thing, don't worry about things with her being "easy,"regardless of what anyone has told you, a girl won't make it harder for you if she likes you. It's in her best interest to be open and agreeable towards you, maybe she realizes that, because some girls do. Like I said, you just have to be patient and wise about her, and see if her exterior beauty is really an extension of what lies beneath the surface.

I think when other guys are giving the girl all that attention, you have to figure out a couple things. Firstly, how is she responding to them? Is she soaking up their attention, and giving less of her own attention to you? Secondly, how do you feel about it? Are you overwhelmed because she's an attention grabber? or does it make you feel like you're taking a backseat? From my own experience, I'd much rather have a pretty girl (in terms of my own definition) than one who most people consider "hot." But that's basically because I'm very attracted to a certain look anyway, which is beauty that is more implicit than it is a statement. At the end of the day, you have to decide how you feel about her and how she feels about you. That's really all that matters, not her looks, not her confidence, not her popularity...but mutual feelings. The reason I say this is because there are so many attractive girls out there, but very few of them have the right mindset. And don't think I'm saying this because you said she's hot, you can go after whoever you like, but just make sure it's not at the expense of being true to yourself and what you want from a relationship.

lol, I wish I had your problem. There are few girls my age at my church, none of which I'm attracted to. In all seriousness though, I think you should keep talking to both of them, and see which one you like more. Weigh it based on your attraction, the chemistry and the conversation you have with each of them. You don't have to like the first girl just because she likes you, don't let that be the prime motive for liking her. Make sure you like her for who she is. And if you really don't want to get her mad, be upfront and honest with her about the situation. Let her know how you feel as soon as you figure things out. With the second girl, like I said talk to her. See where she's coming from, use subtle clues to show your interest in getting to know her better. One thing to keep in mind is never to let this thing escalate to a point where it seems like you're toying with these girls. It's church, word gets around. Lastly, take your time, it's not a movie you have more than an hour and a half to get things done. But I think you'll be okay, because the fact that you're asking for such advice means you're a rational thinker. Good luck!

Right on Shysoul, people who don't get it really aren't worth it. I'd still like to hear from someone who has an opinion that's the totally opposite of MissM, Shysoul, Jordan_2 and I lol, but I guess that's most people.

There is no one true defintion of attractive.Life is too short to be stringing girls along when you're really not attracted to them. Bindera25 can date whoever he chooses. As another poster said all it takes is patience and the right situation, regardless of how "attractive" the girl is, rejection still has the same odds as a coin flip.

Interesting post, I think that when you date someone that you will always have to deal with that problem, if you want to look at it as a problem. Being in a relationship doesn't turn off your attractiveness factor, it probably enhances it by giving you more confidence. xmrth, I think you should feel good about the fact that other girls find your boyfriend attractive. And if you've got faith in his character, and you know that he is committed, then you really have nothing to worry about. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and insecurity can shake the foundation of a relationship. So don't let little things steal your peace of mind.