Dre_7

Alot of guys that age are usually still very immature. I don't even think maturity is a function of age, because some guys even in their thirties never really grow up. And alot of girls in the same demographic are also quite immature as well. It really depends on the person, there's no point in idealizing an older person, because you might date them and end up just as disappointed. What's important is to find someone with a good head on their shoulders, as opposed to someone younger or older. Maturity can be found in people of any age, but since its such a valued commodity, sometimes it takes patience and a lot of searching. When people know what they want from life and who they are, the become alot more secure and mature.

Personally...someone who cares for me, good hearted, of course mutual attraction and someone who has a strong sense of self

Interesting, because there's this girl who looks at me over her shoulder while I look at her. So she passed by me and I smiled at her, she paused a second and we locked eyes, So I'm not too sure and don't want to jump to conclusions. The way I can usually tell if a girl is interested is if she touches me, just during regular conversation and saying hi etc, I'm still a bit clueless otherwise lol

I think its a great story, and it shows how life so many times offers up a dichotomy of emotions and feelings. And don't be afraid to express and explain things as you see them, you're just passionate about love and life that's all. And to be honest, in a World where hardly any body is pleased with the just the simple things anymore, that's refreshing. I wish you the best Volution, God bless

You need to ask her out ASAP, don't let the opportunity slip through your hands, otherwise it will feel worse than even rejection itself.

Sorry to hear this RayKay, I'll keep you in my prayers. Stay strong.

Perhaps some of these girls just just see the guy as a friend never thought of him as anything more to begin with. You can become likeable to someone, but you can't make them attracted to you. Attraction is what separates friends from lovers. Alot of the time, us guys try to justify a girl's lack of interest by saying we were too friendly. Something important to keep in mind is if a person isn't interested, all your signs will seem like friendly gestures to them. Being attracted to someone radically alters our perception of their behaviour. However, if they are interested, they will post on a message board asking if what they interpret to be signs actually mean anything. lol Too much of a pushover? Yes, that's definitely possible. But unless the girl has a change of heart, you really can't do anything to make her feel that sense of attraction. And outside of a relationship, she's either attracted or she isn't. I have female friends, but none of them ever started out with me being interested, or vice versa. I find that when you have a platonic friendship, but one person has some feelings, they come to the surface and are really difficult to get around. Having alot of female friends doesn't necessarily put a guy at a disadvantage. What puts him at a disadvantage is pursuing girls who see him as a good person, but really don't want anything more. The guy then keeps getting caught up in the same thing over and over, especially if all the girls are in the same social circle.

It depends on how strongly you feel about him. Is he worth being patient for? Coming from a shy guy, after the initial phase of approaching and expressing interest etc. I would think his shyness would decrease alot, if there was anything left, maybe it would be a little apprehension if he's uncertain about the things you like and how to treat you. I can also understand your frustration as well. You feel like you're giving so much to someone who either isn't all that interested or isn't able to reciprocate your feelings. I would suggest a couple things, don't compare him to the previous guys you've met, that could be adding to your frustration. And in addition, you're putting unnecessary pressure on him. Instead, keep putting in effort, but try to probe to see how he feels about you. Express your interest in a physical sense too, touch him lightly, notice his responses. That's how I knew the last girl I dated was interested in me, she'd touch me when just saying hi and she'd get close to me. Stuff like that can really bring a guy out of his shell. And even after we started going out, I still had some apprehension, it was getting better all the time, but we broke up before anything could develop. But the point is, be patient, but also be direct, in a subtle way of course. Also, I just wanted to expand on being patient. You know how some of us have to learn to live without someone, before we can actually live have someone, well if you've ever been there, I'm sure you've learnt how to be patient. And if you really like this guy, and you have an inkling that he has feelings for you too, you're going to have to be patient with him. I hope everything will work out for you.

This is definitely a good sign, if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have made alternate plans. And the fact that she invited you over is even better. If you like her, all you have to do is follow up on her invitation and go from there.

I have a friend who is getting married next month, he seems pretty sure of himself and sure about the reasons why he wants to get married. He's been dating his fiancée for a year. They're christians, and if they feel that God has put them together, and now is the time, nothing will hinder them or separate them. Personally, if I met the right girl now, I'd wait until I graduated. I only have a year of college left anyway. It can be stressful to maintain a marriage and go to school full time. My advice is just to make sure if you were to get married that you have some financial support from family at least for the time being. But more importantly, do what feels right.

I think a sense of humor is important but over rated, if someone has to try to hard to be funny it won't work. Just make casual statements about things observe around you if you have trouble making jokes. You'd be surprised how inside jokes come about when you're constantly making small talk. Being happy with yourself and in general is much more important, and crucial to get into and sustain relationships. If you don't love yourself then who can you love?

Its not impossible to say that I'm wrong. Because there are cases where some women seem almost inhuman. But there are guys that also seem the same. These people don't know what they want, they confuse the hell out of everybody around them. In addition, they hurt feelings both sometimes knowingly and obliviously. I don't hold all women to the same concept of needing reassurance, respect and love. Because if you can't genuinely give those things, no matter who you are, you don't deserve them. But there are those precious few jewels among us that you need to cherish, otherwise they lose their lustre. Maybe you're meeting too many of the women who really aren't sure of themselves? If that's the case, that's why I said people need to work on building themselves. Its often the case that the way you feel about yourself determines who you let into your comfort zone. But you can't sit there and say women are this and that and that they are more privileged etc etc judging from a relatively small number of homogenous cases. You need to forget about what's around you and focus on what's within you.

lol Wlfpack is a guy, I've had this conversation with him before. And Wlfpack, I apologize for some of what I just said. I keep forgetting that we're from different places that have different norms. But itry, my point was that he should not have been so negative towards Venus without even having the necessary background. lol, that sheep example was funny yet disturbing

I know you're calling things as you see them, but I'm also a firm believer that if you don't have anything good to say don't bother. Don't you think you're just compounding her doubts? Its not "treason" and you're saying an interracial relationship has never worked out, there are alot of mixed kids out there. Man, you need to check your attitude and if that doesn't work then move to a different city. Its bad enough that you say that you can't find a girl, but that attuitude isn't making things any better.

I agree with you on this. But when I realized I was interested in white girls, I had alot of these lingering questions too...I sense some of that uncertainty in Venus, she just needs some reassurance, we all do from time to time

Hey Venus, Don't worry too much about any imagined repercussions. You might get the few detractors here and there, but what's more important is how you feel about each other. Don't worry about the friends you guys have, I'm sure you're not friends with them because of what race they are. If his friends are real friends, and yours are real friends too, they will accept your relationship. Have fun and focus on him

Posts like these seem to be searching for an excuse for why guys might not be able to find a woman. Nothing worthwhile ever came easily, that doesn't mean that you have to beat yourself up running through several women. It means you have to build your character and yourself in general to be attractive to the woman you want. Its not rocket science, unless you're a so called player, you're going to have to take the long way. I personally would rather take that route, because reaping the rewards of introspection and self improvement is one of the greatest things that can happen in life. And guess what? The women also have to develop themselves to be attractive to the men they want. It's a two way street. Not all women have it easy in finding a mate either. Us guys need to stop idealizing women, take them down off the pedestal we place them on, for a moment. Realize that she's human, realize that she feels a gamut of emotions everyday. She's not an object to be used for instant gratification. But a person, a person who needs love, attention and companionship. When you put these things first, then you can look at her and admire her for what's appealing to the eye. Remember that no one can fairly assess a person's situation on the outside looking in. It's all about separating the outer person from the inner person, and learning to love them both.

Hmm, I found that the person will become more aware of it if they're attracted to you too. However, if they're not they will most lilkely ignore it and not really notice much. But in general terms, you can usually tell when somebody likes you, and someone can tell when you like them. Even in the absense or presense of all the "signs."But then again, I think I've become good at being able to tell wen someone is attraced to me, or even when someone is attracted to another person.

I think she really liked you, and still does as her friend. I think when someone isn't attracted to you, they never even fathom the thought of being more than friends. I hate to say that, because I can only imagine how you feel about her. But I think she was just very comfortable with you, and liked talking to you about anything and everything. You're probably like me in that girls think you're an awesome guy to talk to. Build on that. About the part where she said she would've made her interest known, and that she was curious about your feelings. I think that was a dead giveaway, she wasn't interested. But of course she wanted to know how you felt just for the heck of it. Having said all of that, this girl seems very nice and mature. In addition, she is very honest. Its also good that you value these things, she never really attempted to lead you on or mess with your head. She enjoyed your company, and that's something you should take alot of pride in. You have qualities that can keep a woman. I don't think you've done anything wrong, unless you were over zealous in showing your interest. And judging by the fact that she was polite and everything, you probably didn't over step your boundaries. Whether you want to be friends with her is ultimately up to you. Can you put your feelings aside? Will they surface when you least expect it? What if she tells you she's found a new boyfriend? I hate to be asking all these hard questions, but I don't think anyone deserves to be held captive by unrequited love. And about second chances...I believe in them where certain aspects of life are concerned. But I'm more of a fervent believer in new beginnings. It sounds like this girl has done alot for you as a person, take that and mould it. Use what you got from her to make yourself into the type of person you want to be. Some people are in your life only for a season. And rest assured that the woman you end up with will probably mean even more to you than your friend. Do what's in your best interest.

I've never seen a relationship that started with fooling around bloom into real love. That's like putting the horse before the carriage. You're only screwing yourself if you contradict yourself and can't stick to your decisions. Then you're creating problems within you own mind and other people's minds. Isn't it better to be honest with someone to protect their feelings than to hurt them by being uncertain of yourself? You might think that you're keeping your options open, the guys will think you're just playing around. If you "date" several guys at once on a non-committed basis, I think that's okay. But why don't you just take things casually, and hang out with the guys to see who you click with. No need to get too formal too early. I think you're really confused as to which route to take...I'm going to tell you one thing that I hope really helps...Do the right thing, do what feels right in our mind and your heart. Think about your ideals and values, think about the kind of person you want to be, now and in the future. Weigh your decision heavily on these things.

Yep, I think you should go based on what you feel. I mean personally, I'm not able to deal with mixed signals anymore, it's either you like me or you don't. There's no in between, unless you're afraid of a relationship/committment to one guy..in which case we won't get along anyway

I had a similar situation last month with a girl at work, and I just decided to give it up. I don't care how beautiful or charming a girl seems, if she cannot at least hint that she's interested, I'm not interested. Just because there's so much guesswork involved, I'd much rather pursue a girl that at least drops hints. You need a little something to go on before you ask her out, you know. I think it's okay to be shy, but shy to the point where the person avoids eye contact or even speaking is a turn off. I'm shy, but more than willing to talk to anyone that can keep a conversation going. You can always sense when someone is truly interested, unless they clam up. I suggest if you really like her though, you ask her out..

I guess what you're feeling is normal, alot of people our age just want to fool around. I think to each his own, or her own, although I don't necessarily agree with the whole idea of "fooling around." It's all about instant gratification, and the only long term benefits are bragging rights, which won't mean anything in a few years. Nevertheless, do what you want and determine the right path in college for you. Just keep two things in mind, For every action there is an equal and opposite REaction (i.e. everything you do will have consequences) and also, NEVER at any cost lead anybody on. If you know a guy who wants to date you, but you don't want that..let him know. I hope you're happy with whatever choice you make though

Do the people who tell you to get out there and meet people have significant others? Do the people who tell you to just live have significant others? Look at the results of their desired route, and then you can make a decision, but it's best to find a balance like RayKay said.