joe2006txg

I guess I should add this: I am in my late 20's. I have never really had a 'girlfriend' before. I had tried throughout junior high, high school, and college, but I never had luck. I was usually the quiet nerd in the back of the class. I am usually a very shy and quiet person....I had been one or two dates and the prom, but never really advanced further than that. However, my friend got me out of my shell....I feel that I am more extraverted than I would have been if I had not met up with her. She is actually the first woman to give me the time of day. She actually treats me like a genuine person. Pathetic, yet it is the truth....

traz, i consider her one of my very best friends. She has inspired me to do things I would never have thought of doing...she has taught me many things about myself....plus, she is a very caring and intelligent person. I have told her things about myself that I have never told to others...now, I may be seeing all of this through the prism of someone who wants something more (and it may-let's say it will- never happen) but that is the way I see it...she is still a good friend...I just wish it could have gone further....BTW, in one of her emails to me she said she was waiting for me to 'make my move', but I didn't. That was my stupidity.... However, when I spilled my guts she told me that I wasn't the first guy to misread her intentions...(I should have remembered the times she told me about two or three other guys(who were like myself))-She apologized for leading me on....which I did feel that I was being lead on. I am usually a rational person, but I let my emotions get in the way.

traz: thank you for your advice....I will be very careful on how I proceed....

thanks for the advice. However, I am not saying that I am definetily destined to be with her. but you have to admit its kind of weird that I will be near her ( less than a four hour plane ride from her)--we are from a mid-size town in the us southwest. I feel that I am not pushing it too much. After I had told her how I felt, I told her that I would understand if she didnt want to communicate with me. she said she wanted me to continue talking with her. I am trying to be friendly, emailing her and giving her my support while she is in school. from an email earlier in the week, She says that she really can't wait to talk with me when she gets back into town for christmas. she also said that I needed to come over to her house for dinner so we could talk for a long time about things. I am trying my best to be neutral about the whole thing, but it is very hard. But her email came accross as too friendly... I must remember that I was 'defeated' in this whole ordeal. But I musnt' be a coward and drop her as a friend.....

Thank you for all of your advice. I have one little question...Is this fate telling me something or what? My friend in the above posts will be studying (grad school project)in East Asia for eight to eleven months beginning next summer. I just found out that I am going into a volunteer-abroad program in East Asia in late March. I will be about four hours by plane from her. Am I reading too much into this? A part of me says that I am destined to be with her. (Isn't it odd that I would end up so close to her). What do you think? I had given up hope of anything happening between us? I had accepted that we were 'just friends'. However, she wants to call me and talk. And if you put this whole East Asia thing into the mix, I don't know..... joe

Hello Let me explain my situation. I met up with a friend of mine from high school back in January. We had always gotten along. Over nine months we got to know each other very well. We went to art museums, history museums, movies. We also went to the local park for picnics or just walks. We talked a lot about relationships, love, sex, marriage, cultural topics, etc. I began to fall for my friend. (She would nudge me and make some kind of contact. On one occasion at a play, she gave me a neckrub that felt really good). However, I was so confused that I never returned the physical contact. In my mind, I didn't want to risk the friendship, partly because I was confused by some issues. One issue: she would always bring up an ex during a conversation. There were one or two other issues. Towards the end of the summer, I came out and asked if we would be good together. She kind of gave me a vague answer, and eventually said that she didn't think so. then she asked me if I thought we would be good together. I said maybe. She invited me on a road trip accross the country. She was moving to grad school. On the trip she asked me all sorts of probing questions ranging from marriage to sex. I was very confused with my feelings. However, I took part in these conversations. About a month after not seeing her since she was away, I sent her a letter telling her how I felt about her. I kept the mushy stuff to a minimum. I just let her know that her qualities inspired me. I asked her one more time if there was any chance of a future other than being 'just friend'. She wrote back to let me know that it couldn't move on beyond friends. She also mentioned that she wanted to write to me more. I wrote her back thanking her for being honest with me. I told her that I value her friendship. Fast forward a couple of weeks: Some thing in my response bugged me. I had mentioned 'mixed signals'. I wrote another letter telling her that the mixed signals were of my making. I told her I was ineffectual in the relationship that we had had and that I should have taken a risk. She responded by saying that if she was interested in me she would have made it known. She also said that she was also curious about my feelings. She figured that since I didn't make any moves, that I wasn't interested in her. She also told me that she wanted to write to me more. She wants to still be friends? I responded to her letter by telling her how I have been changing my self. I was always a bit of a nebbish. I told her how I was trying to work through my issues. In all of the contacts we have had through email and snail mail, she always tried to encourage me in my endeavors. She has always offered to help me if I need it. My question: Do you believe in second chances? Does it sounds like she thought at one time that it could work between us? Also, is it wise for me to have contact with her? I admit it, I truly love this person. She has inspired me to be a better person. A part of me wants to be friends with her. I don't want to lose that connection. But the other part of me thinks that I will be hurt again. Any suggestions?

I have known this lady since high school. We have since graduated from college. Last January I met her at store. We were excited to see each other. I suggested that we get together for lunch or something. We met each other two times a week for three to five hours. We went to art galleries, movies, museums. We walked in the park many times. I went over to her house many times. We would talk a lot. I did start to notice her touching me on the arms and legs. Our discussions began around our interest and future plans. We talked everything from politics to culture. Eventually she started to ask questions of a sexual nature? Questions: Do I believe in monagamous relationships?, etc. I was slightly uncomfortable, but I went along with the discussions. She even asked me what I wanted in a spouse. One afternoon we went to lunch and a play. While it was intermission at the play, she gave me a neckrub out of the blue. That got me curious, really. Our walks in the park continued. I thought of her as a friend. But I started to have feelings for her. I don't know if it was the intimate discussions or what. Towards the end of the summer she invited me to help drive to her grad school back east. I agreed. One evening we met at a local coffeeshop/bookstore. She was constantly touching me. We were in a booth-she propped her legs up and they touched my legs. At this point it became obvious to me that I was getting great vibes. However, I kept things in perspective. She would always her talk about her two exes. Before the trip, I came out and asked her if we would be a great couple. She paused, asked if I ever had a girlfriend, and then said she was high maintenced. She then asked if I thought we would be a good couple. I said 'maybe". At that point I dropped the whole notion of us being a couple. We were friends. During the road trip she would constantly ask me intimate questions. Sexual questions. I wanted to tell her to stop the torture. I got the courage to ask her a question: "what do you look for in a man?" she said she looks for someone adventurous, artistic and intelligent. She said that she had two or three male friends who met that criteria. She then said that I was one of them. That really confused the heck out of me. Along the trip we met with her old friends. She would talk about me in a positive light in front of them. I was very pleased. I learned a lot about her. I have become attracted to her in a spiritual, intellectual, and physical way. I feel that she may have been the one. I have had her in my mind. I dont feel it is infatuation. I just feel that I could have had her. I seem to miss opportunities. After a month of being at home, I wrote her a letter stating my feelings. It wasnt sappy. It contained nothing about "love" or things like that. It just was a heartfelt letter. I came out and asked if our relationship could have gone to the next level. I mentioned that I was realistic about the probability of it working out between us (distance, etc). I sent it almost two weeks ago. I havent heard back yet. Did I ruin a perfect platonic friendship? Thanks