sunnyp

Can some one explaine to me why a lot of men want 3 somes with their wife and her friend? My husband wants this. I am discusted by it! He knew he was going to hurt me for he said it! I just dont understand this problem. I need help with this. S

Hi there again. Hun you're really having a tough time with this. I agree with thus far what every one has told you. While its ok to talk about affairs with your spouse. It isnt good for our well being to ask detailed questions. These answers almost always hurt us. Not all people know how to tell us what we want to hear. Some do lie. Some do try to cover up. Others just can't lie about a sexual encounter even if their life depended on it. Personally, I would never ask these questions. I don't want to know any thing other than what the woman looks like. Please for your own sake, let this thing go as fast as you can. Dwelling on this cheating thing only makes one hurt more. Generate your thoughts on yourself. And how to improve yourself. Though this wont go away completely. It will get better. Sunny

I think that girls flirt as much as guys. Yes I agree with the low self exteeme reasoning behind it. I do not flirt for a few reasons. Number one is I am married. No 2 is I dont need to flirt to get attention. No three I find it to be distasteful. I tried it. It aint me! LOL How ever this situation your in. I would really give it some thought. You do not need some one elses problems. Sunny

Just a question. If you were cheating what kind of places would you take your lover? How would you cover it up? Thanks. Sunny

This whole thing sounds down right ugly to me! That's an understatement! Though one can get the big H through oral sex. It is very rare for that to happen. You said she had the bi H. More than likely she had it before you two were together or contracted it through another person. Getting drunk and sitting in a car out side your home is really a stupid thing to do. I smile at her stupidity. I cry for your hurt! No one who is interested in a friendship basis does these things. This is betrayal! You were betrayed. I would never just sit in some guys car and talk for 4 hours if I wasn't interested in him! One thing for sure here is: You should see that when people do these things when they are drinking means one thing. They have a drinking problem. As she wouldn't do this sober. So your best off saying good bye now. Don't let yourself get mixed up with a person who has this decease. It can turn your world upside down. And make you into a person who will be sitting in Allon Meetings. Do yourself a favor, and let some one else take on her problems. Good Luck. Let me know how you are. Sunny

You were used. You were his mama, friend, support, bed partner, now your not. He used you to get over the pain he caused himself. By the way have you ever thought about asking his ex wife her side? I will bet you'll get a better picture of why she and he divorced. I talked with my husbands ex. She told me she never wanted a divorce. They were married over 30 years. I am the reason why they divorced. It doesn't feel good at all to know I played a part in it. I say get rid of the guy. Find a man who is not married or going though a divorce. Sunny

Hi there. A lot of people make mistakes early in relationships. Don't be so hard on yourself. I to have done what you did. It doesn't feel good. But I never told on my self. If there is one thing about certain types of women, it is I know very well the type you are describing. These types love left overs. Smile! She seems to like yours. She will not stop doing this to you. If I were you I would dup the dude. And get me a boyfriend who has never even met this girl, never mind heard of her. That's right. Before you get involved with a guy ask him point blank if he knows this girl. If he does walk away. I finally ended up having to do this so the girl who was after my men couldn't get them any more. She cant take what she don't know about. Sunny

Your right about this. Sunny

Well it is simple. When I was 31 an 18 year old chased me. I was married. This chase went on for two years. I did get divorced. I did date him. He was 20. I have to say it was a toy boy situation. Not fun at all. As Neither of us was happy. Sunnyp

Thanks for the great advice on my overly flirtatious husband. I let him see what I wrote on the board. And your replies. And I be if he didn't come unglued! LOL To refresh your memories on me and my problem. This was my post. My old man said that I am the one with the problem. Ok??? Hummmm! This is how he tried to get out of this. It is the game of "you didn't really see what you saw. You only thought you saw that. So thereforeeee this is your imagination!" I will come clean as to why I have started blowing up about this ridiculous game. He one day told me he had a dream about me sleeping with my best friend. Who by the way is female. He said this some six months ago. I have been mad at him more and more. I cant seem to loose this anger. I feel so humiliated. Any one got any suggestions? Thanks SunnyP Member Gender: Age: 46Joined: 21 Jul 2004 Posts: 18 I need help. My husband engages in flirting with women. It doesn't matter how old she is. Nor where they are. He does this in front of me! He boots me out of conversations we both should be involved in. For example: We were looking at a house. The real-estate agent showed up. (We had dealings with her before) My husband and her talked. And talked. And talked. I tried butting into the conversation but to no avail I was ignored. At the end of the deal I tried to give this agent (Female Agent) our home phone number. She replied, "I have Bill's cell phone number, I really don't need your home phone number." That made me raging mad! So I said to her "if you find any more houses that you think I might be interested in, copy the information, and mail it to me! I said this in a way that would have scared Lucifer! Well when the mail came in a few days. Guess whom the agent addressed the information to? You got it. It was addressed to only him! I called up her boss and explained that my husband was buying a house, but he isnt buying one with out my John Henry on it. I explained the thing his agent did. He apologized. He said he would make this agent loose my husbands cell phone number. And he said she was really out of line. This did make me feel a bit better. But my husband and I have gotten into some bad fights over this and several other incidents with other women. I told him that most of the world sees cackling and carrying on lengthily conversations with the check out clerk is flirting. Half the world views flirting as a form of adultery. He said flat to my face "I just don't see it the way you do." I retorted "I don't do this to you." "Why are you doing it to me in my face?" I got no answer. I have become very suspicious of him. I think he is having an affair. I can't prove it. But I am working on it. I don't want to end my marriage. I just want to save it. Thanks for any advice any one might have on how to cure a husband from flirting. SunnyP _________________ If you run with pigs, your bound to get a little mud on ya!

I gotta agree with redline! LOL

To date, or not to date? Smile. Well I will say I agree with most every one on the topic of your dilemma. I have been on both sides of the fence. Yes friends can be cruel about telling you their opinion of what is ugly and what aint. Well I decided to dump the friends who really dogged the guys I liked! I ended up with some ugly guys. But I did end up happier than my so-called friends. I am married to a man who is hopelessly not cute. But his actions are better than any pretty boy I have ever been with. SunnyP

Where have I been all of these years? SMILE BIG! I am a bit disturbed by her telling you she masturbated in your bed! I have to laugh about it. But it is not something a girl with her head on right should be telling a boy that she is interested in. I know I would never say something like that! I am a grown woman! I can't stop chuckling though. This is a come on. She definitely is interested in you. She just has been so over forward that she might as well to have shot you in the forehead. How ever it appears you like this girl in a different way than she does you. Sounds to me like she out for sex and that's all. A shallow heart is a shallow mind. Sunny

I know I would like to hear my man say, I have never been in love with any one as much as I am with you. And then do all the things for me that every one else has mentioned. I would like to always have his undivided attention especially when other women are around. Sunny

Hi Cecelus, I read your post and I have a tear or two in my eye. It is very hard to commit to some one like this! You have every right to feel the way you. I agree with every one who has answered your post. Scout knows what he is saying as well is more than likely true about instincts. Ocean has it pegged well. You say you're a reformed jerk. AWWWWWW don't be so hard on you. When people are jerks, generally they have been mistreated and become that way. Most often they don't realize it until way late in their lives. You're lucky to be so young and be able to put this being a jerk thing into perspective. I have been a jerk almost all of my life. Due to being mistreated by my boyfriends and ex husbands. I would get even. Always with out a doubt. I now am working on changing the jerk in me. It is dam hard I tell you. When I found I was with someone who I really cared for I didn't really give it too much thought. Later on I did this think of letting my kids vote. That's right. I would let the guy hang around for a bit after about 3 months my kids would sit me down and vote on if the guy stayed or not. I didn't want them to live with a step dad they hated is why I did this. I listened to them every time for the exception of once. I made a grave mistake in not listening to my kids. At this time they were ages 13,12 and 5. My life became a mess. This man ruined my life. He was abusive, a cheater and he beat my kids along with me. He ended up spending 5 years in the pen for aggravated battery on me. My relationships with especially my grown son's are not going very well. I say let the kids know her. They will be able to tell you if she's good or evil. Believe me kids don't lie about these issues. I would how ever keep a very close eye on her while she is around the kids to see how she reacts to them and visa versa. Usually our intuition, which is a gut feeling, is generally right. Sunny

Shame on you! Flirting uncontrollably hurts! It hurts the other significant bad!

Words of Affection Written by: Sunny Pierce Words of affection screaming in my ear. Words of affection letting me know your intentions are clear. Words of affection putting me in your idea of my place. Words of affection scaring me to death. Words of affection angering me every day. Words of affection make me hate you more each passing day. Words of affection took all of the love I had for you. Words of affection are forever burned in my soul. A word of affection is just as bad as each and every punch. Words of affection made me divorce you today! Words of affection killed the love even your poor helpless children had for you. Words of affection made all of your family leave you. How is it that you cant see that we are gone because of your so called words of affection? Look in the mirror and see your mouth so wide. This is the reason we all had to run and hide. Your words of affection landed you in jail. Words of affection let me know you blame me when you fail. Your words of affection are yours, not mine. This time your words of affection go unheard. Because we survived! link removed

Hello usedtobestrong, I am begging you to please hear my plea. I beg of you to get out and stay out of this relationship. If he hits you once he will do it again and again and again. These men do not change. They cant they love who they are. Abuse is all about power and control. These men beat their partners and wives to get control so that he can get you to do and be what he wants. It's all about him. Him and his needs and wants. Every 15 minuets a woman or child are beaten in the United States. Every hour a child or woman dies at the hand of his or her abuser. Any thing he will do to you he will do to your kids. For their sake RUN!!!!! Don't look back. Below are a couple of poems I wrote about the abuse my kids and I suffered. And there is a link to visit. It describes Daniel's murder of herself and unborn child. Not to mention her 12 year old son committed suicide because of his pain over his mother's death. Please read this. Good Luck. I am here to help you in any way I can. Email me if you need. Sunny link removed Words of Affection Written by: Sunny Pierce Words of affection screaming in my ear. Words of affection letting me know your intentions are clear. Words of affection putting me in your idea of my place. Words of affection scaring me to death. Words of affection angering me every day. Words of affection make me hate you more each passing day. Words of affection took all of the love I had for you. Words of affection are forever burned in my soul. A word of affection is just as bad as each and every punch. Words of affection made me divorce you today! Words of affection killed the love even your poor helpless children had for you. Words of affection made all of your family leave you. How is it that you cant see that we are gone because of your so called words of affection? Look in the mirror and see your mouth so wide. This is the reason we all had to run and hide. Your words of affection landed you in jail. Words of affection let me know you blame me when you fail. Your words of affection are yours, not mine. This time your words of affection go unheard. Because we survived! The Sound of the Storm Three Blocks Away Written by: Sunny Pierce I am standing at the kitchen sink pealing patoes for tonight's supper, the sound of thunder I hear three blocks away. Supper will be late. He will be angry. I know there will be a horrible storm tonight, I can tell because he's only three blocks away. The wind is blowing with a mighty howl. I can see the debris scattering from three blocks away. The sound of his car engine I learned to recognize. It is coming fast three blocks away. A crack of lightening strikes the back yard tree, it tears it into bits, and it starts to smoke. I can hear his car engine; it's two blocks away. The wind is blowing fiercer than I have ever seen before. The roar of the thunder is getting mighty loud. Down comes a huge pour. Thunder, lightning, hail comes fast with his engine roar. The trees are swaying fast back and forth. The sound of his engine is one block away. I hear the windows shaking in their frames. I am scared. I know who will be blamed. The tires screech as he pulls in the drive. I put the potatoes on the stove to boil. I am shaky, my legs are weak. The front door opens with a mighty squeak. He's here! He's shouting. I can't understand a word he's saying. I ran for cover in the cellar. He's walking around screaming for me to show myself. I say hidden under neath a huge shelf. He's madder today than I have ever seen before. He has a gun in his hand. I notice it as I see him pass by. He sees me. He grabs me. All I hear is the sound of the storm screaming in my ear. I fight back as he drags me accross the room. He is pulling my hair like one does from a loom. I fight harder. And I realize I still have my knife in my hand. He sees it he screams even more. I hear a loud clunk as my head hits the floor. I awake. He is gone. The stove is on fire. I run to extinguish it, I hear the sound of his engine from thee blocks away. I look out the window to see. He caused the only storm that happened. There is no broken tree limbs, there is no debris scattered in my yard. Lord I wonder why he makes life so hard. Tomorrow will be the same you see, because: I am standing at the kitchen sink pealing patoes for tonight's supper, the sound of thunder I hear three blocks away. Supper will be late. He will be angry. I know there will be a horrible storm tonight, I can tell because he's only three blocks away.

This whole thing is so very familiar to me. I have been on both sides. I got divorced. Remarried. Divorced. Remarried. I lost hope that any man would be faithful to me. Then I met my man. He is older. But……. He lied to me about being married. He told me all the familiar lies that most of you have heard. I married this Casanova any way. Now I am having troubles with him. Below is a post that I put up yesterday. I have been with this man for 5 years. We have been married for two. Mind you on our second anniversary we did not go out to celebrate. I got no flowers not even a card. I haven't been taken out to party in 4 years. I had gone nowhere for two. The man just will not take me anywhere. We have discussed this at great length. And we have fought a lot. But why is he like this. Read my post up. There is something lurking in my head. I think she is a 70-year-old woman! Why is she doing this? Because she just dam well can. It is why most women do what they want. It's the need to feel wanted. It is mostly the game. They play it until some one gets hurt. In your case the woman sounds like she has severe emotional problems. And needs to not be dismissed as a fruitcake. But know she is a fruitcake! I would always keep my guard up while living in the same town as she. She is likely not going away any time soon. Yes your boyfriend did this. But he didn't know he has set himself up to be stalked. I guess she reminds me of that Hinckley guy who shot Pres. Reagan because he was in love with Jody Foster. I would defiantly keep my eyes open. In my case I posted this up. After much thought I came to the conclusion my husband has a roaming eye. He is 58 years old. So a 70 year old isnt too old for him. But I smile! Now I can smile. His treatment of me was and is ugly. He said it just didn't occur to him that I was this mad and unhappy. So much for being the silent type like I am. I guess it takes a woman who speaks her mind to not be taken advantage of. That is my fault. Posted: 7-14-2004 Post subject: Flirting sunnyp Member Gender: Age: 46Joined: 21 Jul 2004 Posts: 10 I need help. My husband engages in flirting with women. It doesn't matter how old she is. Nor where they are. He does this in front of me! He boots me out of conversations we both should be involved in. For example: We were looking at a house. The real-estate agent showed up. (We had dealings with her before) My husband and her talked. And talked. And talked. I tried butting into the conversation but to no avail I was ignored. At the end of the deal I tried to give this agent (Female Agent) our home phone number. She replied, "I have Bill's cell phone number, I really don't need your home phone number." That made me raging mad! So I said to her "if you find any more houses that you think I might be interested in, copy the information, and mail it to me! I said this in a way that would have scared Lucifer! Well when the mail came in a few days. Guess whom the agent addressed the information to? You got it. It was addressed to only him! I called up her boss and explained that my husband was buying a house, but he isnt buying one with out my John Henry on it. I explained the thing his agent did. He apologized. He said he would make this agent loose my husbands cell phone number. And he said she was really out of line. This did make me feel a bit better. But my husband and I have gotten into some bad fights over this and several other incidents with other women. I told him that most of the world sees cackling and carrying on lengthily conversations with the check out clerk is flirting. Half the world views flirting as a form of adultery. He said flat to my face "I just don't see it the way you do." I retorted "I don't do this to you." "Why are you doing it to me in my face?" I got no answer. I have become very suspicious of him. I think he is having an affair. I can't prove it. But I am working on it. I don't want to end my marriage. I just want to save it. Thanks for any advice any one might have on how to cure a husband from flirting.

This one I just have to comment on. Red Flags! Listen to what is being said on this board to you. I agree with every one here! All of you are right. Missing condoms is more than a red flag. It is a statement. Two airline tickets are not a usual thing for a prospective employee to buy. Talking to him any more about this will only bring more anger. And you will end up angrier than him. There is no fixing this! I would get out of this relationship fast. Fast as my feet could carry me. If he will lie about condoms and tickets, he will lie about every thing. Sunny

Religion is a hard thing to get through. Sin is the same. Is leaving your husband/wife a sin? Yes. For the exception of adultery, incest, physical abuse, and or financial neglect. The bible has very strict standards for how a husband is to treat his wife and children. You will find these scriptures in Corinthians and in the old testaments. You should not feel like God will dam you to hell. God is our father. He is our parent. He created us. It is sort of like you had your children. Now in all my days of being a mom no matter how my child acted I could not dam them to an eternal hell. I know God doesn't do that to his. I graduated from a catholic high school. I know the teachings. But the God I know would not ever send his child to hell unless that child wants to be there. Never let your children have any control of your life. Be the 2 years old or 20. Your still the parent they are the child. Loosening face with your child is not often a permant thing. Make your own decisions and be happy. Your child is living her life. Now it's time for you to live yours. Sunny

Having an affair with a married man is a dangerous thing. I know. I have been there. I married the man I had an affair with. He is now making more havoc in our lives that I have ever had in my life. He is a bad flirt. Now as far as him saying hang in there. Don't give up on him. Don't believe it. It's a ploy to keep you around and give you hope! Hope that he will be yours one day. Ask your self this. If all I had was hope while he was married to her, what will I have when he marries me? Your answer should be. "I will have all the fears his wife had." My ex husband cheated. It is why I left him. He was my childhood sweetheart! I lost faith in men for a long time. Maybe I still have no faith in them. I do know this. An affair trashes ones self esteem. It tears up ones life. It makes a woman feel second best. Being a mistress is not how I want to live. I want it all. Not just some of it. My mom said this to me after many long talks. "You keep having these problems with men because you keep settling for second best."

I married this man not having much experience with life. Actually perhaps that's not true. There are a lot of reasons. But one thing that is true. I looked at him like he was a savior. I didn't want to spend my life with out him. He never acted so flamboyantly in my face until this past year. This past year he has taken every opportunity to flirt in front of my face. It has made me become mean. ( I am not likening who and what I have become) I am talking mean enough to just start saying mean stuff about his bedroom abilities to these old women. I asked him this. "Do you want me to embarrass you in front of these old women?" "I could say "ok Bill, just take the b….. For a drink." "You two chat each other up all you want." "By 8:00 pm your clothes will be on her front porch." "If she's has a husband, I will be having a drink with him!" He was not thrilled at how ugly my mouth can get. Smile! I have been known to say much worse things to flirts and cheaters. I was told perhaps he might be testing me! Ok! Why? I have nothing to hide or prove. I have done nothing to deserve this. If I had I would understand it. But when you kids are talking. It makes one wonder. My 6-year-old son said to the motel clerk in Alliance. "Are you the fat old hag that's been calling my dad?" I was stumped. Luckily he didn't hear that. Some how I think he would learn. What do you think? May I mention the incident in Wal Mart happened in front of my 11-year-old son. Perhaps it's why I get so mad. I feel he acts so badly in front of the kids as well. My daughter was 23 when I met Bill. She said "Mom there is something not right with his behavior. I am still wondering myself why I married an old Casanova!

Awwwwww this person is just in the wrong room. How ever I will reply. I am 46 years old. I remember being 16 as if it was yesterday. Some times it feels like I still am. I do make mistakes even today. Smile! I have 4 sons. Ages 26,20,11 and 6 years old. I have 7 brothers. I think I know a wee bit about boy's and men. Why is it that your boyfriend is not making any moves? Well for several reasons. He could be: 1.His up bringing might have some strong moral tones to it. The old saying a preachers son is looser than a minors daughter is not always true. 2.He might be shy, and you might be his first every thing. I was married to one of those. He wasn't just shy. He knew nothing. I am not poking fun at him. Just being honest. 3.He has a low self esteem if he has any at all 4.He is a follower not a leader. 5.He just has no clue how to treat a girlfriend. 6.He might not want to be a dad at the age of 16 7.He preoccupied with other things 8.Does he have a stable home life? Are his parents fighting or divorced? Divorced parents don't realize the baggage their kids end up caring. 9.He could be gay 10.He just might not be interested and have another girlfriend. When I was young sex was not a big deal until one turned 16. I actually never wanted to know any of this stuff until I turned 17. I must say I was not impressed at all when I did find this all out. It was not something I gave much thought to until I met a man I really cared about. Perhaps you might want to think about this. Do you care about him? Do you believe he cares about you? If your answers are yes. Perhaps he is the type who needs to get to know a girl really well before heavy petting and sex occurs. There are grown men who are like that as well. My final word on this is PATIENCE IS A VERTRUE.

Thanks for all of the great advice! When I showed my husband the packet that the agent sent to him. He sort of was shocked! Smile! I told him "this is not my imagination." He just hung his head and agreed. He knows and acknowledges his behavior. But I had to say this to him to get it to really sink into is thick skull. "You send out a lot of behaviors that makes me suspicious." "Those suspicions will not go away until you change your behaviors." I know he feels like I just took his last candy bar. Smile. The deal here is he is 58 years old. I am 46. I look 36. He looks 76! Smile. The gals he flirts with are much older than me. That stings my ego big time. These older ladies look at me and think what the…….. Like one gal followed me into a restroom while we were at a bar. She said "Will you introduce me to your dad." I think I handled it ok. I told her "woman that is not my dad." "He is my husband." My husband had two other affairs while married to his first wife. I was his third affair! I didn't know he was married. He confessed this long after we were together. His son said to me "daddy has always had away with the ladies." It makes one wonder. I never felt like he was dishonest with me at all until one day we went to Wal Mart eye center. He picked out his glasses frame. And we were sitting at a desk with one clerk who was filling out his forms. Another clerk came over she put her hands on his shoulders. He then pulled him backwards. She then ran her hand down his arms. And said "Bill did you know you ordered safety glasses?" I then flew off the handle after she walked away. I said, "Does she have handsidouse problems or what?" I then left the store and went to my car to wait for my husband. Reason was I was so mad at him and her both I wanted to hit them. To me this was a flat out pass. I did speak to that gal's boss. She was fired. However I know my husband did something to bring that on. (To me he is just as much at fault as her) I just didn't see it. I am no flirt. I could never behave this way. To me it is senseless to act this way when one is married. It brings about a lot of pain. Which I am in at this moment. How ever my biggest thing is. I am a private investigator for landlords. I can find out any thing I want to know about any one as long as I have at least a license plate number. Why would a man be so stupid to try to pull the wool over the eye of some one like me? Smile! SunnyP