dazedandconfused62

Thanks for the input....It's comforting, and unsettling to know their are others out there that have gone through the same thing...I too, was married to a cheater...divorced him, remarried him (for our son's sake)then divorced him again. This pretty much destroyed my faith in all men and my self esteem, what little was left. I have had a series of failed "relationships" with losers and cheaters since my last divorce. This married guy was so different from all of them in alot of ways.......BUT, he was married, that should have been the number one RED FLAG! He was sweet, caring, was very interested in ME and that was a refreshing change from the other men I had known....guess that's what lured me in....It his so disheartening to know that the only "decent" guy I've met since my divorce was married.......decent - HA

What disturbs me most is that he told me "not to give up on him", to hang in there, He felt closer to me than anyone, how much he wanted to be with me rather than her....UGH!!!!! How and why can someone be so calculating and cruel with other people's feelings? I know I was being selfish because I didn't think about his wife, but he lead me to believe that she neglected him and his son, and that he had to do EVERYTHING around the house, i.e., cooking, cleaning, etc...that all she did was sleep....I finally started telling him that I didn't want to hear his tattling on her if he wasn't going to do something about it...We would stop talking for a few days and then we'd start back up again....This has been the most emotionally draining experience I've ever had....I really fell for this guy, guess you had to be there, but he was very convincing!

Thanks for the input and honesty! Finally, someone that will tell me like it is, not just what I want to hear. I am single, divorced...for 9 years...I think I was just so lonely that I made a stupid mistake and fell into that relationship. Oh, and no I didn't pursue him more, at least not at first. He really pushed the issue of talking on the phone, then seeing each other. He laid it on thick! It had been a very long time since I had been given that much attention...How pathetic of me, huh? Oh well, live and learn...

I know my story isn't unique...and I know I'll have to take some lashing from it but here goes...Last Sept. I visited a classmates website and sent hellos to several people I knew from highschool..One of them was an old boyfriend (not a serious one)..He replied and we caught up over the course of several emails. We continued to send jokes occasionally over the next few months..that was it. There was no flirting, or even a hint of such...just old classmates keeping in touch...Then in January I had a distrubing dream about him and it bothered me to the point where I emailed him to see if he was o.k..He replied and said he was flattered to know that someone actually cared enough to check in on him, etc. We then started emailing pretty regularly...He told me about his marriage, that he wasn't happy, didn't love her, but didn't hate her..had a son and that was the only reason he was staying,..yadda yadda yadda...Anyway, the emailing progressed to instant messaging, to phone calls and then finally in March we saw each other. He lives two states away in my home town and I went there to see him. We saw each other about three times while I was there. His wife found out about us emailing and calling..but she didn't know we actually saw each other...I returned home and she sent me an email telling me what an awful person he was, how he had lied to her their entire marriage, he drank a 12 pk of beer a day, and that he told her I meant nothing to him...I confronted him about this and he told me she was crazy, lying, etc and to ignore her...so I did...we continued our email, instant msg. phone calls, etc...I fell head over heels in love with this man. He was the sweetest, funniest, guy I had ever known, even more so than in high school...Long story short, we continued this relationship and I saw him again in June...After this I decided to tell him how I felt about him...BIG MISTAKE! He was freaked out by it and said he wasn't ready to leave, couldn't leave his son, but that "who knows, maybe someday, we might have the chance to give it a try" I was so hurt...He lead me to believe he wanted out of his marriage...encouraged our relationship and I feel like he lead me on...I know I should have known better and I was wrong but now I feel sooooo stupid! I wonder if he meant anything he ever said or was he just a player like his wife said...How could I have been so wrong about him...I'm 42 years old and should be able to avoid these types by now....Any and all comments are welcome....PLEASE ADVISE