Midvalley

Thats good advice, thanks. Theres a lot more backstory and many more events to go into, so unfortunately no advice can be perfect. I'm sorry to hear about your wife, I hope things work out for the best.

It seems like you have a few issues to discuss, maybe you could reply and better explain them. As for setting your standards too high...I dont really think thats possible. If you know what you want in a person you can find it, it just takes time. It may be a better approach then settling for people you dont like and ending up heartbroken.

Dont be so hung up on relationships. Learn to love yourself first, because you'll have to be with yourself for much more then a lifetime. Loving someone doesnt mean you have to be in a relationship with them, and im proud of your respect of commitment. Though one should be more commited to the ones he/she loves, as opposed to those he/she is obligated to. If the man you love, loves you too, you should be together. Sure, his significant other would be heartbroken, and his virtue damaged, but you only get one life, live it how you want. Its never too late for you, dont panic. You shouldnt be with a man you dont love, nor should you compare yourself to your married friends. Stay calm and be patient, you'll get exactly what you want. Its a shame you dont love this man who desires you, but if you dont now im sure you never will. Life isnt always about love, you could simply be with him because its convenient, because it would make you happy in different ways. But love is certaintly the most fullfilling aspect of life, and it will be yours, just have faith. A love is out there for you, an appropriate one, and it will come to you. I know you're scared because you're feeling behind the curve, but you're still very young, and it will never be too late. Go with the man you dont love now, and you may find your love further down the road, messy situation. Be strong, be patient, you're going to be alright. =D

Sounds like a good idea to me. I wish you both the best. Remember that love comes naturally, relationships dont, you've got to work for your want, have conviction. If you can handle 14 months in a LDR, I think you guys will be set for a life together, assuming you want that. Just think about how much fun you'll have when he gets back, like discovering a love you've always had.

First off, if you think you could never leave her you've got a problem. Especially since you're so young. You need to have your own life made before you go taking on another. I dont think her unwillingness to be affectionate is a sign of distrust. She's probably just nervous or shy. Just because shes made out with you doesnt mean shes comfortable enough to kiss you when she likes, making out on occasion like that is a moment of comfort and intimacy that may not be present all the time. Kissing her respectfully, hugging her, and such would not be a bad idea, it would help her be more comfortable returning such signs. Just dont expect anything more then a kiss or a hug, and dont draw it out. Another girlfriend is an idea only if you dont see this relationship going anywhere. A friend with benefits is never a good idea in my opinion. And im sure she likes you, she just needs time.

You're not nuts, not only do you have something but its also very intriguing so its only potential but in the process of igniting. The time he's away wont be easy, not at all, but its still possible. You may want to get your real feelings out in the open before he goes, dont hold onto that while hes away, you'll go crazy. Remember to trust him, even if he betrays your trust you suffer a better fate then if you never gave it. Keep in contact as often as possible and be true to him by being true to yourself. Most importantly dont panic, 14 months is a long time, but youve got a long life ahead of you, its okay to wait.

We're all clueless when it comes to our own lives. Id recommend confronting him with things first, tell him you think hes hitting on her and you want him to back off. He probably wouldnt admit to anything though. Its kind of hard to advise on a situation like this, especially with my lack of understanding. You're the only one who knows whats best, and if you bring up the subject im sure you'll know what to say.

Your head will keep you safe, your heart will put your emotional state on the line. Its really something that only you can decide, you know how you feel deep down, and what you want. I'd bet you already know your decision right now, and you're just asking for advice because you want someone to agree. I agree, regardless of what it is.

Im not really in the situation, but id just pick whichever name I liked the most. Be it because it sounds good, or im used to it. A name is just a name, a way to be addressed, it doesnt mean more then that unless you let it. Id imagine Hyphenating would be annoying, id say keep your name for your children. But if you dont like it, ditch it, or if you remarry.

Its very possible you're just paranoid. I think everyone is hitting on my girlfriend, even children! Curse them! =D In anycase, theres always a chance she'd run off, but trusting her is great, and lowers that chance significantly. As for your friends, put distance between him and her, and if he doesnt let that distance be, then tell him off. Or even still, tell her you think hes hitting on her, let it be her problem too. You dont have to defend your girl unless shes threatened, and right now it seems like you're the one being threatened, you trust her, see if you can trust him or take him out of the picture.

I know exactly how you feel, I was the same way. First off, dont think you need to be in a relationship now, you're young. Most people will go to their twenties before having a girlfriend, so dont rush it. unfortunately I dont think anyone can really give you good advice on this, its a kind of do or dont thing. Sooner or later you have to gather the courage and it builds from there, but you need to take the first step. Tell her you like her, or start talking to her. Trust me, no matter how she feels, she wont be mean about it. She'll be flattered. Regardless of whether or not she returns your feelings you'll feel so much better after telling her, and you'll be ready for a future endeavor. Just go for it, its a turning point in your life, dont be scared nothing "that" bad will come of it, and you'll come out of the situation feeling better about yourself.

unfortunately what we all know as "love" is not infallible. Perhaps it must evolve into "True Love" and that wont be achieved until you proclaim it from your death bed. If its meant to be you dont have to do a thing, it will be. But dont lose sight of yourself in this man, you're your own person with your own life. I dont think its right to try to make someone want you back, it seems deceitful. With that said... While taking good care not to come off as a stalker, show him that you're there for him, and you wont leave just because he "thinks" it what he wants. As a guarded person I can tell you that I push women away in a somewhat manipulative way, but no matter what I say or do I just want them to stay with me, and tell me its alright.

Well thanks for agreeing =D When I get lonely I just turn even more inward, I remember that im going to have to spend the rest of forever with myself. So I had better love myself above all else. Dying wouldnt cure my loneliness, unless I believed in a perfect afterlife in which I was always happy....then again, wouldnt that just become indifference? Embrace any and all emotions good or bad, you cant change how you feel, only how you think, and fighting whats natural is a battle you're bound to lose. Just because you can only keep yourself, doesnt mean you're alone. Life or death have nothing to do with loneliness or any other emotion.

Its my understanding that all people are lonely deep down, even those who surround themselves with good company. It doesnt mean you'll be unhappy though, I enjoy keeping to myself. Only love seems to cure my loneliness, or rather, make me forget it exists. There are so many reasons to live, not involving other people, just realize that life has its good aspects and you'll only get to live once. Dont throw it away, even if it sucks its a one-of-a-kind thing.

A subject I know only too well. I want to think i'd dump them in a heartbeat, but its never that simple. I always want to try again, to try to forgive, although its essentially impossible. Even if you forgive the person, you keep the scar of their betrayal. In turn you may not treat them as well as you once could, and it will probably end your relationship as a side effect. My favorite quality of a person is virtue, I can never continue to believe a person whom has betrayed me is "perfect" as much as id like to.

A guy not being nice to a girl he doesnt know would be a very rare thing. Sad but true, most guys are jerks it just doesnt show until theyre comfortable with you. I think he'd be nice to you regardless of how he feels or how you feel. At the same time I can tell you that I would never have the nerve to ask you out, especially since he's young *im infering your age, as such, his* A guy could have everything going for him and still be too shy to ask a girl out, we're just as insecure as women, we just try to hide it. ^_^ It seems like you're pretty shy too for not simply asking him. I think you should tell him how you feel, yourself. You've got an equal chance of him returning your feelings or turning you down. Regardless you will feel much better knowing the truth, and dont be discouraged, theres someone for everyone, regardless of what you're looking for, you'll find it in time.

I apologize for the length of this post. I met my girlfriend, maybe ex girlfriend, in an online game about 4-5 months ago. We fell in love pretty quickly there were only a few problems, not only was she an older woman -_- but she was married. Now I know entering into a relationship like that is the equivalent of playing with fire. Her husband also played said game, and I got to know the both of them before revealing any feelings I had. He was an okay guy, but kind of narrow minded, I came to find that she had never loved him she only liked him as a friend but married him as a way out of an abusive household. He had been aware of the fact that she didnt love him for as long as she had known, more then half of the time they had been married. She didnt leave simply for the fact that she didnt know what it meant to love someone, and if you dont know love why leave a comfortable life? Well in due time we became more then just friends, he was aware of this. As I got to know her I learned that he was sometimes abusive to her, not in the sense of violent beatings, but holding her still or slapping her at times. He'd become angry and break things in his fit, she'd leave the house and sleep in Walmart parking lots for the night *not the safest thing*. This all took place before and after my involvement. Needless to say I wasnt feeling as bad about being with her, we made plans to be together, she'd come here and get an apartment, we'd both get jobs to pay our expenses including a debt she carried. But first and foremost we had to meet, and we did. It was wonderful, we were both so nervous but at the same time very comfortable, I even ended up staying the night with her at her hotel *no, no sex we just watched TV and went to sleep*. I had no greater joy then waking up beside her. From there we were almost inseperable, we would have fun doing anything or nothing. The experience only reinforced our belief in love. Towards the end of the first week she started feeling homesickness, and she was afraid of money issues, her husband was telling she needed to pay for her truck and credit card debts, which was only fair. Though I think the numbers he was giving her were exhaggerated to scare her into coming home. You see, he and his mother are overbearing bible thumpers, who think if the marriage ends we all go to hell >_ In any case, we worked through the concerns and progressed nicely to making our new lives. We got the apartment and I had helped her arrange a great job for whenever she was ready. Every problem was all but solved. As time went on she became more and more homesick, understandable since we hadnt moved into the aparment yet, technically she had no home here, so its only natural to miss the only one she knows. Although I would try to argue her home is simply being with me. We talked it out a few times and a number of problems to follow, clearly she was having mood swings and confused about what she was feeling. Well she got so homesick missing her pets and lifestyle that she ended up running back to Kansas, where her husband lives. She swore up and down that she loves me and only me, still. That she has no feelings for her husband and was simply having cold feet. I could have gotten her to return *she was driving back* so we could go about resolving this in a more appropriate way, and wouldnt you know, her cellphone dies before I get a chance and off she goes. By the time she gets it recharged shes already hours from home and decides to go through with things, I told her that it wouldnt be the same but she was too determined to be disuade. Of course the next day she tells me its not the same, and she doesnt like being there anymore, she misses me. Despite this she doesnt return here, I try to be patient but I feel betrayed by this situation. My calls are only returned late at night even though she tells me she'll speak to me during the day, ive even had her husband answer a call, which is strange considering she always has her cellphone and he tells me shes not there. Yet night comes and she has an excuse and still claims to love me and miss me, god knows it doesnt show. I suppose I cant expect more then commentary on this situation, I want her to return here, considering its what both of us want it makes perfect sense to me -_-. Soon the plans we had made her will be void, the apartment and the job gone, both of which we desperatly need. Not to mention ive been pretty miserable alone.

Never rule out the possibility that she isnt a girl at all. Some people are conversationalist's, other's arent, if you want a girl who is, this isnt her. If you want a girl who's not, youve found everything you want.

Yea. Yea, I know. Its just hard to accept all at once, but dont worry, I accept it. I was trying to be sympathetic at first, but I think with some of the things I said she will have more to cry over then I will. Cruel, but I hope it meant something to her, she's never going to be happy living the way she does.

Hey guys, great advice, I really appreciate it. Its still hard though, feelings branching from confusion are no less real. Ive pretty much broken it off, her begging makes it so hard. We had discussed the situation for quite some time, she say's that she has cheated on boyfriends, twice, before this time. She also swears that she's never met anyone she cared for as much as me. I really dont know if its true. I dont want to break it off, my heart is fighting my mind, and its killing me, but I know what I have to do. Youre right about the "save her" comment, I suppose I had notions of that. In another life we would be perfect for each other, of this im sure. But in the end she's too sexual for various reasons, Id like her to get help, but I cant suffer for her. Thanks again.

Pardon me, this is my first time posting. Im a 17 year student. I met a 19 year old girl in an online game a few days ago. We hit it off very quickly*I know internet relationships dont tend to work out*and we became very close. very quickly. She even claims to love me, and to what degree, im not sure, but I feel the same way. I am still a virgin, and she has been very sexually active in her life, a victim of abuse, she has trouble helping herself. She was interested in having phone sex, but I didnt have the nerve. After an argument she decided to take some time to herself, an hour. She claimed she was in a bad mood, and didnt want to hurt me with anything she said. At this point I havent had much sleep, and I cant handle staying up a night, so I went to sleep. She calls me at 2 in the morning to discuss the argument, and I ask her if we can talk tomorrow, she agree's. Then this morning she tells me that after that conversation she logged into the game, in which we met, and started to talking to another guy, a stranger. She say's he was a nice guy, so she asked him to call her, just for a friendly talk. At this point they engage in phone sex. She say's she doesnt want to lose me, and begs my forgiveness, and though some people may not think phone sex is the end of the world, I have issue's trusting women. I had only known her less then a week, and already she betray's my trust. I still care for her, and regardless of the problems that can arise from an internet relationship, I wanted to be with her, we are very compatible. But I just cant forgive her, what she did is one thing, but she didnt even know the guy! I asked her, if we werent together, would she feel bad about it? And she wouldnt. That just bothers me, any type of sex, with a stranger, is disturbing to me. I laid down terms for getting back together, she had to tell me this man's name, so I could speak with him myself. She must see a therapist for her sexual issue's, and she must swear to never betray me again. She neither agree'd or disagree'd to this. I still have very strong feeling's for her, and I cant just let her go, but my heart isnt strong to handle this. I admit I have my own sexual issue's for being so disturbed. Im already a victim, leaving her would just hurt me again, why do I need to be hurt twice?! At the same time, she crossed the one boundary I just cant allow anyone to return from. Please offer your wisdom, and forgive the long post. Thank you.